The Difference Between Men And Women. This Is Genius.

efb

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Martha, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then, there is silence in the car.

To Martha, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Fred is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Martha is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily towards, I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Fred is thinking: ...so that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Martha is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed - even before I sensed it - that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Fred is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Martha is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Fred is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty...scumballs.

And Martha is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Fred is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...

"Fred," Martha says aloud.

"What?" says Fred, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have...oh dear, I feel so..."(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Fred.

"I'm such a fool," Martha sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Fred.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Martha says.

"No!" says Fred, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that...it's that I...I need some time," Martha says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Fred, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says. (Martha, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Fred, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Fred.

"That way about time," says Martha.

"Oh," says Fred. "Yes." (Martha turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Fred," she says.

"Thank you," says Fred.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Fred gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a college basketball game between two South Dakota junior colleges that he has never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Martha will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.

They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Fred, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Martha's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Martha ever own a horse?"

And that's the difference between men and women.

solomafioso

FWD FWD FWD FWD RE RE RE: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

TLDR

The Backwards Man

I literally fell asleep reading that.

What's it about?

shopaholic01

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I literally fell asleep reading that.

What's it about?

Women overthink, men don't listen is the gist of it. Or I should get my car serviced.

It's definitely one or the other.

The Backwards Man

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Women overthink, men don't listen is the gist of it. Or I should get my car serviced.

It's definitely one or the other.

I read the last line about a horse. Where did it come in?

Feck it, I'm thanking the OP for effort of writing that all out if nothing else.

Chucken

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I read the last line about a horse. Where did it come in?

It didn't run yet. I'm thinking this is about the Grand National.

Shane-KornSpace

That reminds me, op! I have to tune my car in forza tonight!

Defiler Of The Coffin

**** your Ford Mustang I've a horse outside!

Czarcasm

efb wrote: »

The Difference Between Men And Women. This Is Genius.

You're setting the bar fairly low for genius levels there tbh!

dodderangler

Been working since 8 this morning and only home an hour.
You expect me to read all that??
You must be out yo mind

shopaholic01

Chucken wrote: »

It didn't run yet. I'm thinking this is about the Grand National.

It must be a knight time race.

Call Me Jimmy

Between all of us we should get the jist of the story this week.

Chucken

shopaholic01 wrote: »

It must be a knight time race.

http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120922153750/adventuretimewithfinnandjake/images/9/9f/Facepalm_facepalm.png

shopaholic01

Call Me Jimmy wrote: »

Between all of us we should get the jist of the story this week.

The bloody horse will have bolted by then!

kneemos

Preferred Fred's version.

dxhound2005

What is racquetball?

Paulie Gualtieri

dxhound2005 wrote: »

What is racquetball?

squash I think

kneemos

dxhound2005 wrote: »

What is racquetball?

Badminton?
Squash?

Khannie

I'm Martha.

dxhound2005

kneemos wrote: »

Badminton?
Squash?

I think that's what they drink at the horse trials.

Chucken

Khannie wrote: »

I'm Martha.

Me also! :eek:

2 Martha?

efb

Czarcasm wrote: »

You're setting the bar fairly low for genius levels there tbh!

so you can feel good about yourself.

Skill Magill

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I read the last line about a horse. Where did it come in?

Feck it, I'm thanking the OP for effort of writing that all out if nothing else.

Cept he didn't, he copied it from here

Amazingfun

It's brilliant, well done OP , ty for sharing

And then there is silence
Fred is thinking gosh six months
Martha says god fred you don't need to sound that stunned are things that bad
Fred says oh I am annoyed about this car
they have a chuckle and live happily ever after
the end

MyPeopleDrankTheSoup

http://i.imgur.com/PIrHHuN.gif

solomafioso

Or....

Reindeer

A woman wanting more space? That would be a first for me.

The Backwards Man

Skill Magill wrote: »

Cept he didn't, he copied it from here

I feel so used.

JohnnyChimpo

I might as well improve this piece of **** thread with some not-quite relevant lovely music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9Mse62NFl4&feature=kp

Chucken

Chucken wrote: »

Me also! :eek:

2 Martha?

I liked it anyway.

GenieOz

'Genius' is stretching it a fair bit now. It's a long winded joke that plays on stereotypes.

shopaholic01

GenieOz wrote: »

'Genius' is stretching it a fair bit now. It's a long winded joke that plays on stereotypes.

You don't say!

BBDBB

Fred needs to think about trading that junk heap in for a newer model

GenieOz

shopaholic01 wrote: »

You don't say!

Sorry for not reading all your obviously well thought out replies before posting my own. I didn't realise ye could come to such a conclusion on your own, very well then.

shopaholic01

GenieOz wrote: »

Sorry for not reading all your obviously well thought out replies before posting my own. I didn't realise ye could come to such a conclusion on your own, very well then.

That's ok, I appreciate the apology. :pac:

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

jobeenfitz

Is it helpful to be insane in AH?

Chucken

jobeenfitz wrote: »

Is it helpful to be insane in AH?

Well, it's not helpful to be sane.

shopaholic01

jobeenfitz wrote: »

Is it helpful to be insane in AH?

It's mandatory.

Muise...

shopaholic01 wrote: »

It's mandatory.

insane in the membrane

Banjo String

Anyone know what Marthas tits are like?

BBDBB

Banjo String wrote: »

Anyone know what Marthas tits are like?

apparently they come with only a 90 day warranty

shopaholic01

BBDBB wrote: »

apparently they come with only a 90 day warranty

Some places would give years.

Banjo String

BBDBB wrote: »

apparently they come with only a 90 day warranty

FFS.

Should be 9months. (at least)

Thank you, breastfeeding.

Frank Lee Midere

Well I skimmed through it. It was a good story.

Did she get that horse in the end, though?

Frank Lee Midere

Did he ever get the car serviced?

Chucken

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

Well I skimmed through it. It was a good story.

Did she get that horse in the end, though?

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

Did he ever get the car serviced?

So many questions!
If only someone could shine some light on them.....

Frank Lee Midere

We might never know. It's why I hate short stories. We get a bit of information about a woman who wants a horse and a man who wants to get his car serviced. And just as it is getting interesting, then it ends. We are left hanging. In suspense.


For all we know the transmission is never fixed and the horse is mangy.

shopaholic01

Frank Lee Midere wrote: »

We might never know. It's why I hate short stories. We get a bit of information about a woman who wants a horse and a man who wants to get his car serviced. And just as it is getting interesting, then it ends. We are left hanging. In suspense.


For all we know the transmission is never fixed and the horse is mangy.

We know one thing - there was no knight. It was another red herring.