Comparing yourself to other people?

cometogether

Anyone else ever find themselves unfairly comparing themselves to others, especially friends? I don't know why but I've found myself doing it all day today. You could drive yourself mad mulling things over and over-thinking, people always seem to have that thing where the grass is greener and you should have done this or done that instead of what you actually did. Even though I know you shouldn't bother comparing yourself to other people because it usually means you're doing so negatively I can't help doing it. Am I alone in this? Just fancied a vent!

It's all about keeping up with the Jones's. Total waste of your time and energy.

Cantremember

I gave it up. It was just soul destroying. For them.

Yellowblackbird

cometogether wrote: »

Anyone else ever find themselves unfairly comparing themselves to others, especially friends? I don't know why but I've found myself doing it all day today. You could drive yourself mad mulling things over and over-thinking, people always seem to have that thing where the grass is greener and you should have done this or done that instead of what you actually did. Even though I know you shouldn't bother comparing yourself to other people because it usually means you're doing so negatively I can't help doing it. Am I alone in this? Just fancied a vent!

Yes I do that. I'm a lot like you. But I'm roughly 10% better than you.

Digital Solitude

I used to, but hair was always the derfniung factor and mine is White Goodman levels of godliness. So I gave it up.

Bald men, now they were competitors

Macavity.

Yes, I do compare myself to others a lot. Only people who are better than me in some way though (better looking, more intelligent, more likable etc..). It is dispiriting.

Mrs Garth Brooks

I don't compare myself to other people. Im better than other people so don't have to.

Summer wind

Everyone does we all want something we haven't got. Or wonder what if you did or didn't do something would your life be different. It's human nature. We are all the same in that respect. I bet your friends compare themselves to you too.

Aongus Von Bismarck

I tend to compare myself to historical figures quit a lot. I try and learn from the greats of history such as Alexander, Hannibal and Avicenna.

I've been doing this all day.

I'll never be as clever as some of the people I work with. And they know it.

the evasion_kid

No.....I just let them catch up to me :pac:

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I was just reading about this - there's a name for it I can't remember.

Although it's not about keeping up with the Jonses, it's more about making sure that there's someone - anyone - who'd worse off than you are.

Not being best is acceptable, being worst is not.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

I was just reading about this - there's a name for it I can't remember.

Although it's not about keeping up with the Jonses, it's more about making sure that there's someone - anyone - who'd worse off than you are.

Not being best is acceptable, being worst is not.

Schadenfreude?

Tail Docker

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I tend to compare myself to historical figures quit a lot. I try and learn from the greats of history such as Alexander, Hannibal and Avicenna.

Or Napoleon?

kilkenny12

The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you saw in the mirror yesterday


Seriously though, whenever you catch yourself doing it, try to think of someone you admire who doesn't have that thing either.

Aongus Von Bismarck

Tail Docker wrote: »

Or Napoleon?

An impressive man to be fair. Not someone I'd idealise too much though. His unrestrained narcissism is not something I'd try to emulate.

Earthhorse

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I tend to compare myself to historical figures quit a lot. I try and learn from the greats of history such as Alexander, Hannibal and Avicenna.

Steve Jobs.

Tail Docker

kilkenny12 wrote: »

The only person you should compare yourself to is the person you saw in the mirror yesterday


Seriously though, whenever you catch yourself doing it, try to think of someone you admire who doesn't have that thing either.

I caught a sneaky reflected glimpse of the waitress in a restaurant we were in. She had much nicer breasts than me, I have to say.

One eyed Jack

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

I was just reading about this - there's a name for it I can't remember.

Although it's not about keeping up with the Jonses, it's more about making sure that there's someone - anyone - who'd worse off than you are.

Not being best is acceptable, being worst is not.

Insecurity?

Chunners

I never do it at least not any more, Transsexuals tend to be very critical of themselves and compare themselves to other TS (she's prettier than me, she's younger than me, I wish I passed as well as her, she lives full time and I don't/cant etc) and it can make you very resentful and actually make you hate yourself for something you never had any control over in the first place so I stopped doing it a long time ago. I never watch any documentaries about transsexuals, I don't really interact with other transsexual in my daily life not because I am jealous or anything just because I am at a point in my life now where I am content with what I have going for me and I don't want to put myself in a situation where I feel like I have to compete to be the prettiest, the most convincing etc . I'm to old for that **** to be honest.

MissKittenfire

No I a have a good sense of self. Plus I am always changing and growing. I am unique.



Sometimes put others in boxes. And make snap judgements about character etc. I tend to make more comparisons of difference than anything. As in 'I don't go with that group' or 'they would look down on me so **** em they're asses'. Someone else's opinion of me is not my opinion.

I do make snap character assessments of people.

Artistically I am in competition with ....something else out there...I'm striving ...but I haven't seen anyone else I want to be. I have a sense of it.

Sometimes I have had to say to people 'Why do you want to blend in don't you know you were meant to stand out?' Or to people who are not flamboyant ' you are in many ways better than those around you'.

I like quiet people. I like loud people.

You are all individual.

nidgeweaseal

cometogether wrote: »

Anyone else ever find themselves unfairly comparing themselves to others, especially friends? I don't know why but I've found myself doing it all day today. You could drive yourself mad mulling things over and over-thinking, people always seem to have that thing where the grass is greener and you should have done this or done that instead of what you actually did. Even though I know you shouldn't bother comparing yourself to other people because it usually means you're doing so negatively I can't help doing it. Am I alone in this? Just fancied a vent!

No I hate everyone and love myself

hatrickpatrick

Posted this last year, extremely relevant to this subject IMO:

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

If you have any knack for marketing, it's become incredibly easy through social media to make it look like you're living the dream on a constant basis.

It's funny, I didn't have a great year at all in 2011 (actually "not great" would be a serious understatement), but out of interest I had a glance at my 2011 Facebook timeline and it honestly looks like I'm an absolute f*cking legend

It makes me wonder though - so many people when you have those late night drunken "deep meaningful conversations", or DMCs, will tell you they sometimes feel like everyone else is having a great time while they're sort of bored. I'm now wondering is this in part because people try to put their best foot forward on social media - no one is going to put up a status saying "Having a banana and just chilling at home" (well, unless it's instagram in which case you'll get 2400 photos of the banana from 14 different angles) so in fact, when you look at social media and it makes you feel like you're own day has been rather dull, consider that the people who seem to never put up anything mundane probably have a LOT of mundane stuff - they just don't advertise it.

I half wonder if this is something that makes people feel lonely in this day and age. When you're bombarded with stories only of the big, exciting stuff in friends' lives, it's easy to feel like they never have a lonely moment while you're seriously lagging behind in the craic department. In all probability, it's simply an optical illusion caused not by how much they tell you about their lives, but how much they don't tell you about them.

biko

Mrs Garth Brooks wrote: »

I don't compare myself to other people. Im better than other people so don't have to.

Without comparing yourself to them how do you know you're better?

Saipanne

cometogether wrote: »

Anyone else ever find themselves unfairly comparing themselves to others, especially friends? I don't know why but I've found myself doing it all day today. You could drive yourself mad mulling things over and over-thinking, people always seem to have that thing where the grass is greener and you should have done this or done that instead of what you actually did. Even though I know you shouldn't bother comparing yourself to other people because it usually means you're doing so negatively I can't help doing it. Am I alone in this? Just fancied a vent!

Nothing wrong with it if you use that energy constructively.

mikeyjames9

Ya but it's pointless and self defeating

Were all different and we're all gonna die regardless

Saipanne

mikeyjames9 wrote: »

we're all gonna die regardless

That fact only creates a stronger sense of urgency in me. Well, that and the fact that I don't believe in god/s or any afterlife, etc.

All I have is this existence. I intend to cherish it until its gone.

AndreaCollins

MissKittenfire wrote: »

Sometimes put others in boxes. And make snap judgements about character etc. I.

Don't feel bad about this, it's something we all do. It's a human thing, judging people on their facial structure and features happens instantaneously. "In a 2014 study Hartley and colleagues at the University of York reported that impressions of the traits of approachability, youthfulness/attractiveness and dominance can be formed in as little as 100 milliseconds, from measurable characteristics such as the shape of and the spacing around the eyes, nose and mouth. It was found that first impressions of social traits, such as trustworthiness or dominance, are reliably perceived in faces within milliseconds."

MissKittenfire

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Posted this last year, extremely relevant to this subject IMO: Originally Posted by hatrickpatrick View Post
If you have any knack for marketing, it's become incredibly easy through social media to make it look like you're living the dream on a constant basis.

It's funny, I didn't have a great year at all in 2011 (actually "not great" would be a serious understatement), but out of interest I had a glance at my 2011 Facebook timeline and it honestly looks like I'm an absolute f*cking legend

It makes me wonder though - so many people when you have those late night drunken "deep meaningful conversations", or DMCs, will tell you they sometimes feel like everyone else is having a great time while they're sort of bored. I'm now wondering is this in part because people try to put their best foot forward on social media - no one is going to put up a status saying "Having a banana and just chilling at home" (well, unless it's instagram in which case you'll get 2400 photos of the banana from 14 different angles) so in fact, when you look at social media and it makes you feel like you're own day has been rather dull, consider that the people who seem to never put up anything mundane probably have a LOT of mundane stuff - they just don't advertise it.

I half wonder if this is something that makes people feel lonely in this day and age. When you're bombarded with stories only of the big, exciting stuff in friends' lives, it's easy to feel like they never have a lonely moment while you're seriously lagging behind in the craic department. In all probability, it's simply an optical illusion caused not by how much they tell you about their lives, but how much they don't tell you about them.

I think you can tell though.

I am pretty unable to be anyone but just me.

It's like someone who shop lifts an expensive dress and someone who earns it. You can tell. You can see someone who has put themselves together and really is that person. And who is creating an an image. Sometimes it is even a distressing image or a more badass one.

My life is full of small and big pleasures and some sadness. A lot of it might not mean much to someone else.

I kind of see myself as my own superhero battling through the world. I am the star of my life. If it means nothing to others then I guess I am a mystery to them.I am confident in my own self worth. Or I try to be I avoid people who are not positive and kind in life.

I have deep real friendships and friends who make me laugh or I can talk to. There is real connection. I love them and I know they love me. We are lucky to have each other. A lot of the time we just talk about silly stuff not trying to be anything or anyone. It's always us.

RonanP77

I do it all the time. I started running this year and I'm obviously a few sec/km slower than my mates that have been at it for years so that feels a bit ****.

Some of my mates have bigger houses or nicer cars or better jobs. Their missus might be hotter, they travel more........

The trouble is, you're normally comparing yourself to multiple people so you seem worse off at everything. If you look at the guy with the bigger house and compare what else he has to what you have you'll probably find yourself looking pretty good.

Maybe he's 20 stone weight and bald with an odd shaped head, he always smells funny and his missus is a bit rough.

MissKittenfire

RonanP77 wrote: »

I do it all the time. I started running this year and I'm obviously a few sec/km slower than my mates that have been at it for years so that feels a bit ****.

Some of my mates have bigger houses or nicer cars or better jobs. Their missus might be hotter, they travel more........

The trouble is, you're normally comparing yourself to multiple people so you seem worse off at everything. If you look at the guy with the bigger house and compare what else he has to what you have you'll probably find yourself looking pretty good.

Maybe he's 20 stone weight and bald with an odd shaped head, he always smells funny and his missus is a bit rough.

Oh I used to do that with running.

I never really ran until i got into my twenties. I am not at all fast. I just found my own inspiration really. I really get you on this one. I am a sporty unsporty person if that makes sense. I like to do my own thing. I do it for me because it makes me happy. I can't compare myself to to others. I like to try things.

Actually now that I think about one thing about me that I'm not boring....well sometimes I'm boring ..but just for contrast ..and in the most interesting way possible. :-P

hatrickpatrick

MissKittenfire wrote: »

I think you can tell though.

I am pretty unable to be anyone but just me.

It's like someone who shop lifts an expensive dress and someone who earns it. You can tell. You can see someone who has put themselves together and really is that person. And who is creating an an image. Sometimes it is even a distressing image or a more badass one.

My life is full of small and big pleasures and some sadness. A lot of it might not mean much to someone else.

I kind of see myself as my own superhero battling through the world. I am the star of my life. If it means nothing to others then I guess I am a mystery to them.I am confident in my own self worth. Or I try to be I avoid people who are not positive and kind in life.

I have deep real friendships and friends who make me laugh or I can talk to. There is real connection. I love them and I know they love me. We are lucky to have each other. A lot of the time we just talk about silly stuff not trying to be anything or anyone. It's always us.

Have you ever heard of the Johari personality window? We're studying this in college at the moment and it's fascinating - your personality is divided into four sections, the "arena" (what you know about yourself, and others know about you), the "facade" (what you know about yourself, but others don't know about you), the "blind spot" (what you don't know about yourself, but others do) and the "unknown" (what neither you nor others know about you).

As part of this we have group discussions regarding our own perceived weaknesses and how we can try to overcome them, in which we choose words to describe ourselves from a big list, others choose words, and we compare the lists. During this process, I described myself as having an extreme social anxiety and being soul crushingly shy, which I really am and I make a conscious effort to pretend I'm not. Everyone in the group was shocked, and when they gave me their own word list to describe me, every single person had written "extroverted" while several had put "self assured" and one had put "self confident".

So there's an example of an effective facade, and my argument here is that when you look at Facebook that's all you're seeing - you're seeing other people's arena, but comparing it to your own facade (in other words, you're seeing only the things you know about them, but comparing that to the things only you know about yourself). In that context, IMO, it's pretty easy to be extremely harsh on yourself and imagine that you're surrounded by people who are more interesting than yourself.

Just my theory though!

MissKittenfire

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Have you ever heard of the Johari personality window? We're studying this in college at the moment and it's fascinating - your personality is divided into four sections, the "arena" (what you know about yourself, and others know about you), the "facade" (what you know about yourself, but others don't know about you), the "blind spot" (what you don't know about yourself, but others do) and the "unknown" (what neither you nor others know about you).

As part of this we have group discussions regarding our own perceived weaknesses and how we can try to overcome them, in which we choose words to describe ourselves from a big list, others choose words, and we compare the lists. During this process, I described myself as having an extreme social anxiety and being soul crushingly shy, which I really am and I make a conscious effort to pretend I'm not. Everyone in the group was shocked, and when they gave me their own word list to describe me, every single person had written "extroverted" while several had put "self assured" and one had put "self confident".

So there's an example of an effective facade, and my argument here is that when you look at Facebook that's all you're seeing - you're seeing other people's arena, but comparing it to your own facade (in other words, you're seeing only the things you know about them, but comparing that to the things only you know about yourself). In that context, IMO, it's pretty easy to be extremely harsh on yourself and imagine that you're surrounded by people who are more interesting than yourself.

Just my theory though!

That is really interesting :-)

Weirdly and I know this will annoy you. And it's mad and not an insult, I realize psychology is a rigorous discipline. But it reminds me of astrology. In sort of the planets bleh bleh.

But in the way it breaks down personalities. You have your rising sign. How you are perceived, the sun or the overall you. Your soul or subconscious. Then your style of communication and then your sexuality and your venus ..which is your idea of what love should be and your way of expressing it and how your friendships work.

The way you perceive your boss is different to the way your boss's wife perceives him or his children. You might see an ogre and they a pussycat. Or you see a school jock and his brother sees and insecure person.


I tend to make snap judgements on character. More so on the way people make me feel. But that too is based on my personality or stuff I have been through. I go on my feelings.

But it's interesting. The exterior me is only one part.

We often misjudge people.

I try to make people feel ok around me.

I actually think FB or my twitter is not a facade as such. I tend to just put whatever is on my mind. But it's definitely no where near the whole of me.

I wonder how I am different to how people perceive me. Probably a lot more stable. I give off batty vibes. Which is true. I am skitterish and a little anxious. But I am quite emotionally constant in friendships.

I like self knowledge. I don't like if people use it against you. I think your class is interesting.

What is your degree in?

BrokenHero

Yes. I wish I was Rocco. Why can't I be Rocco.

Colossal Phallus

Very rarely, well sometimes at the urinal.

MissKittenfire

nidgeweaseal wrote: »

No I hate everyone and love myself

You have the perfect name. Just another perfect thing about you.

FanadMan

Everyone does it. It all depends on how you view your results.