He chooses porn over sex

stupid head

^^^

No such thing as porn “addiction,” researchers say

He probably just clicked on a porn vid for a sec before turning off the ipad.


Czarcasms (very good) post (or a variation of it) could be on the money here.

TKT84

OP it sounds like your boyfriend might suffer from porn addiction, perhaps see if he can get help.

tara73

are you sure there is no affair going on? just a thought that came to my mind reading your post saying: he's working long hours now.
I know it's a bit simple and doesn't explain the porn watching really, but who knows, it's one possibility and just my 2 cents in case it hasn't crossed your mind yet.

LegacyUser

Is it possible he might be having an affair or some sort of STI that is preventing him from wanting to have sex?

Tincan123

No, he's heading to work with a friend every morning. He's working really hard. I know he loves me and he's attracted to me, but I hate how sedimentary our lives have become

strobe

Tincan123 wrote: »

He's working really hard.

You've mentioned that in several posts now and also that that was his explanation for the drop off in sex. So, maybe that really is the case, he's just exhausted from work at the minute?

Masturbating to porn can take 4 or 5 mins and virtual no exertion, sex is a longer and more strenuous activity obviously.

Maybe you could take him at his word for now and try to see what you can come up with together?

Maybe setting the alarm clocks a little early and having sex in the morning before work a couple of nights a week, for example?

Maybe give the watching a movie before you go to bed a miss for a few weeks too so that on days he's a little less tired than usual there is an extra two hour slot of time free before bed when he might be interested in sex.

Basically I see no reason to go off on presumptions of him being gay, or having an affair, or secretly wanting out of the relationship or whatever else when his explanation for things is perfectly plausible and you haven't mentioned trying to address the matter based on the assumption that he is being honest.

Although if his reason was genuine to begin with I think you'll now have to also deal with the fact that you getting irritable etc over it has probably created another issue in the meantime. So maybe start from scratch and as a fresh start take him at his word, apologise for letting things get to you so much (although it's perfectly understandable to me that they have), see what the two of you can come up with together to work around things and try to be supportive and understanding about things rather than all blamey and pressuring.

- Now of course I might be wrong and he may not be being honest with the reason but seems the thing to do is until/if it's ruled out, proceed as if he is for the current time.

Czarcasm

Tincan123 wrote: »

No, he's heading to work with a friend every morning. He's working really hard. I know he loves me and he's attracted to me, but I hate how sedimentary our lives have become

OP I went back through this thread just now to see was there anything I could spot that I could use to make a suggestion to motivate your boyfriend to get his shìt together, but really, there isn't. All I can see is you taking all the blame for this on yourself. There's too much to quote but he's talking about your long term future together and telling you you're 'the one', but you're left wondering what you've done wrong when he doesn't show you you're 'the one'.

In the beginning of the relationship he was making all the right moves and saying all the right things you wanted to hear, and now he's got you, he's taken his foot off the accelerator and taken a back seat in your relationship. You're going to have to get serious about it and tell him that look, as much as you love him, you're not planning on living the rest of your life like an old married couple or a frickin' spinster having to sleep out on the couch.

That whole sleeping out on the couch business is just avoiding the problem. Your relationship is in tatters and you're out on the couch watching a movie so you don't disturb him? Get in there and confront your boyfriend, make or break time, because his actions aren't matching his words and you're left feeling like crap. It's not enough for him just to say he loves you any more. If he's planning on spending the rest of his life with you then sex is a major, major part of that, to make you feel like he WANTS to be with you, rather than just treat you as a convenient housemate!

Celly Smunt

Im sorry but no man would watch porn when theres a receptive woman sitting in the next room. You're dealing with either a gay man here or a boy who needs grow up and get some balls.

kylith

Tincan123 wrote: »

I was afraid to wake him with my habit of watching a movie before bed so, I went to the sitting room. I tried to discuss this and he's denied looking at it and refuses to discuss our sex life. He keeps saying 'I'm tired'. He doesnt understand why I'm so upset

I think you need to flat out ask him why he's turning you down for sex and then watching porn.

suicide_circus

I'm not making excuses for him or directing this at you particularly OP but following on from what strobe said above; sex after a tiring day at work can be tough, particularly as quite a lot of women are happy to essentially lie there and let the guy do the work. where as he can take take of business himself with zero effort.

that said his current actions are selfish and not really acceptable.