How Can I Get Her To Fit In

MaroonAndGreen

OP...

You need to leave this woman... I promise I know what im talking about... My mother treated my father the exact same way as your GF treats you. It went on for over 15 years, way too long.

You are a doormat. She doesnt like the people that she cant dominate or that wont give her the praise and attention she craves.

Cut this woman out of your life. Please do it for yourself. Cant stress this enough, it will only get worse... ive seen it all.

Get out before its too late...

Please do not have a child with her.

Ive seen the benefits (for me and my dad) of finally working up the courage to get rid of the bully, because thats what it is - bullying, wanting to dominate, to be the queen that can spend all your money etc.

I promise, you will regret it if you stay with this woman.

Be strong, break away.

Littlekittylou

Leave her.

I think you have stockholm syndrome.

Why do men go out with women like this?

I can't quite understand why you are with her? Someone mentioned good points but unless she can shoot lasers out of her eyes I don't think she has any that could outweigh what she is doing.

She is emotionally abusive.


She has no respect for your money and spends in your own words vast sums of it.

She is manipulative.

I'm sorry but I don't think this woman loves or respects you.

demonaxe

I would say she is very good with kids but we have been in situations with people where she makes me out to be out to be a right thicko, this is how I think she will get our kids to look at me as. I think this is due to the fact I hold a masters and she feels a bit insecure about her education.

I can see things I didn't before because of this thread, thanks everyone for your posts, she does need to control and bully and the fact she can't influence others such as my family results in her taking a dislike to them.

There was this thing her brothers used to do around me that really pissed me off, they used to call me like a dog, it was obviously a joke shared by a lot of people in her family as I do a lot of running around for her.

I have been getting a very frosty welcome from her family lately, including one of her brothers bursting out at me for being "tight with money", this was around the time I told her I had enough and she had to change, so it is obvious she was telling a slighty different story to them.

I sit listening to her talking to her family and I just hate it, she tells so many lies and half truths to make them think she is this wonderful person, they have no idea.

Littlekittylou

From your above post, do you see how she is bringing out the worst in you?

Look at all that negativity. That is not healthy. Keep life simple.

You worked hard for your degree she shouldn't take the piss.

This girl does not love you.

You don't need someone so crazy in your life. Avoid drama.

She WILL NOT be good with kids from what you describe.
I don't know why on earth you might be led to think she will be a good mother I can't even fathom it.


She doesn't love you it doesn't sound like she even loves her family.

Littlekittylou

Crow92 wrote: »

Who's idea was it to try for a child?

I was thinking just that too.

barney 20v

OP I've read the subsequent posts and I stand by what I've said already-
Go get yourself a normal, (contrary) but sound Irish girl .
NO fella should put up with a person like this .
Her shortcomings as a person are not your creation!

This is the most earnest advice I have ever given on boards...

Get out and LIVE --- what you are doing is not living!

Ps I'm 32 and was lucky to find my perfect girl at 20 and still together.
Go find yours....

Littlekittylou

barney 20v wrote: »

Go get yourself a normal, (contrary) but sound Irish girl .
.

I agree with your post.

But why Irish? Or am I reading that wrong ? :-/

Littlekittylou

OP I also think you need to work on yourself esteem.

K.Flyer

OP, you owe it to yourself to be happy, right now you are miserable, and you have been unhappy for many years.
Your relationship is toxic and she, nor her family, have any respect for you. Your own family and friends fear for your welfare being on the outside looking in they see the problems.
You have two options, one is to read this thread again in about a year or so and thank your lucky stars you had the strength to listen and make the break before it was too late. Your other option is to read it with a heavy heart and regret in your soul.
Tough as it may be, you must get out of this relationship and start to live YOUR Life again.

barney 20v

Littlekittylou wrote: »

I agree with your post.

But why Irish? Or am I reading that wrong ? :-/

Just a figure of speech

Littlekittylou

barney 20v wrote: »

Just a figure of speech

Ah oops sorry :-) Thank you

Op maybe you could do with some support to help you see more clearly like a counselor.

shruikan2553

From my experience if your family and friends think you are mad for being with her there's a very good chance that they are right and you'll feel stupid for not listening to the sooner awhile afterwards.

So far I don't think you have said anything you like about her. Ask yourself why are you with her? Is it just you are used to being with someone?

Calhoun

demonaxe wrote: »

<SNIP - please don't quote full length long posts>

Don't take this the wrong way but if you don't grow a backbone you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life.This post alone would have had me on the warpath.

Op you need to fight as hard for yourself as you are for this waste of space who basically sees you as a cash machine, when she's done with you she will drop you like a hot snot. Someone so manipulative will make it look like its all you and she's the victim.

To add insult to injury people like this are not above using children as weapons to get their way.

is there any redeeming factor at all for her ?

bp

No one loves you more than your parents, and they are not blind to her. Please listen to those who have your best interest at heart.

She already threatened to keep your unborn child away during an argument - imagine if you have a baby/ toodler etc.

Also as she lies so protect yourself in the breakup. Keep abusive texts and emails from her and don't let her near your accounts to send herself fake ones.

Change your passwords asap and put in writing to a friend that you plan to break up and any worries that you have of what she may do.

Please for your own sake and any future child leave now and DO NOT sleep with her again - especially break up sex just in case

Oink

- OP, every one in your life told you to leave her.
- Everyone in this thread says you need to leave her.
- The therapist told you to leave her.
- You know you need to leave her.

If you can't come up with the courage to do it, at least be a man and protect your future child. Make sure to use a condom EVERY time until you are in a proper, loving relationship.

Rosy Posy

Having kids puts a strain on the most solid of relationships. This woman appears to have no respect for you and to be a manipulative bully. God forbid you do have a family with her you will end up miserable and marginalised- the bottom head on the family totem pole. Get out while you can and please go back to counselling and work on your burgeoning self esteem before getting into another serious relationship.

Stavro Mueller

OP sometimes people fall in love with someone who is very bad for them. I don't doubt you love her but in this case you need to do the right thing and leave. For your own sake. I bet your family are very very worried about you and would do everything in their power to get you away from you if they could. At the basis of every good relationship should be a friendship. If one of your friends did this to you, would you stand for it?

Penny Tration

OP, if nothing else, please ring AMEN on 0469023718 and tell them what you've told us.

This woman doesn't love you. She's using you to make herself feel better and is slowly alienating you from everyone. She's abusing you.

LynnGrace

OP, even though you say things are great at the moment, there are obviously huge doubts in your mind, please don't ignore those doubts.

This isn't about 'getting her to fit in', it really isn't.
I think you know, deep inside, that this relationship is very harmful to you.
Please, please take on board what people are saying to you, your family and friends especially, and the people here who have shared their own stories.

If a friend was in this situation, ask yourself, what would you say to them?
Walk away, don't look back, and look after yourself.

chillywilly

I'm getting a sick feeling of the thoughts of you having a child with this woman. This will be the biggest regret of your life. Please for the love of god do not have a child with her. Get out now while you still can.

This is coming from personal first hand experience (although my situation sounds a hell of a lot better than yours).

suicide_circus

This woman

- has zero respect for you
- manipulates and controls you
- only wants a child with you because her clock is ticking
- has consistently behaved appallingly for years.

You know that abuse doesn't necessarily have to involve physical violence?

You came here and started a thread asking a question to which you already know the answer. Your family and friends love you, this woman does not.

It is IMPERATIVE that you do not get this woman pregnant and that you leave her as soon as humanity possible.

She will never change. Even her family abuse you. I can only imagine your self esteem is on the floor after 7 years of this.

Please, for the love of god, get out of this mockery of a relationship.

Stavro Mueller

Also OP you aren't the only person who this woman can have a child with. For the love of god please don't stay so that she can become a mother.

zl1whqvjs75cdy

Run far away op. You've had 5 pages of the same advice now, don't think all of us and all your mates and all your family are wrong.

Stavro Mueller

Out of curiosity, did you have a girlfriend before this one? If so how did she treat you? Are you afraid that if you break up with your girlfriend, that you'll never find anyone else?

Mick Murdock

OP, I can't really add to the solid advice you got here but wanted to be another number telling you to get the hell away from this poisonous woman.

Her family are calling you like a dog because they can see that's how she is treating you. Thats why they have no respect for you and never will. She has trampled your self worth into the ground. People like her never change, she's mentally unhinged and is going to make any partner and child's life a misery. You would have to hate yourself to have sex with her again.

The BEST thing about her is she has stopped spending your money? C'mon man.. You sound like an intelligent guy and you'll do just fine on your own. Imagine how much better life will be without all this stress?

Calmly explain to her that you're leaving, that you want no further contact. Make it clear that you are serious and have had enough. Change address, number and whatever else you need to. No debate no contact from you.

Finally, it's great that you're feeling new found confidence in your job. Your female work colleague is right. STOP saying sorry, you don't always have to be sorry. Make a conscious effort to eliminate that.. sounds like a small thing but it's not. Experience has shown me that people often go from one abusive relationship to the next. Men and women like this target their partners. I'd say take some me time before getting into any serious relationship again. Work on your self esteem and continue to boost your confidence.

You sound like a saint and must be a really decent guy considering your family and friends are still looking out for you and inviting you places. Call on them to help you..

End it.

Best of luck.

fima

Op, normally in this forum there will be a lot of conflicting advice, everyone has different opinions and some will argue the side of the person that the post s referring to. Not one person has done this here, it is so plainly obvious that that you are being bullied, manipulated, abused, mocked, used. Please respect yourself and leave.

My OH was in a relationship that sounds a lot like yours for years. He had 2 children with this woman. They live with us now and we have a lovely baby together and a nice family unit, except for one problem. Her. She is horrible. evil, twisted, a liar, a narcissist. I cannot emphasise enough how much trouble this one woman is but it's ok for us, the adults, we can deal with. Its her children that suffer. Don't do that to your future children.

osarusan

OP, leave now.

That act alone should be enough to give your self-esteem a good boost also.

It's a very positive step you could take, by yourself, to improve your own life.

QuiteInterestin

Have nothing to say but what's been said already. Leave her as soon as possible, as in today if possible. If you get the house to yourself for a few hours today pack up all your stuff and go. Stay with family, friends, anyone that'll take you and tell her once you've moved out. I think you're beyond the stage of trying to discuss it with her, even if she promises to change it'll only be an act until she gets pregnant. Don't leave it until after Christmas, New Year and don't sleep with her again.

Taltos

Also being cynical - be prepared for the "but I'm pregnant..." when you do, maybe she is, but doubtful you'll be the father.

Seriously OP - call AMEN, pack your bags and get out today preferably alone while she is out or with someone there to keep you safe. I would be concerned she will do something silly or get her family around to "help" her do something even more silly.

Teyla Emmagan

Please get out of this relationship OP. I really can't imagine what you are doing with this person. Her family call you like you are a dog?! I am sorry to hear you lost the baby you had together, but for the love of God don't let her get pregnant again. It is not your responsibility if she doesn't become a mother. Your family hate her, your friends hate her, she belittles and mocks you, her family treat you like sh"t, she has threatened to use your own child against you!!! You are in a toxic relationship with an abusive bully. This change of character is just her hiding the badness until you get her knocked up and she can start using you like an ATM again.

You have friends and family who love you. Will you please lean on them and get their help to pull you out of this awful situation. If you stay you are kissing the rest of your life away. If I were you I would go home to your folks tonight and ask if you can stay until you extricate yourself from her. They will probably weep tears of joy. Get away from her, she is toxic.