Careless New Housemate.

Mc Kenzie

Hi All


We have a new housemate who is really starting to bug me with his careless attitude in a house share. I have lived in quite a few places sharing a house/flat with new people and I know that its not always easy to get used to other peoples routines.

We are sharing the place, me and my partner, another couple, and one girl studying who we dont see too much of as its summer. The other couple are nice tidy and friendly. Were not too fussy but we do clean up after ourselves and are respectful of others in the house.

Its abit annoying that
the landlord decides who moves in so anyone can end up hear i guess. When i moved in i wanted to know and meet everyone before moving in. I know not everyone minds about this but thats my preference.

This guy leaves beer cans, rubbish and doesnt clean up after himself.
This may be petty on my part but we share the bathroom with him and he keeps leaving razors shaving foam on the sink or whatever else, i wouldn't mind but the sink is tiny and there's a cupboard beside the sink and a space so he can put them in. I just find it disgusting.

We have television in are rooms and so does he, but only on the main t.v in the sitting room we have upc. Every night i come home hes their all night feet up over the sofa(and shoes off stinking the room out) and theres only one small other chair that you have to twist our neck to watch tv. So hes sitting there most the day on the weekends too. i know he is entitled to watch tv of course, but if hed bear mind there is 5 other people who pay for the upc too and that perhaps wed like to watch it too.

This morning he came back from a night out or whatever and I came down to have breakfast watch tv. He was sprawled out asleep with music blaring on the tv smell of stale booze pizza and empty cans on the coffee table. Nice :rolleyes:. I never said anything as I thought he was asleep so i stayed in Kitchen. nother one of my housemates came down seen him and switched off the tv since yerman was asleep. Then he mumbled that he was "asleep and listening to it" ! I just think thats selfish that you want to be asleep on the couch e and take over the tv. He has a bedroom upstairs ,, and a tv i dont know why he doesnt go there!. I just think its not considering other people in the house and abit immature.

I wouldnt mind if he was 21 or something but hes in his late twenties (29 i think) he said. He came back from Australia and tavelled a little so i thaught he might have a bit of cop on.

I know i should ask him to clean up or at least go to his bedroom to sleep and listen to music. But i find it quite hard to confront people that i dont really know and he has been hear the past month.

Iv read some posts and maybe this is not half as bad, but everyone else in the house is grand but im feeling like im in a college house again with this bloke.

Maybe i needed to get in off my chest, but i might just have to say it too him.

Would appreciate yor thoughts and advice thanks.

Merkin

Until you and the other housemates tackle this head on he is not actually going to know that he behaves like a Neanderthal. People develop habits over a lifetime and some people are just pig ignorant, blissfully unaware of sharing etiquette and treating others with respect. See if it's bothering the others and if it is then you need to talk to him and give him examples. He is not just going to wake up some morning and have a Eureka moment so confronting him is your only option.

Rubberchikken

See if it's bothering the others. If it is then a chat to this guy should be on the cards.
I'm willing to bet he's been like that in other house shares and that no one's had the guts to stand up and tell him how it should be.

skooterblue2

He is 29. He does not have the ability to change and neither are ye his Mammies. Tell the Landlord "him or Us". It is easier to replace one person than it is five.

tenifan

Do a deal with the landlord that you'll find the tenant if he gives you enough notice. Housing market is hot, so shouldn't be too difficult.

beer cans, rubbish : place in a small bin bag and leave outside his room..

razors shaving foam on the sink: place in a small bin bag and leave in the cupboard.

shoes off stinking the room out: place in small bin bag and leave outside his room.
Explain that he cannot take up the sofa as he only pays 1/4 of the rent, therefore cannot take up 3 seats

Mc Kenzie

skooterblue2 wrote: »

He is 29. He does not have the ability to change and neither are ye his Mammies. Tell the Landlord "him or Us". It is easier to replace one person than it is five.

Exactly i was thinking im not his mum, and its ridiculous that he needs to be told. Everyone else is quite laid back my bf will tel him but is quite easy going so doesn't bother him too much. But i can not relax in a mess so i have to clean, but i dont appriciate cleaning up for others. I left his mess to day , he just about brought a plate out chucked it in the sink. The other couple tidied up his mess I think. I just dunno how he does not see it or more than likely ignores it

skooterblue2

This guy either got his mum or his girlfriend to do all this stuff before Australia. In my experience if these lessons arent learned by now they wont be learned. I would be seriously be concerned about razor blades!!!

I dont see why he should learn to clear up, not if ye are willing to do it for him. This is going to play out with the women going to the landlord and saying that ye are not his mammies. Land lord for the sake of an easy life will say get out. I dont think he will be able to learn these life skills in time. he would probably be happier with a group of lads anyway.

freshpopcorn

skooterblue2 wrote: »

He is 29. He does not have the ability to change and neither are ye his Mammies. Tell the Landlord "him or Us". It is easier to replace one person than it is five.

You have to give him a chance(IMHO)
I know a bunch of lads in there late twenties that live in a house share they get on great together but they would never really worry about pizza boxes/smelly feet/beer can/tidying up was done very seldom. I know one of them moved out and he didn't relies what he was doing in the new place. One of the lads in the apartment went out for a pint with him and chat and the guy coped on and everybody got on.
Do ye get on with the guy? Could somebody have a chat with him.

Pawwed Rig

People have different standards. One persons minimum cleanliness can be vastly different than anothers.
Some of your concerns would sound slightly petty to me, for example I would have no issue leaving razors on a sink. Presses in bathrooms annoy me as I want my things where I can access them quickly. Some of your other points would seem to indicate a lack of consideration on his part though which you should have addressed with him. For example why not sit on the couch? Walk in say 'squish up' and sit down. X is on at 9 that I want to watch. Do you like that programme?
The landlord shouldn't be bothered with this as you are all adults so should be able to sort it out between you. The LL may have a contract with the guy anyway so asking him to leave may not be an option.

Grandpa Hassan

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

This guy leaves beer cans, rubbish and doesnt clean up after himself.
This may be petty on my part but we share the bathroom with him and he keeps leaving razors shaving foam on the sink or whatever else, i wouldn't mind but the sink is tiny and there's a cupboard beside the sink and a space so he can put them in. I just find it disgusting.

.

I'm sorry.....but in my opinion stuff like this is seriously petty. You are saying he leaves his can of shaving cream and shaver on the sink? So do I. So do half the male population. As for the person who said to put them in a bin bag.....if you did that to my stuff I would be less than impressed and would let you know about it.

Seriously....you're in a flat share with someone who doesn't share your standards. Be grown up about it and have a chat with him. the landlord will have zero interest as long as rent is paid

Mc Kenzie

I did say in my post that it may come across petty on my part. So i dont know why you need to state that again..!

To be honest i shared the bathroom with two guys and a girl before one being my bf and didnt see anything left on the sink. Now its noticable with soemone new. Its just cleaner and more hygenic to put them away (IMO of course) And i wash my face in the sink, if anyone were to accidently hit off the razor id be worried.

Anyways thats not a major issue. Mainly making a mess and the coming in drunk, landing on the couch making mess and loud, music. May I add my bf was trying to study that day in the kitchen beside him.

My BF had a word with him in the end just that if he is drunk go to his room and that its not fair to leav a mess and not clean up. As everyone else in the house does this.

I do understand in a house share things are bound to be like this but we are not in a party/college house evryones got a bit of cop on so why should anyone have to put up with someone who doesn't appriciate this

freshpopcorn

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Anyways thats not a major issue. Mainly making a mess and the coming in drunk, landing on the couch making mess and loud, music. May I add my bf was trying to study that day in the kitchen beside him.

I understand fully where your coming from.
One thing tough. In my opinion your boyfriend should study in his room. Its annoying living with someone who studies in the kitchen/living room because other people are afraid to make noise/even little noise.

Grandpa Hassan

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

I did say in my post that it may come across petty on my part. So i dont know why you need to state that again..!

To be honest i shared the bathroom with two guys and a girl before one being my bf and didnt see anything left on the sink. Now its noticable with soemone new. Its just cleaner and more hygenic to put them away (IMO of course) And i wash my face in the sink, if anyone were to accidently hit off the razor id be worried.

Anyways thats not a major issue. Mainly making a mess and the coming in drunk, landing on the couch making mess and loud, music. May I add my bf was trying to study that day in the kitchen beside him.

My BF had a word with him in the end just that if he is drunk go to his room and that its not fair to leav a mess and not clean up. As everyone else in the house does this.

I do understand in a house share things are bound to be like this but we are not in a party/college house evryones got a bit of cop on so why should anyone have to put up with someone who doesn't appriciate this

Your BF cannot study in a public area of the house and then complain about the noise IMO

Mc Kenzie

Yes actually I have to agree there. He really is not the type of person to complain but he usually studies there cos we have no desk or room, or room for one in our room. He never complains as he is in a shared room of the house. But i think along with everything else he was making a point about the mess and being drunk. ect .

TimeToShine

Unless your boyfriend and the other couple complain about it then it seems to be mostly your problem.

This is the compromise you chose when you went for a house sharing arrangement. If you want everything your way and aren't assertive enough to ask him to change something then you need move out with your boyfriend and pay for your own apartment. I mean all he's done really is leave a razor on the sink (everyone does this) and left a few cans on the table (easily remedied with a few words). Ask him to scooch up in the evening when you want to watch television - or alternatively think about how bad it must be for him when you and the other couple are lovey-dovey in the living room over the TV.

Grandpa Hassan

TimeToShine wrote: »

or alternatively think about how bad it must be for him when you and the other couple are lovey-dovey in the living room over the TV.

Ha. Not saying the OP does this at all. But for sure that is 10 times worse than any amount of smelly trainers or pile of discarded pizza boxes or half finished tins around the room!

PDAs in a housemate situation are the worst!

Mc Kenzie

TimeToShine wrote: »

Unless your boyfriend and the other couple complain about it then it seems to be mostly your problem.

This is the compromise you chose when you went for a house sharing arrangement. If you want everything your way and aren't assertive enough to ask him to change something then you need move out with your boyfriend and pay for your own apartment. I mean all he's done really is leave a razor on the sink (everyone does this) and left a few cans on the table (easily remedied with a few words). Ask him to scooch up in the evening when you want to watch television - or alternatively think about how bad it must be for him when you and the other couple are lovey-dovey in the living room over the TV.

Sorry but the last sentence you pulled out of the air. We usually watch tv in our bedroom as I for sure would not like to embarrass or make anyone else uncomfortable in their own home. So we would never snuggle up on the couch with others there. FYI

TimeToShine

But why does it annoy you when he watches TV in the living room with his feet up then? Sorry not trying to be rude just playing devil's advocate.

Mc Kenzie

Hi Timeto shine,

Its not that i have a problem with him doing that. Only thing is he is there every evening when i come home and on the weekends. I am takeing into consideration everyones advised to "scoothch in beside him I guess thats an option ..lol.

But mainly its just the mess when ever he is the sitting room he leaves plates and a mess on the table /floor . Doesnt wash up and leaves food and cutlery hanging around. I guess this is the route of it so all the other nitty griitty things are bothering even more so because of this... Im sure things will be ok after mt bf spoke with him. He is a nice guy. Just seems like he is used of his mum or others cleaning after him

freshpopcorn

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

But mainly its just the mess when ever he is the sitting room he leaves plates and a mess on the table /floor . Doesnt wash up and leaves food and cutlery hanging around. I guess this is the route of it so all the other nitty griitty things are bothering even more so because of this... Im sure things will be ok after mt bf spoke with him. He is a nice guy. Just seems like he is used of his mum or others cleaning after him

I know lads(from early twemties to mid thirties)in house shares. They've got good job/well educated but they don't care about plates/cups/knifes/beer cans/ the bins being taken out. Plates/cutlery is washed when something is badly needed and they do a big tidy up every couple of weeks/months.
P.S Your boyfriend spoke to the guy when he was drunk. There's a good chance the guy won't even remember.

Mc Kenzie

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I know lads(from early twemties to mid thirties)in house shares. They've got good job/well educated but they don't care about plates/cups/knifes/beer cans/ the bins being taken out. Plates/cutlery is washed when something is badly needed and they do a big tidy up every couple of weeks/months.
P.S Your boyfriend spoke to the guy when he was drunk. There's a good chance the guy won't even remember.

He didnt speak to him when he was drunk. He had a word with him the next day.

Mc Kenzie

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I know lads(from early twemties to mid thirties)in house shares. They've got good job/well educated but they don't care about plates/cups/knifes/beer cans/ the bins being taken out. Plates/cutlery is washed when something is badly needed and they do a big tidy up every couple of weeks/months.
P.S Your boyfriend spoke to the guy when he was drunk. There's a good chance the guy won't even remember.

I appreciate that every house has there own routine. But the point im making is that every house is different. And whatever routine or system is going on in the house to respect that or even take notice. So its fair on everyone

Pawwed Rig

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I know lads(from early twemties to mid thirties)in house shares. They've got good job/well educated but they don't care about plates/cups/knifes/beer cans/ the bins being taken out. Plates/cutlery is washed when something is badly needed and they do a big tidy up every couple of weeks/months.

I don't get the point of this post?

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Im sure things will be ok after mt bf spoke with him. He is a nice guy. Just seems like he is used of his mum or others cleaning after him

See how he reacts to what your bf says. Try and stay on friendly terms for the meantime because living with people you don't get on with can be a nightmare. Oh and stop cleaning up after him.

freshpopcorn

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

I don't get the point of this post?

The point of the post is that some people don't care if the plates/cutlery/apartment in generally is clean.. They can clean it when they have to but there not bothered about if its not clean all the time. Example wash up is done when there are no cups/plates left. Generally tidying up gets done on bin day. Etc whilst other people would wash up/tidy constantly.

junction12

freshpopcorn wrote: »

I know lads(from early twemties to mid thirties)in house shares. They've got good job/well educated but they don't care about plates/cups/knifes/beer cans/ the bins being taken out. Plates/cutlery is washed when something is badly needed and they do a big tidy up every couple of weeks/months.
P.S Your boyfriend spoke to the guy when he was drunk. There's a good chance the guy won't even remember.

Really agree with this. I know a good few fellas and they are well able to tidy up/clean but they only do it when things get messy. They simply not bothered about a few dirty plates/a few cans around the place.(not being sexiest now but a lot of women I find would be more house proud than men. I've seen messy women as well but seen more messy men.)

skooterblue2

I would see it at college in the canteen. It starts in the home in childhood. When you have finished your meal you bring your plate over to the sink/dishwasher, scrape your plate and do the wash up/fill or unload the dishwasher. Its a parenting thing, it has nothing to do with levels of education, financial security, rural/urban divide, class or racial divide. All this is either divided out equally or it is all left to the female members of the house/mother.

This guy is used to be served on hand and foot. I doubt it will change

Pawwed Rig

freshpopcorn wrote: »

The point of the post is that some people don't care if the plates/cutlery/apartment in generally is clean.. They can clean it when they have to but there not bothered about if its not clean all the time. Example wash up is done when there are no cups/plates left. Generally tidying up gets done on bin day. Etc whilst other people would wash up/tidy constantly.

Fair enough but that point has been called out in the thread numerous times already and presuming you only know lads in houseshares

junction12 wrote: »

not being sexiest now but a lot of women I find would be more house proud than men. I've seen messy women as well but seen more messy men.

:pac:

mrty

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Hi All


We have a new housemate who is really starting to bug me with his careless attitude in a house share. I have lived in quite a few places sharing a house/flat with new people and I know that its not always easy to get used to other peoples routines.

We are sharing the place, me and my partner, another couple, and one girl studying who we dont see too much of as its summer. The other couple are nice tidy and friendly. Were not too fussy but we do clean up after ourselves and are respectful of others in the house.

Its abit annoying that
the landlord decides who moves in so anyone can end up hear i guess. When i moved in i wanted to know and meet everyone before moving in. I know not everyone minds about this but thats my preference.

This guy leaves beer cans, rubbish and doesnt clean up after himself.
This may be petty on my part but we share the bathroom with him and he keeps leaving razors shaving foam on the sink or whatever else, i wouldn't mind but the sink is tiny and there's a cupboard beside the sink and a space so he can put them in. I just find it disgusting.

We have television in are rooms and so does he, but only on the main t.v in the sitting room we have upc. Every night i come home hes their all night feet up over the sofa(and shoes off stinking the room out) and theres only one small other chair that you have to twist our neck to watch tv. So hes sitting there most the day on the weekends too. i know he is entitled to watch tv of course, but if hed bear mind there is 5 other people who pay for the upc too and that perhaps wed like to watch it too.

This morning he came back from a night out or whatever and I came down to have breakfast watch tv. He was sprawled out asleep with music blaring on the tv smell of stale booze pizza and empty cans on the coffee table. Nice :rolleyes:. I never said anything as I thought he was asleep so i stayed in Kitchen. nother one of my housemates came down seen him and switched off the tv since yerman was asleep. Then he mumbled that he was "asleep and listening to it" ! I just think thats selfish that you want to be asleep on the couch e and take over the tv. He has a bedroom upstairs ,, and a tv i dont know why he doesnt go there!. I just think its not considering other people in the house and abit immature.

I wouldnt mind if he was 21 or something but hes in his late twenties (29 i think) he said. He came back from Australia and tavelled a little so i thaught he might have a bit of cop on.

I know i should ask him to clean up or at least go to his bedroom to sleep and listen to music. But i find it quite hard to confront people that i dont really know and he has been hear the past month.

Iv read some posts and maybe this is not half as bad, but everyone else in the house is grand but im feeling like im in a college house again with this bloke.

Maybe i needed to get in off my chest, but i might just have to say it too him.

Would appreciate yor thoughts and advice thanks.

Hey I feel your pain. My own experience off this kind of thing is abundant. In my line of work I'm constantly moving, to give you an idea I've lived in 17 different towns in the last 14:years so you can imagine how many house shares and house mates that amounts too. Simply put your gonna have to sit down with him and tell him, its the only way things are gonna change. I'm not saying he will change because he's probably been like that forever, however he may just make an effort and that will benefit all parties. Don't approach him together chat one on one he may feel ganged up on and that wouldn't be cool but seriously he needs to be told. As far as the TV hogging is concerned your screwed that's just selfish and that probably won't change. :-) good luck

beks101

Is moving out and finding a one-bed for the two of you an option?

TBH living in a house-share with five other people I'm surprised this is your first time dealing with someone else's filth / lack of consideration and respect. Especially when you're not the one doing the vetting on new housemates and your LL is just fecking them in on top of you.

Any large house-share with upwards of 4 people I've always had problems. As someone else mentioned, every individual has their own standards of hygiene, living etc and the odds are stacked against you when it's a house full of strangers.

If I were you I'd seriously consider finding a smaller place for just the two of you so you can enjoy some space as a couple as well as everything else.

Mc Kenzie

Hey Becks thanks for the reply. Yea we are actually looking into this at the moment. Its been the same group of people over the last year and most people have beeen grand. but this is really bugging me. Hes quite tall and i find it a bit intimidating to have to sit down with him about it. Plus im not his mum.

He leaves the back and front doors open every morning. I cant understand that he has not learned to lock the door after him after living abroad over the years . Anyways we will keep looking into finding a place of our own.:)

rainbowtrout

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Hi Timeto shine,

Its not that i have a problem with him doing that. Only thing is he is there every evening when i come home and on the weekends. I am takeing into consideration everyones advised to "scoothch in beside him I guess thats an option ..lol.

But mainly its just the mess when ever he is the sitting room he leaves plates and a mess on the table /floor . Doesnt wash up and leaves food and cutlery hanging around. I guess this is the route of it so all the other nitty griitty things are bothering even more so because of this... Im sure things will be ok after mt bf spoke with him. He is a nice guy. Just seems like he is used of his mum or others cleaning after him

That's incredibly petty. He pays rent, he's entitled to be there. Or do you think he should only spend time in the common areas in your absence? You've obviously lived with people that suited your routine for the last while, and this guy is different. You need to accept he's allowed to use the facilities too, and that he's not a mind reader.

If you want to watch TV and he's watching it, then you need to tell him that you want to watch it. It may be the case that he's hogging it, or he that thinks you don't watch an awful lot because you never stay around to watch TV.

Lots of the things you mentioned can be easily sorted if you actually said it to him 'You need to lock the doors leaving the house, we don't want our house broken into etc'.

Mc Kenzie

To be honest. Im not his mummy.:D Do i need to be chasing after him every time he does this. People like this IMO are just lazy and ignorant!

ivytwine

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Hey Becks thanks for the reply. Yea we are actually looking into this at the moment. Its been the same group of people over the last year and most people have beeen grand. but this is really bugging me. Hes quite tall and i find it a bit intimidating to have to sit down with him about it. Plus im not his mum.

He leaves the back and front doors open every morning. I cant understand that he has not learned to lock the door after him after living abroad over the years . Anyways we will keep looking into finding a place of our own.:)

This would bother me far more than him taking up the sofa.

I hope you're not living in Dublin because if he does this on a regular basis you will come home to a completely stripped house one of these days.

Seriously McKenzie, why don't you just TALK to him about these things? I know confrontation isn't easy but I am sure the atmosphere in the house isn't great at the moment, how much worse could it get?

rainbowtrout

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

To be honest. Im not his mummy.:D Do i need to be chasing after him every time he does this. People like this IMO are just lazy and ignorant!

You may not be his mother, but you're not acting like an adult either. Because if you were you'd say it to him instead of moaning about it here but doing nothing about it at the same time.

He has different living standards to you, if you can't accept them then tell him what needs to change.

I lived with a person who used to leave the front door unlocked, i didn't realise it at the start because I used to leave for work first, but copped it after a couple of days when I came home from work first and it was unlocked and no one home. So I said it to them, problem solved.

Plenty of people don't lock their doors. I live in a rural area and I know people who live out of town that leave the car key in the ignition at night.

qdawg86

He's like this because no one has ever challenged him about it. I've lived with some messy, disrespectful asreholes and it just boils down to the them having had their own way, basically from birth.

He's probably not a bad person, having a chat with him may open his eyes to other people.

And if he doesn't change I agree with another poster's suggestion. Tell the landlord it's him or us.

Mc Kenzie

Definately the front door is most important.

I am living in Dublin thats why i really dont think its safe. Ok I said to him the otherday to but the beer cans and bottles in the recycle bin as they were really building up at this stage as they had been there for a while and it wasnt a big job as the recycle bin was right beside where he left them all.

Only thing is if i go at him about all the things together it may seem like in going on at him.

I did put a list of things for everyone in the house to see. Although it is mainly him thats not contributing. I wrote in a positive way e.g please remember to lock the front door.Help out with cleaning products cleaning house ect. I dont think hes paid any head really.

hes started smoking in his room now. I know its his room but you can really smell it and at night its horrible. This is something im getting on to the landlord about

freshpopcorn

Not being blunt but move out!

Chattastrophe!

Passive aggressive lists and notes are generally not appreciated in house-sharing situations.

It's almost always friendlier and more effective to actually discuss what's bothering you, and talk about what compromise might be reached between you.

Mc Kenzie

rainbowtrout wrote: »

You may not be his mother, but you're not acting like an adult either. Because if you were you'd say it to him instead of moaning about it here but doing nothing about it at the same time.

He has different living standards to you, if you can't accept them then tell him what needs to change.

I lived with a person who used to leave the front door unlocked, i didn't realise it at the start because I used to leave for work first, but copped it after a couple of days when I came home from work first and it was unlocked and no one home. So I said it to them, problem solved.

Plenty of people don't lock their doors. I live in a rural area and I know people who live out of town that leave the car key in the ignition at night.

Actually I dont live in a rural area, I live in Dublin. Well if those people who leave the key in the ignition at night get their car stole I would laugh. My family are based now in a rural village in the countryside, does not meen that its safe and people dont attempt to rob villages. I dont see how you are justifing his actions when you dont have all the facts.

Grandpa Hassan

The longer this thread goes on, the more it shows how wound up you are getting about this. It just isn't worth the hassle. If it were me, I'd just be looking for another room elsewhere

rainbowtrout

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

[/B]

Actually I dont live in a rural area, I live in Dublin. Well if those people who leave the key in the ignition at night get their car stole I would laugh. My family are based now in a rural village in the countryside, does not meen that its safe and people dont attempt to rob villages. I dont see how you are justifing his actions when you dont have all the facts.

I'm not suggesting that you accept him leaving the front door unlocked, I'm saying that some people have grown up in areas where it is normal for them to do so. He might be one of those people, and while it might be common sense to lock your door in a city, it might not even enter his head. The person I lived with came from the middle of nowhere, and if you saw one car passing in an hour you would be lucky. I come from a city, so I was used to locking doors everytime I left the house, she never needed to.

We also can only go on what you post. It's not our fault if we don't have all the facts.

Having a house meeting and going through a few housekeeping items would probably solve this a lot faster than leaving notes around the place.

ivytwine

Honestly, notes NEVER work in these kind of situations. They just get people's backs up. The only notes that a housemate wants to see is "Mary, there's leftover cake, finish it off". Don't believe me? Have a look at this website to show you how they are received.

Think what you can gain if you just say, "John, could you please make sure the door is locked when you go out/ please smoke outside etc etc?" I'm not saying it's easy but it's really not as big a deal as you're making out either.

As I see it, these are your options:

a. Talk to him reasonably as outlined above. Of course, he might freak out. More likely, if he's a normal person, he will try to amend his behaviour. You, yourself, gain a skill that far too many people lack- the ability to calmly and reasonably discuss a grievance with a person with descending to passive aggression.

b. Continue on as you are. Nothing changes. House remains a kip and smells of smoke. Door is left open. Your notes are ignored. Worse case scenario; the house is burgled. Second worse case scenario- the resentment festers, and one of you snaps and the atmosphere becomes intolerable.

c. Move out.

Mc Kenzie

Hes not actually a bad guy, but as iv said I HAVE actually said it to him to put his rubbish in the bin and my BF has also mentioned a few things to him. I would like to move but financially and cos of location we cannot move now.

Since hes lives in Oz and also london for years, I would assumed he would no he should lock the door. Yes ill just confront him about the door thing now and that's it really...I do find it uncomfortable but ill take a deep breath ...lol

TheChizler

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Yes ill just confront him about the door thing now and that's it really...

Not a good idea. Talk to him assertively, not confrontational, if you want results. Just a "hey, I noticed the door was left unlocked again, I don't feel secure or that my stuff's safe when this happens, so I'd really appreciate it if you could remember to lock it in future". Always say how grievances make you feel, as you can't be wrong.

Chattastrophe!

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Hes not actually a bad guy, but as iv said I HAVE actually said it to him to put his rubbish in the bin and my BF has also mentioned a few things to him. I would like to move but financially and cos of location we cannot move now.

Since hes lives in Oz and also london for years, I would assumed he would no he should lock the door. Yes ill just confront him about the door thing now and that's it really...I do find it uncomfortable but ill take a deep breath ...lol

Why do you find it uncomfortable?

"Holy sh*t man, I arrived home yesterday, and the house was unlocked! Isn't it lucky we weren't burgled, LOL. Since we're in a houseshare situation, I guess it's probably normal and reasonable that we start a system of making sure that the last person to leave locks the doors. Maybe we all leave our keys in the same place - that way, if we're the last person to remove keys, we know to lock up?"

No need for deep breaths or confrontation. It's just life.

ibarelycare

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Hes not actually a bad guy, but as iv said I HAVE actually said it to him to put his rubbish in the bin and my BF has also mentioned a few things to him. I would like to move but financially and cos of location we cannot move now.

Since hes lives in Oz and also london for years, I would assumed he would no he should lock the door. Yes ill just confront him about the door thing now and that's it really...I do find it uncomfortable but ill take a deep breath ...lol

Are you actually getting anything from this thread, besides venting? It's a month on from your OP and you've taken very little action, despite everyone telling you just to talk to him. Nothing's going to change otherwise. Complaining on the internet and to your bf isn't going to do anything, you need to grow up a bit and be more assertive.

Tokyo

Ok... The thread is a month old now, and seems to be heading down the road of discussion, as we are well past advising on the original issue. OP, there have been two pages of advice now, almost all consistent, so I hope that you can pull from all that a solution to your housemate issue.

Thread closed.