controlling bf???

kelliyaa

Ok so i have an amazing bf. He's 23 im 21. Since i met him i.fell in love with him so quickly he was so affectionate and caring always there. Problem is i came out of an abusive relationship 2 years ago and im worried im seeing some of the same signs. He makes me promise all.the time that i will never leave him. He makes out that everything he does is to make me happy. He's very insecure and when im tired at night and want to.hang up the phone he accuses me of textn other guys. But wait the best thing is he wants to get me pregnant so i don't leave him. I swore.id never be in a bad relationship after the last one and i just need other people's opinion so that I know it's not all in my head. Weve only been dating 2 months. All opinions are much appreciated

tomwaterford

kelliyaa wrote: »

Ok so i have an amazing bf. He's 23 im 21. Since i met him i.fell in love with him so quickly he was so affectionate and caring always there. Problem is i came out of an abusive relationship 2 years ago and im worried im seeing some of the same signs. He makes me promise all.the time that i will never leave him. He makes out that everything he does is to make me happy. He's very insecure and when im tired at night and want to.hang up the phone he accuses me of textn other guys. But wait the best thing is he wants to get me pregnant so i don't leave him. I swore.id never be in a bad relationship after the last one and i just need other people's opinion so that I know it's not all in my head. Weve only been dating 2 months. All opinions are much appreciated

I mightn't be the best to get relationship advice from (long term single!!:o)

but whatever you do DO NOT get pregnant...your only going out two months!!!!

I would think you possibly rightly have alarm bells ringing

Czarcasm

kelliyaa wrote: »

Ok so i have an amazing bf.

You really don't. I can't believe you typed the rest of that with a straight face after the first line either tbh. The guy sounds FAR too needy and intense, as do you if I'm to be perfectly honest about it OP. An "amazing guy" doesn't treat you like you have no mind of your own and wants to have a child with you within two months of going out.

You sound lovely and all, but incredibly naïve, and this guy sounds like just the sort of insecure idiot who would only take advantage of that fact. I'd honestly suggest you distance yourself from this guy asap and work on yourself for a while before jumping into any new relationships. It will give you some perspective on what's a healthy relationship, and the pitfalls of jumping into a new relationship after coming from an abusive one.

If you do continue to see this guy, well, I think from your own post you can tell it's only going to get worse from here in.

ABajaninCork

You're right to be worried. I think you need to set the boundaries with your BF. He sounds very immature. If you need to hang up the phone, then do so. Don't pander to him. Just politely tell him you're going now and will speak to him later.

Having a child for someone DOES NOT mean you'll never leave them! Look at all the divorced/separated single parent families for goodness sake. I've never heard of anything so daft in all my life. FFS MAKE SURE YOU TAKE PRECAUTIONS!! The last thing you want is to get pregnant by a control freak...

Tokyo

Hey OP,

I wouldn't call your boyfriend abusive, but I think it goes without saying here that the big issue here is that you’re involved with a very insecure guy and that it's manifesting itself as what I'd consider to be some very controlling behaviour, and if he doesn't get control over it now, it could develop into abusive behaviour in the future, which is probably why your alarm bells are going off.

First of all, him expecting you to promise to never leave is instantly setting himself up for failure. How can someone ever make that promise in reality? Even if he believes it, it's impossible to make such a promise - and even worse to expect someone to live by it. The accusations of you texting other guys, and most of all the wanting to get you pregnant in order to entrap you is very concerning though. Both are signs of extremely possessive and controlling behaviour, and I can't imagine it getting anything but worse over time. And the fact that he is trying to get you pregnant without even considering how you might feel about this doesn't not bode well for him seeing you as an equal.

Unfortunately you need to understand there is nothing you can do to change your partner’s mind if they don’t want it to change. You can’t fix this. He has to fix himself. You haven’t given him any reason to be jealous and controlling, and if he can’t believe you when it is clear you aren’t cheating, then his personal insecurities are going to drive him crazy, and drag you down with them.

It comes down to two choices here - the relationship needs major work, or you need to get out. Personally, if I'm to be honest, I would just cut my losses and run, but no-one here can make that decision for you. You could try to talk to him about it, and if he’s willing to work on it – and really does – then he may be worth hanging around for. But if he keeps making it your problem, then the relationship probably won’t work out.

Ham Sambo

Look it's only two months and already the signs are there, next time just take things a bit slower, best of luck :-)

John Cherry

kelliyaa wrote: »

Ok so i have an amazing bf. He's 23 im 21. Since i met him i.fell in love with him so quickly he was so affectionate and caring always there. Problem is i came out of an abusive relationship 2 years ago and im worried im seeing some of the same signs. He makes me promise all.the time that i will never leave him. He makes out that everything he does is to make me happy. He's very insecure and when im tired at night and want to.hang up the phone he accuses me of textn other guys. But wait the best thing is he wants to get me pregnant so i don't leave him. I swore.id never be in a bad relationship after the last one and i just need other people's opinion so that I know it's not all in my head. Weve only been dating 2 months. All opinions are much appreciated

First point I would like to make is
I'm very sorry to hear you were in abusive relationship.

Second point I would like to say his leave him now. This relationship is just going to get worse. He makes you promise you will never leave him,he accuses you of texting other guys when you are tired and want to sleep. That's just on a different level of insecurity. He also wants to get you pregnant so you won't leave him that's the part I just find mind blowing and that for me would be enough to call it a day with anybody I was in a relationship with. This is all in just 2 months of dating him.

Whatever you do make sure you are on the pill if you are still going to continue this relationship. I would not trust him to not put a few holes in the condom if that's the only protection you are using.

I wish you all the best and hope I was of some help to you.

dory

If this is how he is after two months I fear it'll only get worse. Best to run now.

RossFixxxed

I started by assuming you are being, rightly, overly cautious after your last relationship. By the time I finished the post I was hoping that you are going to leave him. Accusing you of texting other guys etc is very controlling, insecure and desperately needy.

Those alarm bells you can hear... I'd pay heed to them. Give yourself space, and time and you'll meet a guy who isn't that insecure and isn't going to accuse you of texting guys. So what if you are, you are fully entitled to have male friends.

I'd love to be balanced, but in this case: walk.

Neyite

OP, have a read here for the full article of what I quoted below. These are early warning signs of an abusive relationship. There are many types of abusive relationships - where your ex might have used violence, another might use emotional manipulation to get what he wants. There are also many ways of controlling and abusing a partner - emotional, physical, sexual, financial, which are much more damaging sometimes than the stereotypical guy who gives black eyes. Please read this and take it on board.

EARLY WARNING SIGN #1: COMMITMENT DRIVEN. This abuser claims to have fallen “heads over heels in love” with you, suggests it was “love at first site,” and believes you are soul mates. They will likely compare you to their ex’s, claiming that they have never felt so at comfortable, so “right,” or that they have never loved anyone as much as they love you. These individuals may propose marriage within the first 6 months, might pressure you into engaging in sex prematurely, and will fail to respect your boundaries and argue that your boundaries are unnecessary because you are obviously “made for each other.” Initially their professions of love are flattering, are intensely romantic, and seemingly mirror a childhood ‘fairytale love story.’ But in reality, these sentiments are only used so as to cloud your judgment, gain undo trust and confidence, and aides in the abuser’s ability to manipulate and control you in the future.



EARLY WARNING SIGN #2: DECEITFUL. Minor deceit, or the ‘telling of white lies’ frequently occurs in the beginning stages of a relationship. Even in healthy relationships, it is common for one to emphasis their positive qualities while also minimizing shortcomings so as to appear more “likable.” However, the abuser is blatantly deceptive in his portrayal of self and because it bears little resemblance to reality, great conscious efforts is expended in order to maintain their lies. The abuser is often superficial. He will be preoccupied with acquiring status symbols (car, boat, Rolex watch, et.); spends excessive time “perfecting” his image; craves attention, praise and reassurance; appears be overly-confident and gloats about his super-ambitious goals. Warning: the superficial abuser lacks empathy for others and experiences limited emotional responses. If you question his apathetic response, he will either blame his lack of expression on machismo, avoid expressing emotion by giving lavishly, expensive gifts in their place, or he may even demonstrate his talent for faking the desired response


EARLY WARNING SIGN #3: MINOR JEALOUSY.At first their jealous behavior doesn’t seem excessive, so there is no immediate ‘red flag warning’ indicating a prevalence for controlling or possessive behaviors. In fact, even though you notice he is uncomfortable with you talking to other men or even when you engage in activities without him, you likely perceive his response as “sweet,” or tangible proof of his devotion to you. Unfortunately, this minor display of jealousy is only the tip of the iceberg for an abuser; it will increase in intensity as the relationship progresses, and has the potential to manifest into a lethal attack. According to Stosny (2008), “jealousy becomes dangerous once it turns into obsession. The more we obsess about something, the more imagination takes over, distorting reality and rational thinking. Jealousy is the only naturally occurring emotion that can cause psychosis, which is the inability to tell what is really happening from what is in your head.” When their jealous behaviors are questioned, the abuser will claim that they are a direct result of his genuine love and concern for you. But, excessive jealousy is not a sign of love, rather it stems from his insecurities that suggest he must control or possess you, in order to keep you.


EARLY WARNING SIGN #4: VICTIMIZED. What do you know about his childhood? Did he experience abuse or neglect? If so, do these experiences continue to have a negative impact him? An abusive childhood in and of itself should not be considered a deal-breaker, however, if he uses his history of abuse as an excuse for his poor attitude or for feeling a general sense of resentment and entitlement; then this behavior should be on your radar.
Entitlement. Individuals with a sense of entitlement believe they should receive special treatment or considerations not afforded to others. They have an unjust sense of superiority and assume that their wants and needs are more important than those of others. Believing that everyone “owes” them preferential treatment; they often feel offended and/or disappointed when special considerations are not made, and as result then feel they should be compensated for their sub-par treatment. Stosny (2008) suggests, “After the glow of infatuation wears off, the entitled person will regard his feelings and desires as more important than yours. If you agree, you’ll get depressed. If you disagree, you’ll get abused.”
Resentment. Individuals who feel like they have been or are currently being unfairly treated are typically resentful of others. Although everyone experiences incidents of unfairness in their life, he contends that no one has helped them, or understood his needs, or taken his issues into consideration, nor have they been bestowed with appropriate levels of praise, recognition, or affection. Abusers tend to feel that they are not in control of their own lives, are incapable of rising above maltreatment alone, and blame their past mistreatment for all failures or areas of incompetence. Additionally, abusers are so focused on themselves that they are incapable of considering others’ needs. If you find yourself in a relationship with a resentful individual, you will spend considerable time reassuring, praising, and accommodating your partner; and in return your resentful partner will surely be insensitive to your needs, feelings or rights, and will leave you feel insignificant.


EARLY WARNING SIGN #5: LACKING CUPLABILITY. While presented as an early warning sign, generally “blaming others” is also a red flag behavior, whereas individuals who fail to take responsibility for their emotions, behaviors, and/or life outcomes should be avoided at all costs because of their destructive nature. It is likely that they also have endured an abusive childhood, therefore tend to label themselves as a victim and blame past abuses for current inappropriate acts or behaviors. There are two types of “blamers, those who shift responsibility for their problems and those blame others for their emotional response.
Blames Others for Problems. This individual appears to be attacked constantly, punished unjustly, prevented from success, and repeatedly victimized. They will almost never take responsibility for their problems, but are insistent that someone else is at fault. As the relationship progresses, he will eventually blame you as well for his mistakes, shortcomings and failures, although these claims are without merit.
Blames Others for Emotions. He seems defensive all the time and reactive to his perceived maltreatment. Clearly depressed or angry, he will claim that he was “fine” until someone treated him unfairly by his or her words, attitudes, or behaviors. As this relationship progresses, communication will decrease; you will find yourself “pussy-footing” around him, fearful to say or do things that will set him off; and you will spend considerable amounts of time trying to make him happy. The abuser will claim that you alone are responsible for maintaining his emotional well-being and happiness, and vise-versa will blame you when he feels angry or depressed.


EARLY WARNING SIGN #6: SUPERIORITY. This individual has an attitude of self-righteousness, truly believes that he is better than everyone else, and will have no qualms telling you this. According to Stosny (2008) “potential abusers tend to have hierarchical self-esteem, i.e. they need to feel better than someone else to feel okay about themselves. They need to point out ways in which they are smarter, more sensitive, or more talented than others. This, too, can be seductive in dating, as he will point out ways in which you are superior, too.” Predatory, hierarchical self-esteem has been considered the most abusive display of superiority, whereas the abuser will intentionally attack others’ self-esteem, seeking to make others feel bad about themselves, and does this solely to increase his self-esteem. Not surprisingly, he will maintain very rigid, stereotypical sex roles. Eventually, he will refer to you using derogatory female terms, insisting that ‘as a woman, you should know your place.’ He feels you are inferior, will expect that you stay at home and forgo any career aspirations. He will argue your ideals, insist that you assume traditional roles, and/or use guilt to get you to agree with his point-of-view. These behaviors are ALL highly predictive of an abusive personality.


EARLY WARNING SIGN #7: LONER. At first, it might appear that he really enjoys spending time alone with you, or that values solitary and is uncomfortable around others, or maybe it is just that he loves being one with nature; but eventually you will want to get out and do something. The abuser’s insistence to hang out alone only serves one purpose, he wants to isolate you from the outside world because he is vested in keeping you all for himself. This individual will either outright refuse or offered excuses as to why he cannot meet your family or friends, but similarly he has not introduced you to his friends either. He might question your motives for wanting to hang out with your family or friends, or suggest that those closest to you are immoral and potentially toxic to your relationship, and insists that you go everywhere together (after all, that’s what you would do if you were truly committed to him) but then rebuts all efforts to engage in outside social interaction. When you talk of the future, he shares that he would like to live a minimalistic lifestyle, in which: he would work, you will stay at home; own a small home out in the country, the closet neighbor being miles away; possess only the basic necessities, i.e. no phone, cable, internet, and survive with only one car. WARNING: His fantasy life would completely isolate you from the outside world, strip you of any resources, and place you squarely under his control.


EARLY WARNING SIGN #8: PETTINESS –or- HYPERSENSITIVITY. Abusers tend to have low self-esteem, thus they are easily upset or insulted. Also, he tends to make a big deal out of nothing, focus on insignificant details or comments, and assume that any difference of opinion is a direct personal attack on him. These abusers are highly inpatient, excessively critical of others, and lack the ability to forgive others. He often claims that you have ‘hurt’ him; even your smallest infractions cause him emotional pain. While his petty attitudes and outrageous emotional responses seem unfounded, you will eventually feel devalued and question your sensibilities; but of course, you will often find yourself apologizing for things you may have said or done, that he misinterpreted or blew out of proportion.


EARLY WARNING SIGN #9: CONTEMPTUOUS. He his always joking around, or so he claims; but his “jokes” are ripe with malicious sarcasm and condescending undertones. While his jokes, albeit poorly timed, seem genuinely innocently intended; other times his hostility is as unmistakably purposeful. When he is not poking ‘fun’ at others, his direct conversations will likely be condescending, cruel or rude in nature. Importantly, listen to the way he talks about his ex; does he become angry, call her names, or use insulting descriptions in an effort to blame her for the demise of the relationship? Considering these interactional patterns, understand that for now, these are directed at others; but as the relationship progresses, you must realize that the attacks will shift onto you.


EARLY WARNING SIGN #10: AGGRESIVENESS. The words ‘abuse’ and ‘relationship violence’ immediately conjures up mental images of physical fights, bruises, cuts, broken furniture, et. We really have been cued into the tangible aspects of relationship abuse, we recognize it when we see it; we can identify it, when we hear it directed at someone. However, aggressive individuals never end the first dating by punching her in the eye; instead these behaviors manifest over time. Clearly, acts of aggression toward animals or children or verbal assaults would be considered ‘red flag’ behaviors. However, the abuser may act out his aggressions in other ways that will indicate his abusive personality. Aggressive individuals often have little patience, can be triggered into violent rages by minor frustrations, have a tendency to throw, smash, or obliterate objects that irritate him. These aggressive behaviors will likely present in regards to issues of intimacy, i.e. he will pressure you to engage in acts that make you uncomfortable or use ‘playful force’ during sex. He thoroughly enjoys being in control and likes it when you play the helpless victim; unless all other areas of the relationship are in perfect balance, you are dealing with a potential abuser.

I'm going to be really harsh with you here. I have to be. But I hope you realise that I genuinely want to help you make good choices in your life, and not that I am being horrible to you.

You should NOT have a baby with this man. If you have any love for the babies you hope to have in the future, you will NOT subject them to a life of fear, being terrified of what their daddy does to mammy, tiptoeing around for fear they get beaten.

If you bring children into this kind of relationship you, as a mother are telling your sons its ok to hit women and abuse them, you are telling your daughters that this kind of relationship is all that they deserve and that its ok for their man to beat them.

If you do have children with this man, YOU are giving them lifelong issues to deal with because of YOUR bad choices. Many children of abusive families as adults hate the parent who chose not to protect them from the terror. Many hate the parent who trapped them in a life of hell by staying.

Do you want your son or daughter to hate you?

You deserve a man who wont get frustrated when you both have had less than 3 hours sleep because of a colicky baby. You deserve a man who you can trust to love and protect you all. You deserve someone who does not think you are shagging the neighbourhood just because the bus was 5 mins late.

This is not a man, it is a monster in the making. Leave him, read up on abusive relationships and how to recognise early warning signs. Work on your self esteem and realise that you are worth more.

baldbear

You are only 21 and entering a second serious relationship. Life is too short to be stuck with a control freak.

He wants to have a baby already. He sounds like a kid not a man. Dump him and stay single for a while and give your head some peace.Also,from your previous posts with the physic pregnancy reading i think you need to mature a bit. Are you trying to get pregnant with this lad?

czechlin

OP, I agree with every poster here and I'm going to be blunt: Walk. Do yourself a favour and get rid of this guy.
You're 21, you already were in a serious abusive relationship and you certainly don't need another. You've got so much life to live and enjoy, but this guy won't let you. There are wonderful men out there but he is not one of them.

December2012

I think you've got great advice.

Sometimes I wonder of people accept this kind of wrong behaviour because they don't know what's "normal".

So in my experience, this is normally what stage relationships are like after two months;

- phone calls / texts are sweet and nice, and never end with an allegation of infidelity.

- insecurity is actually hidden, and not used as a weapon by way the person is a "victim" or soft, tortured soul who is only understood or really known by the girlfriend

- planning babies is not on the cards at all

- I certainly did not love anybody yet by two months.

- there is mutual respect

- you still each see your own friends separately and often

- dates are romantic

- neediness and clinginess on either side is hidden

- no use of threatening body language, language or behaviour

I'm sure your other boyfriend was nice at the beginning too?

Look at this site and see how you feel after going through the questions

http://www.2in2u.ie/mobile.asp

kelliyaa

Thanks everyone for all the advice. The thing that makes me confused is that my last bf wasn't afraid.to get angry at me because he spent so much of our relationship angry but with this man he won't get angry atal.he keeps tellin me that if he got angry at me id probably break up with him that he.would probably frighten me so therefore he will never get angry. Im really confused

loubian

kelliyaa wrote: »

Thanks everyone for all the advice. The thing that makes me confused is that my last bf wasn't afraid.to get angry at me because he spent so much of our relationship angry but with this man he won't get angry atal.he keeps tellin me that if he got angry at me id probably break up with him that he.would probably frighten me so therefore he will never get angry. Im really confused

Just because he doesn't get physically angry, doesn't mean he's not trying to control you. My ex is an emotional manipulator. I saw past his lies and stories eventually but I did end up getting pregnant with him. Believe me, a baby will not fix things and will not make you want to stay. In fact, it could make you want to leave more as you would have your baby to think of. I don't like telling people to end their relationships vut in this case, I feel it's necessary. Get out now while you don't waste any more time on it. Delete his number and block him. I still have my ex telling me he loves me and wants to marry me but I can't block him because we've a child together. Good luck op!

kelliyaa

Do you mind if i.ask what kind of lies your ex told because iv pulled my bf up quiet a few times already for lyin but they were the silliest little lies and i cant for the life of me understand what need he felt to lie about stupid things for

ABajaninCork

kelliyaa wrote: »

Do you mind if i.ask what kind of lies your ex told because iv pulled my bf up quiet a few times already for lyin but they were the silliest little lies and i cant for the life of me understand what need he felt to lie about stupid things for

That's your first clue, OP. You need to leave.

December2012

Getting angry - Anger shouldn't be a factor at all in a new relationship.

Neyite

kelliyaa wrote: »

Do you mind if i.ask what kind of lies your ex told because iv pulled my bf up quiet a few times already for lyin but they were the silliest little lies and i cant for the life of me understand what need he felt to lie about stupid things for

Like my link explained above, its about trying to pretend to be someone more acceptable and 'nice'. The 'nice' side is the fake one - trying to impress you or to give you a more socially acceptable answer. Because they are making it up as they go along. They are hiding their true side until they have you trapped.

Some of the most abusive people I know have never gotten angry or hit. But they used threats of suicide, and extreme manipulation on your feelings to get their own way. Trust me, when you stop falling for the emotional blackmail or pretend sadness, and it stops working, anger will follow, because they need to find a new way of controlling you. Its only been two months after all.

strobe

kelliyaa wrote: »

Thanks everyone for all the advice. The thing that makes me confused is that my last bf wasn't afraid.to get angry at me because he spent so much of our relationship angry but with this man he won't get angry atal.he keeps tellin me that if he got angry at me id probably break up with him that he.would probably frighten me so therefore he will never get angry. Im really confused

He sounds pretty messed up tbh. Aren't we all a little bit but when it results in you behaving in the way he is it's a serious problem. For him and anyone he's involved with. Recommend he seeks some form of help, for his own good (genuinely, maybe tell him to contact Aware.ie or reachout.com or something) and end the relationship.

redfacedbear

kelliyaa wrote: »

he keeps tellin me that if he got angry at me id probably break up with him that he.would probably frighten me so therefore he will never get angry

So he's essentially told you he's a powder keg waiting to blow. Don't believe that it will never come out - of course it will and he's warned you that it's going to be scary when it happens.

Each time you post OP another red flag flys up into the air.

In broader terms OP, after your first abusive relationship ended did you do any work on why you ended up with a guy like that? Of course anybody can be unlucky and get fooled by a nutter. But two nutters one after another and you should start to wonder is there something about this type of guy that's floating your boat? why is that? what can you do about it in the future?

Good luck

Neyite

redfacedbear wrote: »

So he's essentially told you he's a powder keg waiting to blow. Don't believe that it will never come out - of course it will and he's warned you that it's going to be scary when it happens.

Exactly.

When somone tells you who they are, listen.

PurplePoodle

OP, as someone who has (unfortunately) been there, I would strongly recommend that you get out of this relationship while it's still in the early stages.

These aren't good signs, and things will only get worse the longer you stay.

As others have said, the first two months of a relationship should be easy, fun, there shouldn't be any accusations of cheating being thrown around and there really shouldn't be any talk of having babies straight away...

I only wish someone had given me this advice when I first met my now (thankfully) ex boyfriend.

Idle Passerby

At two months in you are still just getting to know each other. It sounds like you are getting to know that he is massively insecure, suspicious, overbearing, needy, has a terrible temper.

(its ridiculous to assume you could have a serious relationship with someone and never see them get angry. It doesn't really matter whether its directed towards you or not, you will be walking on eggshells around him if you ever see this terrible temper he's warned you about)

Why wait around to see how this will pan out? There is already alarm bells going off in your head about someone you've effectively just met. Heed them.

Lauzzy22

Oh my god get away from this now!!
Happened my friend before it was her first proper boyfriend and she just automatically put him first he wouldn't let her go out drinkin without him and at that they couldn't drink together he was 8 years older than her an had a child from a previous relationship and within two months got my friend pregnant and would say things like If u break up wit me no one will ever want u if u have a child it took her two years after her baby was born to walk away and only for me being there that night she'd be still with him! I know it's easier said than done but get out now before he ruins you least u have the cop on and seen that getting u pregnant was mental! Plenty more fish in the sea!

kelliyaa

When we are in.public he is very affectionate somethimes i.feel like hes too "all over me" as its.makes me feel uncomfortable but when i dont be affectionate back he gets slightly upset e.g when he's waiting on the bus at the station and it lands he.wants a big passionate kiss infront of everyone and im.not lik that atol so.when i give him a normal.kiss he gets annoyed. Also he wants.to talk on the phone ALDAY long and i never get anything done. He is constantly tellin me the same thing over and over again ".youre my world,my happiness my everything". And its gettin to.th point where when i hear them words i.roll my eyes.

ABajaninCork

kelliyaa wrote: »

When we are in.public he is very affectionate somethimes i.feel like hes too "all over me" as its.makes me feel uncomfortable but when i dont be affectionate back he gets slightly upset e.g when he's waiting on the bus at the station and it lands he.wants a big passionate kiss infront of everyone and im.not lik that atol so.when i give him a normal.kiss he gets annoyed. Also he wants.to talk on the phone ALDAY long and i never get anything done. He is constantly tellin me the same thing over and over again ".youre my world,my happiness my everything". And its gettin to.th point where when i hear them words i.roll my eyes.

Well - you know what you need to do. So DO IT!! Kick this loser to the kerb. And for God's sake stay single for a while. Having a boyfriend isn't the be-all and end all.

Czarcasm

kelliyaa wrote: »

When we are in.public he is very affectionate somethimes i.feel like hes too "all over me" as its.makes me feel uncomfortable but when i dont be affectionate back he gets slightly upset e.g when he's waiting on the bus at the station and it lands he.wants a big passionate kiss infront of everyone and im.not lik that atol so.when i give him a normal.kiss he gets annoyed. Also he wants.to talk on the phone ALDAY long and i never get anything done. He is constantly tellin me the same thing over and over again ".youre my world,my happiness my everything". And its gettin to.th point where when i hear them words i.roll my eyes.

Kelli can you honestly see yourself putting up with two more days, two more weeks, two more months, two more years, of everything you've written in this thread? Christ, imagine the next 20 years when you're physically, mentally, emotionally drained from constantly reassuring this guy you haven't been cheating on him, that any children you have are indeed his, you'll be so worn out from it all that you'll be in no condition to be strong enough to leave.

You've already been through one abusive relationship that lasted two years, that's one more abusive relationship than anyone should ever have to go through in their lifetime, and you're seeing all the signals of a second abusive relationship only two months in, and you're only 21 yet!

Nobody should have to go through so much crap Kelli at a time in their lives when they should be having fun, but you're talking like someone twice your age who's been in an abusive relationship without realising it for the last 20 years. You can't see the extent of it or where it could end up, because while you have some insight, it gives you a skewed perspective that "well he hasn't hit me so it's not an abusive relationship".

Don't hang around Kelli until he does get nifty with his fists, he's already given the whole "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry, so I won't get angry with you" nonsense, just planting the seed in your mind that you would never do anything to make him angry, like break up with him.

Already he's causing you conflicting emotions and thoughts, and that's only after two months. Relationships when you're 21 shouldn't be this much hard work tbh, and you've put yourself through enough already. You deserve better for yourself than to settle for being treated like somebody's slave that constantly has to reassure and feed their masters insecurity while they play you like a puppet.

Meauldsegosha

kelliyaa wrote: »

When we are in.public he is very affectionate somethimes i.feel like hes too "all over me" as its.makes me feel uncomfortable but when i dont be affectionate back he gets slightly upset e.g when he's waiting on the bus at the station and it lands he.wants a big passionate kiss infront of everyone and im.not lik that atol so.when i give him a normal.kiss he gets annoyed. Also he wants.to talk on the phone ALDAY long and i never get anything done. He is constantly tellin me the same thing over and over again ".youre my world,my happiness my everything". And its gettin to.th point where when i hear them words i.roll my eyes.

OP you haven't said one positive about this man in any of your posts. So why are you still with him?? You are only dating him 2 months so break up now before you get any deeper involved.

You are only 21 and were already in an abusive relationship, don't let the pattern continue with this man. Did you get any counselling after your last relationship? If not it may be helpful to get some now.

czechlin

After reading your new posts OP I stand by my previous statement - WALK AWAY FROM THIS GUY. And not only that, cut any contact with him, get him out of your life altogether because you honestly do not need this.

kelliyaa

Ok so iv decided im going to leave him. I was on the phone to him and i hung up said i was tired and he rang me 15 minutes later with a pretend sleepy voice thinkn that we got cut of when my gut is telling me he was checking up on me to see if i was on the phone to anyone else. maybe im just going crazy i dno. But anyways i want to leave him im already becoming miserable. with him so miserable its making me miss my asshole of an ex bf wich is scary. i just need a good enough reason to tell him so that he doesn't talk me round. any suggestions i need help with this one