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Pre-marriage course query

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    #32
    Typer Monkey
    Registered Users Posts: 941 ✭✭✭Typer Monkey


    Uriel. wrote: »
    Well, that begs the question, why get married in a church then?

    Exactly. I am a non believer so I couldn't, and don't want to, have a ceremony full of religious references and sacraments no matter what tradition says or how beautiful the building...so I'm having a civil ceremony in my venue. Job's a good un.

    I just can't understand why people choose to get married in a church when they're not on board with all it entails and then give out about it or want to opt out of parts of it.

    It's a club, there's rules. Don't be an active member if you think some of it is b*llsh*t


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    #33
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Typer Monkey wrote: »
    Exactly. I am a non believer so I couldn't, and don't want to, have a ceremony full of religious references and sacraments no matter what tradition says or how beautiful the building...so I'm having a civil ceremony in my venue. Job's a good un.

    I just can't understand why people choose to get married in a church when they're not on board with all it entails and then give out about it or want to opt out of parts of it.

    It's a club, there's rules. Don't be an active member if you think some of it is b*llsh*t

    I wonder why the church allow it, they must know most of these couples never go to mass. Imagine they started to say no!


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    #34
    Addle
    Registered Users Posts: 4,812 ✭✭✭Addle


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I wonder why the church allow it, they must know most of these couples never go to mass. Imagine they started to say no!

    Making the pre marriage course compulsory is a compromise.


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    #35
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I wonder why the church allow it, they must know most of these couples never go to mass. Imagine they started to say no!

    In some countries you can't have a wedding or other sacraments unless you pay the church tax. I would love a system like that, I'd say the church weddings would drop by a massive percentage.


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    #36
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I wonder why the church allow it, they must know most of these couples never go to mass. Imagine they started to say no!

    I am not sure going to mass is actually required, or maybe just once a year at Easter?

    I wonder if fraudulently stating that you as a couple did do the pre-marriage course when you did not would mean that the marriage was null and void in the eyes of the church?


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    #37
    Electric Sheep
    Registered Users Posts: 2,102 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    jonnyfingers wrote: »
    As some others have said you should do the pre-marriage course. I'm not very religious but my other half is so we're having a church ceremony and I was reluctant to do the pre-marriage course, however it had to be done so we did it. And I really enjoyed it. There was hardly anything about religion at all and it was very informative and a nice break from planning the wedding. It gave us a chance to slow down and realise why we love each other and why we're marrying each other. If nothing else that was worth the time and minimal cost.

    It is a good reminder that it is about the marriage, not about the wedding day, something that seems to fly over the heads of a lot of couples these days.


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    #38
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    I wonder if fraudulently stating that you as a couple did do the pre-marriage course when you did not would mean that the marriage was null and void in the eyes of the church?

    They give you a cert to give to the priest to prove that you went.


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    #39
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,686 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    ForstalDave wrote: »
    It is not a requirement to be done though they tend not to tell you that, a fussy priest can insist

    If a priests's bishop says that "In my diocese, all couples getting married must have done one of courses A, B or C", then no priest is allowed to marry you without you doing one.

    If the bishop say's "it's optional", then an individual priest can say that he won't marry you without one, but you may be able to find another priest who will.



    All that said: do you understand the legal ramifications of marriage, and the concept of sexually-transmitted-debt? I don't know how much the courses go into these, but IMHO everyone getting married should have to pass an education seminar about these issues.


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    #40
    kkcatlou
    Registered Users Posts: 332 ✭✭kkcatlou


    Mrs OBumble wrote: »
    do you understand the legal ramifications of marriage, and the concept of sexually-transmitted-debt?.

    What the hell is sexually transmitted debt?! :confused:


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    #41
    ABajaninCork
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,411 ✭✭✭ABajaninCork


    What Mrs O means is this: When you marry, everything is joint. I'll use an example I saw on a recent thread:

    OP has a large sum of money to put down as a deposit on a house. The partner has no money and no savings. That's fine as long as the property is bought in the OP's sole name. As soon as the ring goes on, the house is counted as joint property. Without the partner putting in an equal share of the deposit. But they can expect an equal share of the profits.

    OTOH - if the property goes into negative equity, both parties will be liable for the debt.

    Same thing applies to credit cards, loans - you get the idea!


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    #42
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    ABajaninCork wrote: »
    What Mrs O means is this: When you marry, everything is joint. I'll use an example I saw on a recent thread:

    OP has a large sum of money to put down as a deposit on a house. The partner has no money and no savings. That's fine as long as the property is bought in the OP's sole name. As soon as the ring goes on, the house is counted as joint property. Without the partner putting in an equal share of the deposit. But they can expect an equal share of the profits.

    OTOH - if the property goes into negative equity, both parties will be liable for the debt.

    Same thing applies to credit cards, loans - you get the idea!

    And if one partner has a lot of debt or a bad credit rating, this will affect the other partner in all sorts of ways, regardless of how good the other partner's credit rating is (most notably when applying for a mortgage).


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    #43
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users Posts: 25,686 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    ABajaninCork wrote: »
    Same thing applies to credit cards, loans - you get the idea!

    Indeed: and it continues to apply even after you separate, right up to the moment when a divorce is granted.

    So you get stories of one partner running up big credit card bills, without the other persons's say ... and then stopping paying. Both partners are liable. And it gets worse when they separate.


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