Pre-marriage course query

MetHerInSolas

Any ideas/stories that I could tell a priest to get out of doing a pre-marriage course?

I have been living with my girlfriend 3 years and we both feel we don't need to do this course, also it would save us a few bob as we are stretched enough with the wedding.

Typer Monkey

Don't get married in a church?

MetHerInSolas

Brilliant!

Why didn't I think of that.

Typer Monkey

Seems the obvious answer if you don't want to play by their rules

kkcatlou

Would you not have a civil ceremony instead of a church wedding if you don't want to stick by the rules that go with a church wedding?

Although the €100 you save by not doing the course will go towards paying the registrar/ renting a venue for a civil ceremony anyway.... And the few hours you'll save by not going will probably go into planning the civil ceremony anyway...

Ardeehey

I really didn't want to do one of myself but we signed up for the day course (Saturday) in Old Hollow's. I'm not religious at all but it was grand, got a lunch out of it, mst people there were of the same opinion as myself (an nessecary evil) and we were out the boor by 4pm, was grand. No big deal to keep the OH happy.

eviltwin

If you want to have a Catholic church wedding there are things you need to do, a premarriage course is one of them. Yes its an extra expense and a bit of a waste of time but if you really want your church wedding you don't have an option.

I am pie

<Yoda>

Cake. Have it & eat it you cannot.

</Yoda>

grace80

There are no ideas/ stories you can make up to get out of it as the courses are run all year round all over the country! You're priest will assume you will be free to attend one somewhere at some stage.

We thought it was a bit of a money spinning exercise and waste of time but at the end of the day, if you want to get married in a Catholic church and your priest is insisting on it, you'll just have to do it. No way out I'm afraid!

As other posters have said, if you are that against the idea and can't afford to pay the €100 - €200, have a civil ceremony.

whiskeyman

MetHerInSolas wrote: »

Any ideas/stories that I could tell a priest to get out of doing a pre-marriage course?

I have been living with my girlfriend 3 years and we both feel we don't need to do this course,.

I was with my then girlfriend for over double that and still found the course interesting and relevant.

You'll probably squander far more money for your wedding...
yet this is one of the few things you actually spend money on for your marraige.

December2012

You'll learn communication techniques and have some interesting discussions. It's good thing to do to prepare for the actual marriage.

bee06

Me and my fiancé also found it really interesting and we've known each other 10 years. Just because you've lives together 3 years doesn't mean you won't learn something new and useful.

Dietsquirt

Myself and my wife did the course last year, complete waste of one and half days.

The nail on the head was when the priest, a 40 year old virgin, began dishing out advice on having kids. Laughable.

No way out of it that I know of.

ForstalDave

MetHerInSolas wrote: »

Any ideas/stories that I could tell a priest to get out of doing a pre-marriage course?

I have been living with my girlfriend 3 years and we both feel we don't need to do this course, also it would save us a few bob as we are stretched enough with the wedding.

It is not a requirement to be done though they tend not to tell you that, a fussy priest can insist

ABajaninCork

Why don't you think you don't need to do the pre-marriage course, OP?

I've said it before: Makes me laugh when couples are prepared to lash out 000's on the right venue, the dress, the food, clothes, flowers, favours, chocolate fountain, chip vans and all sorts. But when it comes to money for the church, money for the priest to marry them, it's then you hear the squawks of protest!

I even saw a recent post asking why they had to pay E200 to get married, and thought it was a 'money-making' exercise! :eek:

As Typer Monkey says: If you want to get married in a pretty church by a priest, then you need to take the pre-marriage course. I've NEVER heard of a priest who didn't insist on one. Most of them have to be approved as well. End of. Don't want to? Then marry in a civil ceremony. But it'll still cost E200...

mrsbyrne

MetHerInSolas wrote: »

Any ideas/stories that I could tell a priest to get out of doing a pre-marriage course?

I have been living with my girlfriend 3 years and we both feel we don't need to do this course, also it would save us a few bob as we are stretched enough with the wedding.

Will you not feel like a total fraud standing in front of the priest and all your loved ones on the biggest day of your life promising to do things you've no intention of doing!?

toadfly

Just suck it up and do it.

Myself & my husband were together 7 years before doing the course. I found it interesting but you have to go in with an open mind, not sure if that's possible based on your posts.

Dolbert

No-one's relationship is that perfect that they wouldn't benefit from a little pre-marriage counselling We were living together longer than you and got a lot out of it.

Donalmiller

Is it compulsory? When the priest asked us we said we intended on doing it but haven't actually gotten around to it. No one has asked us since and we are due to be married soon.

Donalmiller

Donalmiller wrote: »

Is it compulsory? When the priest asked us we said we intended on doing it but haven't actually gotten around to it. No one has asked us since and we are due to be married soon.

Just spotted an online one. Maybe that might be an option?

ABajaninCork

The priest needs proof the course has been done in order to complete the canonical paperwork. You'd better check, and book in to get one done ASAP if you need to. And I doubt an online one will cut it.

Ardeehey

Be careful what course you pick as the church only officially recognise courses ran by Accord and Avalon, most priests wont accept the credentials of all of the others...in other words the church probably have a hand those two organisations and make money no doubt too

grace80

Ardeehey wrote: »

Be careful what course you pick as the church only officially recognise courses ran by Accord and Avalon, most priests wont accept the credentials of all of the others...in other words the church probably have a hand those two organisations and make money no doubt too

I think Accord is the only course they make money from. We were about to book the Avalon course (it's cheaper and shorter) and when we mentioned it to the priest, he insisted we do the Accord one instead.

foggy

Our priest did not insist on us doing it, but we have had a few meetings with him instead.

folan

it depends on the priest and the parish. Some insist on a particular course being done too, so don't just do one and expect it to be ok.

Uriel.

When we spoke to our priest a few months ago you outlined that the Dublin Archdiocese had communicated to all priests in the diocese to insist on the pre-marriage course. Some, I am sure, don't follow the orders, but our own priest is and specifically required the Accord course.

Anyway, we have no issue with it - would prefer not to do it - but when in Rome and all that...

Addle

Locally, if you're a regular mass goer, you don't have to do the course.

jonnyfingers

As some others have said you should do the pre-marriage course. I'm not very religious but my other half is so we're having a church ceremony and I was reluctant to do the pre-marriage course, however it had to be done so we did it. And I really enjoyed it. There was hardly anything about religion at all and it was very informative and a nice break from planning the wedding. It gave us a chance to slow down and realise why we love each other and why we're marrying each other. If nothing else that was worth the time and minimal cost.

Kop On

Typer Monkey wrote: »

Seems the obvious answer if you don't want to play by their rules

The church don't even play by their own rules in many cases but carry on.

tommythecat

MetHerInSolas wrote: »

Any ideas/stories that I could tell a priest to get out of doing a pre-marriage course?

I have been living with my girlfriend 3 years and we both feel we don't need to do this course, also it would save us a few bob as we are stretched enough with the wedding.

Its a hundred euro., Come off it. As said previously don't have a church ceremony then. I'm with my fiancee 14 years and I had to do one so ther is no chance of not doing it.

Uriel.

Kop On wrote: »

The church don't even play by their own rules in many cases but carry on.

Well, that begs the question, why get married in a church then?

Typer Monkey

Uriel. wrote: »

Well, that begs the question, why get married in a church then?

Exactly. I am a non believer so I couldn't, and don't want to, have a ceremony full of religious references and sacraments no matter what tradition says or how beautiful the building...so I'm having a civil ceremony in my venue. Job's a good un.

I just can't understand why people choose to get married in a church when they're not on board with all it entails and then give out about it or want to opt out of parts of it.

It's a club, there's rules. Don't be an active member if you think some of it is b*llsh*t

eviltwin

Typer Monkey wrote: »

Exactly. I am a non believer so I couldn't, and don't want to, have a ceremony full of religious references and sacraments no matter what tradition says or how beautiful the building...so I'm having a civil ceremony in my venue. Job's a good un.

I just can't understand why people choose to get married in a church when they're not on board with all it entails and then give out about it or want to opt out of parts of it.

It's a club, there's rules. Don't be an active member if you think some of it is b*llsh*t

I wonder why the church allow it, they must know most of these couples never go to mass. Imagine they started to say no!

Addle

eviltwin wrote: »

I wonder why the church allow it, they must know most of these couples never go to mass. Imagine they started to say no!

Making the pre marriage course compulsory is a compromise.

lazygal

eviltwin wrote: »

I wonder why the church allow it, they must know most of these couples never go to mass. Imagine they started to say no!

In some countries you can't have a wedding or other sacraments unless you pay the church tax. I would love a system like that, I'd say the church weddings would drop by a massive percentage.

Electric Sheep

eviltwin wrote: »

I wonder why the church allow it, they must know most of these couples never go to mass. Imagine they started to say no!

I am not sure going to mass is actually required, or maybe just once a year at Easter?

I wonder if fraudulently stating that you as a couple did do the pre-marriage course when you did not would mean that the marriage was null and void in the eyes of the church?

Electric Sheep

jonnyfingers wrote: »

As some others have said you should do the pre-marriage course. I'm not very religious but my other half is so we're having a church ceremony and I was reluctant to do the pre-marriage course, however it had to be done so we did it. And I really enjoyed it. There was hardly anything about religion at all and it was very informative and a nice break from planning the wedding. It gave us a chance to slow down and realise why we love each other and why we're marrying each other. If nothing else that was worth the time and minimal cost.

It is a good reminder that it is about the marriage, not about the wedding day, something that seems to fly over the heads of a lot of couples these days.

bee06

Electric Sheep wrote: »

I wonder if fraudulently stating that you as a couple did do the pre-marriage course when you did not would mean that the marriage was null and void in the eyes of the church?

They give you a cert to give to the priest to prove that you went.

Mrs OBumble

ForstalDave wrote: »

It is not a requirement to be done though they tend not to tell you that, a fussy priest can insist

If a priests's bishop says that "In my diocese, all couples getting married must have done one of courses A, B or C", then no priest is allowed to marry you without you doing one.

If the bishop say's "it's optional", then an individual priest can say that he won't marry you without one, but you may be able to find another priest who will.



All that said: do you understand the legal ramifications of marriage, and the concept of sexually-transmitted-debt? I don't know how much the courses go into these, but IMHO everyone getting married should have to pass an education seminar about these issues.

kkcatlou

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

do you understand the legal ramifications of marriage, and the concept of sexually-transmitted-debt?.

What the hell is sexually transmitted debt?!

ABajaninCork

What Mrs O means is this: When you marry, everything is joint. I'll use an example I saw on a recent thread:

OP has a large sum of money to put down as a deposit on a house. The partner has no money and no savings. That's fine as long as the property is bought in the OP's sole name. As soon as the ring goes on, the house is counted as joint property. Without the partner putting in an equal share of the deposit. But they can expect an equal share of the profits.

OTOH - if the property goes into negative equity, both parties will be liable for the debt.

Same thing applies to credit cards, loans - you get the idea!

Faith

ABajaninCork wrote: »

What Mrs O means is this: When you marry, everything is joint. I'll use an example I saw on a recent thread:

OP has a large sum of money to put down as a deposit on a house. The partner has no money and no savings. That's fine as long as the property is bought in the OP's sole name. As soon as the ring goes on, the house is counted as joint property. Without the partner putting in an equal share of the deposit. But they can expect an equal share of the profits.

OTOH - if the property goes into negative equity, both parties will be liable for the debt.

Same thing applies to credit cards, loans - you get the idea!

And if one partner has a lot of debt or a bad credit rating, this will affect the other partner in all sorts of ways, regardless of how good the other partner's credit rating is (most notably when applying for a mortgage).

Mrs OBumble

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Same thing applies to credit cards, loans - you get the idea!

Indeed: and it continues to apply even after you separate, right up to the moment when a divorce is granted.

So you get stories of one partner running up big credit card bills, without the other persons's say ... and then stopping paying. Both partners are liable. And it gets worse when they separate.