I am hell bent on getting her back

LegacyUser

Right so my ex and I parted ways a few months back. I was pretty cut up over the whole thing. She was not. She moved on pretty quickly with a new bloke and it pretty much knocked me for six. Whilst I am not actually "over" her, I've accepted that we're no longer together anymore and I am dealing with it.

BUT

This isn't what I want and I truly honestly do believe that it's not the way it's meant to be either and as such, I want her back.

She's seeing this new chap. I don't know him and don't really want to either. I need a way back into her life. I cut contact, killed social media and any other form of contact at the time.

I need advice on how to get back into her life, not look desperate and win this girls heart back.

I am not a fool. I am not being unrealistic. I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

Any advice gratefully accepted on how I can get myself back into her life and show her this.

Brego888

She had chosen her way and it's not with you. Shes with someone else now, you need to accept this.

baby and crumble

WantHerBack wrote: »

I need advice on how to get back into her life, not look desperate and win this girls heart back.

No matter what you do you WILL look desperate. She's told you very clearly what she wants and doesn't want. This will only end in tears, and they'll be yours.

Boombastic

the best thing you can to to attract her is to move on with your own life, be happy and independent and not act like a stalker.

if it's meant to be, your paths will cross again, naturally.

LegacyUser

I think the above posters are being a little reactionary.

Being HELL bent on 'getting her back' is a tad much.


Who ended this?


But seeing if there is a chance she might reconsider isn't that unusual provided you accept her decision.


Could you see yourself being friends with her?

Sephiroth_dude

Just let her go,your just gonna end up more hurt than you were in the first place and you'll be back to square one again.

Alf. A. Male

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am not a fool. I am not being unrealistic. I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

This is the stuff of stalking. Seriously. Stalkers imagine their victims are only waiting to see their dedication and will be convinced they belong together. You've probably already though about engineering "chance" meetings, making dramatic gestures, claiming you will prove your dedication and won't accept no for an answer which you imagine will melt her heart and so on. Stop now, before you even take the next step down the wrong road.

And as for "I've accepted that we're no longer together anymore and I am dealing with it." - you haven't and you're not and just saying so doesn't make it true. Right now would be a good time to start though, before you make a wrong move.

Merkin

Whilst I am not actually "over" her, I've accepted that we're no longer together anymore and I am dealing with it.

I am not a fool. I am not being unrealistic. I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

Entirely contradictory statements unfortunately.

I appreciate how utterly pants it is to have your heart broken but, and this is not to sound terse, if you were really and truly meant to be together then guess what? You'd be together. And you're not. She even has a new boyfriend which suggests that not only was she very comfortable with her decision to break up with you, but she was also ready to move on which suggests that she doesn't share the heartbreak you are experiencing on any level.

You have to let this one go mate. This talk of "showing her the light" etc is really not a good idea and you'll come out of this looking needy and unable to move on. You need to find peace with the fact that this relationship is well and truly over and once you do, you'll be able to properly move on. Don't contact her.

Pinch Flat

I would let her go. Went down this road many moons ago and lead to more pain. It's over and you'll never get her back.

LegacyUser

She ended it. It wasn't amicable but she pulled the plug and I took it hard.

I think it's a little bit unfair to compare me to a stalker. I haven't "stalked" her at all nor have I engineered any chance meetings. In fact, I was invited to a party recently where I knew she would be and I respectfully declined on the merit that I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle being there with her but not actually with her.

I am not unhinged or loose minded. I am not a nutter.

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

I'm trying to fight for the woman I love. I am not dangerous nor am I unstable. I am level headed and looking for advice.

pinkfloyd34

you broke up a few months back, you cut contact which is the main thing and you should now be over the worst of the heart break after a few months, just hold out a bit longer and concentrate on other stuff, she is in a new relationship and probably in the honeymoon period. If you go anywhere near her she will think you are stalking her and will run a mile.
as said before, who ended it and how long was the relationship you had, were ye living together?

petes

Sorry man, she broke it off and has now moved on. Believe me I've been there but it's just not going to happen.

The flame as you say has burnt...she burned it not you.
It will only do yourself more damage if you continue down this road.

Pinch Flat

The only time she might instigate contact is on the rebound, if it doesn't work out with the new boyfriend. Happened to me, I fell for a girl - she broke up with me, headed off for a while then came back to college t finish a degree. New to town, she had few friends and hooked up with me. We started seeing each other again, but the heart ache when it ended a second time was almost unbearable. I was going through a very tough time in my life and, like you, took it hard.

I chased her endless for a while after, she would be in and out of boyfriends until one day I realised what was happening. I resolved never to see or contact her again - that was 20 years ago and haven't seen or heard of her since. It's very tough, but you have to move on with your life.

Obliq

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am not a fool. I am not being unrealistic. I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

Any advice gratefully accepted on how I can get myself back into her life and show her this.

No, no advice on that because it's totally unrealistic. She's not the one for you, and she clearly knows this in her heart and soul already. Give her credit for knowing her own mind. The fact that you think it's up to you to "show her the light" is what makes you sound a little unhinged, tbh.

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

I'm trying to fight for the woman I love. I am not dangerous nor am I unstable. I am level headed and looking for advice.

Sorry now mate, but you're not being level headed at all. Nobody should fight for the woman/man they love unless they're actually loved back, in which case there would be no need to fight for someone anyway. You should back off and lick your wounds. There is no reigniting contact without making yourself look desperate and freaky. Sorry for your break up, but you need to know that it's permanent.

Merkin

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

I'm trying to fight for the woman I love. I am not dangerous nor am I unstable. I am level headed and looking for advice.

You are actually receiving level headed advice though. I don't think you're unhinged or a nutter, it merely sounds like you are nowhere near being over this girl and that unfortunately is clouding your judgment. You do sound a little desperate truth be told but heartbreak does funny things to people.

If this happened a few months ago I am wondering why now? I suspect that you may have told yourself that if you don't feel better within a certain amount of time then you will get back in touch with her and potentially have clung on to that prospect?

The advice on this thread is unanimous and it is that way for a reason. You need to leave her alone m'dear and by doing so, you will also give yourself a proper chance of finally getting over this once and for all.

LegacyUser

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

(

YOU cannot reignite that flame, no matter how much you want it or wish it, it is not going to happen.
It takes two.
She ended it, you havent accepted it. You cannot "make" her see any light or the errors of her ways, because she doesnt see it in that way.
She wasnt that gutted about ending it with you - there is a reason for that, she doesnt hold any regret.

Some level headed advice, move on.

Pinch Flat

Merkin wrote: »

The advice on this thread is unanimous and it is that way for a reason. You need to leave her alone m'dear and by doing so, you will also give yourself a proper chance of finally getting over this once and for all.

Completely agree with this advice, i would love the few years back I chased an old love in college. Complete waste of time and set me back years relationship-wise.

I don't believe you're unhinged - this is a bit harsh. I can understand where you're coming from though. You need to take off the rose tinted glasses and move on. It's very difficult - I was out of my mind at the time over this girl, could not s the wood for the trees. Your mind will come up with all sort of crazy scenarios and 'what ifs'. Ignore them and move on.

irishguy1983

WantHerBack wrote: »

She ended it. It wasn't amicable but she pulled the plug and I took it hard.

I think it's a little bit unfair to compare me to a stalker. I haven't "stalked" her at all nor have I engineered any chance meetings. In fact, I was invited to a party recently where I knew she would be and I respectfully declined on the merit that I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle being there with her but not actually with her.

I am not unhinged or loose minded. I am not a nutter.

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

I'm trying to fight for the woman I love. I am not dangerous nor am I unstable. I am level headed and looking for advice.

Lot of unfair comments towards you.

No one actually knows that she has moved on (having new BF would suggest she has but we've all gone out with people just to pass time). Do you think there is a chance?

I don't see the harm in chasing after her but don't do it for too long!

Also if you do engineer a meeeting big fupping deal! Who hasn't done that in the past?! I know I have!

Maybe try find out how happy she is with new chap or is it just a passing relationship.

Alf. A. Male

WantHerBack wrote: »

I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle being there with her but not actually with her.

So for your own reasons you declined, not for hers? Not so she'd enjoy the party without you there, but because you wouldn't enjoy the situation if she was there? That doesn't suggest you have accepted that you're not together and are dealing with it, it shows you won't accept she's not coming back and that you are at best avoiding acceptance rather than dealing with it. It also doesn't suggest to me that you love her as much as you claim, but if you really do love her, leave her alone and let her be happy. If she wanted to be with you, she would be now.

Obliq

Obliq wrote: »

The fact that you think it's up to you to "show her the light" is what makes you sound a little unhinged, tbh.

Realised that what I said here DOES sound a bit harsh, but it's that "show her the light" line that got my alarm bells ringing....sort of sounds like religious zealotry (which I suppose broken hearted love is a bit like really...). Sorry for your troubles OP.

Flippyfloppy

Sorry OP but she wouldn't be in love with someone else of she had any feelings for you.

Tokyo

WantHerBack wrote: »

...I've accepted that we're no longer together anymore and I am dealing with it.

I truly honestly do believe that it's not the way it's meant to be either and as such, I want her back....

..... I need a way back into her life. I cut contact, killed social media and any other form of contact at the time.

I need advice on how to get back into her life, not look desperate and win this girls heart back...

...I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

No you are not over her, and you are not dealing with it, not by a long shot. And quite honestly, if your words are anything to go by, you're crossing into dangerous territory in terms of being obsessed with her and potentially stalking her.

You're upset and hurt and heartbroken, I get that, but the relationship is over. And you need to keep that in sight, ALL the time. She broke up with you, she left, and she moved on and started seeing someone else. While that may be hard to see written down like that, that's the truth of the situation and it's not going to change.

Going in for a frontal assault the way you are planning to is only going to have one outcome - it's going to drive her away from you even further, in fact, I suspect that this level of intensity may have contributed to her leaving in the first place. Push it too far, and there may even be legal consequences.

You need to come to terms with her being with someone else now, and you need to move on. That's the ONLY healthy outcome here, sorry to tell you.

Merkin

irishguy1983 wrote: »

I don't see the harm in chasing after her but don't do it for too long!

Also if you do engineer a meeeting big fupping deal! Who hasn't done that in the past?! I know I have!

Maybe try find out how happy she is with new chap or is it just a passing relationship.

I do the see the harm in chasing her. Simply because if the OP engages with her and they end up having a nice friendly conversation the OP will then be instilled with false hope and so the whole cycle begins again. He'll think great, she was lovely to me. He'll pursue her, subtly at first. She'll be pleased that they can be friends. He'll be delighted that a reconciliation looks imminent and then BAM. It will come crashing down around his ears when she rejects his advances, she bewildered that she misconstrued his apparent friendliness and he'll think she is every kind of b1tch under the sun for leading him on.....I've seen this happen a million times over and could write a book on it at this stage. Nobody is going to come out of this happy if he decided to pursue her in this fashion.

As for suggesting that the OP finds out if she is happy or if it's just a passing relationship? It's NONE of his business! She might not know how she feels about things herself without analyzing her new relationship with her ex!!

Magicmatilda

Can you even begin to understand that maybe she doesn't want to be got back?

She broke up with you and started going out with someone else. Maybe she has seen the light and he is it?

How can you not see that? Why do you think you are better placed to make decisions for her than she is. Because she has made her decision.

If you really want to make contact write her one email or one letter or one facebook message outlining your feelings for her and asking her for another chance and see if she responds.

This talk of hell bent on getting her back and showing her the light is indeed the stuff of stalkers and trust me they don't think they are nutters either, they also believe that they are just showing the girl the light.

That said you have not been acting like a stalker thus far. Now is not the time to start..

Send one communication and see what happens...

Brego888

Merkin wrote: »

I do the see the harm in chasing her. Simply because if the OP engages with her and they end up having a nice friendly conversation the OP will then be instilled with false hope and so the whole cycle begins again. He'll think great, she was lovely to me. He'll pursue her, subtly at first. She'll be pleased that they can be friends. He'll be delighted that a reconciliation looks imminent and then BAM. It will come crashing down around his ears when she rejects his advances, she bewildered that she misconstrued his apparent friendliness and he'll think she is every kind of b1tch under the sun for leading him on.....

Have to agree with this. I've had this happen to me, because of me and seen it with friends also. Love puts the blinkers on the best of us.
I don't think this will end well op if you pursue this route. This is not Hollywood where the grand gestures win the "soul mate" back. You should take the advice here and let it go and it'll get easier eventually.

irishguy1983

Merkin wrote: »

I do the see the harm in chasing her. Simply because if the OP engages with her and they end up having a nice friendly conversation the OP will then be instilled with false hope and so the whole cycle begins again. He'll think great, she was lovely to me. He'll pursue her, subtly at first. She'll be pleased that they can be friends. He'll be delighted that a reconciliation looks imminent and then BAM. It will come crashing down around his ears when she rejects his advances, she bewildered that she misconstrued his apparent friendliness and he'll think she is every kind of b1tch under the sun for leading him on.....I've seen this happen a million times over and could write a book on it at this stage. Nobody is going to come out of this happy if he decided to pursue her in this fashion.

As for suggesting that the OP finds out if she is happy or if it's just a passing relationship? It's NONE of his business! She might not know how she feels about things herself without analyzing her new relationship with her ex!!

I didn't know you could predict the future so well - you sound so certain as though you have a crystal ball.

In reality you haven't a clue what is going to happen (unless you do actually have the ability to tell the future which I doubt you do).

Each situation is different.

OP - give it a bash but obviously it might not work - be prepared for that.

irishguy1983

Magicmatilda wrote: »

Can you even begin to understand that maybe she doesn't want to be got back?

She broke up with you and started going out with someone else. Maybe she has seen the light and he is it?

How can you not see that? Why do you think you are better placed to make decisions for her than she is. Because she has made her decision.

If you really want to make contact write her one email or one letter or one facebook message outlining your feelings for her and asking her for another chance and see if she responds.

This talk of hell bent on getting her back and showing her the light is indeed the stuff of stalkers and trust me they don't think they are nutters either, they also believe that they are just showing the girl the light.

That said you have not been acting like a stalker thus far. Now is not the time to start..

Send one communication and see what happens...

+1.

LegacyUser

Maybe I got a bit carried away in what I said so.

I'm truly not a nut case. Show her the light was more a phrase I was using.

Anyway, a stalker is going to say he's not a stalker I presume. Acceptance of an issue is usually the last thing that somebody has.

I can't convince any of you that I am not loose in the head and frankly, I don't have the energy to invest in showing you that I am not.

The crux of the matter here is that I miss my girlfriend. I love her with all of my heart and having been through the mill before with past realtionships, I've never wanted to fight for somebody as much as I want to fight for her.

Saying that I don't love her because my train of though wasn't to protect her from hurt as opposed to myself re the party is petty.

Self preservation keeps people sane. I have no doubt that being the strong lass that she is that she would have been a-o-k with me there. Plus, she most likely had her new partner there to support her had my presence been an issue.

Nonetheless, the mainstream view here is that I don't do it. But that genuinely isn't what I want to hear because that's just not really an option.

I am not planning a full frontal assault on her. I am not planning on intruding into her life. I am not planning on upsetting her in anyway. I am not planning on sitting outside her home with a camera in the vague hope that I catch a glimpse of her.

That's not what I mean.

My question is how do I reappear into her life (with total agenda) and try and restart what was.

I understand I may end up hurt again. I understand that it may all go tits up on me and leave me in a mess but if nobody took risks in their lives, then this world would be a very boring place.

I am not sure there's an easy way of just reappearing after so long. I wouldn't favour e-mail as frankly, I find it so impersonal but then again, it may be the only way.

Thanks for your responses anyway. I am sorry some of you have a distorted view on me. I am sound enough to realise that you don't know the full picture on me and as such can only judge me on what you have above so no hard feelings.

I have limited if indeed any belief in faith. Faith hasn't done an awful lot for anybody in this world. For all I know, she is having the same conversation in her head and wondering how to intimate contact too. Long shot as it may be, nothing in this world is set in stone and she's worth standing up for…………. well she is in my eyes anyway.

Tiddlypeeps

irishguy1983 wrote: »

I didn't know you could predict the future so well - you sound so certain as though you have a crystal ball.

In reality you haven't a clue what is going to happen (unless you do actually have the ability to tell the future which I doubt you do).

Each situation is different.

OP - give it a bash but obviously it might not work - be prepared for that.

Nobody can tell the future. You are right that if he tries there is a chance he could get her back.

What people can do is tell probability based on past events. The odds of the OP being able to win his ex back are probably somewhere close to winning the lotto or worse. Pursuing her would be a pointless exercise that is almost guaranteed to end in more hurt for both parties.

Colser

Hi OP...Could you tell us why she ended it and what has changed since you broke up to make you think she would now want to get back with you?

Sleepless and Manic

WantHerBack wrote: »

Right so my ex and I parted ways a few months back.

A few months is nothing.

If after six to eight months you still feel the same way then maybe...

But its still way too soon. I mean it just happened, a few months is no time at all.