Favourite Bible verse

Festy

What's your favourite Bible verse ?

This is mine


2 Kings 2:23-25

23 From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” 24 He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys. 25 And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria.

:pac:

The King of Moo

"Thou shalt not horn in on thy neighbour's... racket."

Frosty McSnowballs

Milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner chocolate is made.

- Matthew 2:15 Book of Jobe

Witcher

'Thou shalt not take moochers into thy...hut'

~ Homer 2:15

RayM

Jesus wept.

PizzamanIRL

"Sure Jasus you can't be doing that"

Vito Corleone

Ezekiel 23:19

Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.

Davarus Walrus

Proverbs 12:16

The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult.

Un Croissant

Obligatory Pulp Fiction reference.

Elmer Blooker

here comes the breakfast scene from Pulp Fiction!
edit: un croissant beat me to it by a minute

Capt'n Midnight

http://www.thebricktestament.com/home.html

The Bible contains material some may consider morally objectionable and/or inappropriate for children. These labels identify stories containing:

= nudity = sexual content = violence = cursing

Festy

Another gem


Lot and His Daughters

30 Lot and his two daughters left Zoar and settled in the mountains, for he was afraid to stay in Zoar. He and his two daughters lived in a cave. 31 One day the older daughter said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is no man around here to give us children—as is the custom all over the earth. 32 Let’s get our father to drink wine and then sleep with him and preserve our family line through our father.”

33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father. 37 The older daughter had a son, and she named him Moab[a]; he is the father of the Moabites of today. 38 The younger daughter also had a son, and she named him Ben-Ammi; he is the father of the Ammonites[c] of today.

El Weirdo

Fuck you lot.

- God.

Ihatecuddles

Ecclesiastes 4:12.

Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Holsten

Ezekiel 23:19-20

"Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions."

Large donkey balls and stallion sperm.

Rhyme

"And Jesus, having found a young ass, sat thereon"
John 12:14

The King of Moo

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

Jesus, turning the money lenders out of the temple.

Shane-KornSpace

".. . and 13.8 billion years ago, there was an explosion of unimaginable size."

Festy

Deuteronomy 23:1

If a man's testicles are crushed or his penis is cut off, he may not be admitted to the assembly of the LORD.

Davarus Walrus

Timothy 6:4

He is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, and evil suspicions.

Vito Corleone

They don't think it be like it is but it do.

- Jesus

Festy

John 14:28

“You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I.

Then


John 10:30

I and the Father are one."


:pac:

Aongus Von Bismarck

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

-John 3:16

"The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good."

Psalm 14:1

"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

Revelation 21:8

calanus

"Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man's brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother."

Mark 12:19

If your brother dies before he has fathered any kids, you must bang his wife. It is essential!

Tokyo

Judgement Day 12:21

"But you can't go!" cried Judas, "I order you not to go!" Jesus his hand on Judas' shoulder. "I have to go Judas, and you have to turn me in" "but why?" cried Judas. "because" said Jesus "I can not self terminate"

Femme_Fatale

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

"The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good."

Psalm 14:1

"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

Revelation 21:8

Two really horrible quotes.

Davarus Walrus

Corinthians 3:18

Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you thinks that he is wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise.

Aongus Von Bismarck

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Yeh sure, you love the old testament.
Following it to the letter I've no doubt.

Approximately 75% of the written word of the Bible is Old Testament, so yes I do give it due regard.

However, of the 3 passages I quoted, only 1 was OT, the other 2 were NT.

I suggest you brush up on your biblical studies before you criticise people of faith.

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."

-Hebrews 4:12

Zed Bank

Disclaimer 1:1
"This is a big bunch of fairytales written for the laugh, and therefore should not be taken seriously in any way whatsoever"

orangesoda

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxEjzSlbHvY&t=0m42s

From the book of Rev. Ian

Festy

And here was me thinking that God forgive all sins but apparently not

You won't hear this one at mass


Mark 3:28-29

Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter, 29 but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin.”

Aongus Von Bismarck

Festy wrote: »

And here was me thinking that God forgive all sins but apparently not

You won't hear this one at mass


Mark 3:28-29

Truly I tell you, people can be forgiven all their sins and every slander they utter, 29 but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; they are guilty of an eternal sin.”

Do you understand what that means?

Lenin Skynard

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.


It always reminds me of that Coolio song.

Zed Bank

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Approximately 75% of the written word of the Bible is Old Testament, so yes I do give it due regard.

However, of the 3 passages I quoted, only 1 was OT, the other 2 were NT.

I suggest you brush up on your biblical studies before you criticise people of faith.

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."

-Hebrews 4:12

You do know the things you're "God" (mighty surveillance camera in the sky! :O) did in the old testament, right?

Femme_Fatale

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Approximately 75% of the written word of the Bible is Old Testament, so yes I do give it due regard.

However, of the 3 passages I quoted, only 1 was OT, the other 2 were NT.

I suggest you brush up on your biblical studies before you criticise people of faith.

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."

-Hebrews 4:12

Post edited. They're two really horrible, hate-filled quotes though.
I'm not criticising anyone of faith, just the more unreasonable scriptures and the fact most people don't follow them anyway as they're not compatible with reality. Plus, they espouse bigotry. How do I know for certain you're of faith anyway?
If people want to embrace christianity in the form Christ would have endorsed (not the fire and brimstone approach) fair play to them. They should respect those who don't believe also though. Even though it's fashionable to say atheists are smug and arrogant, obviously plenty aren't.
This really is just venom though:

"The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good."
"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

Any decent christian would reject it.

Festy

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Do you understand what that means?

I think it means if you were to believe that Jesus miracles was the work of demons. The Pharisees accused him of this.

Not 100% sure though

Manach

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith;"
2 Timothy 4:7

Aongus Von Bismarck

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Post edited. They're two really horrible, hate-filled quotes though.
I'm not criticising anyone of faith, just the more unreasonable scriptures and the fact most people don't follow them anyway as they're not compatible with reality. Plus, they espouse bigotry. How do I know for certain you're of faith anyway?
If people want to embrace christianity in the form Christ would have endorsed (not the fire and brimstone approach) fair play to them. They should respect those who don't believe also though. Even though it's fashionable to say atheists are smug and arrogant, obviously plenty aren't.
This really is just venom though:



Any decent christian would reject it.

Why would a Christian reject the Holy book of Christianity, our only spiritual guide. It seems you think being Christian means conforming to the relativist morals of today. It doesn't.

Jesus would have endorsed the quotes I wrote, given they are from the New Testament they are based on the teachings of Jesus Christ.

Festy wrote: »

I think it means if you were to believe that Jesus miracles was the work of demons. Not 100% sure though

No, it means rejecting the Holy Spirit. Anyone who truly experiences the love and grandeur of God through the Holy Spirit, and consciously chooses to reject their creator is guilty of damnation. You would have to be truly evil to experience the Holy Spirit, and still reject it.

Femme_Fatale

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Why would a Christian reject the Holy book of Christianity, our only spiritual guide.

The... horrible bigot bits like.
E.g. the stuff you posted.

It seems you think being Christian means conforming to the relativist morals of today. It doesn't.

Sure about that? Or is it that it's just convenient? Peeps should at least try.

Adamantium

Pilate: I'm sure it feels very real to you.

T-800: On August 29th, 1997, it's gonna feel pretty ****ing real to you too. Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day. Get it?

An excrept ~

Arnie trying to convince the Galilee court system that he needs to get his time machine back, as he isn't where he should be.

Zed Bank

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Why would a Christian reject the Holy book of Christianity, our only spiritual guide. It seems you think being Christian means conforming to the relativist morals of today. It doesn't.

Jesus would have endorsed the quotes I wrote, given they are from the New Testament they are based on the teachings of Jesus Christ.




No, it means rejecting the Holy Spirit. Anyone who truly experiences the love and grandeur of God through the Holy Spirit, and consciously chooses to reject their creator is guilty of damnation. You would have to be truly evil to experience the Holy Spirit, and still reject it.

In that case I think its fair to say the teachings if Jesus are morally wrong. How about you think critically about things and base your morals on life experience and our innate sense of morality instead of relying on a book full of contradictions written four thousand years ago? You'll find its ultimately more satisfying. If you take the bible literally or believe every verse I can only assume you think the world is six thousand years old?

Aongus Von Bismarck

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

The... horrible bigot bits like.
E.g. the stuff you posted.

Sure about that? Or is it that it's just convenient? Peeps should at least try.

You're not making any sense. I actually don't even know how its 'bigoted' to believe that failure to accept Our Lord is a grave sin.

The way we know how to behave as a Christian is through the teachings of Jesus Christ. The only way we know the teachings of Our Lord is through the Bible. Why would we reject those teachings because societies morals have shifted? How is it 'more Christian' to reject the Bible?

Aongus Von Bismarck

Zed Bank wrote: »

In that case I think its fair to say the teachings if Jesus are morally wrong. How about you think critically about things and base your morals on life experience and our innate sense of morality instead of relying on a book full of contradictions written four thousand years ago? You'll find its ultimately more satisfying. If you take the bible literally or believe every verse I can only assume you think the world is six thousand years old?

Why would I think that?

Much of the Bible is allegorical. I know its easier to argue against a strawman Christian creationist, but the vast majority of Christians think rationally and are not fools.

El Weirdo

Especially you...

- God

The Th!ng

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kf-DPt4g1-o

Festy

Anyone else notice in the Old Testament that Satan isnt the evil character that is portrayed in the New Testament, In fact he's just an angel doing God's dirty work all under the command of God.

Tokyo

Really? 9:37

"Stop blaming me for the worlds problems, it isn't fair" said the Lord.

Zed Bank

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

Why would I think that?

Much of the Bible is allegorical. I know its easier to argue against a strawman Christian creationist, but the vast majority of Christians think rationally and are not fools.

So why believe that all atheists are going to hell? If you don't believe in the creation myth, or noahs ark or whatever surely that gives you the right as a Christian to pick and choose whatever verses you want?

Femme_Fatale

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

You're not making any sense. I actually don't even know how its 'bigoted' to believe that failure to accept Our Lord is a grave sin.

Oh yeh the following isn't espousing bigotry at all:

"The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good."

"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."

Zed Bank

Festy wrote: »

Anyone else notice in the Old Testament that Satan isnt the evil character that is portrayed in the New Testament, In fact he's just an angel doing God's dirty work all under the command of God.

He's the original rebel. He stood up to an absolute tyrant of a God, he was the one who gave humanity the gift of knowledge. If anything hes essentially a tragic anti hero who is to be admired.

Vito Corleone

But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most.

- Mark Twain