German efficiency

Sh1tbag OToole

The Germans are a very efficient bunch, you have to hand it to them.

I knew this German lad all me life, lived less than a mile away, we would often see him around and the folks at home were great friends with him. He was the one lad who wouldn't let them down in a crisis if they ever needed anything. Anyway during the tiger himself and the wife sold their house and moved back to Germany

A few years passed and during this time I remember going to see their house in Germany, a grand place but there was feck all land with it and it was in an estate. Had an indoor swimming pool and all.

Couple of years after that a Christmas card arrives in the post from the wife wishing a happy Christmas (as they do) and to say that the lad was after dieing a couple of months earlier. She wouldn't waste a second card on us, thought she would wait a couple of months till Christmas to tell us and send only the one.

Anyone have any similar tales of efficiency that only a German could come up with?

Aongus Von Bismarck

I've read this post twice now and I still haven't a bull's notion what you're talking about.

srsly78

German tax inspectors get paid bonus commission.

Chucken

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I've read this post twice now and I still haven't a bull's notion what you're talking about.

German died but wife didn't inform OP for a few months. Efficient apparently

Shakespeare's Sister

I know of a couple who, when the woman was pissed off with the man, he made it up to her by taking her out to dinner at a sensibly-priced restaurant, followed by a night of efficient German sex.

And he was a new tie wearing.

HeidiHeidi

A lot of Germans are paid 13 times a year. So double in December just in time for Christmas.

Very civilised habit I always thought.

Sir Arthur Daley

How efficient are they at the riding?

Agricola

I would have thought a bereavement update in a Christmas card was the right way to inform old acquaintances, neighbours etc. Basically people that you don't give a Teutonic shít about!

Last_Minute

I think that's being more stingy than efficient.

The Hill Billy

I've worked with quite a few Germans over the years & think that the 'German efficiency' is a bit of a myth. They are great at following orders, rules & processes. As long as they are correctly defined things work well. However, if something goes tits up it can all fall apart very quickly as I generally found that they weren't great at thinking on their feet.

The Swiss - now they are efficient.

My name is URL

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I've read this post twice now and I still haven't a bull's notion what you're talking about.

I didn't read any of your post and know that you're about to go off on one about being a highly qualified nobody domiciled in Frankfurt

Do you by any chance work in finance? Wild guess there.. not like you've ever mentioned it before.

MightyMandarin

OP your story has nothing to with efficiency at all, the person just probably forgot to send you a card when he died and only remembered you when she looked at her list of who to send christmas cards to.

Anyways, the German 'efficiency' is frankly an overused stereotype that in reality, isn't prevalent at all in German society.

Tail Docker

I get to fix a lot of German machinery in work. I'm also half-german. I reckon it's over-rated tbh. Japanese efficiency, that would be a half-way better runner. Germans try hard to do things right, but they don't always succeed. Not for want of trying though.

Chucken

MightyMandarin wrote: »

OP your story has nothing to with efficiency at all, the person just probably forgot to send you a card when he died and only remembered you when she looked at her list of who to send christmas cards to.

Anyways, the German 'efficiency' is frankly an overused stereotype that in reality, isn't prevalent at all in German society.

Are there cards out there that say 'Sorry to inform you but Hans died?'

If not, I think we might be on to a great money spinner.

J Mysterio

That original post is in very poor taste and is equally poorly thought out.

Generally speaking people give a little run through of familial happenings in a christhmas card, it would be appropriate to the mention that passing on (of their son?).

As far as i'm concerned, people dont generally send acquaintances cards to inform them of a death in their family, particularly when it is such a sensitive one.

Just to clarify, im not wholly against getting a laugh out of stereotypes etc. but you seem to be way wide of the mark here.

Chucken

Tail Docker wrote: »

I get to fix a lot of German machinery in work. I'm also half-german. I reckon it's over-rated tbh. Japanese efficiency, that would be a half-way better runner. Germans try hard to do things right, but they don't always succeed. Not for want of trying though.

I'm sure some people have said you're very trying :P

Oops69

They're efficient at implementing carefully defined processes and protocols but I find lateral thinking a bit lacking in Germans I've worked with , I'm not sure it's encouraged in their society .

smurgen

The Hill Billy wrote: »

I've worked with quite a few Germans over the years & think that the 'German efficiency' is a bit of a myth. They are great at following orders, rules & processes. As long as they are correctly defined things work well. However, if something goes tits up it can all fall apart very quickly as I generally found that they weren't great at thinking on their feet.

The Swiss - now they are efficient.

i second that,work in Geneva and came across both.One thing I noticed with the Swiss is that if you come to them with a problem they'll drop what they're doing at the time to sort it,it doesn't get added to the end of some to-do list and they never procrastinate.

DVDM93

Last_Minute wrote: »

I think that's being more stingy than efficient.

Ah nice one had forgotten about that thread, will have a look at it now to see the latest.

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo

Hitler managed to Hitler Hitler with the efficiency gas Hitler camps Hitler Hitler Hitler.

Hitler.

stalebread

The japs have it wrapped up http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaizen

J Mysterio

Tangatagamadda Chaddabinga Bonga Bungo wrote: »

Hitler managed to Hitler Hitler with the efficiency gas Hitler camps Hitler Hitler Hitler.

Hitler.

That does seem to be the genesis of the whole 'efficiency' thing?

wiseoldelf34

6million in how many years?forget the Germans the japs aren't even THaT efficient

Bafucin

My mate is married to a German woman. They are living here for a couple of years and this is the first time they have been able to move into a house without bringing their own kitchen with them. When you move in Germany you have to bring yours with it ..the room the kitchen is in will be totally bare it's a ****ing nightmare.

I worked there for a while and to be honest it's more bureaucratic and tight fisted than efficient. And different parts of Germany are very different culturally. Bavarians are a law unto themselves.

I have only met a couple of Swiss Germans through what I am studying they seem to be very efficient with a minimal amount of fuss but quite socially quiet and conservative.

One thing I notice about Germans they will not help out a stranger out of the goodness of their hearts and they don't take bull****. They will do anything for a close friend anything but they will actively avoid even talking to strangers I found.

MightyMandarin

wiseoldelf34 wrote: »

6million in how many years?forget the Germans the japs aren't even THaT efficient

You clearly haven't seen the Russians then, Stalin killed ~15m Kulaks in just 7 years, aswell as millions of other 'opponents' of his. Now that was efficiency.

The Diabolical Monocle

MightyMandarin wrote: »

Anyways, the German 'efficiency' is frankly an overused stereotype that in reality, isn't prevalent at all in German society.

Dunno about that, I was working with a German recently, he seemed to give actual consideration to arrival/leaving times as well as schedule. Madness.

He had a pocket watch, which reminded me of Henning Wehn, Germanys comedy ambassador, but I didn't make a joke of it because we'd had our two jokes already that day.

J Mysterio

Ha

wiseoldelf34

MightyMandarin wrote: »

Yjou clearly haven't seen the Russians then, Stalin killed ~15m Kulaks in just 7 years, aswell as millions of other 'opponents' of his. Now that was efficiency.

and we don't have the kulaks harping on about it either .
soul train or train to auschvitz ?

donegaLroad

I used to play music with a German saxophonist. He was ultra punctual. If we were scheduled to play at 4pm, you could hear him draw breath at 3:59 and 45 seconds.

On one infamous occasion, he switched off the All Ireland football semi-final which was on the TV in the pub at the time, because it would distract the crowd from the music. That was out last gig there.

donegaLroad

I used to play music with a German saxophonist. He was ultra punctual. If we were scheduled to play at 4pm, you could hear him draw breath at 3:59 and 45 seconds.

On one infamous occasion, he switched off the All Ireland football semi-final which was on the TV in the pub at the time, because it would distract the crowd from the music. That was out last gig there.

The German version of my story would be, I used to play music with this Irish guy, he would always show up late and be half pissed!

Bafucin

donegaLroad wrote: »

The German version of my story would be, I used to play music with this Irish guy, he would always show up late and be half pissed!

That's me!

MightyMandarin

I've seen a lot of examples of efficient Germans and inefficient Germans. Maybe them being efficient or inefficient has nothing to do with their nationality..

hfallada

Germans are great at being told rules and procedures. But when something that isnt regularly occurrence, they literally cant function. My friends and I took advantage of this in Germany. You could easily talk your way out of tram fines, paying for other **** etc. If you could come up with a decent enough story, as the Germans would never lie and it would hard for them to realise someone was lying or would even attempt to lie. The amount of places my friends went to while looking for a toilet was unbelievable.

German efficiency isnt that amazing. Its a miracle when a train journey over 2 hours is on time. Plus they maybe efficient, but please or thank you is completely absent from their vocabulary,

Bafucin

MightyMandarin wrote: »

I've seen a lot of examples of efficient Germans and inefficient Germans. Maybe them being efficient or inefficient has nothing to do with their nationality..

No they are punctual ...they all walk on the left side of the street. But they are not exhaustively efficient. It's a high quality of life with a lot of job perks. Employers get more bang for their buck here.

J Mysterio

hfallada wrote: »

Germans are great at being told rules and procedures. But when something that isnt regularly occurrence, they literally cant function. My friends and I took advantage of this in Germany. You could easily talk your way out of tram fines, paying for other **** etc. If you could come up with a decent enough story, as the Germans would never lie and it would hard for them to realise someone was lying or would even attempt to lie. The amount of places my friends went to while looking for a toilet was unbelievable.

German efficiency isnt that amazing. Its a miracle when a train journey over 2 hours is on time. Plus they maybe efficient, but please or thank you is completely absent from their vocabulary,

Totally wrong on the manners there. Politeness is so important that there is a formal word, 'sie' to show respect to others unless they either 1) entreat you to use the informal 'du' or 2) prove themselves unworthy of the respect.

It's please, thank you and youre welcome all day long.

MightyMandarin

Bafucin wrote: »

No they are punctual ...they all walk on the left side of the street. But they are not exhaustively efficient. It's a high quality of life with a lot of job perks. Employers get more bang for their buck here.

I'm damn sure that in a country of 80m there are some right side of the street-walking, lazy, inefficient Germans.

Karl Stein

The stereotype that Germans are emotionally cold is absolute trash. They're fierce huggy, warm people in my experience. I like they way they join up perfectly good words to form big words.

Familienzentrum: Family Centre.

Bafucin

Germans are great at being told rules and procedures. But when something that isnt regularly occurrence, they literally cant function.

Yes they take ages to come up with systems of doing things and plan for ages then stick with the plan. If you have come up with a proven better way of doing things it will take years for them to plan to change over.

German efficiency isnt that amazing. Its a miracle when a train journey over 2 hours is on time.

Also waiting in a GP's clinic even if you have an appointment can take ages.

Plus they maybe efficient, but please or thank you is completely absent from their vocabulary,

They can be curt verging on rude. I actually found i got a bit like this after a bit without realizing.

Bafucin

MightyMandarin wrote: »

I'm damn sure that in a country of 80m there are some right side of the street-walking, lazy, inefficient Germans.

It's actually the right not the left.
Walk down a German path. Seriously ...they all do.


In Germany everyone is taught 'links stehen, rechts gehen' 'Stand on the left move on the right.'

The Diabolical Monocle

Karl Stein wrote: »

The stereotype that Germans are emotionally cold is absolute trash. They're fierce huggy, warm people in my experience. I like they way they join up perfectly good words to form big words.

Familienzentrum: Family Centre.

The seem to love the nudiness too. Whats that all about.

Karl Stein

The Diabolical Monocle wrote: »

The seem to love the nudiness too. Whats that all about.

We tend to be taught to be ashamed of nakedness whereas the Germans, among others, aren't so much.

SpaceTime

I think you need to be careful of stereotypes. The three Germans I know very well are totally inefficient and kinda lazy (in a good way).
They're also late quite a lot and very disorganised.

The most punctual and efficient person I know is Spanish.

Stinicker

They always wait for the green light at pedestrian crossings, nobody here does that, we just wait until it's clear and cross over, in Germany they will wait even if the street is deserted.

Jesus Wept

Stinicker wrote: »

They always wait for the green light at pedestrian crossings, nobody here does that, we just wait until it's clear and cross over, in Germany they will wait even if the street is deserted.

That's inefficient.

SoulTrader

SpaceTime wrote: »

I think you need to be careful of stereotypes. The three Germans I know very well are totally inefficient and kinda lazy (in a good way).
They're also late quite a lot and very disorganised.

The most punctual and efficient person I know is Spanish.

You must live in Bizarro World.

beks101

There's a guy in my company we call 'Andy the German', he's based in the Mainz office and is a tornado of steadfast Germanic efficiency.

Every few months he gets sent to various different company offices around the world to 'inject a dose of innovation' lets say; leaves the place with new spreadsheet systems in place to document progress, new daily meetings established to set the timetable for the day, new routine emails sent out to company-wide email distribution lists informing everybody as to what that particular office got up to that day. Protocols for local employees to follow, recommended 'lunch break hours' in accordance with the work flow as he has witnessed it.

And all of this done under the guise of him being a visiting producer from another bureau, just hanging around to establish contacts and do some inter-office mingling.

Every knows when Andy the German is coming to 'say hello' or 'file his expenses' that sh1t is about to get real.

beks101

Stinicker wrote: »

They always wait for the green light at pedestrian crossings, nobody here does that, we just wait until it's clear and cross over, in Germany they will wait even if the street is deserted.

They do this in Canada too. Jaywalking is a dirty crime, you wait for the green man! I always thought there was something quite 'Germanic' about Canadians actually. They love their rules over there.

Joe Doe

The good n' nimble Jap's invented process efficiency back in the 40/50's. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaizen Still wouldn't buy a overhyped germanic car, so many stories of older audi's with issues, and vw/audi's are generally fairly boring looking cars too, usually come in grey or navy it seems.


The best card-wise option is one of those Tesco value pdf template cards, with title of 'special occasion' and multiple option check box for the event variable value below.
Set to mono and print at work to save on the toner costings.

If you a chap requesting a 'special time occasion event enquiry' to a lady such as wan - kate beckinsdale, scrap that and consider champers in aul pair-ee (Paris).

Franticfrank

Efficient? I really don't know how anybody can call the Germans efficient anymore. Look at the new airport project in Berlin - supposed to open in 2010, now expected to open in 2019 and billions over budget. Or the Elbphilarmonie concert house in Hamburg. Delayed as well and originally expected to cost €250 million. Now how much has that gone up to? €789 million at the latest count. Sure, they make good cars, decent hoovers and so on.

But the efficiency thing is really a myth - they're over bureaucratic, chaotic and inept. Except nobody really wants to hear about their failures - the two above are the obvious examples but there are many many more.

jimboblep

Joe Doe wrote: »

The good n' nimble Jap's invented process efficiency back in the 40/50's. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaizen Still wouldn't buy a overhyped germanic car, so many stories of older audi's with issues, and vw/audi's are generally fairly boring looking cars too, usually come in grey or navy it seems.


The best card-wise option is one of those Tesco value pdf template cards, with title of 'special occasion' and multiple option check box for the event variable value below.
Set to mono and print at work to save on the toner costings.

If you a chap requesting a 'special time occasion event enquiry' to a lady such as wan - kate beckinsdale, scrap that and consider champers in aul pair-ee (Paris).

Huh?

anncoates

Germany was definitely a better run society than here when I lived there.

Some Irish people tend to find that funny because they pride themselves on being anti-authority and rebellious: that is, constantly wiling to flout the relatively trivial rules/conventions that benefit society at large if it accrues even utterly nominal benefit to them but immediately taking it up the ass until the cows come home about genuinely draconian regulations and/or taxes.