Men vs Women

strobe

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Would total honesty be better? As in rather than play games, ask if he's interested or not.

Dear God yes! A hundred million times yes! Yes be straight and honest. Absolutely. Nothing will obliterate a guys interest faster than a girl playing games. Most are horrendous at it and it's eye scorchingly obvious what they are at. A girl just being straight down the line with you is like cat nip to us men. It's like mega heroin. We adore it and it's the most endearing, desirable, turn ony, ridey thing in the world.

Heat_Wave

strobe wrote: »

Dear God yes! A hundred million times yes! Yes be straight and honest. Absolutely. Nothing will obliterate a guys interest faster than a girl playing games. Most are horrendous at it and it's eye scorchingly obvious what they are at. A girl just being straight down the line with you is like cat nip to us men. It's like mega heroin. We adore it and it's the most endearing, desirable, turn ony, ridey thing in the world.

Hi Strobe, what shall I say? As in how honest should I be?

strobe

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Hi Strobe, what shall I say? As in how honest should I be?

Well what would you like to say? If you knew there was no chance of anything you said going over in any way badly, what would you say?

Heat_Wave

strobe wrote: »

Well what would you like to say? If you knew there was no chance of anything you said going over in any way badly, what would you say?

Well all I'd like is a bit of decency and for him to let me know where I stand. I have been very good to him and have actually gone out of my way to do a few things for him so I feel like his ignorance is a bit of a kick in the face.

So yes, I'd like to know where I stand. Basically I like you, I'd like to know if you feel the same, if not that's cool. Simple as. I would be terrified to admit that I like him!

UCDVet

It's less Men Vs. Women and more 'Whoever wants it more'

There is a whole spectrum of feelings from 'I don't mind giving my number to this person' and 'OH MY GOD! THEY ARE THE MOST AMAZING PERSON IN THE WORLD'.

I've gone out with girls I wasn't that into, and didn't really if they called or texted. I've also met girls where I agonized for hours over what to say to them and then waited anxiously hoping for them to call me/text me back or whatever.

One eyed Jack

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Well all I'd like is a bit of decency and for him to let me know where I stand. I have been very good to him and have actually gone out of my way to do a few things for him so I feel like his ignorance is a bit of a kick in the face.

So yes, I'd like to know where I stand. Basically I like you, I'd like to know if you feel the same, if not that's cool. Simple as. I would be terrified to admit that I like him!

Fundamental problem right there. You feel like you've gone out of your way for this guy and that his ignorance feels like a kick in the face... yet you still like him??

I'd suggest you let this one go and move on, you're obviously not happy with the way things are going so far, and I think you'll only get a double kick in the face were you to go chasing this one up.

If someone likes you, they show an interest, and without knowing the content of your previous exchanges, I'd say this one's dead in the water based on the information you've provided so far unfortunately.

threeball

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Hi Strobe, what shall I say? As in how honest should I be?

Don't over invest yourself in any relationship in such early stages. Two things happen, you end up overthinking everything and getting disappointed/hurt when things don't pan out as you like. If hes fun to interact with then have fun but if you,re both strategising on either end its a disaster. Stay busy but flirty and if he takes forever to respond or isn't fun anymore move on. Just like ex's you've had and will have hes only one fish in a very big pond and theres always another swimming by.

neil_hosey

haha im in a similar situation..

met a girl on the 22nd of dec, messaged her the next day and then finished off the conversation.

I kind of then left it over christmas (friends advice), as people are busy, messaged her 2 days ago and no reply

Now ive to wonder did which of these has happened:

1. Shes was never interested.
2. She didnt like me not messaging for a few days and shes now not interested.
3. She is playing "the game".

*sigh* best to just accept defeat, and if a reply comes, thats a bonus..

tomwaterford

neil_hosey wrote: »

haha im in a similar situation..

met a girl on the 22nd of dec, messaged her the next day and then finished off the conversation.

I kind of then left it over christmas (friends advice), as people are busy, messaged her 2 days ago and no reply

Now ive to wonder did which of these has happened:

1. Shes was never interested.
2. She didnt like me not messaging for a few days and shes now not interested.
3. She is playing "the game".

*sigh* best to just accept defeat, and if a reply comes, thats a bonus..

Why did you not even msg her on xmas day foe happy xmas....I got msgs off people I dont even like/half dated before

Heat_Wave

tomwaterford wrote: »

Why did you not even msg her on xmas day foe happy xmas....I got msgs off people I dont even like/half dated before

I'd imagine it's because he sent the last text three days previous. I would have left it if I were him too. You sent the last text so the ball is in their court to respond. Wouldn't want to come across as needy.

Mister Vain

ewinslet wrote: »

Texting at all is for pussies. Ring them ffs.

And this is coming from a 28 year old woman.

Does that mean sexting is out too?

tomwaterford

Heat_Wave wrote: »

I'd imagine it's because he sent the last text three days previous. I would have left it if I were him too. You sent the last text so the ball is in their court to respond. Wouldn't want to come across as needy.

O Jesus...that messing around does me head in
If you want to text someone text....if your worried what youl come across...why bother??

I often got more than one msg without replying from different people repent seem needy to me

*it should be pointed out that I live in the backarse of nowhere...and sometimes msgs don't come through

strobe

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Well all I'd like is a bit of decency and for him to let me know where I stand. I have been very good to him and have actually gone out of my way to do a few things for him so I feel like his ignorance is a bit of a kick in the face.

So yes, I'd like to know where I stand. Basically I like you, I'd like to know if you feel the same, if not that's cool. Simple as. I would be terrified to admit that I like him!

Well I'd leave out the first paragraph for now. But the second one is bang on the money. I like you, I'd like to know if you feel the same, if not that's cool. Perfect.

Look there's never a reason to be afraid to admit to liking someone. If they feel the same they'll be over the moon to hear it. If they don't then at least you know where you stand and can move on. I mean, either way it's gotta be better then this guessing game stuff you're wrapped up in at the minute, right?

Heat_Wave

Well that's a sad way to enter the New Year. I did the right thing and I was upfront. Unfortunately he doesn't feel the same way, he likes me he said, but not enough

Thanks for all the advice.

tomwaterford

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Well that's a sad way to enter the New Year. I did the right thing and I was upfront. Unfortunately he doesn't feel the same way, he likes me he said, but not enough

Thanks for all the advice.

Fair play to you....at least now you know

threeball

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Well that's a sad way to enter the New Year. I did the right thing and I was upfront. Unfortunately he doesn't feel the same way, he likes me he said, but not enough

Thanks for all the advice.

Why is it sad? Its an answer to a question. You barely know the bloke so move on and pretty soon there'll be someone else. Don't leave your happiness in someone elses hands especially someone you barely know. Now head out and have the craic tonight.

dearg lady

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Well that's a sad way to enter the New Year. I did the right thing and I was upfront. Unfortunately he doesn't feel the same way, he likes me he said, but not enough

Thanks for all the advice.

It's a sad thing right now, but in the grand scheme of things, I think it's very positive! You've done something most of my friends (in their 30's!) are still petrified to do. You took control and know where you stand, kudos!

ewinslet

Mister Vain wrote: »

Does that mean sexting is out too?

Yeah. Why don't you just go and have sex? Or masturbate?
Loser.

One eyed Jack

ewinslet wrote: »

Yeah. Why don't you just go and have sex? Or masturbate?
Loser.

Classic example of why it's always better to call rather than text, because often times things get lost in translation and a joke may be interpreted as something else entirely...

Mister Vain

ewinslet wrote: »

Yeah. Why don't you just go and have sex? Or masturbate?
Loser.

Relax there will ya. It was only a joke.

Pwindedd

Heat_Wave wrote: »

Well that's a sad way to enter the New Year. I did the right thing and I was upfront. Unfortunately he doesn't feel the same way, he likes me he said, but not enough

Thanks for all the advice.

Fair play to him he was honest with you. Which is great. It may not be what you wanted to hear but at least you won't be left wondering what could've been.

Onwards and upwards my girl. You grabbed the bull by the horns and now you know what's what. New year and all that, who knows what's around the next corner. X.

Heat_Wave

Pwindedd wrote: »

Fair play to him he was honest with you. Which is great. It may not be what you wanted to hear but at least you won't be left wondering what could've been.

Onwards and upwards my girl. You grabbed the bull by the horns and now you know what's what. New year and all that, who knows what's around the next corner. X.

How do you move on knowing someone didn't find you attractive enough to continue dating you?

He obviously loved my personality because we were in contact for so long, but the day he actually meets me in person he wants to call it a day?

I cannot get my head around that. It must be something to do with how I look.

Pwindedd

Heat_Wave wrote: »

How do you move on knowing someone didn't find you attractive enough to continue dating you?

He obviously loved my personality because we were in contact for so long, but the day he actually meets me in person he wants to call it a day?

I cannot get my head around that. It must be something to do with how I look.

Please don't get hung up on this. He just wasn't the right one. I know it feels kinda **** right at this moment but it's not worth getting upset over. It just wasn't meant to be is all.

Tasden

Heat_Wave wrote: »

How do you move on knowing someone didn't find you attractive enough to continue dating you?

He obviously loved my personality because we were in contact for so long, but the day he actually meets me in person he wants to call it a day?

I cannot get my head around that. It must be something to do with how I look.

Being in contact- texting/mailing- is nothing like face to face interactions. People can seem nice and funny, perfect on paper, but when the two of them actually meet there is just no connection, or they didn't have the same humour as you thought or a whole load of other things that just don't translate the same through e mail as they do in person. May have nothing to do with your looks.
Or it could be your looks. He's just not attracted to you. You're not his cup of tea, that's fine. Its not a bad thing, it doesn't mean you're hideous, he just prefers a different type of person looks wise. Same way you aren't attracted to every single man you meet.
Honestly its not the end of the world, you're free now to find someone who actually does fancy you and want you.

_Whimsical_

Heat_Wave wrote: »

I'm 24.

Would total honesty be better? As in rather than play games, ask if he's interested or not.

Perhaps I should have posted this in PI.

If you've known him for a while and you haven't had an argument or anything then he's probably just busy,it's Christmas ,people are doing things they don't normally do,he'll be in touch when he's ready.

If its a new thing sounds like he's not too bothered, I wouldn't say he's playing games, if days pass and he's not thinking of you or wanting to get in touch then the implicit message is that he's just not that into you. Let's face it you don't want him to spell that out to you in a message,just take the hint and move on.

eternal

Don't text him. If someone likes you they will make the effort, otherwise there would be no babies made or families together in the last 100 years.

Soft Falling Rain

Just stop texting people, that's what I did. Trust me, doing so makes for much less of a pain in the hole.

padd b1975

PizzamanIRL wrote: »

Yes if your text to them requires an answer. You don't want to send a second text in a row either because you look needy.

I think that ship has sailed.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Women don't have bottle is a big one, they choke. Also the generalisation all women societies often go sideways because of bitching and back stabbing, they don't follow a leader. For eg my father told about the al female Portumina Junior chamber of commerce falling on it's arse and a EGM having to be called because it was about to flop altogether.

I suppose groups who hold on to their men only membership still stand after years, for eg The Freemasons and La Cosa Nostra.

Two male only secret societies who have thrived.

UCDVet

Heat_Wave wrote: »

How do you move on knowing someone didn't find you attractive enough to continue dating you?

He obviously loved my personality because we were in contact for so long, but the day he actually meets me in person he wants to call it a day?

I cannot get my head around that. It must be something to do with how I look.

I wouldn't think about it too much. People are fickle when it comes to dating. I remember meeting a girl who SMELLED EXACTLY LIKE MY MOM. Instantly killed any chance of romance. No way was that a reflection on the girl, but I also couldn't think about being romantic with her.

One girl I met online (even though she'd already seen pictures and knew my height and weight) and got along with great online, completely lost interest in chatting/talking to me after we met up for dinner once. Months later she admitted that I was too short for her to date. Apparently, she wasn't sure about it until we met up and she felt awkward.

Sometimes when I met people whom I got along with great online, we couldn't carry on a conversation. Or a girl who was flirty or sassy online would be completely different in person. Other times, I've dated girls I met in person and when we'd chat online, neither of us had anything to say.

Anyway, I know it sucks when things don't work out - but it's better to think of yourself a puzzle piece and you're looking for another piece where you both fit each other. It's not about not being good enough or pretty enough or smart enough for someone else, it's more about not being the right fit.