Your Perfect Pub/Bar

lufties

So, having spent the last few months here in London I was excited about visiting Shoreditch, A place that is supposedly hip and alternative. I'd hoped to find an authentic pub to suit my taste, A pub with perhaps a live dj spinning out some deep house or chillout, friendly staff, good quality beverages and a nice layout/atmosphere. All in all, it was not what I expected. The stereotype of bearded wannabe hipster is true, I haven't felt more out of place in a long time.

Anyway, it got me wondering what people's ideal pub/bar is/would be..

Zaph

Somewhere without a live DJ for starters, and preferably no music at all.

solomafioso

lufties wrote: »

A pub with perhaps a live dj spinning out some deep house or chillout,

That would be my idea of hell.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Mine would have motorbikes parked outside.. Rock & metal jukebox and bands playing, a dart board and nothing like a pub with clean, fresh toilets.

lufties

solomafioso wrote: »

That would be my idea of hell.

Each to their own. Some of us like dank boring establishments..others don't

lufties

Camille Orange Sample wrote: »

Mine would have motorbikes parked outside.. Rock & metal jukebox and bands playing, a dart board and nothing like a pub with clean, fresh toilets.

You lost me right there:o

solomafioso

lufties wrote: »

Each to their own. Some of us like dank boring establishments..others don't

No no no, house....and "chillout" music. Hell.

:pac:

Hotfail.com

Naked ladies.

KERSPLAT!

Pool table, decent band in the distance (not too loud that you can't hear yourself think) and good pints. Perfect.

Awkward Badger

Old fashioned style pub with open fire, comfortable seats, fcuk all people and some folky music playing.

Agent Coulson

Quiet with an open fire and good porter.

Aongus Von Bismarck

Irish craft beers, Scottish whiskey, German and French wines. No punters hanging around wearing 'Man U' jerseys and staring at a large screen showing Sky Sports News. Meat and cheese platters. I'd rather no music, but would tolerate some chilled electronica and electro. No pool tables, jukeboxes with heavy metal, or cover bands.

The Backwards Man

No music, no TV, no gimmicks, short line, clean jacks and hand polished glasses (FU health inspector)

Oh, and shut at 11 every night.

If I went back to the pubgame, that's the bar I'd have.

solomafioso

Hotfail.com wrote: »

Bare Naked ladies.

I AM the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral...*sigh*

Panthro

a pub with Velcro walls.

No reason.

Links234

Nice craft beer pub, some good food and preferably no music or TV with people shouting and roaring at "the game". If there is to be music, rock/metal

One that has a teleporter to bring me home again.

Just had a flashback to sitting on floor underneath a parachute in Shoreditch town hall. Was pretty chilled out vibes that night, OP.

Sh1tbag OToole

A stone cottage with a thatched roof and red timber door, the bottom part rotten on the outside of a village in the middle of nowhere with grass growing in the middle of the road and a donkey tied to a post outside. Feck all lighting inside, some oil lamps, tealights and maybe the odd carbon filament bulb dimmed to about 30%. Some well worn wooden tables and chairs, few bar stools and a comfy 2 seater couch by the fire.

Own brand fairtrade organic stout and cider on tap. An ouldfella behind the bar who reaches for the shotgun at the first signs of trouble who can have 10 taps going at a time when tis busy without spilling a drop. Oldschool bits and pieces hanging off the wall, pictures from the good old days, no telly, no mobile phone reception, no fruit machine, no hipsters and no mass produced tack except beamish and smithwicks

arybvtcw0eolkf

Awkward Badger wrote: »

Old fashioned style pub with open fire, comfortable seats, fcuk all people and some folky music playing.

When they have f*ck all people they go out of business

KERSPLAT!

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

A stone cottage with a thatched roof and red timber door, the bottom part rotten on the outside of a village in the middle of nowhere with grass growing in the middle of the road and a donkey tied to a post outside. Feck all lighting inside, some oil lamps, tealights and maybe the odd carbon filament bulb dimmed to about 30%. Some well worn wooden tables and chairs, few bar stools and a comfy 2 seater couch by the fire.

Own brand fairtrade organic stout and cider on tap. An ouldfella behind the bar who reaches for the shotgun at the first signs of trouble who can have 10 taps going at a time when tis busy without spilling a drop. Oldschool bits and pieces hanging off the wall, pictures from the good old days, no telly, no mobile phone reception, no fruit machine, no hipsters and no mass produced tack except beamish and smithwicks

Not ideal for me but you paint a good picture, sounds great!

recylingbin

You walk in, there's exposed stone all over the place. The bar has two taps. Guinness for men and some lager or other for the ladies.
There's four old lads at the counter, all wearing flat caps and worn tweed jackets complimented by brown pants and shiny shoes. All have the same level of Guinness in their glasses. and there's a few empty whiskey glasses beside the pints. At one of the tables, there's four or five younger old lads talkin about everything and anything. By the open fire, a dishevelled looking oul lad pipes up every now and then, but mainly he drinks quietly and spits in the fire. There's a group of young lads trying to chat up a group of young ones at the far end. And the barman is friendly and chatty while the barmaid is hot and sassy. There's a telly covered in dust. It hasn't been turned on since last year's AI final.
The jacks consist of two urinals and a cubicle that doesn't always have toilet paper in it. Who knows what the ladies is like, but it smells nice when you pass it.
The only food in there is cheese & onion crisps and kp nuts.

lufties

Awkward Badger wrote: »

Old fashioned style pub with open fire, comfortable seats, fcuk all people and some folky music playing.

diddly eye like?

Glock Lesnar

A bar with a secret entrance filled with grizzled yet tender clientele where leather is the dress du jour and passion is the fuel that keeps the fire in our loins burning until the pale moon sets and Monday is thrust upon us once more.

Panthro

lufties wrote: »

diddly eye like?

Nah, bitta Rammstein.

lufties

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

A stone cottage with a thatched roof and red timber door, the bottom part rotten on the outside of a village in the middle of nowhere with grass growing in the middle of the road and a donkey tied to a post outside. Feck all lighting inside, some oil lamps, tealights and maybe the odd carbon filament bulb dimmed to about 30%. Some well worn wooden tables and chairs, few bar stools and a comfy 2 seater couch by the fire.

Own brand fairtrade organic stout and cider on tap. An ouldfella behind the bar who reaches for the shotgun at the first signs of trouble who can have 10 taps going at a time when tis busy without spilling a drop. Oldschool bits and pieces hanging off the wall, pictures from the good old days, no telly, no mobile phone reception, no fruit machine, no hipsters and no mass produced tack except beamish and smithwicks

Love it

griffdaddy

Somewhere where everyone isn't a c unt. Thread closed.

Norma_Desmond

One with free booze.

lufties

Panthro wrote: »

Nah, bitta Rammstein.

Shur you could bring a poetry book to read at the bar between sets, do you wear a beard btw

Panthro

griffdaddy wrote: »

Somewhere where everyone isn't a c unt. Thread closed.

So you're saying a place with no mirrors eh?!:D
(I kid, I kid)

The Purveyor of Truth

Last night I fell asleep listening to the radio and had the strangest dream that Snopp Dogg lost all his money and could only find work DJing in a bar in Derry. I had no idea why I would dream such nonsense but then later today seen this and so a news report on the radio last night must have somehow partially seeped into my sleeping brain. Tonight I'm gonna play some 70's porn in the background, see what happens.

lufties

recylingbin wrote: »

You walk in, there's exposed stone all over the place. The bar has two taps. Guinness for men and some lager or other for the ladies.
There's four old lads at the counter, all wearing flat caps and worn tweed jackets complimented by brown pants and shiny shoes. All have the same level of Guinness in their glasses. and there's a few empty whiskey glasses beside the pints. At one of the tables, there's four or five younger old lads talkin about everything and anything. By the open fire, a dishevelled looking oul lad pipes up every now and then, but mainly he drinks quietly and spits in the fire. There's a group of young lads trying to chat up a group of young ones at the far end. And the barman is friendly and chatty while the barmaid is hot and sassy. There's a telly covered in dust. It hasn't been turned on since last year's AI final.
The jacks consist of two urinals and a cubicle that doesn't always have toilet paper in it. Who knows what the ladies is like, but it smells nice when you pass it.
The only food in there is cheese & onion crisps and kp nuts.

Nooooooooooo

anncoates

lufties wrote: »

Each to their own. Some of us like dank boring establishments..others don't

Are you sure you didn't fit in with the Nathan Barleys in Shoreditch?

Awkward Badger

lufties wrote: »

diddly eye like?

More just relaxed folky numbers (eg) rather than diddly eye.

recylingbin

lufties wrote: »

Nooooooooooo

Yes.

lufties

recylingbin wrote: »

Yes.

Guinness? come on read the thread title again.

arybvtcw0eolkf

recylingbin wrote: »

You walk in, there's exposed stone all over the place. The bar has two taps. Guinness for men and some lager or other for the ladies.
There's four old lads at the counter, all wearing flat caps and worn tweed jackets complimented by brown pants and shiny shoes. All have the same level of Guinness in their glasses. and there's a few empty whiskey glasses beside the pints. At one of the tables, there's four or five younger old lads talkin about everything and anything. By the open fire, a dishevelled looking oul lad pipes up every now and then, but mainly he drinks quietly and spits in the fire. There's a group of young lads trying to chat up a group of young ones at the far end. And the barman is friendly and chatty while the barmaid is hot and sassy. There's a telly covered in dust. It hasn't been turned on since last year's AI final.
The jacks consist of two urinals and a cubicle that doesn't always have toilet paper in it. Who knows what the ladies is like, but it smells nice when you pass it.
The only food in there is cheese & onion crisps and kp nuts.

Sounds like the type boring kip I'd rather firebomb.

recylingbin

lufties wrote: »

Guinness? come on read the thread title again.

My perfect pub.
That's my perfect pub.

I remember my mum telling me a story about a place my dad and her used to go to. They used to drink late and the owner would leave them at it and head up to bed. They'd go into the kitchen and grab a drinkfrom the bar as the arose. One night, they saw a can of gloss paint and a brush on top in the kitchen. They painted all the skirting boards and the door in the kitchen. What they didn't do was move anything out of the way. They even painted around the coats hung on the door :pac:
that was my kinda pub.

thomur

trad music, no queue, view to die for from the smoking area

FloatingVoter

Free Guinness and Jameson. Ashtrays on the bar. No closing time. Nimrods who need music because they are unable to make conversation are barred.

recylingbin

Camille Orange Sample wrote: »

Sounds like the type boring kip I'd rather firebomb.

It's my perfect pub. Obviously you wouldn't be within an asses roar of the place.

chrissb8

A pub with live music but no metal nonsense or overly heavy music. The bands and artists know the pub experience and play accordingly to it. None of this they're looking at each other saying with their body language "we are the tits!" meanwhile most drinkers are just annoyed they can't talk to their mates that they want to have a good catch up with due to the self indulgent crap going on in the background. Sorry. It just can really be annoying.

Anyway. A pub with good comfortable seats. Sofas that you don't sink too much in as I find tis awfully hard to reach that pint or even just getting up to go toilet. A good beer garden is an essential with red fairy lights accosting the picnic benches full of revelers. No garrulous loud obnoxious idiots who think that because they're drunk they are automatically entitled to act the village idiot. A good buzz about the place as well. None of this 5 people in the bar. It's just depressing to look at. No security or at least very discreet security. I don't need a fatso in black walking around eyeing people up. What am I? In a creche? I don't mind security just not when their constantly roaming about being annoying and keeping people uptight so they can't really enjoy themselves.

No tvs. No pool tables. No stupid 18yo who can't keep their s**t together either. Novice drinkers should go to trashy bars if they want to get royally messed up. I'm sure some stupid drink "deal" will quench their thirst. Otherwise nice pints of craft beer. Pack of scampi fries and a nice long tipsy/drunk chat with the friends with a lovely atmosphere.

Bafucin

lufties wrote: »

So, having spent the last few months here in London I was excited about visiting Shoreditch,

Lucky bastard!

lufties

Bafucin wrote: »

Lucky bastard!

really?

Bafucin

lufties wrote: »

really?

Loved shoreditch.

Lyaiera

I couldn't have an perfect pub/bar. The kind of place I want to go to depends on the type of night I plan on having. I was in a quiet place over the weekend, DJ playing quiet music, only craft beer from one brewer on tap, tables occupied but room for us, quiet enough place to talk, and they had unisex bathrooms.

The pub I was in tonight I was sitting at the bar, chatting with the bar man and regulars, quiet music, the bar man was fixing one of the regular's laptops and there was a chess game going at the bar.

So like I said, it depends on what I'm looking for.

lufties

Bafucin wrote: »

Loved shoreditch.

What did you love about it, where specifically? In fairness it is a monday night, but I couldn't find anywhere that I'd be bothered returning to.

Witchie

I have found it.....

http://www.zeitgeistsf.com/

Can't wait to be there next week! Whoop!

Mince Pie

Witchie wrote: »

I have found it.....

http://www.zeitgeistsf.com/

Can't wait to be there next week! Whoop!

If you're going to San Fran you need to check this place out as well. Used to be one of my favourite haunts. http://www.vesuvio.com/index2.html

Bafucin

lufties wrote: »

What did you love about it, where specifically? In fairness it is a monday night, but I couldn't find anywhere that I'd be bothered returning to.

Zigfrid Von Underbelly. Great mix.

Joe Doe

Worst bar ever in was Hurst's old Pharmacy gaf in Notting Hill, full of posers, paid lady hostesses (just pre-paid 'atmosphere enhancing' chit-chat), kitted out like a chemist shop but you couldn't even buy an Aspirin, and a very slow bar service. 2nd worst was the 'purple club' under the Chelsea stadium, £7.80+ for pint o'Gunniess and some local banker type stole me coat.

Ideal:

• Old 8 ball pool tables.
• Open pizza fires & bbq's
• planet-rock type jukebox.
• 100kg benches at the back.
• 50/50 M/F ratio where possible.
• Gunness, water, whisky or Becks beer only.
• A different tribute rock band act every nite.
• Free sp soundrooms at the back with kit and marshalls.
• Complete jam-ban on any wifi/mobile/twatter/fb signals.
• Free local calls from standard retro phone booths if needed.
• No sports nor any tv screens (stay at home or at the stadia).
• Harley D hire on-site (for sobers only, looking to catch bit of air).
• Stand up comedy act in between every few tunes from the band.
• Zip wire outside for speedy exit to kebab house/taxi rank (pub on hilltop).
• On-site crystal chakra healers and reiki massage masters to keep folks chilled.
• Sound recordings of choirs of angels and waterfalls piped into the jacks.
• Bouncers all level 5 qualified chaps in conflict management studies.
• On-site professors of knowledge, philosophy and few wise old men.
• Plastic drinking containers, sure just fling them in corner when done.
• Ban on tracksuit attaire unless you actually won an olympic gold.
• Traffic light night every nite, saves any wasted flirting efforts.
• Bar staff all pretty lady final year sociology major students.

.jacksparrow.

The craft beer snobbery is strong in this one.