I am hell bent on getting her back

LegacyUser

Right so my ex and I parted ways a few months back. I was pretty cut up over the whole thing. She was not. She moved on pretty quickly with a new bloke and it pretty much knocked me for six. Whilst I am not actually "over" her, I've accepted that we're no longer together anymore and I am dealing with it.

BUT

This isn't what I want and I truly honestly do believe that it's not the way it's meant to be either and as such, I want her back.

She's seeing this new chap. I don't know him and don't really want to either. I need a way back into her life. I cut contact, killed social media and any other form of contact at the time.

I need advice on how to get back into her life, not look desperate and win this girls heart back.

I am not a fool. I am not being unrealistic. I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

Any advice gratefully accepted on how I can get myself back into her life and show her this.

Brego888

She had chosen her way and it's not with you. Shes with someone else now, you need to accept this.

baby and crumble

WantHerBack wrote: »

I need advice on how to get back into her life, not look desperate and win this girls heart back.

No matter what you do you WILL look desperate. She's told you very clearly what she wants and doesn't want. This will only end in tears, and they'll be yours.

Boombastic

the best thing you can to to attract her is to move on with your own life, be happy and independent and not act like a stalker.

if it's meant to be, your paths will cross again, naturally.

LegacyUser

I think the above posters are being a little reactionary.

Being HELL bent on 'getting her back' is a tad much.


Who ended this?


But seeing if there is a chance she might reconsider isn't that unusual provided you accept her decision.


Could you see yourself being friends with her?

Sephiroth_dude

Just let her go,your just gonna end up more hurt than you were in the first place and you'll be back to square one again.

Alf. A. Male

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am not a fool. I am not being unrealistic. I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

This is the stuff of stalking. Seriously. Stalkers imagine their victims are only waiting to see their dedication and will be convinced they belong together. You've probably already though about engineering "chance" meetings, making dramatic gestures, claiming you will prove your dedication and won't accept no for an answer which you imagine will melt her heart and so on. Stop now, before you even take the next step down the wrong road.

And as for "I've accepted that we're no longer together anymore and I am dealing with it." - you haven't and you're not and just saying so doesn't make it true. Right now would be a good time to start though, before you make a wrong move.

Merkin

Whilst I am not actually "over" her, I've accepted that we're no longer together anymore and I am dealing with it.

I am not a fool. I am not being unrealistic. I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

Entirely contradictory statements unfortunately.

I appreciate how utterly pants it is to have your heart broken but, and this is not to sound terse, if you were really and truly meant to be together then guess what? You'd be together. And you're not. She even has a new boyfriend which suggests that not only was she very comfortable with her decision to break up with you, but she was also ready to move on which suggests that she doesn't share the heartbreak you are experiencing on any level.

You have to let this one go mate. This talk of "showing her the light" etc is really not a good idea and you'll come out of this looking needy and unable to move on. You need to find peace with the fact that this relationship is well and truly over and once you do, you'll be able to properly move on. Don't contact her.

Pinch Flat

I would let her go. Went down this road many moons ago and lead to more pain. It's over and you'll never get her back.

LegacyUser

She ended it. It wasn't amicable but she pulled the plug and I took it hard.

I think it's a little bit unfair to compare me to a stalker. I haven't "stalked" her at all nor have I engineered any chance meetings. In fact, I was invited to a party recently where I knew she would be and I respectfully declined on the merit that I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle being there with her but not actually with her.

I am not unhinged or loose minded. I am not a nutter.

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

I'm trying to fight for the woman I love. I am not dangerous nor am I unstable. I am level headed and looking for advice.

pinkfloyd34

you broke up a few months back, you cut contact which is the main thing and you should now be over the worst of the heart break after a few months, just hold out a bit longer and concentrate on other stuff, she is in a new relationship and probably in the honeymoon period. If you go anywhere near her she will think you are stalking her and will run a mile.
as said before, who ended it and how long was the relationship you had, were ye living together?

petes

Sorry man, she broke it off and has now moved on. Believe me I've been there but it's just not going to happen.

The flame as you say has burnt...she burned it not you.
It will only do yourself more damage if you continue down this road.

Pinch Flat

The only time she might instigate contact is on the rebound, if it doesn't work out with the new boyfriend. Happened to me, I fell for a girl - she broke up with me, headed off for a while then came back to college t finish a degree. New to town, she had few friends and hooked up with me. We started seeing each other again, but the heart ache when it ended a second time was almost unbearable. I was going through a very tough time in my life and, like you, took it hard.

I chased her endless for a while after, she would be in and out of boyfriends until one day I realised what was happening. I resolved never to see or contact her again - that was 20 years ago and haven't seen or heard of her since. It's very tough, but you have to move on with your life.

Obliq

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am not a fool. I am not being unrealistic. I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

Any advice gratefully accepted on how I can get myself back into her life and show her this.

No, no advice on that because it's totally unrealistic. She's not the one for you, and she clearly knows this in her heart and soul already. Give her credit for knowing her own mind. The fact that you think it's up to you to "show her the light" is what makes you sound a little unhinged, tbh.

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

I'm trying to fight for the woman I love. I am not dangerous nor am I unstable. I am level headed and looking for advice.

Sorry now mate, but you're not being level headed at all. Nobody should fight for the woman/man they love unless they're actually loved back, in which case there would be no need to fight for someone anyway. You should back off and lick your wounds. There is no reigniting contact without making yourself look desperate and freaky. Sorry for your break up, but you need to know that it's permanent.

Merkin

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

I'm trying to fight for the woman I love. I am not dangerous nor am I unstable. I am level headed and looking for advice.

You are actually receiving level headed advice though. I don't think you're unhinged or a nutter, it merely sounds like you are nowhere near being over this girl and that unfortunately is clouding your judgment. You do sound a little desperate truth be told but heartbreak does funny things to people.

If this happened a few months ago I am wondering why now? I suspect that you may have told yourself that if you don't feel better within a certain amount of time then you will get back in touch with her and potentially have clung on to that prospect?

The advice on this thread is unanimous and it is that way for a reason. You need to leave her alone m'dear and by doing so, you will also give yourself a proper chance of finally getting over this once and for all.

LegacyUser

WantHerBack wrote: »

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

(

YOU cannot reignite that flame, no matter how much you want it or wish it, it is not going to happen.
It takes two.
She ended it, you havent accepted it. You cannot "make" her see any light or the errors of her ways, because she doesnt see it in that way.
She wasnt that gutted about ending it with you - there is a reason for that, she doesnt hold any regret.

Some level headed advice, move on.

Pinch Flat

Merkin wrote: »

The advice on this thread is unanimous and it is that way for a reason. You need to leave her alone m'dear and by doing so, you will also give yourself a proper chance of finally getting over this once and for all.

Completely agree with this advice, i would love the few years back I chased an old love in college. Complete waste of time and set me back years relationship-wise.

I don't believe you're unhinged - this is a bit harsh. I can understand where you're coming from though. You need to take off the rose tinted glasses and move on. It's very difficult - I was out of my mind at the time over this girl, could not s the wood for the trees. Your mind will come up with all sort of crazy scenarios and 'what ifs'. Ignore them and move on.

irishguy1983

WantHerBack wrote: »

She ended it. It wasn't amicable but she pulled the plug and I took it hard.

I think it's a little bit unfair to compare me to a stalker. I haven't "stalked" her at all nor have I engineered any chance meetings. In fact, I was invited to a party recently where I knew she would be and I respectfully declined on the merit that I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle being there with her but not actually with her.

I am not unhinged or loose minded. I am not a nutter.

I am a bloke who's in love with a girl and asking for a way to reignite contact and potentially reignite a flame that previously burnt.

I'm trying to fight for the woman I love. I am not dangerous nor am I unstable. I am level headed and looking for advice.

Lot of unfair comments towards you.

No one actually knows that she has moved on (having new BF would suggest she has but we've all gone out with people just to pass time). Do you think there is a chance?

I don't see the harm in chasing after her but don't do it for too long!

Also if you do engineer a meeeting big fupping deal! Who hasn't done that in the past?! I know I have!

Maybe try find out how happy she is with new chap or is it just a passing relationship.

Alf. A. Male

WantHerBack wrote: »

I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle being there with her but not actually with her.

So for your own reasons you declined, not for hers? Not so she'd enjoy the party without you there, but because you wouldn't enjoy the situation if she was there? That doesn't suggest you have accepted that you're not together and are dealing with it, it shows you won't accept she's not coming back and that you are at best avoiding acceptance rather than dealing with it. It also doesn't suggest to me that you love her as much as you claim, but if you really do love her, leave her alone and let her be happy. If she wanted to be with you, she would be now.

Obliq

Obliq wrote: »

The fact that you think it's up to you to "show her the light" is what makes you sound a little unhinged, tbh.

Realised that what I said here DOES sound a bit harsh, but it's that "show her the light" line that got my alarm bells ringing....sort of sounds like religious zealotry (which I suppose broken hearted love is a bit like really...). Sorry for your troubles OP.

Flippyfloppy

Sorry OP but she wouldn't be in love with someone else of she had any feelings for you.

Tokyo

WantHerBack wrote: »

...I've accepted that we're no longer together anymore and I am dealing with it.

I truly honestly do believe that it's not the way it's meant to be either and as such, I want her back....

..... I need a way back into her life. I cut contact, killed social media and any other form of contact at the time.

I need advice on how to get back into her life, not look desperate and win this girls heart back...

...I just know in my heart and soul that she is the one for me and I need a way to show her the light.

No you are not over her, and you are not dealing with it, not by a long shot. And quite honestly, if your words are anything to go by, you're crossing into dangerous territory in terms of being obsessed with her and potentially stalking her.

You're upset and hurt and heartbroken, I get that, but the relationship is over. And you need to keep that in sight, ALL the time. She broke up with you, she left, and she moved on and started seeing someone else. While that may be hard to see written down like that, that's the truth of the situation and it's not going to change.

Going in for a frontal assault the way you are planning to is only going to have one outcome - it's going to drive her away from you even further, in fact, I suspect that this level of intensity may have contributed to her leaving in the first place. Push it too far, and there may even be legal consequences.

You need to come to terms with her being with someone else now, and you need to move on. That's the ONLY healthy outcome here, sorry to tell you.

Merkin

irishguy1983 wrote: »

I don't see the harm in chasing after her but don't do it for too long!

Also if you do engineer a meeeting big fupping deal! Who hasn't done that in the past?! I know I have!

Maybe try find out how happy she is with new chap or is it just a passing relationship.

I do the see the harm in chasing her. Simply because if the OP engages with her and they end up having a nice friendly conversation the OP will then be instilled with false hope and so the whole cycle begins again. He'll think great, she was lovely to me. He'll pursue her, subtly at first. She'll be pleased that they can be friends. He'll be delighted that a reconciliation looks imminent and then BAM. It will come crashing down around his ears when she rejects his advances, she bewildered that she misconstrued his apparent friendliness and he'll think she is every kind of b1tch under the sun for leading him on.....I've seen this happen a million times over and could write a book on it at this stage. Nobody is going to come out of this happy if he decided to pursue her in this fashion.

As for suggesting that the OP finds out if she is happy or if it's just a passing relationship? It's NONE of his business! She might not know how she feels about things herself without analyzing her new relationship with her ex!!

Magicmatilda

Can you even begin to understand that maybe she doesn't want to be got back?

She broke up with you and started going out with someone else. Maybe she has seen the light and he is it?

How can you not see that? Why do you think you are better placed to make decisions for her than she is. Because she has made her decision.

If you really want to make contact write her one email or one letter or one facebook message outlining your feelings for her and asking her for another chance and see if she responds.

This talk of hell bent on getting her back and showing her the light is indeed the stuff of stalkers and trust me they don't think they are nutters either, they also believe that they are just showing the girl the light.

That said you have not been acting like a stalker thus far. Now is not the time to start..

Send one communication and see what happens...

Brego888

Merkin wrote: »

I do the see the harm in chasing her. Simply because if the OP engages with her and they end up having a nice friendly conversation the OP will then be instilled with false hope and so the whole cycle begins again. He'll think great, she was lovely to me. He'll pursue her, subtly at first. She'll be pleased that they can be friends. He'll be delighted that a reconciliation looks imminent and then BAM. It will come crashing down around his ears when she rejects his advances, she bewildered that she misconstrued his apparent friendliness and he'll think she is every kind of b1tch under the sun for leading him on.....

Have to agree with this. I've had this happen to me, because of me and seen it with friends also. Love puts the blinkers on the best of us.
I don't think this will end well op if you pursue this route. This is not Hollywood where the grand gestures win the "soul mate" back. You should take the advice here and let it go and it'll get easier eventually.

irishguy1983

Merkin wrote: »

I do the see the harm in chasing her. Simply because if the OP engages with her and they end up having a nice friendly conversation the OP will then be instilled with false hope and so the whole cycle begins again. He'll think great, she was lovely to me. He'll pursue her, subtly at first. She'll be pleased that they can be friends. He'll be delighted that a reconciliation looks imminent and then BAM. It will come crashing down around his ears when she rejects his advances, she bewildered that she misconstrued his apparent friendliness and he'll think she is every kind of b1tch under the sun for leading him on.....I've seen this happen a million times over and could write a book on it at this stage. Nobody is going to come out of this happy if he decided to pursue her in this fashion.

As for suggesting that the OP finds out if she is happy or if it's just a passing relationship? It's NONE of his business! She might not know how she feels about things herself without analyzing her new relationship with her ex!!

I didn't know you could predict the future so well - you sound so certain as though you have a crystal ball.

In reality you haven't a clue what is going to happen (unless you do actually have the ability to tell the future which I doubt you do).

Each situation is different.

OP - give it a bash but obviously it might not work - be prepared for that.

irishguy1983

Magicmatilda wrote: »

Can you even begin to understand that maybe she doesn't want to be got back?

She broke up with you and started going out with someone else. Maybe she has seen the light and he is it?

How can you not see that? Why do you think you are better placed to make decisions for her than she is. Because she has made her decision.

If you really want to make contact write her one email or one letter or one facebook message outlining your feelings for her and asking her for another chance and see if she responds.

This talk of hell bent on getting her back and showing her the light is indeed the stuff of stalkers and trust me they don't think they are nutters either, they also believe that they are just showing the girl the light.

That said you have not been acting like a stalker thus far. Now is not the time to start..

Send one communication and see what happens...

+1.

LegacyUser

Maybe I got a bit carried away in what I said so.

I'm truly not a nut case. Show her the light was more a phrase I was using.

Anyway, a stalker is going to say he's not a stalker I presume. Acceptance of an issue is usually the last thing that somebody has.

I can't convince any of you that I am not loose in the head and frankly, I don't have the energy to invest in showing you that I am not.

The crux of the matter here is that I miss my girlfriend. I love her with all of my heart and having been through the mill before with past realtionships, I've never wanted to fight for somebody as much as I want to fight for her.

Saying that I don't love her because my train of though wasn't to protect her from hurt as opposed to myself re the party is petty.

Self preservation keeps people sane. I have no doubt that being the strong lass that she is that she would have been a-o-k with me there. Plus, she most likely had her new partner there to support her had my presence been an issue.

Nonetheless, the mainstream view here is that I don't do it. But that genuinely isn't what I want to hear because that's just not really an option.

I am not planning a full frontal assault on her. I am not planning on intruding into her life. I am not planning on upsetting her in anyway. I am not planning on sitting outside her home with a camera in the vague hope that I catch a glimpse of her.

That's not what I mean.

My question is how do I reappear into her life (with total agenda) and try and restart what was.

I understand I may end up hurt again. I understand that it may all go tits up on me and leave me in a mess but if nobody took risks in their lives, then this world would be a very boring place.

I am not sure there's an easy way of just reappearing after so long. I wouldn't favour e-mail as frankly, I find it so impersonal but then again, it may be the only way.

Thanks for your responses anyway. I am sorry some of you have a distorted view on me. I am sound enough to realise that you don't know the full picture on me and as such can only judge me on what you have above so no hard feelings.

I have limited if indeed any belief in faith. Faith hasn't done an awful lot for anybody in this world. For all I know, she is having the same conversation in her head and wondering how to intimate contact too. Long shot as it may be, nothing in this world is set in stone and she's worth standing up for…………. well she is in my eyes anyway.

Tiddlypeeps

irishguy1983 wrote: »

I didn't know you could predict the future so well - you sound so certain as though you have a crystal ball.

In reality you haven't a clue what is going to happen (unless you do actually have the ability to tell the future which I doubt you do).

Each situation is different.

OP - give it a bash but obviously it might not work - be prepared for that.

Nobody can tell the future. You are right that if he tries there is a chance he could get her back.

What people can do is tell probability based on past events. The odds of the OP being able to win his ex back are probably somewhere close to winning the lotto or worse. Pursuing her would be a pointless exercise that is almost guaranteed to end in more hurt for both parties.

Colser

Hi OP...Could you tell us why she ended it and what has changed since you broke up to make you think she would now want to get back with you?

Sleepless and Manic

WantHerBack wrote: »

Right so my ex and I parted ways a few months back.

A few months is nothing.

If after six to eight months you still feel the same way then maybe...

But its still way too soon. I mean it just happened, a few months is no time at all.

iusedtoknow

WantHerBack wrote: »

Maybe I got a bit carried away in what I said so.

I'm truly not a nut case. Show her the light was more a phrase I was using.

Anyway, a stalker is going to say he's not a stalker I presume. Acceptance of an issue is usually the last thing that somebody has.

I can't convince any of you that I am not loose in the head and frankly, I don't have the energy to invest in showing you that I am not.

The crux of the matter here is that I miss my girlfriend. I love her with all of my heart and having been through the mill before with past realtionships, I've never wanted to fight for somebody as much as I want to fight for her.

Saying that I don't love her because my train of though wasn't to protect her from hurt as opposed to myself re the party is petty.

Self preservation keeps people sane. I have no doubt that being the strong lass that she is that she would have been a-o-k with me there. Plus, she most likely had her new partner there to support her had my presence been an issue.

Nonetheless, the mainstream view here is that I don't do it. But that genuinely isn't what I want to hear because that's just not really an option.

I am not planning a full frontal assault on her. I am not planning on intruding into her life. I am not planning on upsetting her in anyway. I am not planning on sitting outside her home with a camera in the vague hope that I catch a glimpse of her.

That's not what I mean.

My question is how do I reappear into her life (with total agenda) and try and restart what was.

I understand I may end up hurt again. I understand that it may all go tits up on me and leave me in a mess but if nobody took risks in their lives, then this world would be a very boring place.

I am not sure there's an easy way of just reappearing after so long. I wouldn't favour e-mail as frankly, I find it so impersonal but then again, it may be the only way.

Thanks for your responses anyway. I am sorry some of you have a distorted view on me. I am sound enough to realise that you don't know the full picture on me and as such can only judge me on what you have above so no hard feelings.

I have limited if indeed any belief in faith. Faith hasn't done an awful lot for anybody in this world. For all I know, she is having the same conversation in her head and wondering how to intimate contact too. Long shot as it may be, nothing in this world is set in stone and she's worth standing up for…………. well she is in my eyes anyway.

I think you still need to take a step back. It's a cliche, but it's true - you can't always get what you want...no matter how much you want it. Just because you feel you want her back, doesn't mean by any stretch that SHE wants you back. Think about it for a second...she does not want to be with you - if she did...she would be - you would not be broken up, or she would have at least tried to patch things up with you. But she didn't - she has another BF and her life is moving on.

You need to try and put her, or whatever idealized version of her you have in your mind and try to move passed this.

qdawg86

WantHerBack wrote: »

My question is how do I reappear into her life (with total agenda) and try and restart what was.

You are in her life though. If she wanted to speak to you or see you, she could call you or go see you in person (I'm assuming she knows where you live and has your number).

But she's not because she doesn't want to.

It sounds like she has already seen the light and has made her decision.

You need to see the light and accept it.

Faith

WantHerBack wrote: »

I have limited if indeed any belief in faith. Faith hasn't done an awful lot for anybody in this world.

Hey

Seriously though, I have a friend who is/was in your exact situation. He wrote her a letter and poured out all his feelings to her in that. Perhaps, if you want to give it one last shot, that's what you could try. It's more personal than an email and less pressure than a phone call or meeting.

Beware, however. My friend got rejected all over again and it damn near killed him. It set him right back to day 1 of their breakup. But he felt he needed to do it so in some ways it may have helped, because it completely killed any hope he had of them getting back together.

LegacyUser

WantHerBack wrote: »

The crux of the matter here is that I miss my girlfriend

I dont think you are a looney toon or anything of the sort!

But

She is not your girlfriend anymore. The fact you wrote the above 10000% shows that you are, indeed, in a deep deep denial.

She broke up with you. And is now seeing someone else. They are the facts. She isnt stringing you along or making gestures or giving you false hopes. You are doing all that by yourself in your own head.

Denial is probably the hardest part (the next emotion to acceptance being anger, eventually acceptance) to get through. You'll rationalise everything, blame, alot of "how can I's", begging, pleading.

Some people go though this stage quickly enough. Others can take longer (we are all different, after all). Others, like yourself, get stuck.

The first rule of solving a problem, is actually acknowledging there is one. So, I dont think, right now anyways, there is any point in making this post longer.

eviltwin

I think sending the letter or an email explaining exactly how you feel is the best way to go.

But you have to face facts its not looking good, she ended it, she has a new guy in her life...you may feel she is the right one for you but clearly she don't feel the same way.

If you send her a message and she doesn't get back or tells you you're wasting your time at least its closure, just be prepared for the knockback and be prepared to accept it and finally move on.

Thespoofer

Dry your eyes mate, I know its hard to take but her mind has been made up,
theres plenty more fish in the sea.....

LegacyUser

Listen if you truly loved her you would let her go and be happy.


I would ask you. What is going on in your life right now?

Because this is more to do with you and your situation than her.

Have you considered counseling.

Why can't you be happy without her?

You need to be happy alone to be happy with someone.

Otherwise that is too much pressure on someone.

LegacyUser

Thespoofer wrote: »

Dry your eyes mate, I know its hard to take but her mind has been made up,
theres plenty more fish in the sea.....

OP I agree with this, I also think a major factor here is that SHE ended it.

I don't think I could advise you what to do unless I knew why she broke up with you in the first place.. Seems to me like you're going down a path here, and me thinks it's going to lead you to heartbreak.

Czarcasm

OP what age are you and how long did you know your ex, how long were you in a relationship with her? I'm just looking for a bit of background because you're absolutely right when you say nobody here knows you, but your ex girlfriend knows you, and she chose to end the relationship. I can imagine it had something to do with the way you come across in your posts as far too intense, dare I say an unhealthy level of intensity bordering on obsessive.

You're not the first person ever to have your heart broken and your head all over the place, saying things you don't mean and things coming out arseways, but a few months is a relatively short space of time, and your ex is with someone else now. She has decided to be with someone that's not you, and you have to learn to come to terms with that reality, not the one that's currently festering in your head. That's not and never will be a reality, and you need to begin to accept this in order for you to move on.

It's pretty unanimous at this stage that people here are trying to help you, not help you worm your way back into your ex girlfriend's life, as there is no longer space for you in her life, and you need to listen and act on what you're being told here because I doubt there's anyone has posted here that hasn't been in your position.

Thing is though, they've come through it and were able to move on with their lives and meet new people, and along the way they matured and developed and grew as a person, and that's at least something positive you can take from this experience and start to build on that much.

PCX

Hi OP,

Like a lot of the people who have posted here I have been in the same position as you and it is not nice. When someone that you love ends a relationship with you it can leave you in turmoil for a long time.

The best thing that you can do for yourself is to accept that the relationship that you had is gone. It is only when you have done that, that the pain will begin to ease for you and you'll start to be able to move on. It may feel now that you will never get over this or will never find anyone else but countless people have been through this before you and have come out the other side, moved on and found new, healthy and happy relationships. This will happen for you too but first you have to let go.

You say that doing nothing is not an option for you however you need to except that a relationship is only good if both people want it and are committed to it. You cannot make a relationship work by yourself. You will never convince her that it is better to be in a relationship with you if she does not want to be in it. While she was with you she made a choice that the relationship was not right for her. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be there would be no good for you either.

If you really need the closure then write her one email. Tell her that you miss being in a relationship with her and if she feels the same way you would like to give it a go a second time. Then tell her that if she does not feel the same way then you will accept that and move on. Keep it short. There is no point in poring your heart out as her mind will be made up by the time you spent together and whether she wants that back and not by any pleading you do or by saying you were meant to be together. Contrary to what you think I believe an email is the ideal way to send this message as it is not too intrusive. Maybe you don't want to email her as you think that you can convince her if you have a better chance to tell her how great a relationship with you would be - she already knows what your relationship was like, and if that was right for her, so she already has all of the information she needs to make the decision. Try to make it easier for her to have the space to think and let you know.

If she replies that she does not want to restart a relationship then you have your answer. Respect her decision (you should take no reply as a no too). Don't try to contact her again. Keep your word and move on. It won't be easy but it is the right thing for both you and her.

December2012

She broke up with you, so it's up to her to try and get back with you if she wants.

She hasn't tried to, so she doesn't want to.

My advice to you is to try to heal your pain, maybe talk with a trusted friend or a therapist. And then move on and live your life well.

LegacyUser

OP, I know we don't know the background or how you were with her, and I believe you when you say you are not 'stalkerish' but you certainly don't sound like you are thinking level at the minute. You definitely need more time to even out, sounds like your emotions are running very high.

If you are sure she is the one for you, I feel like you need to sort yourself out first....go to the gym, running, anything....the outcome could be one of two things.

1. The distraction could show you that that's what you needed...a distraction, not specifically the relationship back.

2. You could be 100% sure when/if you do speak to her that you are level headed. As a female, I'm sorry to be brutal, but if you were my ex and spoke to me in the intensity that comes across in this post, it would be the biggest turn off ever. She will run in the other direction.

Wait a while, if you feel the same then shoot her off a text saying you miss her or something. If she doesn't reply, back right off. You never know, time changes things. Could go either way.

Good luck, and look after yourself first!

strobe

If you're dead set on trying to get back with her. Than I agree with what someone else said. Send her ONE email. Telling her you would like to give things another shot etc.

But just to suggest something you don't seem to have considered... The fact she entered into a relationship with someone else so quickly could mean there was some overlap there. Its possible she was carrying on with this guy for a time before she finally pulled the plug on your relationship man.

I'd be with the majority here and wouldn't even go with the one email tbh. You'll feel the exact same as you do about this girl about another girl at some point. Just let it go. Go find someone that wants to be with you and feels the same about you as you do about them. Your ex obviously doesn't. If she did she wouldn't have ended things. At best she just doesn't feel that way about you and more than likely didn't for a while before finally ending things, if she ever did. At worst she was cheating on you for a while with this other guy and stringing you along until she was sure the new guy would have her and she could make the jump.

Dig deep and move on. There's better things ahead and all you're doing is pushing them further into the future than they have to be and wasting precious time you'll never ever get back. You could meet the potential love of your life tomorrow or next week or next month, but if you're still pining over your ex you'll do nothing about it and she'll slip through your fingers and some other lucky bastard will snap her up.

such is life 2

my ex ended with me recently and I was hurting and wanted to fight for her and all that stuff but it hit me one day she moved on and so must I, i went out with friends had the craic and made it my business to get back out there. I also thought we were meant to be but after a time in darkness and hurt you just have to dust off the shackles and try again with someone else , her mind is made up aint gona change it now ted. BUT I would defo get out on the night scene and get chatting to girls, nothing to loose. Even if you dont feel like it i defo would, grab the bull by the horns.

Matteroffact

She knows how you feel Op. She knows you did not want to break up with her. She knows how to contact you if she changes her mind. She knows what it is like to be with you so there is no need for you to contact her to tell her...........she knows. There is nothing you can do at this stage to win her back. The relationship has run its course and she wants to move on. You don't have to live in the past, you can move on too. All it takes is for you to meet someone else who appreciates who you are and you will feel good again. This woman is not the right person for you because she does not reciprocate your feelings and if you pursue her it will only lead to more heartache for you, which is not what you want. It takes a while to get over the pain you are feeling right now, but if you can forget about trying to win this woman back you will begin to recover. You shouldn't have to change who you are to win someone's love, the right woman will see you for what you are and love you for yourself. Just start to appreciate yourself OP and all your good points and don't let this woman make you think any the less of yourself. You are still the same wonderful person she met, her loss.

artvanderlay

She obviously had her reasons for breaking up with you - maybe look in the mirror and see is there anything you could have done better. Then try to fix these things, and move on with your life...think of this way, if you do improve yourself, if there ever was a chance with your girlfriend again, then there would be less reason for her to leave you again if you had made serious efforts to change. Even taking time to improve yourself and also to do things you want to do, will help to heal your pain at her loss...be optimistic: by moving on, changing things/improving, you will start to think less about your ex and will be a better person, and who knows who you might meet down the line? Maybe somebody that is a better fit than your girlfriend, that will appreciate you more. You will always have tough days, but my advice would be STAY BUSY! Paint your house, get lots of physical exercise, listen to loud music etc Also, clear out any pictures of her, any old communications on phones/computers, any music that reminds you of her...whenever I am feeling down and low, I find swearing at/berating myself very motivational as well

Linka

I agree with others, it's time to move on. She ended it because she didn't see a future with you for whatever reason. Your refusal to accept that is just prolonging your anguish.

WantHerBack wrote: »

Right so my ex and I parted ways a few months back. I was pretty cut up over the whole thing. She was not. She moved on pretty quickly with a new bloke

It doesn't really matter how long it took her to move on, she has and there is nothing more to be said. This isn't going to be easy to hear, but the other guy hasn't done anything on you. It is not his fault she split up with you before meeting him. The point I'm getting at is you shouldn't disregard their relationship purely because you feel it's too soon for her to have moved on. She seems fairly certain about what she's doing, so she must have known her own feelings for some time.

Idle Passerby

Put yourself in your ex's shoes: she was in a relationship she was unhappy with, she probably thought about whether to end it for a while before breaking the news to you that it was over. She may have been sad, but also relieved I would imagine, that she had got out of a situation she was unhappy in. She met someone else and is apparently happy with him. She has not contacted you, you can only assume she has moved on and has put her time with you behind her.

So now that she's happy with someone else, a guy she dumped months ago getting in contact would in my opinion come across as a bit pathetic and deeply unattractive. Not to mention a bit arrogant on his part, for thinking he could somehow lure her away from a guy she is, I assume happier with.

You cant force someone to like you OP. She made her choice and from what you say she seems to be happy with it.

jigglypuffstuff

OP whats meant for you wont pass you, if thats meant to be then it will be
, if you let something go and it returns to you then its yours, if it doesnt it never was!

In the meantime i suggest you focus on you

I went through a particularly strange breakup about 5 or 6 weeks ago, we broke up because my ex is going home to Poland and niether of us really wanted to break up.

6 weeks later..I can see how wrong she was for me and how i never would have settled for a life with her...I pitied her so much i couldnt see past how bad a girlfriend she was...I wouldnt listen to my family when they told me..but I see it now....now ive had so many positive things happen me its hard to believe..go out and make things happen and forget about her.

Seriously man do yourself a favour here!! we were talking about the future the night before and this just happened, it was a smack to the face for both of us at the time and hurt like hell, but the fact is it was the wakeup slap I needed! take her leaving you as the wakeup slap you need to get yourself into a good state of mind

OP breakups suck for everyone, mine happened a month before my finals started. But know that there is a grieving to a breakup and you will come out the other side of it

Take off the rose tinted glasses, take your ex off the pedastel you have her on, trust me it makes it a lot easier.

Maphisto

WantHerBack wrote: »

In fact, I was invited to a party recently where I knew she would be and I respectfully declined on the merit that I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle being there with her but not actually with her.

My €0.02, you should have gone to the party, been pleasant to your ex and your ex's new beau. You should have shown her that you were fine without her and really having a good time.

That's not a way its the only way.

I don't think getting her back is a good idea, but you won't do it by staying at home on your own.

I wish you well