positive beginnings

enoughalready

I don't fancy spending the night in a smelly pub, giving someone else my money so I can be sick the next day. - I love that line hubba - it's so true! Think I'll quote that the next time someone has a go at me for being "boring" and not drinking lol

souls

hubba wrote: »

I'm off it nearly 3 years and I find my daily rhythm has completely changed from my boozing days. I find I wake regularly at the same time and after spending each day out and about with my new activities, find I'm usually knackered by 7 or 8pm and glad to be home and settling in for the night.

Back in the day, I would have started the day tired, would have dragged myself out of bed (not always) struggled through work just waiting for the bell to go so I could have a drink, then stay up all night doing that and repeat the next day. Boring, unproductive, expensive and bad for my health.

Life is a million times better now and I am very happy to put up with the odd comment that I am apparently 'boring' because I don't fancy spending the night in a smelly pub, giving someone else my money so I can be sick the next day.

Hi Hubba.
Nearly 3 years!?wow! thats a fantastic achievement, well done! you're an inspiration to people like myself! Ive read many of your posts which are of great help to me so thank you for that!

I also have found lately a few snide comments regarding my complete change in lifestyle, I know im only 67 days in, but to me i have literally put blood,sweat and tears into creating a new life for myself, and i honestly was really hurt by what someone said the other day,to them a joke but it was really hurtful. i know the world isn't going to change with me.. but do people ever understand?... really like to hear any advice you would have on this?

s

KeefF

hubba wrote: »

I'm off it nearly 3 years and I find my daily rhythm has completely changed from my boozing days. I find I wake regularly at the same time and after spending each day out and about with my new activities, find I'm usually knackered by 7 or 8pm and glad to be home and settling in for the night.

Back in the day, I would have started the day tired, would have dragged myself out of bed (not always) struggled through work just waiting for the bell to go so I could have a drink, then stay up all night doing that and repeat the next day. Boring, unproductive, expensive and bad for my health.

Life is a million times better now and I am very happy to put up with the odd comment that I am apparently 'boring' because I don't fancy spending the night in a smelly pub, giving someone else my money so I can be sick the next day.

Well done! What is your approach/programme to being sober? I am finding AA a bit overwhelming with getting to meetings, meeting a sponsor, praying each morn & night, doing some meditation etc. All on top of holding down a job. Maybe I am being ungrateful and need to focus on the fact that all the above is worth it if keeps me from drinking - which takes everything away from me?

Sunnyisland

hubba wrote: »

I'm off it nearly 3 years and I find my daily rhythm has completely changed from my boozing days. I find I wake regularly at the same time and after spending each day out and about with my new activities, find I'm usually knackered by 7 or 8pm and glad to be home and settling in for the night.

Back in the day, I would have started the day tired, would have dragged myself out of bed (not always) struggled through work just waiting for the bell to go so I could have a drink, then stay up all night doing that and repeat the next day. Boring, unproductive, expensive and bad for my health.

Life is a million times better now and I am very happy to put up with the odd comment that I am apparently 'boring' because I don't fancy spending the night in a smelly pub, giving someone else my money so I can be sick the next day.

Well done Hubba, great work .

hubba

souls wrote: »

I also have found lately a few snide comments regarding my complete change in lifestyle, I know im only 67 days in, but to me i have literally put blood,sweat and tears into creating a new life for myself, and i honestly was really hurt by what someone said the other day,to them a joke but it was really hurtful. i know the world isn't going to change with me.. but do people ever understand?... really like to hear any advice you would have on this?

I don't think we can expect others to understand. And maybe understand is the wrong word. I know when I was a drinker, my mind was closed shut to the idea of life without alcohol. Shut firmly and that meant that all non drinkers were a species to be wary of and on occasion, to ridicule. These feelings of mine (and I know other drinkers are like this) were based on denial and fear. I can see that clearly now but I do remember how closed my mind was and how I avoided non drinkers like the plague.

And yes, I have been hurt by comments from those who I thought were friends about me being 'boring' and when was I going to stop this and start drinking again. Hurt that they weren't bothering to try to understand what a huge deal it was to me but then again, they were pub friends. Family have also been guilty of looking at me, bemused, wondering why I don't drink but not daring to ask. At this stage I just have to tell myself that this is my journey and I have to travel it alone. I am doing it for myself so can't expect anyone to tell me how well I'm doing (except all of you here, who keep me sane). I am the only one who lives inside my head and that is where it matters at the end of the day.

It may help to turn it around and feel compassion for drinkers as they are still in the dark whereas we have discovered a secret. The secret to REAL life. This sounds lofty, and any drinkers reading this - cue your scathing laugh - but there's no other way of putting it.. I feel like my life before sobriety was all somehow fake. So maybe try to be 'understanding' of your drinking friends, without being patronising and just try to accept them for who they are, just like you would like them to accept you.

hubba

realies wrote: »

Well done Hubba, great work .

Couldn't have done it without you, Realies. Thank you.

hubba

KeefF wrote: »

Well done! What is your approach/programme to being sober? I am finding AA a bit overwhelming with getting to meetings, meeting a sponsor, praying each morn & night, doing some meditation etc. All on top of holding down a job. Maybe I am being ungrateful and need to focus on the fact that all the above is worth it if keeps me from drinking - which takes everything away from me?

Hi KeefF,

I read the Jason Vale book (very similar to Allan Carr's book) as I find it easy to buy into the whole conspiracy theory and that we are all being hoodwinked by the alcohol industry. I also am very concerned about mental health and acohol really does damage to your head in so many ways so the book just sealed the deal. So I like to feel I have 'escaped' the trap and no longer feel any urges to go back to it.

I am generally an anxious person, though, which is probably what led me to abusing alcohol in the first place, so in an effort to feel calmer and more secure I practice positive thinking, mindfulness and keep a gratitude journal to promote good feeling and connection. I also exercise regularly and try (but often fail miserably) to eat well. I've had a big sweet tooth since I quit which I've yet to overcome.

I have a hermit tendancy too so I need to force myself out to meet people and always feel better when I have. I love the idea of meditation and have practiced on and off but find it hard to stick with.

And last but not lest, I am prone to depression so at all costs I guard against that and try to stop rumination by being mindful because once depression sets in with me, bad things happen so I can't afford to go there.

I hope this helps.

KeefF

hubba wrote: »

Hi KeefF,

I read the Jason Vale book (very similar to Allan Carr's book) as I find it easy to buy into the whole conspiracy theory and that we are all being hoodwinked by the alcohol industry. I also am very concerned about mental health and acohol really does damage to your head in so many ways so the book just sealed the deal. So I like to feel I have 'escaped' the trap and no longer feel any urges to go back to it.

I am generally an anxious person, though, which is probably what led me to abusing alcohol in the first place, so in an effort to feel calmer and more secure I practice positive thinking, mindfulness and keep a gratitude journal to promote good feeling and connection. I also exercise regularly and try (but often fail miserably) to eat well. I've had a big sweet tooth since I quit which I've yet to overcome.

I have a hermit tendancy too so I need to force myself out to meet people and always feel better when I have. I love the idea of meditation and have practiced on and off but find it hard to stick with.

And last but not lest, I am prone to depression so at all costs I guard against that and try to stop rumination by being mindful because once depression sets in with me, bad things happen so I can't afford to go there.

I hope this helps.

Thanks this has been very helpful. I am also working on mindfulness as well as self-awareness/acceptance and importantly gratitude. I have all the tools at my disposal to overcome urges etc so I really need to use them. I know the simple truth that there is nothing for me in drink and when I take that first drink chaos ensues. I need to focus on being grateful that I understand what my problem is and that it can be managed and life made simple by simply not taking that first drink.
Thanks again

souls

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength." - Mahatma Gandhi

souls

Body is battered and bruised after that week in work!a well deserved lie on today. just had my ears plugged in to some Instrumental classical raga before i even get out of bed,well recommended. good for body and mind.

I do believe a run is the order of the day!havent even looked out the window.hail,rain or shine (please shine ) I'm going! get a good go at my weights which I've started back at again later after a big breakfast!
Not that i dwell on the past,but i do look back to reference at times.. the idea of starting my days like i just mentioned above only a few months back would of sounded as an impossible dream.

Delighted with my two days off!might even take a road trip!ahhh this is great i can do whatever i want!
This is freedom.

souls

Ok, can anybody discuss brain/drink fog with me.. as in what exactly is it..? I was drinking excessively no denying it for quite a long period of time.. but I've been completely abstinent now nearly 3 months, and although I've been working my ass off physically, i still don't feel like my head is working right (e.g right there in that sentence, I'm finding it hard to write the correct words to convey what I'm saying).. i just, i don't mean to be funny here,but it might sound funny.. i feel a bit thick sometimes.. does anyone get me?or am i actually losing my marbles?

enoughalready

I totally get what you mean Souls, its as if you have a few seconds delay and sometimes you search for the words but can't find them or you can't remember how to do something so simple and you feel you look stupid. Its as if the fog is still in play, maybe we damaged too many brain cells - scary, scary thought.

hubba

souls wrote: »

Ok, can anybody discuss brain/drink fog with me.. as in what exactly is it..? I was drinking excessively no denying it for quite a long period of time.. but I've been completely abstinent now nearly 3 months, and although I've been working my ass off physically, i still don't feel like my head is working right (e.g right there in that sentence, I'm finding it hard to write the correct words to convey what I'm saying).. i just, i don't mean to be funny here,but it might sound funny.. i feel a bit thick sometimes.. does anyone get me?or am i actually losing my marbles?

According to the scientists :rolleyes:, it's a slow process but your brain does start working again. You don't have the fresh brain you would have, had you never drank at all, but it does relearn how to problem solve and memory improves gradually over time. But no matter how you look at it, going back to drink ain't going to improve it AT ALL!!

Sunnyisland

PAWS

An acronym for Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Post-acute withdrawal is a bio-psycho-social syndrome. It results from the combination of damage to the nervous system caused by alcohol or drugs and the psychosocial stress of coping with life without drugs or alcohol. The symptoms of PAW typically grow to peak intensity over three to six months after abstinence begins. The damage is usually reversible, meaning the major symptoms go away in time if proper treatment is received.

TYPES OF PAW SYMPTOMS:
1. Inability to think clearly
2. Memory problems
3. Emotional overreactions or numbness
4. Sleep disturbances
5. Physical coordination problems
6. Stress sensitivity

From:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-terms.html (Glossary of Recovery Terms)

souls

Thanks for the tips guys! I understand that it will take time for everything to fall into place..

souls

Im going to a wedding this summer,that will be my first social event since quitting drinking but I was asked to go to on the stag, i declined straight away without even giving it a moments thought. was that a bit rude in your opinion?

souls

Keep you're eye on that shadowy figure ... Don't let down your guard ....
I have people knocking on my door,who i haven't seen now.. Im not ready to see any of them. Feeling tested right now.

drydub

souls wrote: »

Im going to a wedding this summer,that will be my first social event since quitting drinking but I was asked to go to on the stag, i declined straight away without even giving it a moments thought. was that a bit rude in your opinion?

Not rude at all. I've done weddings dry, it's doable. You were right not to go to the stag. Fair play to ya

souls

There are times when i have fleeting thoughts of just having a glass of wine and proving to myself i can just leave it at that. I let thoughts like these occur.. I find they go as quick as they come. I've definitely learned a certain amount of mindfulness in the last few months..

Still when the 'victim' persona raises its ugly head and i get thoughts like "ah ,no one gives a **** about the effort I've put in" , "I've no friends now so **** it" "life is still ****ing hard" it can be quite taxing on the system. i find my routine of excerise and meditation has helped significantly.. its no surprise that creating a new life for myself as apposed to the life of feeling deprived has worked no end for me.

still i would love to hear advice and thoughts from anybody who has found other outlets or whatever to aid them when days seem dark..

Sunnyisland

souls wrote: »

There are times when i have fleeting thoughts of just having a glass of wine and proving to myself i can just leave it at that. I let thoughts like these occur.. I find they go as quick as they come. I've definitely learned a certain amount of mindfulness in the last few months..

Still when the 'victim' persona raises its ugly head and i get thoughts like "ah ,no one gives a **** about the effort I've put in" , "I've no friends now so **** it" "life is still ****ing hard" it can be quite taxing on the system. i find my routine of excerise and meditation has helped significantly.. its no surprise that creating a new life for myself as apposed to the life of feeling deprived has worked no end for me.

still i would love to hear advice and thoughts from anybody who has found other outlets or whatever to aid them when days seem dark..

Gratitude -like it or not, has a lot to do with determining our future. When we have "real" or "spiritualistic" like gratitude, our lives can change immensely.

You see, there is a true freedom that comes from true gratitude. Gratitude provides a sense of stability -of well being. Gratitude is well underrated in my opinion. Just to be able to be thankful for a small insignificant event in one's life can be life changing.

Here are a few online sites that might help you souls,


http://www.mywayout.org/community/

Living with an alcoholic and the signs of alcoholism | bottled-up.com
www.bottled-up.com/


/www.soberrecovery.com/

They might help you interact with other like minded people.

hubba

souls wrote: »

There are times when i have fleeting thoughts of just having a glass of wine and proving to myself i can just leave it at that. I let thoughts like these occur.. I find they go as quick as they come. I've definitely learned a certain amount of mindfulness in the last few months..

Still when the 'victim' persona raises its ugly head and i get thoughts like "ah ,no one gives a **** about the effort I've put in" , "I've no friends now so **** it" "life is still ****ing hard" it can be quite taxing on the system. i find my routine of excerise and meditation has helped significantly.. its no surprise that creating a new life for myself as apposed to the life of feeling deprived has worked no end for me.

still i would love to hear advice and thoughts from anybody who has found other outlets or whatever to aid them when days seem dark..

Hi Souls, what I tell myself if I'm feeling weak, is that going back to drinking would just make things worse. In NO way would it possibly improve matters. My problems would still be there, AND I would have added drinking on to it again. Works for me, every time.

souls

117 days!i think haha i better double check that!losing count.
anyway i was having a scan through my old posts and feel so proud of myself for how far I've come!
to think of the grip that booze had around me for so long,actually almost makes me well up with tears..
its a ****ing curse. and to see the untold damage alcohol does to our society as a whole sometimes leaves me feeling overwhelmed.its important for me to remember that.

KeefF

souls wrote: »

117 days!i think haha i better double check that!losing count.
anyway i was having a scan through my old posts and feel so proud of myself for how far I've come!
to think of the grip that booze had around me for so long,actually almost makes me well up with tears..
its a ****ing curse. and to see the untold damage alcohol does to our society as a whole sometimes leaves me feeling overwhelmed.its important for me to remember that.

Very well done.

souls

It's with a heavy heart that i have to write this post, i feel such shame and anger at myself for blowing my abstinence last night. after all my hard work i have let myself down. But today is a new day. i will start again and learn from my mistakes.

Sunnyisland

souls wrote: »

It's with a heavy heart that i have to write this post, i feel such shame and anger at myself for blowing my abstinence last night. after all my hard work i have let myself down. But today is a new day. i will start again and learn from my mistakes.

No need to be embarrassed souls,I wouldn't say it was BIG TIME though. You made a mistake, you choose to drink. This is not the end. It's a stumbling block along the path. Pick yourself up and keep walking towards sobriety. You can do this, you've proven that you can. Nobody here is perfect, we understand that. We all make mistakes.

This happened. Knowledge cannot be taken away from you. You have learned so much and now you have learned something else today. No time has been wasted. This is a journey and you have taken one small step backwards but look at all the forward steps you Have taken,You are so much further along the path then when you started. Please continue this journey,it's so worth it :-)

souls

Thank you for your words Realies,Theres not a chance i'm not giving up! I have been in pubs recently as my childhood friend was emigrating so its evident that i shouldn't have done that,complacency on my part! i don't mind admitting i cried earlier as my sobriety means everything to me!

souls

Hey guys i hope everybody is doing well!? I thought id add a little post as I remember when I was initially making changes to my lifestyle i would be glued to this forum looking for information,advice and support!And would often follow individuals on their journeys!

Today I'm feeling great and have being enjoying a new healthy life, I keep everything in the here and now and don't get as anxious as i used to. Ive learned a lot this year about myself and indeed others, Ive learned (probably for the first time in my life) that it's OK to make mistakes! These mistakes are what help us learn,adapt and grow as human beings!

I keep active with daily running/meditation and pursue my interests in music.

There is one thing that for me though id like to seek opinions on and that is my job which i enjoy and have been at for many years but its right in the nest/business of our old friend Alcohol! Now for me its never been an issue as it's my job! But i wonder if the old saying "hang around a barbers long enough…and your gonna get a haircut" comes in to play?

I know at the end of the day only I can answer that…so maybe by writing it down like that i can see what i should do?but there are other elements such as family and my daughter that come into play here… so just feeling a little confused at the moment.

anyway as I said I hope everybody is well! Stay the course amigos!

souls

Well thats a wedding done sober for the first time ever!haha twas grand.

DAWID123

Hello my name Andrew,I came to Ireland in 2006,In 2006 I LIVE IN NEWBRIDGE.For 6 months I went there for aa meetings in Newbridge.It is not true that in aa around the world are the same rights meetings AA ..Am from Poland i live now in Dublin.I went yesterday to Newbridge ,where I lived in 2006.I found yesterday ,my frend from AA Irish meeting died a few weeks earlier In the house where I lived, people drank alcohol and did fracas.THIS WAS MY WORST PERIOD IN LIFE.I ASKED FOR HELP PEOPLE With AA,WHEN I LOOKING FOR JOB.NOBODY DID NOT HELPED.PEOPLE FROM AA NEWBRIDGE WAS DEAF AND BLIND!!!.PEOPLE FROM AA NEWBRIDGE IGNORED ME AND MY FRIEND FROM POLAND.LUDZIE Z AA NEWBRIDGE WAS VERY IMPORTANT .TODAY WE KNOW THAT THERE UNWELCOME FOREIGNERS IN MEETINGS AA NEWBRIDGE.After 8 years when I LIVE IN iRELAND I WANT COME BACK TO MY COUNTRY.12 STEPS PROGRAM IS ONLY ON MEETINGS AA .AFTER MEETING I DONT SEE FRIEND FROM AA.PEOPLE FROM AA ARE LIARS.AM SOBER FOR 12 YEARS .THANK YOU IRELAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tealcottage

souls wrote: »

Well thats a wedding done sober for the first time ever!haha twas grand.

Well done!

Isn't it a brilliant feeling to come home from a wedding sober.