Contribution for birthday party - OK or not?

Got an invite to a friend's big birthday which is next weekend. He used to be a fairly close friend, but we have drifted apart quite a bit and the last time I saw him was about last June.

His wife has arranged some sort of 'themed' evening with actors and so on, and has asked for a contribution of £25 per person for it. This is quite a lot for me and my partner at the moment, as my hours were cut and we're struggling a bit. In addition to that, he lives miles away and the train is £25 per person on top of that, so the evening will end up costing us £100 as well as any gifts, wine, etc.

Would you go if you were me? It's annoying that we've been asked for a contribution, IMO - I'd definitely go otherwise but I feel like it's a hell of a lot to ask for a birthday party. It's not like it's £5 each or something...can't decide what to do!

Who the fcuk charges admission for a birthday party?

Legs.Eleven

If I couldn't afford it and I didn't consider him a good friend, I'd make my excuses and give it a miss.

keith16

I wouldn't bother OP. Sounds a bit self-indulgent of them, particularly if they are not close friends.

roadsmart

That is some fcuking cheek.

LynnGrace

No, I wouldn't go, especially if you aren't that close anymore. It's a fair whack of money. I wouldn't be impressed to be honest, at being asked for a contribution.

Snotaul Goodman

Snotaul Goodman wrote: »

Who the fcuk charges admission for a birthday party?

This person. It's to cover the cost of the actors she's hired for it, but part of me (or all of me, really) thinks it's a cheek to expect guests to pay for someone else's birthday. Why not have a BYOB house party or sit down dinner at home like everyone else? Especially when 90% of the guests will have to travel 60+ miles at their own expense.

shopaholic01

Please come to my themed party that you'll be part-financing.

Sorry, I'm washing my hair.

AulBiddy

Can I ask what the point of the money is? Is it going towards something?

edit: oops too late

ballsymchugh

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

If I couldn't afford it and I didn't consider him a good friend, I'd make my excuses and give it a miss.

even if i could afford it and i lived across the road from where it was on, i'd give it a miss. i'd put that in the same bundle as the wedding invites that have wedding lists.

dmc17

Send them a card explaining that you have to go to some wally's birthday next weekend and you are looking for sponsorship

Ruu

Dont go, I wouldnt be bothered by it either. Dont feel bad! Contribution indeed, "pay for my party" more like.

Lisha

I dunno I think it's a bit much to plan a lavish party and then ask guests to cover costs . .
Now often the worst thing about these parties is the thought of them once you go it's very enjoyable. It's rare IMHO that you regret going. If you have begun to drift this might worsen the drifting.
But really you can't push yourself too far financially.
IMHO there is no right or wrong decision, do what you think is right

anncoates

This country is getting weirder by the minute.

deise08

I think its a bit much to be honest. You're being invited as a guest not as a 'patron' for want of a better word. if you can't afford the party you are throwing why expect someone else to pay for it? Live within your means and all that. I think op that its very unfair of her to ask an entrance fee, cos that's what it is. They already know that you would be making an expense to travel there and to expect you to pay for their party aswell is just laughable.
It's brazen!
the cheek

wil

Go, keep quite for a bit then start to scream hysterically about how its all so over the top and how everything's ruined, dive in to the cake, splash about in the chocolate fountain, then make out with Chris O'Dowd.

It will all come right in the end and you'll be BFF.

Standard Equity rates apply.

Joe prim

Send him a formal note telling him that his request for money is a personal insult and challenging him to a duel, that should sort it out.




( This is valuable advice, please send me a contribution of £20)

.Henry Sellers.

That's bullshi1t OP, it's like inviting someone over for dinner and then saying " ah will ye pick up a takeaway on your way over, I couldn't be arsed paying for it meself". Fair enough if it was a fundraiser nite for whatever and gave people plenty of notice, if she wants to put on a big night she should foot the bill, give it a miss.

Legs.Eleven

ballsymchugh wrote: »

even if i could afford it and i lived across the road from where it was on, i'd give it a miss. i'd put that in the same bundle as the wedding invites that have wedding lists.

Well whether the person is a good friend or not would be a deciding factor for me although my good friends wouldn't be so inconsiderate to arrange something like this without getting a meal or something out of it. I've gone for meals but friends have always chosen affordable places and you're getting more than an actor poncing about out of it.

EyeSight

even if it was free, i wouldn't go to a party with hired actors. Sounds cringey

ballsymchugh

anncoates wrote: »

This country is getting weirder by the minute.

i think Martha Shy Table lives in london!

Butterface

Is it a murder mystery meal or something? I'd probably go if I was good friends with the person, but otherwise I'd be inclined to skip it if I was broke.

What is with all these self-indulgent "big" birthday parties? One of my friends is already starting to arrange his 30th bash down the country at the beginning of the summer.. I don't even know what my plans are for next week, never mind 4 months from now!

Legs.Eleven

Butterface wrote: »

Is it a murder mystery meal or something? I'd probably go if I was good friends with the person, but otherwise I'd be inclined to skip it if I was broke.

What is with all these self-indulgent "big" birthday parties? One of my friends is already starting to arrange his 30th bash down the country at the beginning of the summer.. I don't even know what my plans are for next week, never mind 4 months from now!

I just got pissed in a pub all day for mine. What happened to just getting pissed in a pub! They were simpler times though (the early 2010s)

pablo128

My mates missus got tickets for him, myself, and his cousin to go quad biking and target shooting up in Monaghan. She paid for the lot. As a thank you, I volunteered to drive us up from Dublin.
In the OPs case, I think a request to bring your own gargle would have been more acceptable. Especially travelling 60 miles.

wil

EyeSight wrote: »

even if it was free, i wouldn't go to a party with hired actors. Sounds cringey

"De Nero, Nicholson, Downey, Pitt, Pine and Jolie." ?

Still washing your hair?

endacl

Won't be long till that couple appear in a thread about requesting cash as a wedding gift....

Cheeky fcuckers. Give the party a miss. Send him a toaster.

keith16

endacl wrote: »

Won't be long till that couple appear in a thread about requesting cash as a wedding gift....

Cheeky fcuckers. Give the party a miss. Send him a toaster.

And follow that up by sending a bath. And hope they all collide in an electric, watery frenzy of death.

.Henry Sellers.

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

His wife has arranged some sort of 'themed' evening with actors

She's some actor, for acting the boilx.

crockholm

Are they actors from the highly esteemed pornographic film industry? That is the only way a Birthday party for adults could be remotely interesting.

"Birthday Boy Bukkake" the potential is there,they just need a good scriptwriter now.

Stavros Murphy

"Themed party". Themed?? What's the theme? Gobshytes and Gowls? Who has a themed birthday party, with actors? Sounds massively gack. If you go OP, you're supporting gowlishness. It's your duty to decline.

MagicMarker

crockholm wrote: »

Are they actors from the highly esteemed pornographic film industry? That is the only way a Birthday party for adults could be remotely interesting.

"Birthday Boy Bukkake" the potential is there,they just need a good scriptwriter now.

Ah, the icing on the cake.

deco nate

Just as well she hired actors,
Cos no one else is gonna turn up for this ****e!

ballsymchugh

ballsymchugh wrote: »

i think Martha Shy Table lives in london!

Yep, I do.

Butterface wrote: »

Is it a murder mystery meal or something? I'd probably go if I was good friends with the person, but otherwise I'd be inclined to skip it if I was broke.

What is with all these self-indulgent "big" birthday parties? One of my friends is already starting to arrange his 30th bash down the country at the beginning of the summer.. I don't even know what my plans are for next week, never mind 4 months from now!

It is a murder mystery meal. Is it normal to ask for a contribution to those?

retro:electro

Go, get drunk, make a holy show of yourself and start effing them out of it.

I am of course joking.

Oh BTW, there's like 5 other people CCed in on the e-mail. So if they can't make it either, looks like it'll be a quiet night

deco nate

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

Oh BTW, there's like 5 other people CCed in on the e-mail. So if they can't make it either, looks like it'll be a quiet night

Sure the actors can "act" as their friends

shopaholic01

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

It is a murder mystery meal. Is it normal to ask for a contribution to those?

Imagine paying in and having the pleasure of playing the victim. :pac:

wil

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

Oh BTW, there's like 5 other people CCed in on the e-mail. So if they can't make it either, looks like it'll be a quiet night

Big party????
Starting to sound a bit sad, that's why he's asking you to pay.

Fr_Dougal

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

Oh BTW, there's like 5 other people CCed in on the e-mail. So if they can't make it either, looks like it'll be a quiet night

Get £25, buy yourselves a nice bottle of wine, stay at home and get pissed. £150 is a big chunk of change to spend on a night, especially when you're tight on funds.

wil

wil wrote: »

Big party????
Starting to sound a bit sad, that's why he's asking you to pay.

It's a surprise party for the birthday boy.

AK333

Didn't give you much notice if its next weekend and you haven't seen them in 9 months?

Nah, if they emailed you the invite, email them back that you have other plans but hope they have a good night (that way they might invite you to something decent at some stage)

Karl Stein

Dear Friend,

lol, no thanks.

Regards.

Your former friend.

juniord

tell them you will be there ,afterwards if they ring asking why you didnt turn up tell them you were acting the eejit when you said you would be there

Muise...

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Get £25, buy yourselves a nice bottle of wine, stay at home and get pissed. £150 is a big chunk of change to spend on a night, especially when you're tight on funds.

And watch an Agatha Christie film/box set. All the elegant drawing room murdering with better actors and none of the presumption.

crockholm

Stavros Murphy wrote: »

"Themed party". Themed?? What's the theme? Gobshytes and Gowls? Who has a themed birthday party, with actors? Sounds massively gack. If you go OP, you're supporting gowlishness. It's your duty to decline.

I'm reading this post in a knocknaheeny accent :pac::pac::pac:

ElleEm

Martha Shy Table wrote: »

It's a surprise party for the birthday boy.

"Surprise! I hired your birthday guests!"!

biko

I don't know. Where you going to get him a pressie for 25 or a couple of scratch cards?

Mint Aero

Hello I'm a fully growned up man and I just love meee birthday partaaahs whoop. All me guyos with me, and pressies woop.

Does he sound like that OP?

padd b1975

Charles Rocher wrote: »

Dear Friend,

lol, no thanks.

Regards.

Your former friend.

P.S. Actors??? Grow the **** up ya muppet!!

Stavros Murphy

crockholm wrote: »

I'm reading this post in a knocknaheeny accent :pac::pac::pac:

I was typing it in a "Limrack city boy" voice. In fairness, who has a themed birthday party ffs? The "theme" at one of ours is usually "Drinking a lot and trying to avoid a massive row with the out-laws". That and masses of slagging.

Muise...

padd b1975 wrote: »

P.S. Actors??? Grow the **** up ya muppet!!

'lol' is so much more polite.