Gf stealing from me

Taltos

thebomb - welcome to PI/RI.
Please note due to the issues here this is a strictly moderated forum. If you have not already read the charter please take 5 minutes now, can I call you specifically to only posting constructive advice and never to use text speak - both of these alone can result in warnings / infractions or bans.

Thanks
Taltos

pc7

Is it a rented apartment? Could a previous tenant have keys or the landlord?

Flippyfloppy

Honestly, I'm quite dubious as to whether anything has been stolen at all?

Why would she steal shirts? Bit random.

Is she unemployed? Would she really take money? Are you 100% sure you didn't spend it yourself?

The only thing I'd say is probably her is the photos of the exes. Probably a 'test' to see of you'd notice they're gone! (Why were you looking for them? Why do you have them? Etc etc)

missjm

You need to establish whether she is or she isn't before accusing her.
That unfortunately does probably mean setting up a trap of some sort.

You also need to eliminate everything else. I almost brought half the parish priests in to bless a house I lived in a no. of years back. I was living there alone at the time and things were being moved around/going missing. I was convinced after a few weeks that I had a poltergeist in the house. About 6 weeks in I woke up one morning at 4am sitting on the kitchen floor surrounded by pots and pans with a bag full of some of my belongings next to me. Sleepwalking and moving things around is not unheard of.

allandanyways

Just speaking from experience, this sounds like she might have a drug habit.

Paranoia, kleptomania, out of character behaviour - could be coke, could be something else but one of my good friends used to be a cokehead and she was constantly doing weird things like that. She stole money off me, burned a carpet that her boyfriend's ex had bought him, would rearrange stuff in his apartment when he wasn't there etc.

Approach with caution, OP. If you accuse her of being on drugs and she is, she won't admit it right away and will most likely pull away from you; if you accuse her of being on drugs and she's not, then you've f-ed up there as well. I really feel for you, it's a tough situation. Good luck.

MPB

I've been in similar situation. Things going missing, one hell of a lot of money going missing, lies, complete and utter two faced personality, drugs the list is endless. Its a messy situation. In my experience I got out of it cause it wasn't gonna improve and who I thought I had was someone very different from who I actually had as a gf. I hadn't been well and this was the s**t that was going on when I was so ill. Only when I recovered did I realise it but the damage that had been done was irreparable. Trust is a huge issue in any relationship and if trust cant be in it then its not a relationship. In y situation she got her marching papers. Only difference I see here is that as of yet and I aint read the entire thread but sounds like you only suspect she's to blame. In my situation I caught my ex red handed.

Lou.m

MPB wrote: »

I've been in similar situation. Things going missing, one hell of a lot of money going missing, lies, complete and utter two faced personality, drugs the list is endless. Its a messy situation. In my experience I got out of it cause it wasn't gonna improve and who I thought I had was someone very different from who I actually had as a gf. I hadn't been well and this was the s**t that was going on when I was so ill. Only when I recovered did I realise it but the damage that had been done was irreparable. Trust is a huge issue in any relationship and if trust cant be in it then its not a relationship. In y situation she got her marching papers. Only difference I see here is that as of yet and I aint read the entire thread but sounds like you only suspect she's to blame. In my situation I caught my ex red handed.

I can tell you right now, drugs make people crazy. I had an ex that beat me and even his own mother because of the damage done to his mind. He trashed her house and furniture until she called the guards.

A drug addict will steal from you and then help you look for the money after.

And yes abusive relationships are brainwashing.

When he was coming off the drugs (which he did every so often then wnet on them again) was the worst.

The invented stories, the endless boring rants.

OP are there any other things that YOU know she does that are destructive?

Also i assume she is working? Does she seem to be living within her means? Does she never seem to have money? How is her behavior?

jane82

You are sleep walking I reckon. Get up every night feed the pooch then do something random then go back to bed.
Id record myself sleeping if I wa you.

missjm

MPB wrote: »

I've been in similar situation. Things going missing, one hell of a lot of money going missing, lies, complete and utter two faced personality, drugs the list is endless. Its a messy situation. In my experience I got out of it cause it wasn't gonna improve and who I thought I had was someone very different from who I actually had as a gf. I hadn't been well and this was the s**t that was going on when I was so ill. Only when I recovered did I realise it but the damage that had been done was irreparable. Trust is a huge issue in any relationship and if trust cant be in it then its not a relationship. In y situation she got her marching papers. Only difference I see here is that as of yet and I aint read the entire thread but sounds like you only suspect she's to blame. In my situation I caught my ex red handed.

I have been in this situation too with an ex but at the moment the OP has zero proof yet.
He needs to ensure or eliminate it is her and then take the next step.
There's nothing worse than being accused in the wrong.

MJ23

Some great suggestions on here. I think the camera would be going a bit too far though. Leave a couple of tenners in a mug in the kitchen and some more on the mantlepice and see how long they stay there.

Any update on how it's going op?

Tokyo

MJ23 - asking the OP for updates is against the forum charter - the thread isn't here for the entertainment of others. Considering your colourful infraction history here, I sincerely request that you read the charter - next breach will be a lengthy ban.

Bafucin

In college did something similar when we were sharing. For months money was going missing slowly it was larger and larger amounts. A couple of things were stolen at first, two watches , some jewelry.

We had thought we caught the guy who was doing it and kicked him out. Then about a week later it started happening again it eventually culminated in a PC going missing.

I could believe looking at the other two people I was sharing with that one of them was a complete nutter. I moved out, I should have moved out as soon as it started.

One of the guys ended up becoming a guard, I really hope it wasn't him :-(

It still can drive me nuts to this day not knowing what was going on. And i can't believe we were so gullible and easy to flease.

Chattastrophe!

If you have these doubts about your girlfriend, if you actually believe she could be stealing from you, then in my opinion the relationship is over anyways. It doesn't matter whether or not your doubts are justified - there is no trust.

I'm actually amazed that so many people would think it's OK to set up a camera to catch her in the act.

What if you did so, and saw that it was one of your friends? Would you then be honest and tell your girlfriend that you'd doubted her so much that you'd set up a camera to see if you could catch her out?

desbrook

livingwiththelardassians wrote: »

Hi Guys,

I can't believe I actually writing this but here goes.

I think my partner might be stealing from me. We've been together for almost 10 months and I'm mad about her. We don't live together but she spends alot of time in my place. I own a studio apartment in town and was planning on asking her to move in soon but now I'm not so sure.

A few strange things have happened and I'm begining to feel like I'm losing my mind. I recently left an envelope in my drawer with a large amount of money in it but when I counted it yesterday, I realised that over 100 quid was missing. I live alone and haven't touched the money. My friends hang out in the front room and would never go into my bedroom.

Shirts have gone missing and old photographs of ex girlfriends. Things are also turning up in random places, like I'll find my aftershave under the bed and not in the bathroom where I left it or my shoes won't have laces in them anymore.

Another thing is that my dog seems to be getting bigger by the day. I think she's feeding him or something.

I know it sounds bad but i'm thinking of planting some money in a drawer and seeing what happens.

Should I confront her? She's coming over for dinner later?

Thanks for advice - I know it's a weird one!

OP - take a step back and cancel the cctv camera order !

Firstly the money - I regularly make large cash deposits at the bank in connection with business . No matter how many times I check the lodgement occasionaly there's a discrepancy . Ask anyone who works in a bank - 90 odd per cent of the time it's 100 euro . for some reason its the most common amount . In a nut shell there's a real possibility that you simply miscounted . Anyway 100 euro means she's hardly a residual thief . It just doesn't add up . Did you discover the "missing money" after the other stuff or before by the way ??

For a moment please discount the money therefore and lets look at the other stuff. I think she sounds like one of those cheeky people who really make themselves at home and just don't recognise the normal barriers while you are in someone else's house. I'm not excusing her - I find those people kinda scary but they aren't thieves .

The shirts are easy - girls are famous for wearing guys shirts in the mornings . She probably brought them home to wash them and hasn't bothered bringing them back . I'm guessing make up stains that won't come out . That might explain the aftershave in the wrong place or else she hates the smell of it on you and was hiding it !

Even the dog may have been fed by her - but hey some people haven't a clue about stuff like that. If she's been left alone with the dog she needs some instruction on what it should be fed .

Then there's the laces - and I get worried OP . I've just googled the words "shoe laces drug use " and what comes back isn't pretty . Your problem is not is your gf a thief but is she a drug user ?