Playing Hard to Get or What TF?

Sam Quentin

Ok I'll make this as detailed as I can.. I'm in my mid 30s, was engaged living with a woman for a few years.. That's all gone now a number off years! so in the last few years or so I've been with a few women(nothing major)and only two I've really liked.... I'll continue... The first was just perfect, beautiful, funny I thought mature, although it was nothing serious I was hoping it would be... Untill she started playing what seemed to be 'hard to get'.... I remember at the beginning certain texts wheren't replied to, what I mean is we'd be in the middle off chatting early in the evening, and boom, no reply to a quite innocuous simple text, now that use to annoy me(just a little)but I grinned and bared it, waited a day sometimes two, and then there she was texting me flat out, untill she'd do it again..... Anyway that particular lady was soon kicked into touch, btw we only whent on two dates, after I stopped wanting to see her, it seemed like she really really wanted me, but I made no contact with her at all and couldn't care less if I never seen her again, Seriously..... It seems all that playing hard to get(even though she had me)put me right off her.... so the question is do women think 'playing hard to get' makes them more attractive and do they not realise how unattractive it makes them look..... p.s.. something similar is starting to happen now with another 'girl', will I just get on with it, even though it basically makes me 'like' them less, it really does I can't help it:(

Femme_Fatale

People who play games are insecure, needy freaks.

Chazz Michael Michaels

Try not being so keen with the texting. Girls like it when you are somewhat aloof.

shopaholic01

Maybe they're busy or just get bored texting?

Or just not that into you.

full_irish

You're in your mid 30s... stop texting. Pick up the phone already and ring a jewelers right NOW... she's the best you're going to get.

And knock her up while you're at it, never let her go. This is your LAST chance at happiness.

Femme_Fatale

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

Try not being so keen with the texting. Girls like it when you are somewhat aloof.

Nah, that's also game-playing and a head-wreck. Only silly girls "like" it.

the_syco

If they stop responding to your texts, call their bluff and ask them on a date. If they don't want a date, only a text buddy, move on.

Chazz Michael Michaels

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Nah, that's also game-playing and a head-wreck. Only silly girls "like" it.

Its not. Its simply observing that bombarding someone with texts is going to annoy them. Sometimes stepping back and leaving them to take the initiative is a good thing. Call it a game, if you like. Its all semantics anyway.

A fella that constantly texted would do my head in.

Put the phone down man!

corner of hells

Maybe they are friends with your ex and its a conspiracy to fcuk with your head.

Femme_Fatale

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

Its not. Its simply observing that bombarding someone with texts is going to annoy them. Sometimes stepping back and leaving them to take the initiative is a good thing.

Oh that's fair enough, but being aloof is just being an ass. Dialling back on the texting isn't aloofness though, and it's definitely best not to be bombarding someone with texts.

dxhound2005

Sam Quentin wrote: »

Ok I'll make this as detailed as I can.. I'm in my mid 30s, was engaged living with a woman for a few years.. That's all gone now a number off years! so in the last few years or so I've been with a few women(nothing major)and only two I've really liked.... I'll continue... The first was just perfect, beautiful, funny I thought mature, although it was nothing serious I was hoping it would be... Untill she started playing what seemed to be 'hard to get'.... I remember at the beginning certain texts wheren't replied to, what I mean is we'd be in the middle off chatting early in the evening, and boom, no reply to a quite innocuous simple text, now that use to annoy me(just a little)but I grinned and bared it, waited a day sometimes two, and then there she was texting me flat out, untill she'd do it again..... Anyway that particular lady was soon kicked into touch, btw we only whent on two dates, after I stopped wanting to see her, it seemed like she really really wanted me, but I made no contact with her at all and couldn't care less if I never seen her again, Seriously..... It seems all that playing hard to get(even though she had me)put me right off her.... so the question is do women think 'playing hard to get' makes them more attractive and do they not realise how unattractive it makes them look..... p.s.. something similar is starting to happen now with another 'girl', will I just get on with it, even though it basically makes me 'like' them less, it really does I can't help it:(

Are you playing Hard to Read?

Chazz Michael Michaels

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Oh that's fair enough, but being aloof is just being an ass. Dialling back on the texting isn't aloofness though, and it's definitely best not to be bombarding someone with texts.

By aloof, I really mean don't do all the chasing. Make him/her work for it to. Maybe its a game, but its a necessary one, in the early days of dating.

Aongus Von Bismarck

I can't stand constant texting.

I'll often just stop texting back, because it can be like hitting a ball against a wall, every one you hit is returned. I much prefer to just chat on the phone for a few mins than send 40 million texts.

It ends up eating into real life social interactions as well if you're constantly on the phone around others.

Femme_Fatale

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

By aloof, I really mean don't do all the chasing. Make him/her work for it to. Maybe its a game, but its a necessary one, in the early days of dating.

No it's not a game to take it easy on the texting; if one person is texting non stop, then it could be off-putting for the other person. I was thinking aloof meant standoffish, kinda cold etc. A person can have their limits in terms of how much they text without being any of those things. I wouldn't agree with making someone work for it though; just a moderate amount of texting by either person keeps things on an even keel.

Pug160

I don't think she was necessarily playing hard to get. That happens when texting sometimes. How did the actual face-to-face dates go? If they went quite well then it's a shame you perhaps jumped to conclusions out of insecurity. Texting can actually work quite well if you send fun little texts but boring texts can sometimes put the fire out. If you don't really have a flair for it just focus on the actual dates. For people under a certain age, texting is a big part of life, but not everyone enjoys it.

Bipolar Joe

OP never said he was "Bombarding" her with texts.

Also, hard to get means something different. Through my investigative journalism, posing as Anna Nolan for The Afternoon Show, my foiled attempts to murder Blathnaid Ni Chofaigh and my repeatedly successful attempt to sleep with Sile Seoige, I learned that it means hard to get, like "I don't get it." It means they are difficult assholes.

beks101

If you were casually texting a mate and they suddenly stopped replying, would you think that had ulterior motives other than maybe something came up, work suddenly got busy, the doorbell rang, and they weren't in a position to reply?

Stop over-thinking texting, it's innocuous and silly and a stupid way of trying to forge a relationship with someone.

The Diabolical Monocle

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

OP never said he was "Bombarding" her with texts.

Also, hard to get means something different. Through my investigative journalism, posing as Anna Nolan for The Afternoon Show, my foiled attempts to murder Blathnaid Ni Chofaigh and my repeatedly successful attempt to sleep with Sile Seoige, I learned that it means hard to get, like "I don't get it." It means they are difficult assholes.

Someones on their bipolar highpoint.

Go buy chocolate while theres still time.

Baze

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

People who play games are insecure, needy freaks.

Even Monopoly?

Sam Quentin

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

People who play games are insecure, needy freaks.

Agreed

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

Nah, that's also game-playing and a head-wreck. Only silly girls "like" it.

Agreed

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

Its not. Its simply observing that bombarding someone with texts is going to annoy them. Sometimes stepping back and leaving them to take the initiative is a good thing. Call it a game, if you like. Its all semantics anyway.

Wouldn't even dream of bombarding anyone with texts, nice to get a reply though..... I swear even when I wasn't 'Big' into someone I'd always reply, or I'd feel like an ignorant cnut... Seriously.

dxhound2005 wrote: »

Are you playing Hard to Read?

Best I can explain, there's a lot more to it, but you get the just off it!

Bipolar Joe wrote: »

OP never said he was "Bombarding" her with texts.

Also, hard to get means something different. Through my investigative journalism, posing as Anna Nolan for The Afternoon Show, my foiled attempts to murder Blathnaid Ni Chofaigh and my repeatedly successful attempt to sleep with Sile Seoige, I learned that it means hard to get, like "I don't get it." It means they are difficult assholes.

And hence the reason 'it puts me right off them'.....

Sofiztikated

Could it be that you're a dull fúcker?

Chazz Michael Michaels

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

No it's not a game to take it easy on the texting; if one person is texting non stop, then it could be off-putting for the other person. I was thinking aloof meant standoffish, kinda cold etc. A person can have their limits in terms of how much they text without being any of those things. I wouldn't agree with making someone work for it though; just a moderate amount of texting by either person keeps things on an even keel.

I dunno. Sometimes I realise that I'm the one always initiating contact, suggesting we meet, etc. So I just stop doing that to see what they do. Its a way of gauging their interest, for me.

Sam Quentin

Sofiztikated wrote: »

Could it be that you're a dull fúcker?

possibly! She hasn't mentioned that to me, but maybe it's her way off telling me I am.....

geckovision

She's a silly girl who appeared to be using you as an ego boost.

burnhardlanger

She might have had a smart phone with a shiddy battery life.

Tiddlypeeps

I wouldn't call that playing games. It can be very difficult to say good buy to someone who is a bit keen with their texting. I'm busy, got to go doesn't really work because it only takes 2 seconds to send a text and can be done in most scenarios. But sometimes people just don't want to text too much. You might not think you were bombarding her with texts but you may have been over doing it without realising.

At worst you could call her a bit rude, but I really wouldn't think it's that big of a deal. Accusing her of playing games is totally over the top. Also making that a deal breaker when you were otherwise really into her is totally insane. You sound really needy and insecure.

burnhardlanger

Text Diarrhoea.

zetalambda

Women who play hard to get rarely get got.

Caliden

OP you have to wait at least 30 minutes to an hour between texts. It's the rule!

jester77

Her husband/boyfriend probably arrived on the scene when the texts stopped.

Butterface

If she's anything like me, then she just forgot that you'd sent her a text at all. If I get a text off somebody when I'm in the middle of work or an actual face-to-face conversation, then I'll glance at my messages and get back to it... then hours later I'll realise I never replied. I do this all the time with my girlfriend and she also wouldn't reply straight away.. I don't start thinking "oh that crafty minx is playing games with me!".

If this whole texting thing isn't working out with the women you're dating, then the next time you're seeing somebody tell them you don't have conversations by text, and use it for arranging dates only. I'd say it's less a case of playing hard to get and more a lack of interest or pure forgetfulness on their part.

biko

"You hang up!"
"No, you hang up!"
"No, you hang up!"
"No, you hang up!"
"No, you hang up!"

arrrgh

I am pie

Possibly they have lives which don't revolve around texting someone they have only just met. It's kind of "weird and needy" to be counting the hours and minutes it takes someone to reply to a text.

Pumpkinseeds

OP, you are in your mid 30's, it's time to stop wasting your time with women that you aren't really interested in.

blacklilly

I love when a man plays hard to get, really keeps me on my toes and interested.

Sam Quentin

Sam Quentin wrote: »

so the question is do women think 'playing hard to get' makes them more attractive and do they not realise how unattractive it makes them look.....

I'll go consult with the hive mind

nanoooo nanooo

ColeTrain

blacklilly wrote: »

I love when a man plays hard to get, really keeps me on my toes and interested.

Shut up

maguic24

I personally am not a big texter backer to be honest. Like another poster said, if I'm busy I'll glance at my phone and then tell myself I'll reply later.....and then I forget. My bf is the same.....

I also like my own space, I wouldn't like someone plaguing me with texts all day. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. :P

Rubberchikken

it mightn't be that they are playing hard to get.
is there any chance that you are coming across as needy? only saying.

blacklilly

ColeTrain wrote: »

Shut up

How rude!!

OU812

Dude. Seriously. You're in your 30s. You've maybe got 50+ years left. Dial the number & talk.

Be forthright & say what you mean , if you're attracted to her, tell her & ask her out. Worst she can do is say no, if she does, cut her loose & move on.

thegreatgonzo

I don't like texting my actual friends never mind someone I've just met. I'd prefer a phone call and a fairly short one at that.

zetalambda

blacklilly wrote: »

I love when a man plays hard to get, really keeps me on my toes and interested.

Men don't play hard to get. They genuinely didn't like you!

Sam Quentin

I am pie wrote: »

Possibly they have lives which don't revolve around texting someone they have only just met. It's kind of "weird and needy" to be counting the hours and minutes it takes someone to reply to a text.

Is it really, right I'll try that, so in future when someone text's me they can wait hours or days, I wont grab my phone and text straight back or at least as soon as I can! and I don't be counting the hours and minutes, but I do start to notice after maybe half an hour or an hour.....

smileyj1987

Hey Op I have had a woman act that way to me too . She played hard to get and the likes . I just started bothering with her less and in the end she was the one who kept bombarding me .
She got with a bloke and kept sending snapchats to me any time they where out . So I sent her one back of me and the current gf she is now the one acting clingy and needy . I get at least one text a week from her asking me If me and the gf are still with each other because she has finished with her fella .
So in short the people who play game never get anything in return . I wouldn't date her now or ever . If you think she is making a fool out of you ring her and ask her but say it's a one time offer . Don't bother with games they are stupid and childish .

maguic24

zetalambda wrote: »

Men don't play hard to get. They genuinely didn't like you!

Ouch, I don't think that comment is fair. All men differ, some are more proactive than others when it comes to pursuing a romantic interest.

To say 'men don't play hard to get' is an unfair statement, I would bet there's a few out there who do play hard to get.

blacklilly

maguic24 wrote: »

Ouch, I don't think that comment is fair. All men differ, some are more proactive than others when it comes to pursuing a romantic interest.

To say 'men don't play hard to get' is an unfair statement, I would bet there's a few out there who do play hard to get.

Ouch is right! I don't let men play hard to get, I can tell when someone's not interested or when someone is being a dick but men can and do play games.

zetalambda

maguic24 wrote: »

Ouch, I don't think that comment is fair. All men differ, some are more proactive than others when it comes to pursuing a romantic interest.

To say 'men don't play hard to get' is an unfair statement, I would bet there's a few out there who do play hard to get.

Thanks for your opinion but you'd lose your money if you placed that bet. Believe me, straight men don't play hard to get with women. Most men will jump at the chance of a shag as long as the woman isn't a complete gremlin.

blacklilly

zetalambda wrote: »

Thanks for your opinion but you'd lose your money if you placed that bet. Believe me, straight men don't play hard to get with women. Most men will jump at the chance of a shag as long as the woman isn't a complete gremlin.

You do know we're not talking about just getting a shag??

zetalambda

blacklilly wrote: »

You do know we're not talking about just getting a shag??

That's all that matters to men. The rest of the stuff is just a chore we do to ensure we regularly get our dicks wet.