What are your thoughts on changing your last name after marriage?

Lorrs33

I'm just curious because it's become so socially acceptable for a woman to keep her maiden name. Also, it'd be great to hear experiences from both sides - those who didn't change their name and those that did.

we'llallhavetea

would never do it, ever. i just think its old fashioned. also my daughter wouldn't have the same second name as me then!

ElleEm

I plan on keeping my own name. It has been mine for over 30 years, I just don't feel like I could identify with another name.

fits

Im definitely keeping it. Just don't know whether to stick his on somewhere. Will be an issue only if we have children, not after marriage.

Princess Peach

I'll keep mine at first for sure, it goes so well with my first name

Might change my mind if we have children. I suppose in theory it's nice for a family to all have the same name, not sure if it makes any material difference overall though.

eviltwin

Kept mine, never ever considered changing it tbh. I love my name too much.

We have kids. We have given them both names but with the option of dropping one when they are old enough as we know two names can be a pain. Our eldest has already done so. Names don't make you a family. I can appreciate some people wanting everyone to have the same last name but its not something that we ever felt was important. Its quite common now to have blended families with all sorts of names so I don't think its the big deal it once was.

ETA: its a personal choice and no matter what a woman does once its her choice it should be respected. Two of my close friends are married, one took her husbands name, one went double barrelled and then there is me with my birth name....all three are as valid as the other.

seventeen sheep

I probably wouldn't change mine. I like it as it is, would be weird to get used to a new name.

biddywiddy

I'm considering keeping my name professionally, as my degrees and research work have been published under that name, and gradually changing my name on things like bank accounts, and on my passport when it comes up for renewal.

If I think about it, it's kind of strange that I will have another, different name. At the same time, I like that it's about us starting out together and, if we have kids, I'd like for us all to have the same last name.

One thing that puts me off taking his name is that Mrs Hislastname already exists - it's his mother!

Malari

I only know one woman who didn't change her name after marriage! Changing names wouldn't be for me (although I'm not marrying any time soon) and my boyfriend knows that. It's part of my own identity.

eviltwin

If having the one name is important he can always change his Why should it always be the woman who has to do it?

liquoriceall

Im curious about those who would like their kids etc to all have the same surname, how would you feel about your husband taking your surname? Its just as valid an option just because its not commonly done

seventeen sheep

liquoriceall wrote: »

Im curious about those who would like their kids etc to all have the same surname, how would you feel about your husband taking your surname? Its just as valid an option just because its not commonly done

I've no problem with my boyfriend taking my surname, if he ever wanted to (I doubt he would.) Our son has my surname. But to be honest, we've yet to encounter any practical difficulties with the fact that his surname is different to mine and to our son. So I can't really see why he'd be bothered changing it.

fits

eviltwin wrote: »

If having the one name is important he can always change his Why should it always be the woman who has to do it?

An ex of mine did that when he got married. No it doesn't have to be the woman to do it. I wouldn't ask my fella to change his though. For various reasons.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

seventeen sheep

sashafierce wrote: »

I wouldn't change my name. My boyfriends surname is really common and my first name is really common!

Maybe if he had a cool surname Id consider it but the effort of getting your name changed on everything, could ya really be bothered?

I'd agree with you there.

It's just handier to live and die with the name I was born with. It's handier for my boyfriend to live and die with the name HE was born with.

My son was given my name - it wasn't an agonising or tough decision; he needed a surname; mine was chosen.

If I had some horrible surname, like Hession or Smith, maybe I'd marry someone just to change it.

*miserably awaits post from a Hession or a Smith*

Anelah

I wouldn't change my name, have never wanted to. Also, my daughter has my surname so for that reason too I wouldn't want to change mine if I ever get married.

Lucyfur

I changed mine. I hated my surname. I have no contact with my father and never will have and my surname was just a reminder of him.

TheBeardedLady

I've an insanely common surname but I still wouldn't change it. My boyfriend is Spanish and has an unusual and very nice Spanish surname, so it'd be tempting but nah, it doesn't make sense to me. Neither of my sisters did either.

bee06

I've half changed mine but it is a bit of a pain in the ass to be honest. My drivers licence expires next year so will change that when I renew it but passport doesn't renew for another 6 or 7 years.

I can't explain exactly why I changed it... I just wanted to be Mrs Husbands name and I like when people call me Mrs. Makes me feel super married.

Garlicrosemary

Malari wrote: »

I only know one woman who didn't change her name after marriage! Changing names wouldn't be for me (although I'm not marrying any time soon) and my boyfriend knows that. It's part of my own identity.

Making concepts and things a part of your identity can lead to depression, be careful with that.

lazygal

It never even crossed my mind to change it. My mum never changed hers so I didn't realise it was common to change it until I was older. We never had any issues whatsoever with her having a different surname and my dad couldn't care less about being called by her surname the odd time.
Our children have both our surnames. I've heard all the arguments against this but there was no way I was going to forfeit my surname when the children are half mine and I had to go through everything to have them.
It would have been a serious issue for me if a partner was insistent on me changing my name and/or our children not having both our surnames. Thankfully my husband isn't the old fashioned sort.
I don't get the 'everyone having the same last name' arguments. What difference does it make?!

eviltwin

Garlicrosemary wrote: »

Making concepts and things a part of your identity can lead to depression, be careful with that.

Eh what?

Malari

Garlicrosemary wrote: »

Making concepts and things a part of your identity can lead to depression, be careful with that.

LOL! What the actual f...? I'm in no danger of depression

Das Kitty

Lucyfur wrote: »

I changed mine. I hated my surname. I have no contact with my father and never will have and my surname was just a reminder of him.

Same.

Plus my husband's surname is cooler.

Venus In Furs

I'd change it when it's more convenient, leave it as it is otherwise.

Snoopy1

My surname is smith
Im nowhere near marriage but I'd keep my name, probably because I'm too lazy to change everything.
Also I just don't see the need

Plates

Whatever you do, don't double barrel. Not only is it entirely non-committal, it inflicts your children with a pretentious sounding name whether it's O'Flaherty Smith or Billingsley Whittington

lazygal

Plates wrote: »

Whatever you do, don't double barrel. Not only is it entirely non-committal, it inflicts your children with a pretentious sounding name whether it's O'Flaherty Smith or Billingsley Whittington

Yes, I wanted my children to have pretentious sounding names and to make life really awkward, that's why we have double barrel surnames for them.:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Frankly, it says more about the conclusions people jump to about names than anything else when the old 'pretentious' card is pulled out about double barrel surnames. Did you ever consider the fact that some parents simply want their children to have both surnames and nothing more?

Plates

lazygal wrote: »

Yes, I wanted my children to have pretentious sounding names and to make life really awkward, that's why we have double barrel surnames for them.:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Frankly, it says more about the conclusions people jump to about names than anything else when the old 'pretentious' card is pulled out about double barrel surnames. Did you ever consider the fact that some parents simply want their children to have both surnames and nothing more?

Ask your kids when they're old enough to tell you the truth if they appreciated it.

eviltwin

Plates wrote: »

Whatever you do, don't double barrel. Not only is it entirely non-committal, it inflicts your children with a pretentious sounding name whether it's O'Flaherty Smith or Billingsley Whittington

How is it non committal? You can't get much more committed than married. How does keeping one name make you more committed than someone with two

eviltwin

Plates wrote: »

Ask your kids when they're old enough to tell you the truth if they appreciated it.

I gave my daughter a double barrelled name. She dropped one, not because she was worried about looking like posh or pretentious but because its a lot less hassle. We're from a working class area, very few if any double barrells here and she's never had a problem. Maybe its just your preconceived notions about people with two names showing through?

meeeeh

I don't care. If we ever actually bother to get married I'll have to decide. Kids already have partner's surname so mine is not butchered more often than necessary. A name people actually know how to pronounce is handy but one the other hand I hate the hassle of changing documents.

I have absolutely zero sentimental attachment to either partner's or my surname. I don't even use part of my first name anymore because it was mispronounced so often. I hate it if people misspell or incorrectly pronounce name after they saw it written or after they're told how to pronounce it. But I don't care what the actual name is.

lazygal

Plates wrote: »

Ask your kids when they're old enough to tell you the truth if they appreciated it.

Well I don't appreciate the annoying Irish name I was lumbered with that I have to spell all the time so I guess I'll take my chances.

Plates

eviltwin wrote: »

How is it non committal? You can't get much more committed than married. How does keeping one name make you more committed than someone with two

If you can't decide on whether to keep your own name or take his and make the decision to take both, I reckon that qualifies as not committing. Just my opinion though.

eviltwin

Plates wrote: »

If you can't decide on whether to keep your own name or take his and make the decision to take both, I reckon that qualifies as not committing. Just my opinion though.

I guess for some people marriage is seen as the joining of two families so that's how they choose to represent it. I can't see how my friend with two names is any less committed to her husband than a woman with one.

lazygal

Plates wrote: »

If you can't decide on whether to keep your own name or take his and make the decision to take both, I reckon that qualifies as not committing. Just my opinion though.

What about a man changing his name?

pwurple

I use my dad's surname the vast majority of the time. Work, post, drivers license, bank.

I changed my passport to husband's name, just because I ran into awkwardness travelling with children on my own when we have different surnames. Had to carry birth certs too, as proof that I was their mother. Same surname and it is assumed.

So.... I do both, but not at the same time. (Only because it would be about a million syllables long if we doubled).

Either is fine by me. It's just the convention here for men's names to carry. If I lived elsewhere would go with the flow there.

Plates

eviltwin wrote: »

I guess for some people marriage is seen as the joining of two families so that's how they choose to represent it. I can't see how my friend with two names is any less committed to her husband than a woman with one.

It's not about commitment to the person / relationship. It's commitment to making a decision about the name. Can't commit to one or the other so take both.

lazygal

Plates wrote: »

It's not about commitment to the person / relationship. It's commitment to making a decision about the name. Can't commit to one or the other so take both.

Why do you need to commit to a name?

meeeeh

Plates wrote: »

It's not about commitment to the person / relationship. It's commitment to making a decision about the name. Can't commit to one or the other so take both.

Why would you even care? It's only a word or two.

Plates

lazygal wrote: »

Why do you need to commit to a name?

I guess a person could change their name on an annual basis if they really wanted to. Might get a bit tiring though with all the paperwork.

eviltwin

Plates wrote: »

I guess a person could change their name on an annual basis if they really wanted to. Might get a bit tiring though with all the paperwork.

True, only we're not talking about changing your name every year. Just adding an extra name to your existing one.

pwurple

Plates wrote: »

It's not about commitment to the person / relationship. It's commitment to making a decision about the name. Can't commit to one or the other so take both.

Or have committed to both?

Plates

meeeeh wrote: »

Why would you even care? It's only a word or two.

Isn't this a thread that's opened for the purpose of discussing a name related question and therefore an invitation to express ones opinion? I could be wrong though.

lazygal

Plates wrote: »

I guess a person could change their name on an annual basis if they really wanted to. Might get a bit tiring though with all the paperwork.

There's no paperwork required to change your name. Names in Ireland are based on common usage.

meeeeh

Plates wrote: »

Isn't this a thread that's opened for the purpose of discussing a name related question and therefore an invitation to express ones opinion? I could be wrong though.

I just find it fascinating that someone would actually get so worked up weather people use single or double barrel surname.

Garlicrosemary

meeeeh wrote: »

I just find it fascinating that someone would actually get so worked up weather people use single or double barrel surname.

They don't seem worked up to me.

Lau2976

I have a weird surname and if I had to go through that pain my god so will my kids!

Also I couldn't think of writing anything else but my own.

highly1111

Honestly, it never crossed my mind not to take my husband's name.....

Call me old fashioned at 33 (!) but I think there's something quite romantic about it. I didn't find it awkward - photocopy the marriage cert and send off a few letters. I did my passport and license as they came up - mainly to avoid the financial cost!!

Liam McPoyle

Getting married next year and fiance and I have discussed her taking my name.

She is undecided and Ive told her that its completely her decision, it doesn't bother me either way, its only a name at the end of the day.

angeldelight

I changed mine and I love my new name. I personally love being Mrs X. My mam didn't change her name when she married my dad and it was very unusual back then but as she pointed out when someone said she must be "disappointed in me" for changing my name - as long as it's a free choice, not something a woman is expected to do or made feel bad for not doing, then why is it anybody else's business??