Does Christmas cause as much harm as it does good?

Nomis21

I am neutral about Christmas. I enjoyed it as a child, enjoyed it when I was in good company but felt very isolated when travelling away from home and later when I was separated from family.

I used to organise trips away for single dad's when I was a coach driver and worked on helplines on Christmas day in the past. I was surprised by the amount of heartache at this time, even from people who had family to be with but were still put under tremendous financial pressure and stress and would rather it never happened.

I have lived in many countries at christmas and of all the countries, Ireland seems to go the most overboard at this time of year, some people getting worked up as early even as September.

So what is your opinion? Is the enjoyment for some worth the stress and isolation that many others feel at Christmas...?

The_Valeyard

Love Christmas

Family come home.
Lots of parties
Good food and drink.
Lots of films on tv.
People are generally that little bit more friendly and nice.
Decorations, presents, etc.


Tis a great time of year

Mr.McLovin

Solution: Cancel Christmas?

obriendj

Mr.McLovin wrote: »

Solution: Cancel Christmas?

is that what OP is suggesting?

Grandeeod

Mr.McLovin wrote: »

Solution: Cancel Christmas?

For adults anyway.

Mr_Muffin

Christmas is great.

If you have children then of course they expect their presents which can be tough if you are struggling to make ends meet.

If you do not have children then it is easy - tell everyone in advance that you have no money, you cannot afford presents and do not expect anything either. Sorted.

TerrorFirmer

It doesn't matter what you pick. Easter. Summer. Christmas. Birthdays. Whatever. There will always be people for whom those times are hard for various reasons.

Obviously that's terrible and I feel for people who can't enjoy occassions such as Christmas. It doesn't mean the vast majority of people shouldn't continue to enjoy them.

Bongalongherb

This time of year is not good at all for some folk, and I can understand why. But for myself it's just a week of complete relaxation, it feels nice.

I like to mellow out on my tod and just relax with no bullsh!t in my ears. Now lets rock and roll.

Faith+1

It's a great time to catch up with friends and family but the commercial side has gone ott these last few years.

Nomis21

obriendj wrote: »

is that what OP is suggesting?

No I'm not suggesting anything. I ask for thoughts, that is all. Like I say, I am neutral, perhaps affected by life experience but I see both good and bad aspects.

This year I have invited 3 people who are alone this Christmas to my home. For me and them it will be a good time, although neither I would I miss Christmas if it never happened.

FloatingVoter

It ends in a few hours time. With the joy of watching house repossessions, credit card debt, divorce, house fires, murder and knowing that spending it alone is just a case of stocking up for two days.
I used to like it but it stopped liking me so now I revel in the misery attendant and watch the first half of Scrooge for fun.

Cantremember

It's the hype and the herd mentality that ruin it. The lights are great at a dark time of year and people meeting up is good but the way people are bullied into "solving" christmas by buying x, y and z to increase corporate profits is sickening. The trick is doing it your own way.

ScumLord

Nomis21 wrote: »

I have lived in many countries at christmas and of all the countries, Ireland seems to go the most overboard at this time of year, some people getting worked up as early even as September.

I would have thought the Americans were still the most OTT when it comes to Christmas?


When it comes to buying presents I think it's the mothers who see Christmas as a big excuse to go on a shopping binge that bring on the pressure that people feel. They go mad buying presents for anyone they know just as an excuse to go shopping. Just ignore those addicts.

Irish Guitarist

If someone you love dies around Christmas you'll never forget the anniversary, no matter how bad you are with dates. I always think of Christmas as the time my father lived his last couple of weeks. New Years Eve is the anniversary of the day the doctor told my family he wasn't going to make it much longer.

Every New Years Eve it's like I'm transported back to New Years Eve 1999 all over again waiting for my father to die while listening to drunken people walking past my house celebrating.

I usually can't face going to anyones house for Christmas so stay home alone. I'm going to my sisters house this year but I already wish I hadn't agreed to go.

I despise this time of year.

Mister Vain

ScumLord wrote: »

I would have thought the Americans were still the most OTT when it comes to Christmas?

Yeah the yanks with their happy holidays.

Electric Sheep

ScumLord wrote: »

I would have thought the Americans were still the most OTT when it comes to Christmas?


When it comes to buying presents I think it's the mothers who see Christmas as a big excuse to go on a shopping binge that bring on the pressure that people feel. They go mad buying presents for anyone they know just as an excuse to go shopping. Just ignore those addicts.

Not at all! Here in the US for most people it is just one day off work, not the week long extravaganza that it is in Ireland.

We unChristmas with other non-Christian friends. We get together, have nice snacky food, drinks and watch movies for the day. No pressure, no decorating or gift giving, just enjoying each others company.

It beats Christmas for me!

December2012

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

If someone you love dies around Christmas you'll never forget the anniversary, no matter how bad you are with dates. I always think of Christmas as the time my father lived his last couple of weeks. New Years Eve is the anniversary of the day the doctor told my family he wasn't going to make it much longer.

Every New Years Eve it's like I'm transported back to New Years Eve 1999 all over again waiting for my father to die while listening to drunken people walking past my house celebrating.

I usually can't face going to anyones house for Christmas so stay home alone. I'm going to my sisters house this year but I already wish I hadn't agreed to go.

I despise this time of year.

That's completely understandable. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had some deaths around Christmas and found it very hard, but it's getting easier. Maybe because they weren't exactly that week.

Anniversaries are really sad. My condolences

Bongalongherb

FloatingVoter wrote: »

It ends in a few hours time. With the joy of watching house repossessions, credit card debt, divorce, house fires, murder and knowing that spending it alone is just a case of stocking up for two days.
I used to like it but it stopped liking me so now I revel in the misery attendant and watch the first half of Scrooge for fun.

This scenario happens all year-round, there's no point in blaming Christmas for all that bad stuff, it would be happening either way and will continue to happen for years to come.

Bongalongherb

Irish Guitarist wrote: »

If someone you love dies around Christmas you'll never forget the anniversary, no matter how bad you are with dates. I always think of Christmas as the time my father lived his last couple of weeks. New Years Eve is the anniversary of the day the doctor told my family he wasn't going to make it much longer.

Every New Years Eve it's like I'm transported back to New Years Eve 1999 all over again waiting for my father to die while listening to drunken people walking past my house celebrating.

I usually can't face going to anyones house for Christmas so stay home alone. I'm going to my sisters house this year but I already wish I hadn't agreed to go.

I despise this time of year.

Go to your sisters house man, whether it's christmas or not just go and relax and try to have a good time. I will be on my tod anyway just like last christmas but I intend to be happy and enjoy and wallow in a good time, so go and enjoy yourself.

boobar

In the past Christmas was a huge financial burden for me and nothing but stress and that was before I became a father myself.

It was stressful because I put myself under pressure to call to brothers and sisters that were located all over the country. After years of this I told them, if you want to call to me you'll be welcome.

The financial burden came from buying brothers, sisters, their partners and kids presents. Cost a fortune until I said a few years ago that I was knocking it on the head and that they could stop buying me socks.

So now Santa for my kid, and I give Mrs cash for a shopping spree that she enjoys with a pal of hers, day out with lunch and wine plus I'm not on her case giving out because I can not stand shopping.

Go to the mother in law for Xmas so no hassle buying food cooking etc....

All of the above = Good Xmas with no hassles

FloatingVoter

Yup, bad anniversary involved, no close family or friends just leads this to me being a Ghost of Christmas Past. I sneak back into normal life come January.
Secrets out, we are all around you.

KungPao

Its a bit like a big party you HAVE to attend isnt it? If you're feeling good and up for it, brilliant. If not, then it sucks...and you'll end up feeling even worse.

Electric Sheep

KungPao wrote: »

Its a bit like a big party you HAVE to attend isnt it? If you're feeling good and up for it, brilliant. If not, then it sucks...and you'll end up feeling even worse.

You DON"T have to, though, you can opt out if you want to.

Billy86

Christmas is certainly not all fun and joy... I've got to make a trip down to Tesco at some stage tonight.

martingriff

Billy86 wrote: »

Christmas is certainly not all fun and joy... I've got to make a trip down to Tesco at some stage tonight.

THE HORROR THE HORROR

If your not back by 12 we will wait a bit longer. Bring a packed lunch you may need it

Bongalongherb

Billy86 wrote: »

Christmas is certainly not all fun and joy... I've got to make a trip down to Tesco at some stage tonight.

At least you can make it to Tesco, my car has a big sticker on it saying 'Do Not Drive This Car For One Week' so it's walking from now on unfortunately. I could do with the exercise though

Billy86

Bongalongherb wrote: »

At least you can make it to Tesco, my car has a big sticker on it saying 'Do Not Drive This Car For One Week' so it's walking from now on unfortunately. I could do with the exercise though

To be honest I'm choosing to walk over driving, traffic is meant to be absolutely mental out I've been told - half an hour to go a mile type stuff, and no parking in sight! Luckily it's only a 15-20 minute walk so I'm just praying the weather doesn't go completely to sh*te.

Bongalongherb

Billy86 wrote: »

To be honest I'm choosing to walk over driving, traffic is meant to be absolutely mental out I've been told - half an hour to go a mile type stuff, and no parking in sight! Luckily it's only a 15-20 minute walk so I'm just praying the weather doesn't go completely to sh*te.

It's supposed to rain for the night, but everyone loves rain lashing off their face with a nice refreshing breeze, it can be enlightening. Just leave the car at home just like what I'm doing. The traffic will be chaotic for sure with a lot of folk leaving it to the last minute to do their shopping.

UCDVet

I'm not a fan. It feels very forced and hollow to me.

Growing up Christmas was a nightmare for me. My parents weren't very well to do and every year we had to smile and pretend we weren't poor. It was very awkward. They'd buy us gifts they shouldn't have, because of all the pressure to give your kids the perfect holidays. But all that did was cause more problems.

Kids don't know what they want or what makes good gifts. When you make serious sacrifices to get some stupid toy that your child breaks or gets tired of, well, that's not a good feeling.

As I got older, I was involved in more of the grown up conversations....where all my cousins and Aunts and Uncles would brag and try to one-up each other about whatever it was they were doing. Oddly enough, every holiday season, they'd say how great things were, but inevitably, each year they'd be in the same spot they were last year. Again, it just all seemed fake and meaningless. And, I suspect, people only did it because they felt like crap and didn't want to seem a failure. Everyone lying to make their life seem great, makes everyone else think their life isn't so good by comparison, ya know? Vicious cycle.

Maybe it's just me. I'm older now and I see the same cycle with my friends. We've grown a bit apart and every year we still get together for the holidays and it's the same 'fakeness'. Everyone got to brag about their job, and their great life....and I can't help but feel that 90% of it is bull****.

Steve F

Cantremember wrote: »

It's the hype and the herd mentality that ruin it. The lights are great at a dark time of year and people meeting up is good but the way people are bullied into "solving" christmas by buying x, y and z to increase corporate profits is sickening. The trick is doing it your own way.

Yep commercialization at it's best plus the fact that it is shoved down your throat from early September putting even more pressure on overstretched budgets.
December 23rd and I have heard an Ad for January sales and a Hamper company pushing their services for CHRISTMAS 2015 I kid you not!! :mad:

In Lonesome Dove

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Not at all! Here in the US for most people it is just one day off work, not the week long extravaganza that it is in Ireland.

We unChristmas with other non-Christian friends. We get together, have nice snacky food, drinks and watch movies for the day. No pressure, no decorating or gift giving, just enjoying each others company.

It beats Christmas for me!

Yeah but there in the US there is a day off at the end of November called thanksgiving. Ireland doesn't have that so Xmas is kinda like our thanksgiving.

DEFTLEFTHAND

In Lonesome Dove wrote: »

Yeah but there in the US there is a day off at the end of November called thanksgiving. Ireland doesn't have that so Xmas is kinda like our thanksgiving.

I think the festive cheer tends to die off quicker these days anyway, people are so burnt out from the month long buildup that they're ready to fcuk the tree and wreath out the door come the 27th.

ruarua

Definitely mixed feelings here. I've an anniversary on the 30th. My partner died. 14 years ago this year. So Christmas has partly become about the memory of that. Him sick and dying.
But then there's the rest of it. Parents who enjoy this time of year. Extended family whose kids who are generally excited. We keep the pressies low key. I don't buy for outside the immediate family any more.
If one can disengage from the insane commercialism and bring it back to something smaller and simpler, there can be good gleaned from it all.

I also like the slowing down, the lights and the dark beer.

kerry4sam

Nomis21 wrote: »

I am neutral about Christmas. I enjoyed it as a child, enjoyed it when I was in good company but felt very isolated when travelling away from home and later when I was separated from family.

I used to organise trips away for single dad's when I was a coach driver and worked on helplines on Christmas day in the past. I was surprised by the amount of heartache at this time, even from people who had family to be with but were still put under tremendous financial pressure and stress and would rather it never happened.

I have lived in many countries at christmas and of all the countries, Ireland seems to go the most overboard at this time of year, some people getting worked up as early even as September.

So what is your opinion? Is the enjoyment for some worth the stress and isolation that many others feel at Christmas...?

Wonderful Thread, Thanks for sharing your stories. This Day last year was the very Day that we laid my Dad to Rest! Up until today I kinda felt like the Christmas Grinch. Each year Dad & I would finalise the shopping on this date and tomorrow. Was in town earlier buying chocolates & gifts for random people and dropped them around saying 'Have a Happy Christmas' - just pure Random Gift-Giving but the smiles and replies were WONDERFUL that they helped cheer me up no end

It is what you want to make it. Some go OTT-bat-sh!t crazy this time of year, but we were always grounded growing up and thankfully Dad ensured I remained that way as I grew up.

Different this year. Felt so so alone & isolated for weeks this year; horrible, truly horrible feeling. My Dad left a huge void in my Life and I just felt lost & alone.
This Christmas is almost over so just going to follow some great advice I was given and try and fall in; keep the smile going strong; grit the teeth and just plough on as best you can

Seems to be working for me since it was said,
kerry4sam

Streetwalker

Have to say I despise this time of year. Capitalism and advertising etc.. have really ruined any joy it used to bring me.

Clandestine

Christmas doesn't really mean anything to me this year. I remember as a kid I used to get excited, I used to count down all the days until i got my presents and I wished the days would go faster. This year, I don't even care but I think that's probably because I have all I need right now. I don't have a present to look forward to opening.

Clandestine

Streetwalker wrote: »

Have to say I despise this time of year. Capitalism and advertising etc.. have really ruined any joy it used to bring me.

I agree. I feel bad for all the parents with all the pressure it puts on them. I was thinking to myself that if I ever have kids I won't get them anything for Christmas. I'dtake them on a trip to a nice part of the country or something. You give them a present and they'll be done with it within a day or a week at most. A good trip and time with their folks that they enjoy will stick with them for a long time. A good memory lasts forever.

Streetwalker

Clandestine wrote: »

I agree. I feel bad for all the parents with all the pressure it puts on them. I was thinking to myself that if I ever have kids I won't get them anything for Christmas. I'dtake them on a trip to a nice part of the country or something. You give them a present and they'll be done with it within a day or a week at most. A good trip and time with their folks that they enjoy will stick with them for a long time. A good memory lasts forever.

Would be a lovely idea.

NIMAN

Xmas is a great time of the year.

Great atmosphere about, people come back home, you get to catch up, can drink and eat more without the guilt.

Only thing I don't like is the over commercialism of it, which is gettig more rampant each year. Too many people running mad around shops buying everything in sight even though the shops open again on the 26th.

Kirby

Clandestine wrote: »

I agree. I feel bad for all the parents with all the pressure it puts on them..

I don't really go along with that. People talk about the pressure the parents are under but its manufactured pressure. They put it on themselves. They are the adults, and if they cant afford 500 quid on the latest thing little johnny wants then they need to be sensible and not get into debt over it.

That's not being a scrooge or a killjoy, it's being a f*cking adult. These people who spend all year paying off Christmas are the type of people who bought houses in the property bubble. Stop spending money you don't have.

There have been times when I've been able to give people huge expensive presents and other times when I haven't. I love Christmas but its not about the sh*t you get, it's about the people you spend the time with.

Clandestine

Kirby wrote: »

I don't really go along with that. People talk about the pressure the parents are under but its manufactured pressure. They put it on themselves. They are the adults, and if they cant afford 500 quid on the latest thing little johnny wants then they need to be sensible and not get into debt over it.

I think people aren't feeling pressure solely because Mr. Santa Claus on the TV tells them to buy them a present, I think its because they love their kids and feel like they deserve to be treated. When kids want something it is difficult to tell them no because some people think with the heart and not the head. It is a difficult thing to explain in words I guess, but i do feel bad for folks who don't have the fortitude to deal with it.

Bongalongherb

Clandestine wrote: »

I think people aren't feeling pressure solely because Mr. Santa Claus on the TV tells them to buy them a present, I think its because they love their kids and feel like they deserve to be treated. When kids want something it is difficult to tell them no because some people think with the heart and not the head. It is a difficult thing to explain in words I guess, but i do feel bad for folks who don't have the fortitude to deal with it.

The main issue is more than likely because of loans with a high interest rate called 'Provident' money lenders.

December2012

I grew up ina modest home, we didn't get big presents every year and we still love Christmas.

Santa got me the version of what I wanted that was most affordable. No credit cards then - no debt! Simples!

Even though I have more money than my parents I still don't spend lots on presents.

My children understand that they are lucky and I get them to help with charity things (eg the Vincent de Paul giving tree; unicef gifts etc).

They "buy" a present for Daddy so that they learn, from the beginning, that Christmas is about everybody, not just them.

A spoiled child is not a child that gets lots of things. A child who gets lots of things can feel very grateful, lucky and blessed if they are always being shown that way.

A spoiled child is one who demands and expects lots of things and places emotional value on things.

Did all those children magically see the Let it go Elsa doll themselves and want it?

Have their parents no techniques to make it ok for the child to not get what they want?

It doesn't have to be a big financial and commercial time.

It's about spending time with each - but some people equate money with time.

danrua01

It's a nice idea, but I think that's about it these days.

I don't like the idea of Santa for two reasons:

- kids only behave around Christmas time because of Santa, not because they understand and respect their parents;
- parents are almost forced to buy two sets of presents for the kids. If they only received presents from the parents, you'd think (or hope) that there'd be much more appreciation/respect for how those got there.

The 2nd point may not really apply to really small kids but still..

Nonetheless, looking forward to a pint tonight and some yummy lunch tomorrow.

fryup

when i was a lad :P

i knew my father was on a modest wage so i never asked for anything too expensive,

only got presents twice a year,,, xmas & birthday

i was content with that

charlietheminxx

We had very little money when I was growing up, but I love Christmas. For me it's always been about the food and the company and my favourite presents growing up were the surprises. People are nicer and friendlier at this time of year and I love it.... No harm if you don't, but people are silly and try to keep up with the Jones and stress out and ruin it for themselves!

The Backwards Man

Ah I don't mind Christmas too much, everybody is in reasonably good form (until about dinnertime tomorrow!), it's grand for wee wains and you see people home that maybe haven't been for years.

I hate hate hate the New Year though.

mazdaminx

In reply to the question yes I think it can. After a long time pleasing others, this year I'm being selfish and pleasing myself for once. From my own experience I feel most people only care about themselves and probably don't want visitors if they're honest. I'd say many just want to be left alone. Re: presents I could have spent a fortune but I didn't. Christmas is what you do throughout the year, not just on the 25th. For me anyway.