Careless New Housemate.

Mc Kenzie

To be honest. Im not his mummy.:D Do i need to be chasing after him every time he does this. People like this IMO are just lazy and ignorant!

ivytwine

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Hey Becks thanks for the reply. Yea we are actually looking into this at the moment. Its been the same group of people over the last year and most people have beeen grand. but this is really bugging me. Hes quite tall and i find it a bit intimidating to have to sit down with him about it. Plus im not his mum.

He leaves the back and front doors open every morning. I cant understand that he has not learned to lock the door after him after living abroad over the years . Anyways we will keep looking into finding a place of our own.:)

This would bother me far more than him taking up the sofa.

I hope you're not living in Dublin because if he does this on a regular basis you will come home to a completely stripped house one of these days.

Seriously McKenzie, why don't you just TALK to him about these things? I know confrontation isn't easy but I am sure the atmosphere in the house isn't great at the moment, how much worse could it get?

rainbowtrout

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

To be honest. Im not his mummy.:D Do i need to be chasing after him every time he does this. People like this IMO are just lazy and ignorant!

You may not be his mother, but you're not acting like an adult either. Because if you were you'd say it to him instead of moaning about it here but doing nothing about it at the same time.

He has different living standards to you, if you can't accept them then tell him what needs to change.

I lived with a person who used to leave the front door unlocked, i didn't realise it at the start because I used to leave for work first, but copped it after a couple of days when I came home from work first and it was unlocked and no one home. So I said it to them, problem solved.

Plenty of people don't lock their doors. I live in a rural area and I know people who live out of town that leave the car key in the ignition at night.

qdawg86

He's like this because no one has ever challenged him about it. I've lived with some messy, disrespectful asreholes and it just boils down to the them having had their own way, basically from birth.

He's probably not a bad person, having a chat with him may open his eyes to other people.

And if he doesn't change I agree with another poster's suggestion. Tell the landlord it's him or us.

Mc Kenzie

Definately the front door is most important.

I am living in Dublin thats why i really dont think its safe. Ok I said to him the otherday to but the beer cans and bottles in the recycle bin as they were really building up at this stage as they had been there for a while and it wasnt a big job as the recycle bin was right beside where he left them all.

Only thing is if i go at him about all the things together it may seem like in going on at him.

I did put a list of things for everyone in the house to see. Although it is mainly him thats not contributing. I wrote in a positive way e.g please remember to lock the front door.Help out with cleaning products cleaning house ect. I dont think hes paid any head really.

hes started smoking in his room now. I know its his room but you can really smell it and at night its horrible. This is something im getting on to the landlord about

freshpopcorn

Not being blunt but move out!

Chattastrophe!

Passive aggressive lists and notes are generally not appreciated in house-sharing situations.

It's almost always friendlier and more effective to actually discuss what's bothering you, and talk about what compromise might be reached between you.

Mc Kenzie

rainbowtrout wrote: »

You may not be his mother, but you're not acting like an adult either. Because if you were you'd say it to him instead of moaning about it here but doing nothing about it at the same time.

He has different living standards to you, if you can't accept them then tell him what needs to change.

I lived with a person who used to leave the front door unlocked, i didn't realise it at the start because I used to leave for work first, but copped it after a couple of days when I came home from work first and it was unlocked and no one home. So I said it to them, problem solved.

Plenty of people don't lock their doors. I live in a rural area and I know people who live out of town that leave the car key in the ignition at night.

Actually I dont live in a rural area, I live in Dublin. Well if those people who leave the key in the ignition at night get their car stole I would laugh. My family are based now in a rural village in the countryside, does not meen that its safe and people dont attempt to rob villages. I dont see how you are justifing his actions when you dont have all the facts.

Grandpa Hassan

The longer this thread goes on, the more it shows how wound up you are getting about this. It just isn't worth the hassle. If it were me, I'd just be looking for another room elsewhere

rainbowtrout

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

[/B]

Actually I dont live in a rural area, I live in Dublin. Well if those people who leave the key in the ignition at night get their car stole I would laugh. My family are based now in a rural village in the countryside, does not meen that its safe and people dont attempt to rob villages. I dont see how you are justifing his actions when you dont have all the facts.

I'm not suggesting that you accept him leaving the front door unlocked, I'm saying that some people have grown up in areas where it is normal for them to do so. He might be one of those people, and while it might be common sense to lock your door in a city, it might not even enter his head. The person I lived with came from the middle of nowhere, and if you saw one car passing in an hour you would be lucky. I come from a city, so I was used to locking doors everytime I left the house, she never needed to.

We also can only go on what you post. It's not our fault if we don't have all the facts.

Having a house meeting and going through a few housekeeping items would probably solve this a lot faster than leaving notes around the place.

ivytwine

Honestly, notes NEVER work in these kind of situations. They just get people's backs up. The only notes that a housemate wants to see is "Mary, there's leftover cake, finish it off". Don't believe me? Have a look at this website to show you how they are received.

Think what you can gain if you just say, "John, could you please make sure the door is locked when you go out/ please smoke outside etc etc?" I'm not saying it's easy but it's really not as big a deal as you're making out either.

As I see it, these are your options:

a. Talk to him reasonably as outlined above. Of course, he might freak out. More likely, if he's a normal person, he will try to amend his behaviour. You, yourself, gain a skill that far too many people lack- the ability to calmly and reasonably discuss a grievance with a person with descending to passive aggression.

b. Continue on as you are. Nothing changes. House remains a kip and smells of smoke. Door is left open. Your notes are ignored. Worse case scenario; the house is burgled. Second worse case scenario- the resentment festers, and one of you snaps and the atmosphere becomes intolerable.

c. Move out.

Mc Kenzie

Hes not actually a bad guy, but as iv said I HAVE actually said it to him to put his rubbish in the bin and my BF has also mentioned a few things to him. I would like to move but financially and cos of location we cannot move now.

Since hes lives in Oz and also london for years, I would assumed he would no he should lock the door. Yes ill just confront him about the door thing now and that's it really...I do find it uncomfortable but ill take a deep breath ...lol

TheChizler

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Yes ill just confront him about the door thing now and that's it really...

Not a good idea. Talk to him assertively, not confrontational, if you want results. Just a "hey, I noticed the door was left unlocked again, I don't feel secure or that my stuff's safe when this happens, so I'd really appreciate it if you could remember to lock it in future". Always say how grievances make you feel, as you can't be wrong.

Chattastrophe!

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Hes not actually a bad guy, but as iv said I HAVE actually said it to him to put his rubbish in the bin and my BF has also mentioned a few things to him. I would like to move but financially and cos of location we cannot move now.

Since hes lives in Oz and also london for years, I would assumed he would no he should lock the door. Yes ill just confront him about the door thing now and that's it really...I do find it uncomfortable but ill take a deep breath ...lol

Why do you find it uncomfortable?

"Holy sh*t man, I arrived home yesterday, and the house was unlocked! Isn't it lucky we weren't burgled, LOL. Since we're in a houseshare situation, I guess it's probably normal and reasonable that we start a system of making sure that the last person to leave locks the doors. Maybe we all leave our keys in the same place - that way, if we're the last person to remove keys, we know to lock up?"

No need for deep breaths or confrontation. It's just life.

ibarelycare

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Hes not actually a bad guy, but as iv said I HAVE actually said it to him to put his rubbish in the bin and my BF has also mentioned a few things to him. I would like to move but financially and cos of location we cannot move now.

Since hes lives in Oz and also london for years, I would assumed he would no he should lock the door. Yes ill just confront him about the door thing now and that's it really...I do find it uncomfortable but ill take a deep breath ...lol

Are you actually getting anything from this thread, besides venting? It's a month on from your OP and you've taken very little action, despite everyone telling you just to talk to him. Nothing's going to change otherwise. Complaining on the internet and to your bf isn't going to do anything, you need to grow up a bit and be more assertive.

Tokyo

Ok... The thread is a month old now, and seems to be heading down the road of discussion, as we are well past advising on the original issue. OP, there have been two pages of advice now, almost all consistent, so I hope that you can pull from all that a solution to your housemate issue.

Thread closed.