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Too many sexual partners?

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    #62
    jimd2
    Registered Users Posts: 789 ✭✭✭jimd2


    anon_anon wrote: »
    Hi Fat Christy :)

    No I do not really like the guy. His company is enjoyable to a certain extent but I would never enter a relationship with him as he is extremely crude and isn't really what you would call a 'gent'.

    I was more offended at the fact that it may have been my sexual history that put him off, however I jumped to that conclusion myself. As someone else said, he may just not be that into me which is fair enough.

    I am 100% going to hold off in future and see how it goes.

    Just read this now. I often wondered how some guys that were otherwise pretty nasty were often able to bed girls ahead of nicer, probably quieter, guys. I generally thought that they told a good story and made them out to be something they are not.

    But here we have a lady bedding a guy on all dates until he decides to quit and this is a guy that she doesn't like and finds extremely crude!

    I have to say that I am surprised at that.


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    #63
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    Frank Lee Midere wrote: »
    Clearly there is a disconnect between real life and the Internet. My score ( at 39) is 20. 7 girlfriends. 12 one night stands. One other. That's above average in theory.

    The 12 came in one year when I broke up badly. After a while I realised I wasn't really enjoying it. I don't mention them to my present partner who knows about the 6 gfs. So I lie. Or don't tell.

    Anyway the idea that PSH doesn't matter is nonsense. If you like someone at work and he says he likes you and you sleep with him only to find out he has slept with the office, and many more because he has a "normal healthy appetite" and "50 a year isn't that much", do you take his claim that you are now the one seriously?

    Not only is this Internet only logic, it's Internet only logic confined to certain types of threads.


    Well it's not as if they can actually change their past, so you either take them at their word, or you choose not to take them at their word but enjoy the sex anyway, or, you choose not to have sex with them again and chalk it down to experience like any mature adult would do.

    It also depends if you buy into the whole "the one" idea. Personally speaking I find the idea of "the one" is nonsense, just as you would find the idea that PSH is irrelevant is nonsense. If anyone ever said to me I was "the one", I'd run a mile, but that's just me.

    Different standards.


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    #64
    StudentDad
    Registered Users Posts: 1,457 ✭✭✭StudentDad


    For me a possible partners sexual history is important. Then again it depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for 'fun' and are willing to run the gauntlet of stds etc. That is the risk you take.

    However, if you looking for a long term monogamous partner, the sexual history of said partner is important. Not least because of possible stds.

    I've known too many people over the years who use sex as an icebreaker and then get all upset when he/she says, 'that was fun. Ciao.'

    At the end of the day it depends on what you're looking for.

    SD


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    #65
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    I'm surprised at how many people think this is something that shouldn't be discussed!

    I've always found it a great conversation to cull those who have weird prudish hang ups about women enjoying sex. I'd hate to end up with someone who thought a high number was a bad thing or indicative of ability to remain faithful. Wouldn't suit me at all. I prefer people who are comfortable in themselves and their sexuality and comfortable about me and mine.

    To that end OP, if the guy moved on because he thought your number was high, good riddance!


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    #66
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    username123 wrote: »
    I'm surprised at how many people think this is something that shouldn't be discussed!

    I've always found it a great conversation to cull those who have weird prudish hang ups about women enjoying sex. I'd hate to end up with someone who thought a high number was a bad thing or indicative of ability to remain faithful. Wouldn't suit me at all. I prefer people who are comfortable in themselves and their sexuality and comfortable about me and mine.

    To that end OP, if the guy moved on because he thought your number was high, good riddance!
    You right off possible partners if they seem reluctant to discuss their sexual history on a first date!? You find that prudish? Jeez maybe the person just wanted a romantic fun night out? What do you discuss on 2nd dates?


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    #67
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    You right off possible partners if they seem reluctant to discuss their sexual history on a first date!? You find that prudish? Jeez maybe the person just wanted a romantic fun night out? What do you discuss on 2nd dates?

    Personally I don't have set time frames for having sex, talking about sex, or anything else. In my experience the best relationships are organic, two people who respect each other moving with the flow. Even the notion that certain things are confined to certain date numbers feels stifling and weird to me. Each to their own.


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    #68
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    You right off possible partners if they seem reluctant to discuss their sexual history on a first date!? You find that prudish? Jeez maybe the person just wanted a romantic fun night out? What do you discuss on 2nd dates?

    There is a time and a place for it - not the first date, that would be a bit strange :D - but I am surprised the amount of people who would never ask. Each to their own and all that but I would be far too nosy not to want to know, I mean you could be with someone who had anything from no lovers at all to hundreds. I'd like some idea of where on that scale he is and his sexual history, was he using protection etc


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    #69
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    username123 wrote: »
    Personally I don't have set time frames for having sex, talking about sex, or anything else. In my experience the best relationships are organic, two people who respect each other moving with the flow. Even the notion that certain things are confined to certain date numbers feels stifling and weird to me. Each to their own.

    It wouldn't be that I would ever have had a "time frame' but however organic or flowing the relationship was I wouldn't really be into taking off all my clothes off getting into bed and having sexual intercourse either protected or otherwise with someone I hardly
    know.
    Maybe because I have a 17 year old daughter and it would be totally unnatural for me to want that for her.


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    #70
    bakergirl91
    Registered Users Posts: 63 ✭✭bakergirl91


    Op, i agree with alot of people above. 1) cant believe it was discussed on date no. 3 and 2) None of his business, and if he is judging you, you may well just be better off ! :)


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    #71
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    eviltwin wrote: »
    There is a time and a place for it - not the first date, that would be a bit strange :D - but I am surprised the amount of people who would never ask. Each to their own and all that but I would be far too nosy not to want to know, I mean you could be with someone who had anything from no lovers at all to hundreds. I'd like some idea of where on that scale he is and his sexual history, was he using protection etc

    This is the big modern relationship question. We were quite literally terrified of getting pregnant.
    Now, there's absolutely no excuse for getting accidentally pregnant, but even with condoms there's still the fear of STDs.
    If the relationship matures and leads to something permanent you will want to stop using the condoms either in an effort to conceive, or just to enjoy maximum intimacy.
    So at that stage some kind of honest discussion about past sexual behaviour would have to take place.


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    #72
    strobe
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,872 ✭✭✭strobe


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    If the relationship matures and leads to something permanent you will want to stop using the condoms either in an effort to conceive, or just to enjoy maximum intimacy.
    So at that stage some kind of honest discussion about past sexual behaviour would have to take place.

    Surely that's what STI tests are for? Or do you propose working off a "oh you've been with two people before me, you're probably grand sure" system? Doesnt sound the most reliable or responsible tbh. If not then whether they've been with one other person or 376, if the test is clear its clear, if its not its not.


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    #73
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    strobe wrote: »
    Surely that's what STI tests are for? Or do you propose working off a "oh you've been with two people before me, you're probably grand sure" system? Doesnt sound the most reliable or responsible tbh. If not then whether they've been with one other person or 376, if the test is clear its clear, if its not its not.

    Well if my partner assures me that he's had say, 23 previous sexual partners, but that he strictly used condoms without fail each and every time, then if love him and trust him and he loves and trusts and respects me then I believe him and there's no need for an std test. Its only if he says that he took risks that a test comes into play, surely?


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    #74
    StudentDad
    Registered Users Posts: 1,457 ✭✭✭StudentDad


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    Well if my partner assures me that he's had say, 23 previous sexual partners, but that he strictly used condoms without fail each and every time, then if love him and trust him and he loves and trusts and respects me then I believe him and there's no need for an std test. Its only if he says that he took risks that a test comes into play, surely?


    I think the phrase that comes to mind is, 'Trust but Verify.' It's all well and good taking his word on it. His word is not much use if he's wrong and you get infected with something nasty.


    SD


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    #75
    mrsbyrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,228 ✭✭✭mrsbyrne


    StudentDad wrote: »
    I think the phrase that comes to mind is, 'Trust but Verify.' It's all well and good taking his word on it. His word is not much use if he's wrong and you get infected with something nasty.


    SD

    Hmmmm. To me this is where the trust issues come in.he's assured me he's clean. We love trust and respect each other unconditionally. Am I really going to risk causing him hurt by insisting on a test?


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    #76
    StudentDad
    Registered Users Posts: 1,457 ✭✭✭StudentDad


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    Hmmmm. To me this is where the trust issues come in.he's assured me he's clean. We love trust and respect each other unconditionally. Am I really going to risk causing him hurt by insisting on a test?

    Hurt? I don't mean to be blunt but he's either an adult or not. Hurt doesn't come into it. Cards on the table, all doubts cleared etc

    There is also yourself to consider. Why should you run the gauntlet of 'trust.'

    SD


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    #77
    Flippyfloppy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭Flippyfloppy


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    Hmmmm. To me this is where the trust issues come in.he's assured me he's clean. We love trust and respect each other unconditionally. Am I really going to risk causing him hurt by insisting on a test?

    How could you possibly trust him on something that he couldn't 100% be sure of himself unless he was tested??


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    #78
    Tasden
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,166 ✭✭✭Tasden


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    Hmmmm. To me this is where the trust issues come in.he's assured me he's clean. We love trust and respect each other unconditionally. Am I really going to risk causing him hurt by insisting on a test?

    You may be able to trust him and he could even be genuine when he says he is clean, but without a test you're not just placing your trust in him, but basically every person he's been with before you too. He doesn't know whether they gave him anything unless he gets tested so you cant work off the assumption hes clean just to avoid hurting his feelings.


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    #79
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    mrsbyrne wrote: »
    It wouldn't be that I would ever have had a "time frame' but however organic or flowing the relationship was I wouldn't really be into taking off all my clothes off getting into bed and having sexual intercourse either protected or otherwise with someone I hardly know.

    Sometimes the clothes stay on and there's no bed at all ;)

    Sex with someone you hardly know can be great fun. So long as protection is used and the people are respectful of each other I don't see any harm in it.


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