You know your a sheep farmer when ........

Green farmer

Just for fun,to keep us sane durning lambing season

I thought of a new thread I'll start it off

You know your a sheep farmer when..........you go into a farm machinery shop and instead of everything being x amount of hundred euro you instead price it in number of lambs

AnFeirmeoir

When you're kids smell you but you can't cause you spend so much time in the shed lambing you don't notice the smell of sheep anymore

farawaygrass

when you hand seizes up trying to pull a difficult lamb.

sea12

When you say this is definitely the last year lambing sheep.,

Box09

When the missus makes you sleep in the spare room for February and March.

weatherbyfoxer

When at 4am you put your hand into a ewe scanned with twins to find one lamb followed by bits of lamb

weatherbyfoxer

When at 4am you put your hand into a ewe scanned with twins to find one lamb followed by bits of lamb

DK man

When a person u offer a lift to refuses and instead walks home in the rain. You realise your car stinks of sheep even though you can't smell it!

tomwaterford

when you start to go a bit delirious and not sure if its lack of sleep or the smell of sheep overpowering you

Conmaicne Mara

When your fiancee reminds you you have a photo of your best ewe as phone wall paper and not her.

7ofBrian

you're balls deep in sheep

paddysdream

The local knackery employee has your name ,address and herd number written on the docket before you even turn off the jeep in his yard.

You don't need oilskins as the grease on your jeans keeps you dry.

You gather up the kids with a few whistle's and a shout of "come by"

You mumble the dogs name in your sleep instead of that of your dearly beloved wife(make sure and give the dog's proper doggie names like mossy or shep and not mary or susan to avoid any misunderstandings!)

You decide that 4am is as good a time as any to tail a few lambs.

You wonder how many lambs the lawn would carry when herself starts pointing out that all the neighbour's have the lawn's cut twice and its still March.

You have 6 cans of marking spray,2 bottles of penstrep,one baytril,500 rubber rings,a box of latex gloves and 3 bottles of lube in the jeep and nobody thinks any less of you.

You wake up at night when you hear an unusual baa from the field.Hard to explain but sheep do sound different when something happens that is out of the ordinary.

You wonder if the shears would do a handy job on the gruaig instead of handing the barber a few quid.(the answer is NO!)

You go to the pub just to see what you missed in the mart that day.

When single, you judge women by whether she is correct in the mouth and udder and what she would be like after 5 crops and a hard winter on bad silage.

From January till April you look like a chain smoker from iodine overspray

Sheep breeder

Or when you meet your self on the lane going to the shed and you thinking you were coming back from the shed

arctictree

Your pregnant wife does not appreciate that you are an expert in birth/delivery etc!

Green farmer

You wake up in the middle of the night with that recurring dream that all the sheep have escaped from the field,so your running around like a fool trying to catch them, and their only laughing at you.

razor8

When your nurturing a sick ewe back to health in the green garden! Post man must take some looks

farawaygrass

you have to watch the way you talk around townies- ie he shouldnt be hungry, i gave him a suck during the night

Conmaicne Mara

arctictree wrote: »

Your pregnant wife does not appreciate that you are an expert in birth/delivery etc!

Buy a new lambing rope or snare, ask her to keep it in her handbag, just in case :cool:

paddysdream

You know you are a sheep farmer when;

Your children are never born in November or December due to "fatigue" issues.

Someone mentions wool and;
They think"Lovely natural fibre with many uses that looks well on ladies of a certain age"
You think"long hot sweaty days slaving for a product that only covers its cost some years"

Someone mentions the price of lamb and;
They think"Gosh how much would the butcher charge for that nice leg for next Sunday's roast"
You think"Will they hit 6 euro next week"

Someone mentions kebab's and;
They think"Lovely filler after a night out on the town"
You think"3 layer's of gloves and the smell of the dead lambs you took from her still lingers on your right arm after a week"

A few true ones(honestly!)

You realise that permanent marking spray is just that,permanent,when your sister tells you that you may either sand your hands or wear gloves before walking her up the aisle after bringing lambs to the factory the night before.

You get your brother,as he is driving you to the chapel on your own wedding day,to stop and drive across the field cause you think you spotted a ewe on her back.He refuses to get out to turn her over so you get a plastic bag from the boot,put it on your hands and stand her up.

You come home from your (other)brothers wedding at 5am,get up next morning at 9am(still dying),ring the lad looking after the last few ewe lambs in the shed,decide to pull on the leggings and run down for a look.Your newly married brother then rings in a panic because someone went home with all his ordinary clothes in a car boot the previous night.
You fling the bag in the front of the jeep and, in your befuddled state,proceed to take 2 big messy singles from ewes that were under pressure,then load up the dogs and proceed to the hotel 15 miles away whilst taking a detour to herd a few sheep.
As you near the hotel your blood runs cold when you see the Sunday morning"blow in the bag" checkpoint.
At this stage you decide to try and bluff it out as what else can you do.
You drive up and the guard looks at you(leggings,bodywarmer with wool and cleanings stuck to it,arm(unwashed!) out the fully open window and 2 sheepdogs in the back licking your ear and a big sleepy head on you and he says(no lie):

"Ah the bossman has a heap of those fu***ng things at home and you must have been at them all night,you look like a lad that hadn't time for a sh**e in the last month ,let alone a few pints.No need to blow in as we have enough gob*****s caught this morning already."

Waved me on and was I ever grateful for being a sheep farmer.

tabby aspreme

when you offer a syringe of oxytocin to a nurse who is a week overdue with her 5th child

Lano Lynn

when your hands look like an avatar with antibiotic spray......

when there are more rubber rings and lambing gloves in your pockets than change and fivers when you arrive at the checkout.......

when donedeal (sheep page) and boards.ie (sheep page) r top on your favorites list.....

Reggie.

Conmaicne Mara wrote: »

When your fiancee reminds you you have a photo of your best ewe as phone wall paper and not her.

Lol
Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one

DMAXMAN

when you don't walk straight or stand straight for the month of march

Conmaicne Mara

Reggie. wrote: »

Lol
Would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that one

It's a regular occurrence, mind you I do have a habit of helping her rise to that particular bait.

Reggie.

Conmaicne Mara wrote: »

It's a regular occurrence, mind you I do have a habit of helping her rise to that particular bait.

Big wooden spoon is it

hedgecutting eddie

A vet said to me lately ur not a real sheep farmer unless u attempt to give them up at least once a year

rancher

hedgecutting eddie wrote: »

A vet said to me lately ur not a real sheep farmer unless u attempt to give them up at least once a year

Or sell them in May when you still remember what the lambing was like

Conmaicne Mara

rancher wrote: »

Or sell them in May when you still remember what the lambing was like

Lambing is my favourite time of the sheep year.

J.O. Farmer

Green farmer wrote: »

You wake up in the middle of the night with that recurring dream that all the sheep have escaped from the field,so your running around like a fool trying to catch them, and their only laughing at you.

You know you're a sheep farmer when you realise that recurring dream wasn't a dream. You really were running round like a fool and they really were laughing at you.

Conmaicne Mara

You smell faintly of Stockholm tar but can't quite work out where it's coming from ???

Nekarsulm

You know you're a sheep farmer when, while choosing a bottle of wine for Saturday night, you assess the suitability of the neck of it, for putting on a teat for a pet lamb, before you look at the price!

ganmo

Lamb in the oven means something totally different this time of year

Green farmer

I tiptoed around the house and robbed my kids hot water bottle at 7.00 this morning, to no avail unfortunately

Green farmer

You know your a sheep farmer when it's 11.00 on a Saturday night and while all sane and reasonable people are either in a pub enjoying a pint or at home in front of the fire, your standing around in a cold shed, tired and waiting patiently for an animal to scratch the ground in an unusual manner.

ganmo

Its Saturday?

J.O. Farmer

ganmo wrote: »

Its Saturday?

Sorry it's Sunday and in a half hour we're going to lose an hour of it.

Green farmer

J.O. Farmer wrote: »

Sorry it's Sunday and in a half hour we're going to lose an hour of it.

That's even worse, I don't even know what day of week it is anymore.just after pulling a set of twins.needed bailing twine and all. If you know what im talking about ..... Then your in the right place

yog1

paddysdream wrote: »

The local knackery employee has your name ,address and herd number written on the docket before you even turn off the jeep in his yard.

You don't need oilskins as the grease on your jeans keeps you dry.

You gather up the kids with a few whistle's and a shout of "come by"

You mumble the dogs name in your sleep instead of that of your dearly beloved wife(make sure and give the dog's proper doggie names like mossy or shep and not mary or susan to avoid any misunderstandings!)

You decide that 4am is as good a time as any to tail a few lambs.

You wonder how many lambs the lawn would carry when herself starts pointing out that all the neighbour's have the lawn's cut twice and its still March.

You have 6 cans of marking spray,2 bottles of penstrep,one baytril,500 rubber rings,a box of latex gloves and 3 bottles of lube in the jeep and nobody thinks any less of you.

You wake up at night when you hear an unusual baa from the field.Hard to explain but sheep do sound different when something happens that is out of the ordinary.

You wonder if the shears would do a handy job on the gruaig instead of handing the barber a few quid.(the answer is NO!)

You go to the pub just to see what you missed in the mart that day.

When single, you judge women by whether she is correct in the mouth and udder and what she would be like after 5 crops and a hard winter on bad silage.

From January till April you look like a chain smoker from iodine overspray

when the girlfriend say "You think more of that dog than you do of me"

top tip; don't answer with " aye that oul dog is useful around here" for some reason they seem to thing your implying that they aren't useful,
or when they bring it up again about how you think more of the dog, definitely do NOT tell them " ah don't be jealous, come over here pet and i'll rub your belly" They don't like that at all:o

derferjam

when you go to bed and you can still hear lambs balling in your head

derferjam

When you go to bed and you still hear lambs balling in your head

Green farmer

Not so funny one, I have a friend who told me that all sheep farmers end up with bad backs ? Any truth in it ? My own back tells me there might be a bit of truth in it .

Conmaicne Mara

Green farmer wrote: »

Not so funny one, I have a friend who told me that all sheep farmers end up with bad backs ? Any truth in it ? My own back tells me there might be a bit of truth in it .

Hips and knees should go first

rancher

Conmaicne Mara wrote: »

Hips and knees should go first

Knees in particular, that the height they hit

moy83

Green farmer wrote: »

Not so funny one, I have a friend who told me that all sheep farmers end up with bad backs ? Any truth in it ? My own back tells me there might be a bit of truth in it .

I dont know about all but I think its an occupational hazard alright . A mate of mine was walking like John Wayne there a couple of months ago , his two knees are bending out . He was booked in for an op twice but put it off because be was too busy ! Maybe now when the lambing is over he might chance taking a bit of time off he said . Madness .

The chiropractor I go to said he sees more sheep farmers than cattle farmers aswell . He reckons they are more likely to go manhandling a ewe or ram and knock a twist out of the back that the cattle man that just cant knock and drag a bullock to where he wants him

Green farmer

moy83 wrote: »

The chiropractor I go to said he sees more sheep farmers than cattle farmers aswell . He reckons they are more likely to go manhandling a ewe or ram and knock a twist out of the back that the cattle man that just cant knock and drag a bullock to where he wants him

100% I'd believe it. How many times would you be in a pen in the shed at this time of year, trying to isolate one with a lamb sticking out the back of her and get a jolt in your back as you grab her when she's running by you .

arctictree

... you get a slap for suggesting the sister in law should be culled for not being able to breastfeed!

foxylock

The wife and kids are numbered with marking spray

arctictree

foxylock wrote: »

The wife and kids are numbered with marking spray

Probably easier to tag them....