Your kid is not autistic, Your kid is an asshole, It's your fault.

Pacing Mule

I've been given a link to a facebook group that has caused great offence and distress to a good friend of mine. Quite frankly I'm offended and disgusted myself.

The group is for like minded people who are child free by choice. I have absolutely no problem with that choice or being a member of such a group. What has me disgusted is the profile picture which contains the text:

Your kid is not autistic
Your kid is an asshole
It's your fault

Trolling or just an incredibly warped person ?

My friend reported the group to facebook but got a generic message back saying the group was not closed. She tried to explain to the admin of the page how hurtful it was to a parent of an autistic child but was blocked from the group.

The group can be found here.

I've just reported it myself and if anyone else wants to I'd be very grateful. But in the mean time I'd be interested to hear the thoughts here. Is that free speech ? Should it be acceptable ?

Edit: There is an explanation on their page posted below by amdublin.

Since many of you just don't get it, here is a simple explanation of the cover photo:

We are not attacking autistic kids.

We are attacking parents who do one or both of the following:

(1) Use their child's autism, or any other disorder, such as ADD 10 years ago, as an excuse to allow the child to behave poorly.

(2) Invent a diagnosis of autism, or any other disorder, such as ADD 10 years ago, because they can't be bothered to put in the time and effort required to raise their child properly.

This group has many autistic members, and they agree with the message expressed here. When parents use autism, either real or self-diagnosed, in place of good parenting, all autistic people, both children and adults, suffer. Nobody takes them seriously when everyone is supposedly autistic, as they are assumed guilty by association.

It is unfortunate that many of you have chosen to jump to conclusions. Surely you teach your children to get the facts before making a decision. This is something that should carry over to adulthood too.

For me context is key here.

The group is set up and labelled for those who are childless by choice. Why use that image ?

Crusading against a minority subset of parents of kids with autism doesn't add up coming from such a group. What makes more sense is that this label / image was put there as a slag / attack on parents in general. That post was only put up after attention started to be drawn to it and is pure bull****.

My view is that they are attacking every single parent of an autistic child with such a general statement. There are people who will play that card of course but even if you are genuine how can you justify the distress caused to genuine cases who read that ?

The last line in particular is misleading because anyone who questions the group, tries to debate or speak to the admin is then removed from the group and comments deleted.

Further edit / update. The image below is apparently taken from the group - you can only see it once you are a member.

http://omg.wthax.org/7ghKD6.png

If this is true (and I personally believe it is) it makes an absolute mockery of the explanation posted on their site.

amdublin

This is posted as their explanation:

Since many of you just don't get it, here is a simple explanation of the cover photo:

We are not attacking autistic kids.

We are attacking parents who do one or both of the following:

(1) Use their child's autism, or any other disorder, such as ADD 10 years ago, as an excuse to allow the child to behave poorly.

(2) Invent a diagnosis of autism, or any other disorder, such as ADD 10 years ago, because they can't be bothered to put in the time and effort required to raise their child properly.

This group has many autistic members, and they agree with the message expressed here. When parents use autism, either real or self-diagnosed, in place of good parenting, all autistic people, both children and adults, suffer. Nobody takes them seriously when everyone is supposedly autistic, as they are assumed guilty by association.

It is unfortunate that many of you have chosen to jump to conclusions. Surely you teach your children to get the facts before making a decision. This is something that should carry over to adulthood too.

allym

It's a disgusting, and totally inaccurate statement.

But unfortunately the world is full of assholes, who think and say ridiculous things.

I can see why someone would find it offensive, but it's not worth the energy getting worked up over it. Being an asshole catches up to people in the end.


Edit: just saw their "explanation". The ADD thing I kind of understand, as it's a term people often throw out without understanding what it actually means. I highly doubt many people self-diagnose their children with autism.

anncoates

They seem blissfully aware of the irony. I assume they've all disowned their own parents.

Hannibal Smith

(1) Use their child's autism, or any other disorder, such as ADD 10 years ago, as an excuse to allow the child to behave poorly.

^^^^ I saw that bit and alarm bells went off. I don't think it's a troll because they seem to genuinely believe their own words I think they justbhave absolutely no idea about autism.

Bipolar Joe

allym wrote: »

Edit: just saw their "explanation". The ADD thing I kind of understand, as it's a term people often throw out without understanding what it actually means. I highly doubt many people self-diagnose their children with autism.

Unfortunately, some people do. It sucks, but no one wants to admit they're a shitty parent.

wendell borton

If it offends you just don't look at it, either its just trollin' or an echo chamber for sad individuals.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

As someone who has experience of autism I was initially disgusted by this thread title and the OP. But on reading the Facebook comment I have to concede there is some truth in what they say. I have seen too many parents who do use their child's autism, ADHD etc as an excuse. I have also seen parents excusing bad behaviour as being due to autism or ADHD without any proper diagnosis or psychological assessment.

eviltwin

You would think a group dedicated to being childfree would talk about something other than children. I have two autistic kids, I do understand the sentiment but it's worded badly.

Donkey Oaty

So they are defending autistic kids and their parents from being tarred with the same brush as badly-behaved kids incorrectly labelled as autistic, and also kids who happen to be autistic but are badly-behaved for non-autistic/bad parenting reasons?

I don't get it.

If you don't want kids in your life - a reasonable and valid choice - why start any conversations with a statement about kids?

You'd imagine that children would be the last thing that a forum of people who don't want children would talk about.

ETA: Eviltwin said it first and said it better.

One eyed Jack

It's bizarrely worded on purpose to grab the reader's attention and evoke a reaction, just like the thread title. Sensationalism works. Simple as that really.

Pacing Mule

amdublin wrote: »

This is posted as their explanation:

Since many of you just don't get it, here is a simple explanation of the cover photo:

We are not attacking autistic kids.

We are attacking parents who do one or both of the following:

(1) Use their child's autism, or any other disorder, such as ADD 10 years ago, as an excuse to allow the child to behave poorly.

(2) Invent a diagnosis of autism, or any other disorder, such as ADD 10 years ago, because they can't be bothered to put in the time and effort required to raise their child properly.

This group has many autistic members, and they agree with the message expressed here. When parents use autism, either real or self-diagnosed, in place of good parenting, all autistic people, both children and adults, suffer. Nobody takes them seriously when everyone is supposedly autistic, as they are assumed guilty by association.

It is unfortunate that many of you have chosen to jump to conclusions. Surely you teach your children to get the facts before making a decision. This is something that should carry over to adulthood too.

For me context is key here.

The group is set up and labelled for those who are childless by choice.

Crusading against a minority subset of parents of kids with autism doesn't add up coming from such a group. What makes more sense is that this label / image was put there as a slag / attack on parents in general. That post was only put up after attention started to be drawn to it and is pure bull****.

One eyed Jack

Candie wrote: »

I don't get it.

If you don't want kids in your life - a reasonable and valid choice - why start any conversations with a statement about kids?

You'd imagine that children would be the last thing that a forum of people who don't want children would talk about.

ETA: Eviltwin said it first and said it better.

It's probably one of those groups for people that love giving out about other people's children in an effort to validate their choice not to have children.

I know many people who have chosen not to have children for their own reasons and they don't go on like that. It's nothing short of pathetic really and truly best ignored. People like that don't see anything wrong with their behaviour (ironic really given their obsession with the behaviour of other people).

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Candie wrote: »

I don't get it.

If you don't want kids in your life - a reasonable and valid choice - why start any conversations with a statement about kids?

You'd imagine that children would be the last thing that a forum of people who don't want children would talk about.

ETA: Eviltwin said it first and said it better.

I think it about their having to put up with bad behaviour. We have all experienced badly behaved children in supermarkets, at functions or in restaurants that the parents have ignored and excused the behaviour by claiming ADHD or autism.

Chocolate Lions

So it's crass. It's not attacking kids that have autism and it grabs your attention. The whole world has descended to click baiting bull**** so picking on this isn't worth it. If your sensibilities are offended then just get off the internet now, that or maintain some objectivity and don't twist your knickers.

eviltwin

Mina Full Robbery wrote: »

I think it about their having to put up with bad behaviour. We have all experienced badly behaved children in supermarkets, at functions or in restaurants that the parents have ignored and excused the behaviour by claiming ADHD or autism.

Autistic kids having a meltdown are not behaving badly. They aren't bold children, they are children who have issues processing certain situations. I'm sure my son having a moment isn't pleasant for anyone but its not exactly easy for me or him either.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

eviltwin wrote: »

Autistic kids having a meltdown are not behaving badly. They aren't bold children, they are children who have issues processing certain situations. I'm sure my son having a moment isn't pleasant for anyone but its not exactly easy for me or him either.

No, you have missed my first point and the point, I think, of the piece. It is not a problem with autism. It's parents blaming it on autism when it is not the reason. Please read my first post. I know all about autism, believe me!

BetterThanThou

I am saying this as someone who has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome(though, I've pretty much "grown out" of it), and someone who knows many autistic kids, both relatives and non-relatives. And I can see why some people think this, many parents do give their autistic children whatever they want, and while this can at first be due to the children having difficulty due to autism, they can very quickly learn how to work that to their advantage, I did when I was younger. Personally, I only started making progress when I was around 12, when my mother stopped giving into my "demands", and now 6 years later, at 18, I'm a totally different person, you wouldn't even believe I was the same person if you hadn't seen me in 6 years. I believe parents of autistic children simply give them too much in an effort to keep them happy, which I cannot blame them for, but, I believe it does lead to further development issues, they need to have their own free will in order to develop as human beings.

anncoates

Candie wrote: »

I don't get it.

If you don't want kids in your life - a reasonable and valid choice - why start any conversations with a statement about kids?

You'd imagine that children would be the last thing that a forum of people who don't want children would talk about.

ETA: Eviltwin said it first and said it better.

For some reason, people love discussing at length what they don't care about, want or even believe in. See atheism.

anncoates

Mina Full Robbery wrote: »

As someone who has experience of autism I was initially disgusted by this thread title and the OP. But on reading the Facebook comment I have to concede there is some truth in what they say. I have seen too many parents who do use their child's autism, ADHD etc as an excuse. I have also seen parents excusing bad behaviour as being due to autism or ADHD without any proper diagnosis or psychological assessment.

I know somebody with a (properly diagnosed) child on the spectrum. Even to me, it's very obvious he's autistic but I think he's also not disciplined or provided with boundaries which makes him a lot worse IMO.

Molzer2

Mina Full Robbery wrote: »

I think it about their having to put up with bad behaviour. We have all experienced badly behaved children in supermarkets, at functions or in restaurants that the parents have ignored and excused the behaviour by claiming ADHD or autism.

I've experienced the behaviour you describe but not the parents claiming it was autism or ADHD. Have you? Seriously? I have a boy with autism .....I know about it too!

zagmund

I've had to put up with badly behaved adults in all sorts of social situations. I wonder will this group be able to help with that, or is it just children they are concerned with?

z

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Molzer2 wrote: »

I've experienced the behaviour you describe but not the parents claiming it was autism or ADHD. Have you? Seriously? I have a boy with autism .....I know about it too!

Yes, I have. That is why I mentioned it!

One eyed Jack

anncoates wrote: »

For some reason, people love discussing at length what they don't care about, want or even believe in. See atheism.

I'd say myself it's more likely only some people, and the subject could be anything at all in fairness.

There's been a noticeable increase though in people who quite openly express their hatred towards parents and children in passive aggressive tones.

I get the idea behind this groups 'statememt' alright in that I have encountered parents who have said to me that their child has 'undiagnosed' ADD, etc. In other words they've basically hit up Google and 'diagnosed' their child themselves. I've also encountered people who think they can 'diagnose' other people's children with ADD, etc, again they inform themselves via Google.

It's certainly become a common phenomenon for people to ascribe all sorts of developmental and cognitive disorders to children without having any prior qualifications or knowledge that would enable them to come to such conclusions.

The_Valeyard

Internet group offends people, shocker.

OP internet is full of d*cks (and not just omegle) Best to ignore and move on.

Molzer2

Mina Full Robbery wrote: »

Yes, I have. That is why I mentioned it!

Really! Any time I experienced this the parents were oblivious and couldn't be arsed doing anything about it never mind explain or excuse it.

weemcd

I'm in two minds about this. One one hand I think it's very 21st century ( and very American for that matter) to pull a disorder out of your ass in order to justify a difficult child/poor behaviour/bad parenting. I'd love to know where all these disorders were 25 years ago.

"Lack of diagnosis!" I hear you cry. And that is probably valid. BUT is it just me or does everyone (not just kids) have something 'wrong' with them these days? It seems people aren't content to be flawed human beings like the rest of us are any more, they need to have a reason to take the flack (for being a cùnt) and justify their existence, without the self reflection one needs to improve one's self.

It's a hangover from the molly coddling culture that has been spreading for quite a few years, where people are quite simply, too entitled, with an inability to admit they are wrong. Or their children are in the wrong. It couldn't possibly be a flaw or poor behaviour, little Johnny has condition X, it's not his fault... let alone mine!

He'll hath no fury like a mother scorned.

On the other hand, I can't begin to fathom the living nightmare that it is to live with autism, either as a direct sufferer or a parent. Their lives must be living hell. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

This group may have a point. However they are going far and beyond reason to make it.

Parents are having children later and later in life, and couples, particularly the men have a higher chance of a child being born with a condition the older they get. Their bodies simply do not have the vital materials they had when they were 21. That's nature.

TLDR? Many people suffer these afflictions. How many? Probably less than you are being made to believe.

FullblownRose

Autism isn't used an excuse, what nonsense. That demonstrates limited understanding of autism. I see the commenter claims to be autistic themself?
Behavioural issues are part and parcel of the disorder.
Yes, people do d.i.y diagnoses of all kinds of things.
I don't see the point of the group, best to ignore it.

Molzer2

Interesting point weemcd and I agree with a lot of it but I diagnosis does not come easily and believe you me autism is real.

One eyed Jack

Molzer2 wrote: »

Interesting point weemcd and I agree with a lot of it but I diagnosis does not come easily and believe you me autism is real.

That's the point this group is trying to make, albeit in a rather misguided fashion which causes their point to be misconstrued and/or missed completely.

Their message is aimed at parents who excuse their children's inappropriate social behavior by claiming their children have undiagnosed cognitive or behavioural disorders.