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Subtle bullying (not sure)

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    #32
    DeclanJWhite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 53 ✭✭DeclanJWhite


    I agree with matteroffact's answer, Joskel.

    Also, I think targeted and persistent is definitely a sign. But even before it becomes targeted or persistent, if it's remarks in very poor taste to someone who doesn't share that way of talking and passing remarks, then it's out of place, too.

    But they can't help that, it's just a clash of sense of humours. It's not pleasant for you if that's not the tone of banter you personally favour, but if you don't humour it with unsure laughter - and just remain calmly self-assured in not reacting to their humour, not feeling pressured into sharing it - just remaining yourself, then they'll respect that and they'll naturally separate their space from your space a little more.

    You'll just be more professional with each other, which is all good and healthy for people who have different ways of exchanging banter.

    But if you get offended or worried about their different way of talking, or show anxious concern and react with performance laughter to their joking, that's when there's a problem for you. And, if they are insensitive - which I'm not saying they are - but if they are, they'll ride roughshod over you and continue to joke in your presence in ways you don't enjoy, and inevitably you'll be the target sometimes, and because you'd be an easy target, reacting vulnerably to insensitive behaviour, you'd become a regular target.

    So, I think, don't try to fit in with their sense of humour if it's off-key for your own type of sense of humour. There's just a difference between the way you socialize, ride that difference confidently, quietly, calmly, and then all boundaries for all people will remain happily in place.

    That's not easy and it's an ongoing thing of trial and error. Good luck, my friend! :-)


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    #33
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    I think you're being over sensitive, OP. I don't even really see any homosexual insinuation in what they said. I think you're reading unkind insinuation into regular banter. You were the last person to see A and they were simply joking about you having 'done something' to him, whether worn him out with sex or murdered him and buried him in a hole in the garden.

    I work in an environment with a lot of guys and what you've said wouldn't even be on the scale in relation to the slagging they give each other.


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