Cheesiest chat-up lines

fussyonion

Friend of mine was over for coffee earlier and was telling me about her night out in town last night.

Apparently this guy gave her the cheesiest chat-up line ever:
"I'm not Fred Flintstone but I can make your bed rock".

I've heard a few in my time: "If I could re-arrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together" and "Is that a mirror in your trousers 'cos I can see myself in your pants"....but what, dear AH'ers, is the cheesiest chat-up line you've heard?

wazky

You don't sweat much for a fat one.

pablo128

'Here's 30c. Ring your ma and tell her you won't be home tonight!'

Frosty McSnowballs

Hey, let's fcuk.

Bipolar Joe

You're too gouda to be true.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

*pinches own shirt sleeve*

Guess what material that is?

Boyfriend material..

Qualitymark

All chat-up lines are cheesy. If you want to get to know someone, be friendly and nice.

fussyonion

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

You're too gouda to be true.

I'm CRINGING at this one!:o:o

fussyonion

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

*pinches own shirt sleeve*

Guess what material that is?

Boyfriend material..

Omg that is beyond cringey!

Zed Bank

Give them an honest compliment

Walk away

Works everytime

NordieSteve

You may not be a virgin mary, but I'll still be your God.

desultory

Zed Bank wrote: »

Give them an honest compliment

Walk away

Works everytime

Few of my friends found that telling a woman she's alright looking but not his type and then walking away to be far more effective!

genericguy

Wanna go halves on a bastard?

How's your belly for a lodger?

jubella

Is your name wifi? Cause I'm feeling a connection..

Vito Corleone

If I could rearrange the alphabet I wouldn't as that would be irresponsible and lead to mass confusion throughout many parts of the world.

Czarcasm

"Hi, my name is Dyson..."




She made me laugh it was so awful, but I was intrigued all the same, being the curious sort that I am

Nodin

fussyonion wrote: »

Friend of mine was over for coffee earlier and was telling me about her night out in town last night.

Apparently this guy gave her the cheesiest chat-up line ever:
"I'm not Fred Flintstone but I can make your bed rock".

I've heard a few in my time: "If I could re-arrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together" and "Is that a mirror in your trousers 'cos I can see myself in your pants"....but what, dear AH'ers, is the cheesiest chat-up line you've heard?

The following is a true story. Ye may believe it or otherwise as suits thee.

Me and another fellah arrive at a party. I sit down near the door. The other guy heads off over the road to get some gargle. "Where's your friend gone?" a very attractive woman asks me. "cross the road, only be a minute" sez I. "What's his name?" sez she, so I tell her. Few minutes later he comes back, and heads out just on the landing. Yer woman passes me by. Scant minutes later she walks past me leading yer man by the hand into the backroom. The next time I see yer man it's around 12 the next day.

"How the jaysus did ye pull yer wan so fast" I asked, amazed at this apparent feat of seduction.
"I didn't. I was sittin on the stairs and she came out and sat beside me. She held me hand and said "Your names x, isn't it? I'm (y)". Then she leant over and whispered "you look sex starved" and pulled me up into the back."

Course the funny thing was, while I was unconscious on the floor (due to too much booze, rather than the row I was in earlier) and he was in the back, her other half arrived in looking for her.

1987-88 maybe, in and around then.

Czarcasm

jubella wrote: »

Is your name wifi? Cause I'm feeling a connection..

Jaysus! :pac:

Banjo String

Hi. Wanna dance?

Yeah well fcuk off onto the dancefloor so I can chat up yer mate.

Slicemeister

Can you tell me where I can find Baby Cavanaugh?

NordieSteve

Nodin wrote: »

The following is a true story. Ye may believe it or otherwise as suits thee.

Me and another fellah arrive at a party. I sit down near the door. The other guy heads off over the road to get some gargle. "Where's your friend gone?" a very attractive woman asks me. "cross the road, only be a minute" sez I. "What's his name?" sez she, so I tell her. Few minutes later he comes back, and heads out just on the landing. Yer woman passes me by. Scant minutes later she walks past me leading yer man by the hand into the backroom. The next time I see yer man it's around 12 the next day.

"How the jaysus did ye pull yer wan so fast" I asked, amazed at this apparent feat of seduction.
"I didn't. I was sittin on the stairs and she came out and sat beside me. She held me hand and said "Your names x, isn't it? I'm (y)". Then she leant over and whispered "you look sex starved" and pulled me up into the back."

Course the funny thing was, while I was unconscious on the floor (due to too much booze, rather than the row I was in earlier) and he was in the back, her other half arrived in looking for her.

1987-88 maybe, in and around then.

That's the longest chat-up line ever.

Renegade Mechanic

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

desultory

Nodin wrote: »

The following is a true story. Ye may believe it or otherwise as suits thee.

Me and another fellah arrive at a party. I sit down near the door. The other guy heads off over the road to get some gargle. "Where's your friend gone?" a very attractive woman asks me. "cross the road, only be a minute" sez I. "What's his name?" sez she, so I tell her. Few minutes later he comes back, and heads out just on the landing. Yer woman passes me by. Scant minutes later she walks past me leading yer man by the hand into the backroom. The next time I see yer man it's around 12 the next day.

"How the jaysus did ye pull yer wan so fast" I asked, amazed at this apparent feat of seduction.
"I didn't. I was sittin on the stairs and she came out and sat beside me. She held me hand and said "Your names x, isn't it? I'm (y)". Then she leant over and whispered "you look sex starved" and pulled me up into the back."

Course the funny thing was, while I was unconscious on the floor (due to too much booze, rather than the row I was in earlier) and he was in the back, her other half arrived in looking for her.

1987-88 maybe, in and around then.

What a dirty slut.

certifiedcrepe

"Nice shoes, wanna ****?" usually works

jubella

On a cold night..

"I've an electric blanket you know"

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

desultory wrote: »

What a dirty slut.

You the ex-husband?

desultory

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

You the ex-husband?

Nah just think it's slutty to go about like that when you have a partner.
For all I know that could have been my father and mother.

Vito Corleone

Me: Do you own a library card?
Her: (unimpressed) Why? Because you want to check me out? :rolleyes:
Me: No, my pet lizard just died and I need to find a book about lizard funerals.

michellie

Standing outside the hotel at my cousins wedding.

Drunk man: "dya like my car?"
*points to red megane with wedding ribbons on it.
Me:"that's my father's car"

Haha

maguic24

genericguy wrote: »

Wanna go halves on a bastard?

How's your belly for a lodger?

If someone said that to me, I'd run a fcuking mile. Seriously, does that even count as a chat up line?

Maphisto

This works a dream in London

Is there any Irish in you?

Nah

Do you want some?

desultory

michellie wrote: »

Standing outside the hotel at my cousins wedding.

Drunk man: "dya like my car?"
*points to red megane with wedding ribbons on it.
Me:"that's my father's car"

Haha

I've seen a guy in a pub pull out his car keys and say "look, proof in front of you, I drive a BMW, wanna go for a spin?"
He wasn't expecting her to pull out her Garda badge and give him a lecture on drink driving :pac:

kowloon

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

Hey, let's fcuk.

You had me at 'Hey'.

michellie

desultory wrote: »

I've seen a guy in a pub pull out his car keys and say "look, proof in front of you, I drive a BMW, wanna go for a spin?"
He wasn't expecting her to pull out her Garda badge and give him a lecture on drink driving :pac:

Oh god he pulled out the keys. Cringe!

Czarcasm

desultory wrote: »

What a dirty slut.

Ah would you ever cop on to yourself. Can we have ONE light hearted thread without that shìte?

Nodin

desultory wrote: »

Nah just think it's slutty to go about like that when you have a partner.
For all I know that could have been my father and mother.

Always one, isn't there.

HigginsJ

Is your surname Jacobs, cos ur a cracker

maguic24

Maphisto wrote: »

This works a dream in London

Is there any Irish in you?

Nah

Do you want some?

Didn't Phil Lynott used to say that on stage, the durty fecker?

fussyonion

HigginsJ wrote: »

Is your surname Jacobs, cos ur a cracker

Ah that's cute!

desultory

michellie wrote: »

Oh god he pulled out the keys. Cringe!

Ohh yes indeed, worse is they looked like they were really old. It was probably a 93 or 94 that cost less than most family wagons. :pac:

Czarcasm wrote: »

Ah would you ever cop on to yourself. Can we have ONE light hearted thread without that shìte?

No one asked ya to respond.

--LOS--

These guys pull up beside me on the bike one day, I thought they were tourists coz I'm an idiot.

"Excuse me were looking for directions"

"Ye sure where are you looking for"

"We need to find the way to your heart"

Then the other one chimes in..

"The FASTEST way to your heart. Do you know the way? Can you show me the way?"

I just bust meself laughing

Then they wouldn't give up..

"Do you think I'm crazy? Im crazy about your eyes"

"I like your outfit BTW. I'd like to see you out of it"

And on and on. It got awkward pretty fast coz I was stuck at the traffic lights on my bike

Please don't do that!

NordieSteve

How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.

maguic24

--LOS-- wrote: »

These guys pull up beside me on the bike one day, I thought they were tourists coz I'm an idiot.

"Excuse me were looking for directions"

"Ye sure where are you looking for"

"We need to find the way to your heart"

Then the other one chimes in..

"The FASTEST way to your heart. Do you know the way? Can you show me the way?"

I just bust meself laughing

Then they wouldn't give up..

"Do you think I'm crazy? Im crazy about your eyes"

"I like your outfit BTW. I'd like to see you out of it"

And on and on. It got awkward pretty fast coz I was stuck at the traffic lights on my bike

Please don't do that!

Something similar happened to me when I was out walking as a teenager. A group of lads in a pimped out Honda Civic pulled up and were asking me how to get home. I was like...'where is home?'. Their response: Wherever you're going'. Anyway they were laughing away and messing with me for ages.

I just laughed at them but felt like legging it. They eventually drove off. Also recommend not doing that!!

desultory

--LOS-- wrote: »

These guys pull up beside me on the bike one day, I thought they were tourists coz I'm an idiot.

"Excuse me were looking for directions"

"Ye sure where are you looking for"

"We need to find the way to your heart"

Then the other one chimes in..

"The FASTEST way to your heart. Do you know the way? Can you show me the way?"

I just bust meself laughing

Then they wouldn't give up..

"Do you think I'm crazy? Im crazy about your eyes"

"I like your outfit BTW. I'd like to see you out of it"

And on and on. It got awkward pretty fast coz I was stuck at the traffic lights on my bike

Please don't do that!

Ya have to admire how rehearsed it was, will be funny if someone responds positively to it..they won't be expecting that :pac:

Iv got a knife!!,now get in the ven


that one always works!

Vito Corleone

How much does a polar bear weigh? Not as much as you.

JuliusCaesar

Depends on how much gas was left in it.

maguic24

'I like your legs, what time do they open at?'

wazky

Nice legs, shame about the face.

trancemuzic

maguic24 wrote: »

Something similar happened to me when I was out walking as a teenager. A group of lads in a pimped out Honda Civic pulled up and were asking me how to get home. I was like...'where is home?'. Their response: Wherever you're going'. Anyway they were laughing away and messing with me for ages.

I just laughed at them but felt like legging it. They eventually drove off. Also recommend not doing that!!

That's a great story

Colser

maguic24 wrote: »

Didn't Phil Lynott used to say that on stage, the durty fecker?[/QUOT
"The boys are back in town....get your knickers down " is another one that I love....;)