Is he committed? If yes, why still doesn't want to propose?

Big Bag of Chips

interracial84 wrote: »

Who say while saving up a house can't have a baby? There are women out there who never have a house of their own, yet still have many babies.

Yes, but you WANT a house of your own... And you WANT to be married... And you DON'T want a baby without being married.

I'm really sorry to say, and it probably is all related to your past, but you are being very very very foolish, and naive, and immature.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but to be honest I don't really know what you DO want to hear!

interracial84

Idle Passerby,
Maybe he thinks a baby would help me with bonding to him more on the emotional connection,
He really trying hard to understand me, I blow him off hot and cold everyday. Some day I am very affectionate to him, some day I blow him flat cold.

Some nights I let him stay over, some night I ask him to leave due to I don't want him to sleep over, because I was scare of being "emotionally attach" to him, yet he still respect me enough to leave.
I am a 150cm girl, and he a 180cm guy. If he refused to leave my apartment, there no way I can drag him out. So I know he leave is due to out of respect my wishes.

One time in the past, we got into an argument, and I told him let take some time off, my meaning was let break up for some time.
He didn't take it well, and he told me me he expect an explaination from me and he wants to talk this through.
So after work he drive straight back and wait for me outside my staircase, he said he wait until I come out, or else he won't leave.

Now, given how tall and strong he is, he could just broke into my door or my window. Or he could just pound on my door, or ring my phone nonestop to bother me.
Living in the ghetto, trust me, nobody care if there a guy pounding on my door.
But he respect me enough not to do that. He wait outside my staircase, and he text me to let me know he still out there.
I didn't think he was serious, and I thought he left already, but then about 1AM I open the door to check up on him, and he was STILL out there.
So this guy actually DO what he say, well we made up, or else we won't still be together today.

But this is an example to let you know, the one that emotionally weak is me, NOT him. He is very stable and strong in this relationship. It is him that keep hanging on, and not want to give up, or else it would be the end for us already.

bjork

Sorry but all this hanging around apartment blocks comes across as being creepy.

interracial84

It not creepy when we are neighbors and he is my boyfriend.
If I don't let him in my apartment, and he respect me enough not to break in. What you expect him to do if he not waiting outside?

Idle Passerby

Ok so, he seems to be quite committed to you. I would hazard a guess that he would like you to be more open with him, and be able to let yourself be more comfortable with him. Despite how well you say you know each other, the relationship sounds distant due to your reluctance to open up to him fully, and thats likely to be due to your past. You do not sound close enough yet to think of marriage or babies.

I think you should consider counselling to help work through your past. If you want the kind of committed relationship you are hoping for, you need to learn how to communicate with him properly.

In the mean time, go back on the pill, insist on condoms, take the pressure to have a baby off the table until your relationship is strong enough.

bjork

interracial84 wrote: »

...
If I don't let him in my apartment, and he respect me enough not to break in. What you expect him to do if he not waiting outside?

He could always go home to his own house instead of sitting outside yours for hours, it's stalkerish

interracial84

bjork, it is not stalking, if he phone me ahead and let me KNOW he waiting outside. No stalker phone their victim to let them know they outside waiting.

He will not go back to his apratment, because that night I told him I want to break up with him.
He get PANIC, and he demand to talks things through, or else he won't leave.

Big Bag of Chips

So he doesn't respect your decisions... He waits around forcing you to change your mind. Do you want to break up with him? If yes, and he won't allow you to, that is a dangerous sign. If you don't want to break up with him, stop threatening to. It's silly.

bjork

He was also waiting around your apartment building until you gave him your number and agreed to go out with him.

If I asked someone to leave and they sat outside my house for hours until I sorted thing out with them, I wouldn't be thinking "he respects me", I actually think "What a demanding bully"

LegacyUser

interracial84 wrote: »

He told me he use a condom in all his one night stand.
But he doesn't use it in his last 2 relationship. He have like 2 relationship prior to me. And I am aware he didn't use a condom with those girls, but this was back in his college days, and I didn't think at the age of 18-22, those girls he meet in college would be in the higher risk category of STD and HIV due to their young age, and busy going to school.

OP as someone who went to college in the US and was part of that 18-22 college girl bracket I can assure that is plenty old enough to catch and spread STDs. Any girl who has time for one night stands with your BF isn't so busy going to school now are they? You need to get a an STI check before doing anything else. STI's isn't all about HIV there are plenty of other diseases that have no symptoms and can effect your fertility if your serious about having a baby at some point.

interracial84

bjork, at the time he chase me, I didn't ask him to leave, I know he was wating outside -- so it is NOT stalking, I am fully aware he sits outside wait for me.

I let him sit outside so I can test his persistence, I don't just give in easily just because he happened to show me he interest in me. He go to put out some patience and persistent into it.

Well that is the past, and I did gave in to be his girl. This whole relationship is just seem one side. It is all him doing the work, and he inittiative, and him being emotioanlly strong to carried it thorugh till now.

to the 'can't log in' guest,
I did get tested afterward, full health test too, an that include STD testing panel. Okay, I will go for an STI during my next routine checkup.
I was stupid back then, just based on his routine blood donation card from America Red Cross, and I assume he is HIV and STD free.
Well the HIV and STD part he is free, but I don't know about STI though.

Ann84

Op, can I ask what advice you are looking for here?

No one here can tell you why your boyfriend hasn't proposed although you have been given a lot of suggestions, none of which you seem particularly interested in acknowledging!

interracial84

I actually get alot of helpful advice from this thread.
I know that I need to stop the unprotected sex, and work on open more to him on my emotionally attachment with him.

I was just answering 'bjork' question when she/he said that my boyfriend stalk me, which is not true because he clearly let me know he is sitting outside waiting.

And btw, that staircase is in the public, anyone can sit there. There many staircase all around this neighborhood.
Unless he do something illegal or harmful or being loud, even the police cannot remove him. And if he doesn't come to certain distance close to my door, the police cannot do anything neither. He was pretty much sit in the open public.

Ann84

I am glad to hear that it has been useful for you!!
Best of luck for the future op

interracial84

Even in your own house, police can only remove someone when they are on your PROPERTY.

You living in a ghetto neighborhood, where there staircase everywhere in the open public with lights around, and apartments everywhere around by,
it is NOT your personal property.
No police can remove him unless he Loud, do something illegal or hurt someone.

bjork

interracial84 wrote: »

Even in your own house, police can only remove someone when they are on your PROPERTY.

You living in a ghetto neighborhood, where there staircase everywhere in the open public with lights around, and apartments everywhere around by,
it is NOT your personal property.
No police can remove him unless he Loud, do something illegal or hurt someone.

Of course he can around a public place.

Glad you found the thread useful
Good luck with things

jimmycrackcorm

I'm not sure about the USA but there seems to be a tendency for people to marry later now, in their thirties so I wouldn't be so impatient. Also if he is treating you so well then simply enjoy that.

Taltos

Mod note:
OP I am not seeing any sign you are willing or able to take any advice here on board.
After six pages of advice with you continuing to defend him I am closing this thread now. Echoing some of the earlier advice please look into getting some help for yourself as soon as you can.

One final word of caution to you. Having a blood donor's card is not a sign he is HIV free. The only way you can know he is STD free is to ask him to get a test, and I strongly recommend on this closing note that you get one too, whether he agrees or not.

Best of luck and sorry we cannot be of more help.
Taltos