Lecturer making jokes about student

LegacyUser

And you have nothing to say about the lecturer's joke about him behind his back in front of the entire class?

Just the high horse?

I've already said that the attendance issue is one thing.

The MAIN issue here is the ridiculing of a student by a lecturer.

You mention this isn't secondary school. Damn right it's not, and you would expect lecturers to treat their students- ie their bread and butter- with adult respect.

I've never seen the likes of it at a college before. A lecturer has no right to do that to a student.

Tokyo

ophere wrote: »

My boyf had actually called the course director at the start of the third week of his poor attendance, and he had explained the root cause. Sadly the course director did not speak with this lecturer who is also the tutor over the entire year and my boyf was then in college 2 days later for the presentation. We had to drive hours to get there, the reason he was missing is because we had to move accommodation and there was nothing available in our price range where the college is. Simple as that.

Unfortunately no, and if you both feel that's a valid excuse then you have a lot of learning to do. Your boyfriend only finally got around to letting the course director know the situation somewhere in week three of not turning up to his courses at all, which sounds like he left it on the long finger till he finally got around to it. He's not the only student to have trouble with accommodation issues, and unless he was living in Galway and going to college in Dublin or Cork, he wasn't driving "hours to get there".

What he *should* have done, and what you are failing to recognise is that he should have let the lecturers in question know about his personal problems, particularly if a presentation was pending. It's not school - there's no role call in the morning, and the headmaster doesn't go round to the lecturers to tell them who's out for the day. You can't argue both sides of the coin - you're stating that your boyfriend is an adult, but you're asking that he be looked after like a child.

Now that morning my boyf had no idea that he would not be allowed to present so he didn't feel the need to go up to the lecturer who was busy with another student at the time he saw him. And the lecturer didn't approach him to let him know not to expect to be allowed to present.

Your boyfriend didn't know because up until that moment he had made zero attempts to communicate with the lecturer! If I'm to believe what you say, he told the course director and expected the news of his accommodation issues to magically proliferate throughout the faculty.

Fair enough that the lecturer decided not to let him, but he did not tell him in advance and treated him very poorly in front of the rest of the class who are by the way quite immature in ways.

See above. The lecturer isn't obligated to hunt down your boyfriend and keep him informed. Your boyfriend neglected to keep up with his college course, simple as that. Yes, the lecturer could have dealt with it better, but honestly, I've been the lecturer in this situation, and if a student wandered in after a non appearance for a month, and no explanation as to why, looking to give his presentation without so much as a question, I think my face would have WTF written all over it too.

There is another factor here. Another student who had not attended much since Christmas was allowed to present! Another classmate of my boyf told my boyf this on the day of the presentation. This other student was just told to go at the end of the line to present by way of punishment I guess, but he was given the opportunity. So why was my boyf treated differently?

Perhaps because he contacted the lecturer and gave a valid reason for his absence??? You have no idea why this student may have been absent, and are trying to use him to validate your boyfriend's lack of action in keeping his lecturer informed.

Also, the lecturer had obviously informed the entire class that my boyf would not be presenting as when my boyf arrived outside the room, he was met with a chorus of 'Too late' from some of the other students who gleefully broke the bad news to him, right before the lecturer came out himself to tell him.

Again, you are speculating. Another possible explanation could be that the lecturer could have made umpteen warnings in the weeks leading up to the presentation stating that students failing to meet attendance would not be allowed to present. It's something I've heard plenty of times in my student days, and sounds a lot more plausible to me.

My own biggest issue here is the joke to the class when my boyf was not there. The 30 odd calls arose over a period of two days to the course director and my boyf just kept trying to call him as he was really keen to speak to him about his attendance again and about not getting to present as the other student had, etc.

The lecturer also let down the course director who had obviously passed on the news to this lecturer and I'm sure he didn't expect the lecturer to announce it to the rest of the class and then say 'it's a new top record'.

Actually the bigger issue here is that your boyfriend, who hadn't time to let his lecturer know that he was going to be absent for three weeks but would like to make up the work in another way, suddenly had time to make 30 phone calls to the director as soon as he felt that his presentation, and therefore his grades, were at risk. I'm not saying that the lecturer couldn't have handled it better, and I get that you are miffed, but honestly you can't see the woods for the trees here. Your boyfriend dropped the ball completely on his presentation, and got made fun of for doing so - and that's if, IF it happened the way the person telling the story said it did. You can't say that for sure, because you weren't there.

I've a degree and a first class honours masters and I can't imagine any lecturer of mine would never treat a student like that. It's highly disrespectful and it's an abuse of his authority.

I suspect that you have a degree and a first class honours masters because you didn't take three weeks off at a time without making provision for it.

I'm obviously hurt over this too. We made a big sacrifice to come to where the college is and rearranged a lot of things and for this to happen is just a blow that was totally unnecessary.
I'm encouraging my boyf to make a formal complaint and get this on the record, due to the joke in front of the class in my boyf's absence. I would accept it if it happened to me.

No, you're not hurt. You're indignant, with a how-dare-he attitude over the whole situation. And as I said earlier, you can't see the wood for the trees. I don't doubt that you made a sacrifice for your boyfriend to go to college, but so have a lot of people, and quite frankly, that's not the college's problem. Their job is to teach you the materials required to get your degree, not to pat you on the back for moving across the country, or whatever sacrifices you feel that you've made.

To all those saying my boyf is at fault, would you accept this joke at your expense and just forget it?

Honestly, if' I'd dropped the ball the way your boyfriend did, I would. I've had jokes made at my expense before, I'm sure I will again.

Now I know you are going to read this and think that we are being unusually harsh or cruel OP, but I read some very wise words in these forums once before, and they were - some people posting here need a hug, others need a kick up the arse, and if you're here long enough, you'll know how to tell the difference between the two.

Your boyfriend dropped the ball on his education, not even in a major way, and you're looking for a scapegoat rather than dealing with the real problem here - for your boyfriend to get his priorities straight, and at least keep people in the loop if he can't meet his responsibilities. That's the saddest part of all this. If he'd made a phone call three weeks ago, he wouldn't be in this situation right now. And even worse, rather than jumping up and down on the internet, if he actually gave the director, and the lecturer a call, and asked if he could sit down and have a meeting with them, it could more than likely be resolved in a single conversation. Colleges are businesses, and they don't want to fail students any more than students want to walk out the door as failures.

I imagine you don't like what you've just read OP, but I truly, TRULY hope you take something from it. What happened with your boyfriend isn't actually a big deal in the greater scheme of things. But if you both continue down the path of righteous indignation, rather than dealing with it, someday a bigger problem is going to come along in life, that will have a lot more repercussions, and you won't be equipped to deal with it.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

It's his decision whether he wants to face this lecturer, and course director, and class, again.

On another note the attendance issue is really very strange.
My boyf had turned up on several occasions and repeatedly, no lecturer would turn up. Particularly this lecturer in question. On the day of the presentation when the lecturer pulled my boyf up on attendance, he told the lecturer that he had gone in several days only for nobody to be there.
The lecturer replied, 'it is your timetable, not ours'.
So what this lecturer is doing, is letting the students go at their work, and then he comes in when he feels like it to give judgement on the work.

That doesn't sound right when the lecturer's name is on that timetable for those set hours.
Another lecturer is doing the same also- but they give less lecturers and teach a lesser related module.

Also another facet to this is that one of the key skills they are supposed to be learning is not actually being taught in any way, and this lecturer had previously said to my boyf to watch tutorials on youtube.

I think overall there is too much free run and latitude being afforded to this lecturer and that possibly this has contributed to their egotistical run.

Other posters here, including one lecturer, has said that students cannot be outlawed due to poor attendance, with one poster saying a student can't be forced not to submit prepared work.

That sounds about right to me. If you get on with your coursework, despite poor attendance, you should not be penalised and treated in this manner.

Mike, I understand your pov in a way. But I completely disagree with your advice to let the joke go over his head. It was unprofessional and demeaning and lecturers do not normally go on like this. Obviously there are lecturers of various intelligence.

implausible

wouldbegood wrote: »

Obviously before he takes it further he is gathering his thoughts on this. The course is utterly ruined on him now and he won't go back in. This lecturer rang him after my boyfriend alerted the head of dept, but claimed he made the comment about the missed calls as he was worried about him!

Just wondering what people think of this case and if it is merits a formal complaint.

Now, I don't know the structure of this course, but it seems patently ridiculous to me to throw the toys out of the pram over one presentation in one module of a course. Is it a pass/fail situation?

The way I see it your boyf has two choices - get thick, make a complaint, don't return to the course and waste the time and effort already put into it OR accept that he didn't approach the issue in the right way, ask to redo the presentation formally (mentioning the communication issues which led to the lecturer thinking he wasn't bothered) and sucking it up as a lesson learned.

LegacyUser

wouldbegood wrote: »

It's his decision whether he wants to face this lecturer, and course director, and class, again.

On another note the attendance issue is really very strange.
My boyf had turned up on several occasions and repeatedly, no lecturer would turn up. Particularly this lecturer in question. On the day of the presentation when the lecturer pulled my boyf up on attendance, he told the lecturer that he had gone in several days only for nobody to be there.
The lecturer replied, 'it is your timetable, not ours'.
So what this lecturer is doing, is letting the students go at their work, and then he comes in when he feels like it to give judgement on the work.

That doesn't sound right when the lecturer's name is on that timetable for those set hours.
Another lecturer is doing the same also- but they give less lecturers and teach a lesser related module.

Also another facet to this is that one of the key skills they are supposed to be learning is not actually being taught in any way, and this lecturer had previously said to my boyf to watch tutorials on youtube.

I think overall there is too much free run and latitude being afforded to this lecturer and that possibly this has contributed to their egotistical run.

Other posters here, including one lecturer, has said that students cannot be outlawed due to poor attendance, with one poster saying a student can't be forced not to submit prepared work.

That sounds about right to me. If you get on with your coursework, despite poor attendance, you should not be penalised and treated in this manner.

Mike, I understand your pov in a way. But I completely disagree with your advice to let the joke go over his head. It was unprofessional and demeaning and lecturers do not normally go on like this. Obviously there are lecturers of various intelligence.

OP for the love of god stop digging! If you and your BF thinks the course is so badly run why does you/he care if he passes or fails? I've three degrees from three different colleges and all three are very clear that they fail students for not attending classes and refuse to let students present work if they hadn't shown up for the lectures. Accumulated missed days of 3 weeks over a year would be a lot, 3 weeks on the trot without a doctors note or similar is taking the piss. If you don't need to attend lectures why bother going at all just do the whole thing by mail. I've seen students ripped into in front of classes far worse then what your describing. Both you and your Bf need to take a step back for a bit and come back with clearer more rational heads on.

Stavro Mueller

OP, I suggest you butt out and let your boyfriend fight his own battles. It's time he grew up and learned how to be responsible for his own actions. You can bleat on as much as you want about what the lecturer said in the class but I doubt very much that that is enough to hang the entire case on. There is absolutely NO excuse for why your boyfriend didn't have the intelligence or the courtesy to pick up the phone and ring the department. You can't just drop off the face of the earth for 3 weeks and expect life to continue as normal. If he pulled that stunt in a job there'd be a P45 in the post. What you're undertaking is a risky strategy. You're hanging your hopes on technicalities and alleged comments but ignoring the elephant in the room. Those missing 3 weeks.

I suggest you stop whipping up your boyfriend's anger (and your own) and allow him to accept responsibility for the bone-headed mistake he made. You are not going to make any friends by going down the legal/quasi legal route here. Perhaps trying the "I screwed up" route will work better in the long run.

freshpopcorn

wouldbegood wrote: »

It's his decision whether he wants to face this lecturer, and course director, and class, again.

On another note the attendance issue is really very strange.
My boyf had turned up on several occasions and repeatedly, no lecturer would turn up. Particularly this lecturer in question. On the day of the presentation when the lecturer pulled my boyf up on attendance, he told the lecturer that he had gone in several days only for nobody to be there.
The lecturer replied, 'it is your timetable, not ours'.
So what this lecturer is doing, is letting the students go at their work, and then he comes in when he feels like it to give judgement on the work.

That doesn't sound right when the lecturer's name is on that timetable for those set hours.
Another lecturer is doing the same also- but they give less lecturers and teach a lesser related module.

Also another facet to this is that one of the key skills they are supposed to be learning is not actually being taught in any way, and this lecturer had previously said to my boyf to watch tutorials on youtube.

I think overall there is too much free run and latitude being afforded to this lecturer and that possibly this has contributed to their egotistical run.

Other posters here, including one lecturer, has said that students cannot be outlawed due to poor attendance, with one poster saying a student can't be forced not to submit prepared work.

That sounds about right to me. If you get on with your coursework, despite poor attendance, you should not be penalised and treated in this manner.

Mike, I understand your pov in a way. But I completely disagree with your advice to let the joke go over his head. It was unprofessional and demeaning and lecturers do not normally go on like this. Obviously there are lecturers of various intelligence.

Most of the posters here think your boyfriend is in the WRONG. If he makes a big deal out this it could effect his future with the college if work placement s are involved/ in the future for getting references. Etc
I often post here on personal issues and one thing I rarely is say GROW A PAIR. This is what your boyfriend needs to do, he wasnt even missing for a valid reason/acted appalingy to his lectures when he was absent.

Turtwig

Mistakes were made on both sides. The lecturers conduct was completely inappropriate. It shouldn't matter whether your boyfriend was a deadbeat dropout or not. A lecturer never has any idea what the personal circumstances are of any student. Sadly there is a overriding culture that academia is above this. Everything is the individuals responsibility. Can anyone explain why this is so? Without saying stuff like this is the way life is.Or that's the system? Well as it happens it's not the system. Lecturers often invent rules for their modules as they please as a module progresses but technically they cannot. Generally this is against the rules. Unless he stated in the rules at the start of the class that he would ban people from presenting then he is most likely completely in the wrong. Depends on the institution obviously, but in most places the actual rules don't ever allow for such conduct. Your boyfriend should have been allowed present.

The lecturers comments and conduct was completely wrong. Bear in mind that there may be an element of Chinese whispers here. He has no real right to make such comments about personal matters.

OP, you need to decide whether this conduct is overshadowed by your boyfriend's failings here. Obviously, regardless of the nature of his conduct, he has every right to complain but ask yourself whether it is entirely fair that he gets away unpunished for his own misgivings? I understand accommodation can be a serious issue for some. I also understand people can procrastinate on serious issues for the most innocent of reasons, but the vibe I got from your explanation was that your boyfriend was naive and lazy. If I'm wrong I apologise and as I say he can pursue a complaint regardless of his culpability. You just need to ask yourself very seriously over whether that is the right thing to do?

Personally, based on what you have written, I think it isn't. Your boyfriend and lecturer should enter into dialogue and work to ensure this kind of rift never happens again.

LegacyUser

wouldbegood wrote: »

The MAIN issue here is the ridiculing of a student by a lecturer.

Actually, it's not. At all. The MAIN issue is that he couldn't be arsed turning up to lectures, didn't have the common courtesy, manners, common sense or commitment to his course to contact his lecturer, and then bombed his lecturer's boss with an insane number of calls.

I'm sorry OP, but your boyfriend is behaving like a prize idiot, and is trying to deflect the focus from his crappy behaviour onto a small lapse by his lecturer. He really needs to be told to cop on to himself, and you are not helping matters.

I cannot believe that he's throwing his toys out of the pram in the first place re a remark being made re his very weird behaviour over attendance - but to take that to another level re dropping the course is so pig-headed and (self diagnosed) 'victim' carry-on that I'm shocked at his childishness. I wouldn't expect that from anyone past 4th class tbh.

You know what, maybe it would benefit him as a person to drop out of his course, and try to get a minimum wage job, and see where his spoilt childish attitude gets him. It might be the short sharp shock that he needs to realise that he's not the centre of the universe, and that his crappy attitude has consequences.

rock22

The issue you raise is the appalling behavior of the lecturer.

Your boyfriend should consider making a written complaint to the College . However he will need prove of the comments the lecturer made to the class.

The lecturer should not be in a position of authority is you have honestly reported his behavior.

Meauldsegosha

OP I have two words for your boyfriend - personal responsibility. More and more people in today's society fail to take responsibility for their actions and choices. He was wrong not to contact the college when he was absent. He was wrong not to approach the lecturer the day of the presentation to apologise. Yes I know the lecturer was talking to someone else when your boyfriend arrived so your boyfriend should have stood to the side and waited for him to be free.

Your latest post complaining about lecturers not turning up is comical. I said things like that when I was 13 in secondary school and a teacher was out sick.

As for things the lecturer is supposed to have said about your boyfriend, the fact is you it's all hearsay. You don't know what was said and when people gossip they can sometimes exaggerate.

I know there are ways of getting your fees back it transferred if you move during the year. Is that what your boyfriend is trying to do but all the blame on the lecturer.

LegacyUser

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

OP I have two words for your boyfriend - personal responsibility. More and more people in today's society fail to take responsibility for their actions and choices. He was wrong not to contact the college when he was absent. He was wrong not to approach the lecturer the day of the presentation to apologise. Yes I know the lecturer was talking to someone else when your boyfriend arrived so your boyfriend should have stood to the side and waited for him to be free.

Your latest post complaining about lecturers not turning up is comical. I said things like that when I was 13 in secondary school and a teacher was out sick.

As for things the lecturer is supposed to have said about your boyfriend, the fact is you it's all hearsay. You don't know what was said and when people gossip they can sometimes exaggerate.

I know there are ways of getting your fees back it transferred if you move during the year. Is that what your boyfriend is trying to do but all the blame on the lecturer.

It's not hearsay. How else could another classmate have known he made that number of calld? Answer that. The classmate has also come forward and put it on the record.

The fees have nothing to do with this.

LegacyUser

wouldbegood wrote: »

It's not hearsay. How else could another classmate have known he made that number of calld? Answer that. The classmate has also come forward and put it on the record.

The fees have nothing to do with this.

'Answer that'?!?? Of COURSE it is hearsay! You weren't there, and have mounted yourself on your high horse on the basis of what your boyfriend's friend said what the lecturer said. Give me a break!

MouseTail

I think your boyfriend is simply looking for an excuse to drop out. He is not committed to the course, his unjustified absences show that.

Stavro Mueller

So have you a Plan B if your boyfriend fails the course? You've got your qualifications so you're alright. How about him?

Meauldsegosha

Heresy is unverified information heard or received from a third person. And my guess is that if it came to it this other person wouldn't be willing to go on the record.

What I find interesting is that in all your post you don't acknowledge that your boyfriend is partly to blame here.

LegacyUser

wouldbegood wrote: »

It's not hearsay. How else could another classmate have known he made that number of calld? Answer that. The classmate has also come forward and put it on the record.

The fees have nothing to do with this.

Here are my thoughts (in bulk) after reading this thread ....

1./ Maybe I am getting old ... but I find the sense of entitlement really overdeveloped with young ones these days ...
Why don't they get you to pay the fees and receive the certification on registration day rather than forcing people to go to classes these days ???

2./ Your boyfriend is a person and should be man enough to fight his own battles without you interfering ...

3./ Accommodation issues are not a good enough excuse for missing out on classes ....

4./ Lecturers, whether they are likeable or not, have something to bring to the class. One should be adult enough when in college to make abstraction of personalities, take what they need (knowledge) and move on to the next step in life.

5./ In the whole big picture, this is a very small problem. Wait until you grow up a little, you might (and wish you don't have to) have to contend with bigger problems than this.

6./ Ringing someone 30 times is not acceptable - this is bordering harassment.

7./ If your bf formulates an official complaint, he is going to have the whole college alerted to the fact that he is a trouble maker, therefore potentially limiting his possibilities within and outside of college (people talk ; Ireland is a small country).

8./ If your bf gives up on this course, he's throwing away the time he had invested (if he has that is) in the course so far.

9./ Ringing 2 weeks after starting his self-decided sabbatical is not good enough.

10./ The lecturer might have handled this poorly but you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

11./ It is hearsay ... your b/f wasn't there ... you might trust the originator of the information but it was neither you or your b/f who heard him saying it - for all you know, the originator might be stirring ....

=> Time to eat humble pie. Your b/f should just man up, assume his responsibilities, apologise to both lecturer and course director, formulate good resolutions, stick to them ... and you should stay out of it (and stop your high horse attitude when people word their opinion on a discussion forum - all people can't be wrong .... ).

username123

Let him drop out. He will learn the life lesson pdq after a few months on the dole with no prospects.

Stavro Mueller

Even if the college lecturer is found to have behaved inappropriately when it comes to the comments he made, what do you think is going to happen beyond him receiving a warning and a slap on the wrists? It isn't going to explain those missing three weeks. No amount of finger pointing and blaming others can take away from the core issue here. Your boyfriend was an idiot and he handled this just as badly as the lecturer did. What was the lecturer supposed to think when he disappeared off the face of the earth for 3 weeks? He's not telepathic.

As most people here are telling you, get down off that high horse. If your boyfriend is in a position to pull this situation out of the fire by putting his hands up and saying he made a bad judgement call, then he should do this. As I've already asked here, if he fails the course does he have a Plan B? Don't let anger and indignation blind you to these realities.

allym

Just to say, in some colleges it is absolutely possible for a lecturer to refuse to allow a student to submit based on their attendance. It depends on the college in question.

In my college there's a general rule that if you miss more than a quarter of your classes in any term then the lecturer can decided that your attendance wasn't enough to meet the course aims and stop you from submitting or sitting exams.
Of course it depends on each individual department if it's enforced or not, but I know in mine it certainly is.

DesperateDan

I haven't read all of this thread but most people seem to be siding with the prick lecturer here.

For my first year in college (in Dundalk), I lived in Mullingar and had to miss the first 3 weeks because I couldn't find any accommodation even close, I didn't drive and was working 60 hours a week during the Summer so had no opportunity to sort it out.

Luckily I managed to get sh*t together but I know exactly what it feels like and trust me it's a good excuse to miss lectures. Accommodation falls through all the time for various reasons.

30 calls is a bit weird, but obviously he was desperate to get through. I can imagine the guy seeing all these missed calls and telling the lecturer a la 'jaysus I've 30 missed calls from this guy'. Lecturers (particularly those comfortable in their position) will crack sh*t jokes and gossip all the time like that. A couple emails leaves the ball in their court though so he would do well to remember that.

It sounds like you really care about him which is awesome. I would suggest no formal complaint.

Depending on the value of the presentation (if it's less that 10% just park it tbh) I would tell the lecturer (via email) he would still like to do it as he worked hard on it, and if he didn't let him do it (losing CA marks or whatever as a result), he would have to seek advice from the students union etc. because no-one told him he couldn't present and he wouldn't have worked on it at all otherwise. I think that's a perfectly reasonable request.

But the last thing you want is this guy to have a vendetta against your bf, better for him to sink into the background after this.

Merkin

I just wanted to come back to this because I think both you and your boyfriend are completely at sea in this regard. You can't see beyond your own collective righteous indignation and I think between you, you are at risk of missing out on a great opportunity because of sheer immaturity, bloody mindedness and a sense of entitlement.

For that reason I would like to give you very clear advice on what your boyfriend should do and I'd advise you to resist meddling and let him get on with it.

He needs to email both his course director and tutor and ask them to make an appointment at a suitable time for him to discuss certain issues (as there has obviously been a breakdown in communication which is solely attributable to your boyfriend).

He meets with said academics and firstly apologizes for the way in which he has handled his unexplained absence. No crying about personal sacrifices or travelling long distances (It's almost akin to: in my day we walked to school in our bear feet :rolleyes:) but advise your boyfriend to ADMIT LIABILITY and to ask both lecturer and tutor what the proper course of action is should he find himself needing to take time off again.

Your boyfriend also apologizes for not having the good manners and decency to approach course tutor before lecture presentation to a. explain absence and b. ask if it would be at all possible to be permitted to present given presentation had been prepared. He needs to admit that he foolishly held the belief that he would just be able to walk in after being absent without leave and carry on as normal.

You boyfriend then needs to say that his histrionics were foolishly due to course tutor referring to the 30+ phone calls in a lecture to other students. THIS is the appropriate place to address this problem. Directly to the course director and the course tutor. I have no doubt that the director will reprimand the tutor for said indiscretion and he will no doubt apologize to you for upsetting you in this regard.

Your boyfriend then equally needs to apologise to course director for harassing him with 30+ calls over the course of 48 hours and admit how inappropriate this behavior was.

The three of them, in an adult and mature fashion, should come to an agreement to put all this nonsense behind them and an assurance from your boyfriend that he wont' disappear like that again without dealing with it appropriately. They all then shake hands and get on with the business of learning which is what they are all there for in the first place.

THIS is the way to handle this issue. No pissing of pants and flouncing of petticoats because he didn't get his way. No letters to higher authority trying to cause a sh1t storm and more importantly THE ADMITTANCE OF LIABILITY. Your boyfriend will be able to put all of this sorry mess behind him the moment he mans up and admits he didn't play ball and an apology will be equally forthcoming from the tutor.

This is what I advise your boyfriend to do. My advise for you? Stop playing the part of a Chorus in a Greek tragedy and actually encourage your boyfriend to do the right thing, as set out above.

Big Bag of Chips

I'm going to hazard a guess that the frantic phone calls in week 3 came after your bf got wind that the lecturer wasn't impressed with him.

Yes, ok, you say the lecturer shouldn't have made a joke at your bf's expense. That's 1 issue. People do and say thing they shouldn't, all the time. In work and life in general. Example 1 being your bf going awol from college without letting anyone know. But that is picking something very minimal to focus on and fight over to deflect from the actual problem - your bf disappeared for 3 weeks. Didn't contact anyone to let them know (probably because his reason was pretty flimsy) and then expected to be welcomed back with open arms.

By all means, if he is that upset by what his friend told him the lecturer said (that's what hearsay is by the way) then tell him go ahead and lodge his complaint. But just make sure he knows that in the course of investigating the complaint HIS behaviour, attendance and attitude will also be discussed/investigated. It won't be a case of: Send in the letter of complaint. Lecturer gets sacked. BF returns to course and is awarded first class honours.

Edit: Actually... now I'm not sure if the frantic phonecalls were to try to explain his absense or make a complaint about the lecturer??

CaraMay

Calling 30 times is frickin well harassment.

The pair of ye need to grow up and cop on.

Neyite

Do you think a new employer would accept a 3 week absence with that excuse though? And especially with radio silence for 2 weeks then a deluge of phonecalls.

And this 3 weeks was around rag week? Hmmm...If I was a lecturer, no way would I buy such a flimsy excuse. An employer would have a p45 already printed and in the post.

College and university is not just about coursework. Its also about people learning to be adults, making decisions and living with the consequences of those decisions, good or bad. The boyfriend made a bad decision and wasnt allowed to present. ho hum. He can work that out as an adult with the lecturer if he wanted. He could apologise, work hard towards the next assignment and show that he can be trusted. But no, he wants to quit now, throwing his toys out of the pram. The only person that will hurt is himself.

For all we know the friend who passed on the message about the lecturers joke was a wind up because of the boyfriend previously giving out about it.

He can complain about the joke op, but consider this:
a) what if his friend who allegedly heard this remark exaggerated or even totally made it up to wind up your boyfriend?
b) honestly, do you really think anything will happen to the lecturer apart from a slap on the wrist for show?
c) when your boyfriend has burnt all his bridges with his lecturer, in the next few years when coursework gets tougher, do you think he will be taken seriously ever again?
d) considering that lecturers are an important reference that employers do check out, how likely is it that your boyfriend will get a good one?

I deal in recruitment in a scientific field, and I can tell you that the standard of candidates is top notch. It's not enough to have a degree anymore, you need to be a top performer to get an interview in this industry because jobs are few and far between and all of our most recent graduates hired have been Honours Degree 1.1 /Masters/ PHD who really shone on their courses. That's why you need a lecturer to absolutely sing your praises when you graduate.

LegacyUser

OP, you do know, right, that college lecturers have to justify the marks and grades they award to an external invigilator? BF's attitude, attendance, and subsequent behaviour make the lecturer's ability to justify an NG very easy.


As for accomodation issues? We could all say it is too expensive to live away from Mammy and Daddy if that was a legitimate excuse to bunk off school.

ivytwine

Lecturers can pretty much do what they like within reason.

I have had eccentric lecturers, lecturers who were extremely blunt. A lecturer from the States who spent a huge amount of time giving out about Ireland. A lecturer in my college who told latecomers to leave. A friend of mine never turned up to one of our shared modules and the lecturer came up to her during the exam and INTRODUCED herself to my friend, handshake and all. Bitchy thing to do, but whatever, we thought it was hilarious.

Academia IS NOT secondary school. Within the bounds of decent conduct, lecturers are given a huge amount of freedom. They have no parents to worry about, they won't see you more than once or twice a week. Your boyfriend rang this lecturer 30 times- do you think this man gave a ****e? Not at all, he's just another student.

You have to realise also, that whether you think it's fair or not, the college will take the side of the lecturer in this matter. The 3 weeks non-attendance will be used against him.

Your boyf needs to realise he's just another student, and the lecturer's rules, arbitrary or not, will always apply.

The reason you're giving for his non-attendance is bull. He's driving? Not an excuse. As another poster pointed out, they know people commuting by train from Laois etc to Dublin. Ireland is NOT a big country, and if he's driving there is no excuse whatsoever.

What would he do in work if he is expected to commute?

Going along with everybody else. Time for your boyfriend to grow up.

Miaireland

OP firstly you and your boyfriend need to forget about the lecturers comments. It should not have been said but really has no impact on your boyfriend's situation and really it seems ye are focusing on this rather than dealing with your boyfriend's issues. Your boyfriend does not like this lecturer and maybe the lecturer does not like your boyfriend. Welcome to the real world, we often have to deal with people we dislike or who dislikes us. I think he will be wasting his time reporting the lecturer. At most the course director will tell him not to do it again and I very much doubt any more senior person who have any interest particularly given your boyfriend's actions.

Your boyfriends accommodation situation is not an excuse for skipping lectures. And I find it surprising that he thought he could stroll in and do his presentation after such poor attendance. And, to be fair to the lecturer he probably didn't approach your boyfriend as he didn't think he would expect to do the presentation.

The fact there was someone else who had poor attendance is irrelevant. He could have missed it due to health circumstances etc or made the department aware of his situation.

The fact that the lecturer does not always turn up to lecturers is not important. Your boyfriend is meant to be there. If it was such a big issues your boyfriend could have sent a polite email to the lecturer requesting that if possible could he be notified about cancelled lectures due to his travelling distance although I would have thought that your boyfriend would have other lectures to attend so I am not sure this is relevant.

Your boyfriend made thirty phone calls to the same person over two days. I am very concerned that you both appear to think this is acceptable. This was harassment and I think the first thing he needs to do is send a written apology to the course director and to his secretary (or who ever had to deal with your boyfriends phone calls.)

You need to focus on: whether your boyfriend wants to stay in the course or drop out.
See whether there is anyway that he can make up the marks or look into repeating the year.

Seeing whether there is a similar course near where ye are living that he could transfer over to.

To be fair I agree with the others both you and your boyfriend need to grow up. He seems to behaving like an immature 17 on his first week of college and you are behaving like a protective older sister who is seeing her brother as a victim rather than the maker of his own fortune.

cloudatlas

It's really down to what it says in the course handbook about attendance and course work submission rules. I've been to two colleges and I've never heard of anyone being kicked out for non attendance yes they take it seriously, knuckles are rapped and a small amount of points deducted but I've never heard of a lecturer refusing to accept work, if work is late marks are deducted.

At the end of the day it doesn't matter if we all 'feel' that the O.P's boyf is stupid... which he is. Reason guides us to accept that he's paid his money and he showed up with the work so the lecturer doesn't have a leg to stand on unless the handbook states otherwise (i'd be very surprised if it did).

I agree that a hostile stance will exacerbate the situation further, but after that incident it would be advisable to contact the 'student support adviser' if you have one or the department head as a mediator.

username123

cloudatlas wrote: »

I agree that a hostile stance will exacerbate the situation further

An important life lesson right there. Ops bf would do well to remember that you get more out of people by being nice to them than not.