Would you take wages from your kids?

Simonigs1.0

It's been on my mind all day.

Basically, a cousin of mine (recently turned 18) is going on holidays to Spain somewhere for graduating from school earlier in the year. I know, I couldn't believe it either. Nothing of the sort when I finished school.

Now, on the week he graduated from school he landed himself a job, it pays fairly well for what he does and considering he has no outgoings as such its fairly ideal. So he has no shortage of money at the moment, and hasn't had for a good few months now.

Anyway, today I dropped into my aunt (my cousin's mother) and she was upset. She explained the story to me as so:

Aunt and uncle agreed to pay for the holiday, as a gift for him for finishing school. I was quite surprised at this, it wasn't cheap at all.

They put a bit towards spending money for him also. But he wasn't happy with that and he thought the spending money would be part of the whole package for finishing school. All of his friend's are bringing €900 and their parents gave them just that. My aunt and uncle told him that he would have to put towards his spending money because he has an income now, but he wouldn't, and most weekeends he goes out and buys clothes and shoes (for the holiday, was his justification for this). He also recently lost €70 on some sort of bet in the bookies recently.

Now I'm sitting here in my aunt's house and he's having a go at my aunt and uncle saying that they "left it too late" to start saving for his spending money. In a rather aggressive tone towards my aunt too. They just don't have the money to give him. My aunt is only working part-time at the moment and is studying for her degree in college atm. My uncle is self-employed and income can very much vary weekly.

Anyway, my cousin applied for a loan on Friday. He was told that the maximum amount for a first loan is €200, but the guy said he would try and get €300 for him (that would bring him up to €900) and he would hear from him again on Monday. Anyway, this morning my cousin gets a call and is told that he can only have €200, so he refused and said no. He wanted €300.

Basically, he is expecting my aunt and uncle to come up with the rest of the money for him today. They can't afford to. They have nothing, no money at all to give him and he was short €300. My aunt was in a really bad state so I agreed to give her the money to give to him. Not for my cousin but for my aunt and uncle.

I said that when he gets back they need to seriously sit down and talk about taking a percentage of his wages. He is on about €200 a week and he just spends it on clothes and other ****. My aunt and uncle really go struggle with funds and he really can afford to offer something up. My aunt said she wouldn't do that for whatever reasons. I can't quite get my head around why she thinks the sun shines from his bottom. He's just a nasty person.

The whole situation has angered me greatly and I'm still quite angry so I'm sorry if it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

So, would you take wages from your child if they had a job and lived in these circumstances.

28064212

Simonigs1.0 wrote: »

My aunt was in a really bad state so I agreed to give her the money to give to him.

This was a really silly thing to do

The Peanut

Not sure what to say but there are far bigger issues here than taking wages from an adult living at home. I use the term "adult" loosely.

moonshadow

None of your business, but he needs a kick in hole and be refused food at the home table.

Maximus Alexander

I always handed up a bit of wages when I was still living at home, it's only right. Your man sounds like a bit of schnitzel head.

Sleepy

To hell with his wages, if my kid behaved like that, I'd have buried his passport.

Kaiser D

As above, there are far bigger issues here. Taking a few quid from him might resolve the money problem to a degree, but your cousin sounds like a disgraceful excuse for a nice person.

I'm actually angry after reading that.

Vinz Mesrine

I can't stand young people like that. If my kids ever try something like that, their passport will be taken off them and holiday cancelled.

Not that I would pay for something like that for doing something as trivial as finishing secondary school.

shruikan2553

He sounds like a self entitled bastard. I would probably take some money (20-30 a week) but I wouldn't be the kind of parent that says "well it would cost you 500 a month to rent somewhere so I'll take that amount"

eviltwin

Spoilt brat.

_Redzer_

I'm in college and will be moving out soon enough, but if I wasn't in college and was still working full time I'd definitely contribute a bit.

I kinda do contribute a bit already as much as I can.

There's no reason why you should mooch off of your parents if you're working and can support yourself financially.

anncoates

They should pack a bag of heroin in his luggage and tip off customs.

darkpagandeath

They should take 50-70% to cover rent/utilities/food out of his wages and prepare him for the real world. If he is not happy with that off to the private rental sector. It’s people like this that will end up on 100k a year and complain they are struggling. :pac::pac::pac:

davo2001

Firstly, your cousin sounds like an a hole.
Secondly, I agree that they should take a % of his money. (like €20pw).

He needs to learn that sh*t isn't free.

AulBiddy

What?! He has a job, he should have been saving up the money himself - and what in the name of god does he need 900 euros for! My parents would gladly boot me up the hole if I demanded 900 euro AND a holiday off them especially if I had a job. What a complete and utter arsehole.

Similar incident happened with my cousin but on a smaller scale - my aunt is not well off either and struggles with 4 of her children all fully grown still living at home, and my cousins child and also my cousins boyfriend, and she has many medical problems and she is always very sick. He is just a year younger than me and he kept demanding money off his parents to fix his phone buy unneccessary things etc and one day my auntie said that she couldnt afford to hand out any more money and he threw a massive tantrum, broke pictures off the wall and all that. Made his own mother cry. I just cant believe some people can act this way towards their parents. Makes me so so mad.

Stereomaniac

It sounds like they have spoiled him an awful lot growing up and that he is still being treated as a child in some regard. He is a "man" now so he earns money, AND a child with no expenses.

FairytaleGirl

This is Half your aunt and uncles fault tbh - it should have been made clear that ok, the holiday was a gift- but as he was working the spending money was up to him.

In addition once he got a job he should be made to hand in keep.

What annoys me the most about the post is that if you, an outsider can see that your aunt and uncle are struggling why can't their son? Shame on him.

Did he live at home through college too?Or did your aunt and uncle pay his fee?

Simonigs1.0

My brother also said it wasn't my business, but honestly my aunt looked really upset and I was worried that he would kick off more if he didn't have his money to go away tomorrow. She has said that I will be paid back but I couldn't ever take money from them in their current situation.

He has only finished school this year. He's enrolled in a PLC which is starting soon enough AFAIK.

He's obviously used to laying down the law in that household, especially if he's actually aggressive to his parents.

He needs to have a radical overhaul of his living arrangements, since his pliable parents fret over not being able to pander to his demands. He's quite the entitled brat. Does he have siblings? Are they reasonable? I get the impression he's an only child, or at least the youngest child.

Life is going to give this guy a dose of reality in the next few years, but while maturity comes to most of us he sounds like the special kind of selfish git that goes through life furious whenever he has to compromise.

It was kind to give your aunt the money to ease her immediate situation, but in the long run, it wasn't very wise.

Simonigs1.0

Two younger teenage siblings which are surprisingly very bright and much nicer than their brother. I get along quite good with both of them tbh.

I realise it wasn't a very good idea to give my aunt the money because it is giving my cousin his own way. But I wasn't thinking of that at the time.

28064212

Simonigs1.0 wrote: »

My brother also said it wasn't my business, but honestly my aunt looked really upset and I was worried that he would kick off more if he didn't have his money to go away tomorrow. She has said that I will be paid back but I couldn't ever take money from them in their current situation.

He has only finished school this year. He's enrolled in a PLC which is starting soon enough AFAIK.

So the process goes like this:

1. Told he can't have what he wants
2. Throws tantrum
3. Gets what he wants

Sounds like that one's been working for a few years. And look, it just worked again. And doesn't look like it's going to change anytime soon

hfallada

He is clearly naive with money. But looking at the situation his parents are the same. Anyone I know with good money skills learnt it off their parents. They seen you have to save a bit every month and not waste money. The child clearly never learnt it off his parents. His parents are probably more to blame than the child. I have always seen wealthy people drill the value of money into their kids. I know people who are on over 200k a year and drive severely knackered cars and never spend money

His parents should cut him off and let him live on his own income. Im in college and only earn €100 a week in my part time job and still save a significant amount of that.

They raised him up did you ever think of that, people don't arrived fully formed at 18, and while some of it down to innate personality most of it how he was raised.

moonshadow

Simonigs1.0 wrote: »

My brother also said it wasn't my business, but honestly my aunt looked really upset and I was worried that he would kick off more if he didn't have his money to go away tomorrow. She has said that I will be paid back but I couldn't ever take money from them in their current situation.

He has only finished school this year. He's enrolled in a PLC which is starting soon enough AFAIK.

Ahh ok , he's going tomorrow ... Still wasn't your business but fair play you probably helped your aunt out, he still needs a kick in the hole and a major Kop on when he gets back.
You sound like a decent family.

Simonigs1.0

Simonigs1.0 wrote: »

Two younger teenage siblings which are surprisingly very bright and much nicer than their brother. I get along quite good with both of them tbh.

I realise it wasn't a very good idea to give my aunt the money because it is giving my cousin his own way. But I wasn't thinking of that at the time.

You're a good nephew and obviously close to your aunt. I'm sure she'll always appreciate this kindness.

If the younger siblings are nice, then it's probably more a personality thing than a parenting thing. I hope for your familys sake that he grows out of it a bit, he's young yet. None of us are the same at 24 as we were at 18.

Theta

As soon as I started working fulltime after finishing college I began paying "rent" when I was living at home.

It only seemed fair, my folks paid for everything when I was in college and still did so it was only right i paid something towards the running of the house now I was working. He should be giving something up per week.

Arbiter of Good Taste

Your Aunt is an idiot for giving into him, and frankly, for raising him the way she did.

He needs a major boot up the h0le. Bloody hell, a holiday for finishing school - something that most teenagers do.

When I was in college I worked in the US for a summer. I had two jobs waitressing and made a pile of money. As soon as I got home, my dad took every penny off me and doled it out to me throughout the year for living expenses. The only "treat" I got myself was a pair of Doc Martens that lasted me 10 years.

OP, your post makes me so mad!

Simonigs1.0

You know, he used to be a great kid. I was always pretty close with my nephews and we would spend a lot of time together. They would often spend weeks with me down at my parent's house playing air soft in the gardens when my parent's went away and I house-sitted. Despite the age differences I'm a bit of a big kid and we got on great.
He was honestly a good kid, but in recent years he was just turned into an awful person. It makes me quite upset seeing it too. Even writing about it.

SterlingArcher

anncoates wrote: »

They should pack a bag of heroin in his luggage and tip off customs.

Bahahaha and a note saying put the other kilo up your bum.... (out with the rubber gloves)

whupdedo

anncoates wrote: »

They should pack a bag of heroin in his luggage and tip off customs.

This is what actually should an done, but send him to Thailand instead

Mint Sauce

If they are living at home, and working then yes. I did, so did most of my cousins, at least the ones of us who were bought in in England, £50 a week I think was the going rate.

When my Irish aunts/cousins heard of such an arrangment they were quite surprised, so it must be nearly a culture thing.

_Redzer_

Can I get adopted by your aunt?

Here I am like a chump after saving up my tickets to Canada for next summer. So needless

Qualitymark

Sounds like he's hanging out with kids richer than himself and trying to keep up with them. Never a good idea. As for trying to borrow his way out of trouble, words fail me.

kylith

As soon as I started working I handed up 33% of my wages for room and board to my parents, and I was expected to save up and pay for my own holidays.

If I were his parents I'd be cancelling the ungrateful little tosser's holiday and having a chat that started "listen here, you little shít".

PizzamanIRL

What a prick. At the end of the day all that money is going to be spent on booze and jet skis.

If he asked them for money to go drinking in Ireland, would they be so keen to help him out? Actually by the sounds of it they probably would.

Simonigs1.0

I think I've made it seem like my aunt asked for the money when I said I "agreed" to give the money.

She didn't ask for the money, I offered.

I really don't think its my aunts fault because, as I say, my other two cousins are excellent and my cousin in question was at one stage too. I think its a personality thing myself, or maybe as above, he just wants to keep up with his friends. I don't know, I'm not a whole lot older than him tbh.

But I really don't think he's like this because of his parents. I suspect they may be afraid of
him tbh.

And to answer the above post, they don't help him tbh. He just expected everything to come as a package (holiday + spending money)

Shane-KornSpace

When I got my first job, I paid for the Broadband in my house as I used it mostly. It was only fair.
I usually gave something else to my mother towards the shopping.
This guy really needs to be told where to go.

GalwayGuy2

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Your Aunt is an idiot for giving into him, and frankly, for raising him the way she did.

He needs a major boot up the h0le. Bloody hell, a holiday for finishing school - something that most teenagers do.

When I was in college I worked in the US for a summer. I had two jobs waitressing and made a pile of money. As soon as I got home, my dad took every penny off me and doled it out to me throughout the year for living expenses. The only "treat" I got myself was a pair of Doc Martens that lasted me 10 years.

OP, your post makes me so mad!

In fairness, that seems to be the other end of the spectrum.

CPSW

Your cousin needs a good kick up the ar$e, sounds like a right spoiled brat. And your Aunt and Uncle need a reality check, he obviously has them wrapped around his little finger, and has probably done so for years, and will continue to do so. (From reading he reminds me of Harry Enfield's famous moaning teenager character Kevin)

To answer your question, I would take wages from my kids. From my own experience I handed up money at home from the moment I started to work in my first part time job, even though my Mam refused to take it (I was 15 at the time and it was handing up about £5!), and continued to do so into full time employment while I was living at home, I was never asked for it, but wanted to pay my way (I wished I was still handing up that fiver ! :-) )

I think kids need to learn as they become adults the life lesson of you get nothing for nothing in this life, and this brat needs to be brought down to earth sharpish!!

rainbowtrout

Simonigs1.0 wrote: »

I think I've made it seem like my aunt asked for the money when I said I "agreed" to give the money.

She didn't ask for the money, I offered.

I really don't think its my aunts fault because, as I say, my other two cousins are excellent and my cousin in question was at one stage too. I think its a personality thing myself, or maybe as above, he just wants to keep up with his friends. I don't know, I'm not a whole lot older than him tbh.

But I really don't think he's like this because of his parents. I suspect they may be afraid of
him tbh.

And to answer the above post, they don't help him tbh. He just expected everything to come as a package (holiday + spending money)

Aside from that fact that I don't think Leaving Cert students deserve all expenses paid holidays just for finishing school, she just have just said no and stood her ground and let him throw his tantrum.

Turfing his passport into the fire might have softened his cough fairly quickly too.

ganmo

Growing up I never got pocket money
I was given money twice a year and used it as I wanted but only on what I really wanted because I knew that there was gonna be no more comin anytime soon.
To me it sounds like he has some spoilt/chancers of mates.
He needs to wise up or will be an eternal sponger

cloud493

If he wants to act like that, start charging him rent, paying for his food, cut off all the little services he takes for granted, washing, ironing, cooking, cleaning, etc, see how he likes it then.

Cupcake_Crisis

I started handing up money as soon as I started working at 17. I'm currently back in college and only getting a training allowance and am STILL handing up money, paying for the car and insurance. It's only fair. Your cousin is a selfish bell end!

Lone Stone

Same i got a job after school when i was 15 payed €80 a week. That cousin of yours needs a slap not an all exspences payed holiday.

harry Bailey esq

anncoates wrote: »

They should pack a bag of heroin in his luggage and tip off customs.

the parents would end up stumpin up the cash to bail him out,aside from that,your idea is flawless

onethreefive

That is ridiculous. I have just finished school as well and my holiday consisted of turning turf in the bog. He should not be allowed to go on this holiday after behaving so badly. I sound like my parents but the word spoiled brat come to mind.

rainbowtrout

harry Bailey esq wrote: »

the parents would end up stumpin up the cash to bail him out,aside from that,your idea is flawless

Ah no, it would be his first lesson in paying his own way. The custodial sentence would just be a bonus lesson.

ninebeanrows

Some real martyrs on boards it seems!

The kid is 18, he is probably in an immature stage and has taken no personal responsibility.

By the sounds of things the kid was told he was getting the holiday and spending money as a gift. He planned for this in his selfish 18 year old manner and then got told last minute that there was no money for him. And he obviously had no money himself so was annoyed.

Not doubt he is a priick but he is 18 and should be cut some slack.

Pherekydes

Simonigs1.0 wrote: »

My aunt was in a really bad state so I agreed to give her the money to give to him. Not for my cousin but for my aunt and uncle.

My mam won't give me spending money for my holiday; will you give her the money, €500 will do, to give to me? Thanks in advance.

P.S. My mam is living on a pension and so has no money to pay for my holidays and she won't get up off her 88 year-old hole and get a part-time job to get me money.

P.P.S. The money I earn is for my important cultural activities, i.e. drinking and gambling.

ComplyOrDie

anncoates wrote: »

They should pack a bag of heroin in his luggage and tip off customs.

lol

the purple tin

28064212 wrote: »

So the process goes like this:

1. Told he can't have what he wants
2. Throws tantrum
3. Gets what he wants

Sounds like that one's been working for a few years. And look, it just worked again. And doesn't look like it's going to change anytime soon

They say you get the children you deserve.