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Abuse even when sober

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    #32
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Irishgirl, thanks for posting.

    'My' guy doesn't seem to have any qualms about hitting my face. In fact, it is my face that he usually goes for. Whether that means that he hates me or my face, I don't know. The other abuse would be throwing me around the room like a rag doll (I'm a slight person).

    I will post in a while - have to go now.


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    #33
    x Purple Pawprints x
    Registered Users Posts: 40,401 ✭✭✭✭x Purple Pawprints x


    Throwing you around like a rag doll? OP I would be considered slight as well and the thought of that scares me so much. You need to get out of there now!


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    #34
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well, there has been no word from him until today. I was in the supermarket, strolling around, when he appeared out of nowhere behind me and asked whether he could collect some things from the shed. I said that was fine. Both got here separately. I told him there were more clothes in the hotpress. So he got all his things. Then he went. He was in an agitated but not angry state.
    All fine and dandy until he then came back about 20 minutes later. Basically, the next 5 minutes was him attempting to steal some things from the house that he had bought for me, and other threats as to how he would make my life difficult in the future. This time he was angry.
    I'm sort of in uncharted territory here. I think he has the potential to become quite malicious and vicious. I don't think he'll just leave me be.
    Is applying to a court for a barring order, the only option left open to me now? I know, that if I have one, they can arrest him if they find him in the vicinity of the house.
    Any other advice? I'm feeling slightly rattled here...


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    #35
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    At this stage, you do need the Gardai, I'm afraid. :(

    Please contact the DV unit and ask them to put you in touch with a DV trained officer in your area. They will take you seriously. You may find that a word from a Garda or two might be enough to let your ex know he can no longer come near you.

    The other alternative is to contact Womens Aid, who the Gardai will take seriously.


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    #36
    Tokyo
    Politics Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Hi OP,

    In my opinion you need to take some action here in order to prevent these encounters from happening again. Otherwise he'll be calling round for this, that and the other, and has an excsuse to do so, and the veiled threats will continue.

    First thing I would be doing is changing the front and back door locks of the house. From what you say he no longer has any right to be there, and changing the locks will ensure your safety. Right now there seems to be nothing stopping him from getting drunk, going to your place and waiting for you to get home. So change the locks ASAP.

    Second, get a bunch of boxes, and spend as long as it takes to box up everything he owns. Arrange for him to come pick them up when you have someone else there present with you, or else have them sent to wherever he is staying now. Anything other than that is opening yourself up to risk.

    Every threat, be it verbal or physical, report it to the police and have it on record. Including this one. Let them know that you are in fear of this man. A continuous history of having to report him to the police will stand to you in the future should you apply for a barring order, or, God forbid, should he decide to knock you around the place again.


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    #37
    Obliq
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,371 ✭✭✭Obliq


    With everyone here on this OP. Please go to the gardai or women's aid.

    For what it's worth, the time I left my husband I had to move out, which was fine by me. At that stage, I'd rather he kept everything than me have to stay with him a minute longer. As it happens, I had to move back in to look after the animals when he ended up having a little stay in the psychiatric ward, but I predicted how there would be endless and begrudging trials and tribulations over everything he owned/part owned/had once given me. So I packed it ALL up (even though that left me without a dinner plate in the house, or indeed, a stereo/tv) and insisted that he took it all with him as soon as he was sorted with another place to live (his choice, even though I half owned the house, I was prepared to walk away from it again). Leave yourself with nothing he can demand from you OP, is my advice.


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    #38
    ShaShaBear
    Registered Users Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    Go to the Gardaí with a support.
    Go to Women's Aid

    For heaven's sake, stop engaging with him in public.
    Change the locks on your door so his key does not work.
    Apply for a barring order.
    DO NOT LET HIM INTO THE HOUSE FOR ANYTHING!

    You're still facilitating him, and that's dangerous ground for someone like you who has a history of taking him back.


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