Met a girl, convicted Stalker.

LegacyUser

I think it's interesting the OP has clearly made his mind up that he likes this girl and for whatever reason wants to give her a chance. To me this would indicate this girl possibly isn't psychotic. She has expressed regret and shame and no doubt the court appearance has given her a level of maturity about this...

What age is she?

Although it's fairly shocking I have to hold my hand up and say that in the past when I dated a guy who brought out the absolute worst in me we had this off the wall dynamic that led me to do the weirdest of things. I knew what time he finished college and used to drive around the college pretending to be in the area now and again so I could give him a lift home. I definitely Internet stalked him and every girl who posted on his bebo page (this was a while ago) got a full inspection and evaluation.
I never sat outside his house but I wasn't far off.

I've since had far healthier dynamics and break ups and I've thankfully never had any overwhelming pain that's led me to stalk the person.

Anyway, my point is.... Maybe this relationship she had had a weird horrible and over-passionate dynamic. Maybe she wanted to talk to her ex and maybe he called the guards because he is an asshole and not because she had made a nuisance of herself.

I admire her honesty telling you straight away as it would suggest she isn't a scheming or malicious person.

Follow your gut, if she seems to be making her entire existence revolve around your relationship you'll need to look at what's going on.

6 months is not a long time but if someone called the guards on me I'd get over them pronto!

Also, it takes about a year to get a court date after being charged so perhaps it was the court date that was 6 months ago?

CaraMay

She was in court so it was down to more than just calling the guards. A decision would have been taken then, and not lightly, to bring the case to court. This isn't because she drove past his house too often, there must have been physical or criminal damage IMHO

JillyQ

CaraMay wrote: »

She was in court so it was down to more than just calling the guards. A decision would have been taken then, and not lightly, to bring the case to court. This isn't because she drove past his house too often, there must have been physical or criminal damage IMHO

I agree with you Caramay but what hasnt been established is whether it was the Gardai or her Ex that took the case. If it was the Ex it was a civil action and apparently less proof is needed.

CaraMay

JillyQ wrote: »

I agree with you Caramay but what hasnt been established is whether it was the Gardai or her Ex that took the case. If it was the Ex it was a civil action and apparently less proof is needed.

Oh look I know but either way it's not pretty.

JillyQ

Its not pretty at all and to be honest i have been in the situation that the ex was in, it is one of the most frieghtening experiences you can go through.

Sleepless and Manic

Givethegirlabreak wrote: »

I think it's interesting the OP has clearly made his mind up that he likes this girl and for whatever reason wants to give her a chance. To me this would indicate this girl possibly isn't psychotic.

I dont know that I follow this logic.

:eek:

Taltos

Sleepless and Manic - welcome to PI/RI. Please take some time again now to read our charter. This forum is an advice forum, it is not a discussion or debating forum. Basically the short of it is that if you have no constructive advice to offer the OP you are asked not to post, doing otherwise here can result in moderator action having to be taken against such posts and in extreme cases results in threads being closed.

Taltos

redbaron_99

I would be very wary of any person who engages in stalker type behaviour. I certainly wouldn't be taking a chance by letting someone like that into my life. She probably made the ex-boyfriend's life a living hell with her antics. A mate of mine went through almost a year of torment with his ex. He was on the verge of a nervous breakdown at one point. My advice: run a mile now.

Katgurl

I'm a bit torn on this one. On one hand I think everyone makes mistakes / deserves a second chance and fair play to her for telling you.

On the other hand, if I was starting our with a guy who had shown this sort of behaviour before I would run like hell. I find dealing with people who refuse to hear what you're telling them to be absolutely terrifying. I have a bit of experience in this area and the result is, first sign of possessiveness / control from a new guy is guaranteed to have me heading for the hills.

You sound like you want to see where this leads so you probably will. My advice if you do proceed would be to keep alert to obsessive behaviour (if you see any, make a hasty departure) but if it's all going well after a certain amount of time and you're happy then just show her the admiration she deserves for moving on and learning her lesson.

nlk

Just to add a slightly different point of view to her telling you on the first date……

As other posters have stated I think 6 months is way too short a time for something so serious to be put to bed and I think her telling you on the first date is very likely a sign that it is still an issue/not emotionally resolved for this woman.

I also think that this, coupled with stalking someone, is a sign that she doesn't have a good understanding of reasonable behaviour/personal boundaries.

She is likely sorry for what she has done and perhaps it wouldn't happen again but the fact that it happened 6 months ago and that she brought it up so soon would raise alarm bells for me.

If for whatever reason, emotional problems, circumstances etc. I had been in front of a judge for stalking, the last thing I would do would be to offload it on someone on a first date. I would wait until I knew the person and thought a relationship was likely and then be honest and explain things. It just highlights something askew in her judgement to me.

It seems to me like this is , understandably, likely still very raw for this woman and if that is the case she needs more time to get over it.

Yeah_Right

I think the Op should give her chance. Crazy girls are way more interesting and fun!!!

Thats my experience any way. Yeah I know...... I'm getting banned.

Stench Blossoms

Was it 6 months ago that she was in front of the judge or 6 months ago that they broke up?

Because usually these things take a few months to get before a judge.

Catphish

whackjob wrote: »

Hi, as the title suggests I have met this girl, who is great fun and who I do like. On the first date she told me that she had a bad break up and got in trouble with the Gardai as she had stalked her ex and kept calling to his house and he got sick of it and called the Gardai, at least she was honest and told me from the very beginning.
Should I run a mile or should I give her chance ?
We do get on well and it is nice to have company as this is the first serious 'relationship' since the breakup of my marriage last year..
Thanks

While honesty is admirable, it was odd to bring it up on a first date.

The answer to your problem hangs off two things, and how comfortable you are with the answers is how you decide whether to let her go or proceed.

A) How serious did it get? If a court appearance was involved it must have meant she was warned before and ignored it. Ask her to talk about it.

Has she been to a counsellor to deal with her feelings at the end of relationships?

I feel it's all too soon for her to be honest with you op, but it's your call at the end of the day. I wish you well whatever the outcome.

whackjob

Hi all and thanks for the advice, I guess I wouldn't be on here unless I had concerns so I am probably answering my own doubts !!
I live in the country about 15 miles from her and I would of found out about her past, as it turns out a work colleague knows her Sister, but thats all he said.
It is 6 months since she was in front of the Judge and had to undergo Counselling and a pyschological evaluation which she says went fine (haven't seen the reports)
I am going to give it a chance, as she is good fun and sociable but I will look out for all the signs that posters have mentioned..
Bye and Thanks

December2012

To me then it sounds like it's a past problem.

There's something in me that thinks it's great she brought it up so you could consider it head on.

Do watch for anything in the future but good luck.

SterlingArcher

Avoid this girl at all costs. You can't win.

1 she is a stalker bad news.

2 it was just a once off and she couldn't help it because the guy was such a dynamo in the sac.

3 tell her I forgive her.

JillyQ

whackjob wrote: »

Hi all and thanks for the advice, I guess I wouldn't be on here unless I had concerns so I am probably answering my own doubts !!
I live in the country about 15 miles from her and I would of found out about her past, as it turns out a work colleague knows her Sister, but thats all he said.
It is 6 months since she was in front of the Judge and had to undergo Counselling and a pyschological evaluation which she says went fine (haven't seen the reports)
I am going to give it a chance, as she is good fun and sociable but I will look out for all the signs that posters have mentioned..
Bye and Thanks

Op has the judge asked for a pyschological report? and if so has she been back to court. It sounds to me that if he has this case is not over.

mike_ie

mike_ie wrote: »

People make mistakes in life. And people can change. And really no matter what you post here, you're going to have trust your gut instinct on this one, because we can only go on what she has done in the past - we can't get a sense of who she is *now*. If you feel that you get along well, then it may be worth giving it a go, at least to get a better sense of the girl. But if your spidey sense starts tingling to tell you that all is not quite right, given the fact that she has a history, it would be wise to heed it.

Yeah funnily enough the openness and honesty is sort of refreshing in a way. I mean at the end of the day while what she did was serious at the same time it might be unfair to define her by it until you know the whole facts of what actually happened. Was there tit for tat with the other half etc. I can understand being taken aback by her admission but for now id hold off making a rash decision. Lessons may have been learned here. See how it pans out for a few weeks. We all make mistakes.

JillyQ

JillyQ wrote: »

Op has the judge asked for a pyschological report? and if so has she been back to court. It sounds to me that if he has this case is not over.

Good point too. Do a bit of detective work in the background.

JillyQ

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Good point too. Do a bit of detective work in the background.

Should be easy enough for the op to find out if it was in the local papers.

bobwilliams

Put the ball in her court op,tell her you raped a girl(or 2) in the past but ur alright now.
If she doesn't leg after that ur fecked

CarMe

Ah she sounds like a character!

CarMe

CarMe wrote: »

Ah she sounds like a character!

bobwilliams wrote: »

Put the ball in her court op,tell her you raped a girl(or 2) in the past but ur alright now.
If she doesn't leg after that ur fecked

This isn't AH in fairness folks so bit of sensitivity for the OPs sake required

Taltos

bobwilliams taking a weeks break from here, rape is not something to ever joke about.
CarMe - either post in line with our charter - offer constructive advice or don't post in this forum again.

Can I remind everyone else if you have an issue with a post please report it, don't attempt to tackle it yourselves as you could fall foul of our backseat moderation rule.

Thanks
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freshpopcorn

By any chance did she tell you in case you goggled her name and an article might pop up about the stalking incident from a regional newspaper.

FouxDaFaFa

Honestly, OP, I can see how someone could be forgiven for being in an extremely different psychological state in the past but this was such a short time ago I would be very wary of getting involved.

If you were my brother, I would be worried that you'd be getting into a relationship with a person who has shown little regard for personal boundaries in the past and who has the potential to terrorise people emotionally.

I think her honesty about what happened is a good thing, if a little odd for a first meeting.

Best of luck, OP.

fergus1001

Sounds like a bad luck Brian meme OP best of luck with it

Taltos

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As a new user here take some time now to read our charter. If you find you cannot post per the expectations (constructive advice / mature fashion) please don't post. Due to the nature of the issues here we have a low tolerance for any form of messing about. Kindly don't post to this thread again now.

Thanks
Taltos

JG009

I think its a bit mad the way everyone assumed it was her who is the nutter, maybe he wasnt giving her answers or something and it wasnt as black and white as him calling the gardai. Give it a shot.

JillyQ

JG009 wrote: »

I think its a bit mad the way everyone assumed it was her who is the nutter, maybe he wasnt giving her answers or something and it wasnt as black and white as him calling the gardai. Give it a shot.

There was enough evidence to have her up before a judge. Be it a civil or criminal case there has to be very evidence, before this will happen.