unprofessional behaviour?

corkcailin

I have a strange question. We recently found out that a member of staff at our childs school was having an affair with one of the fathers. It has since ended and he has gone back to his wife. This member of staff has since fell out with quite a few people over her behaviour (basically bad mouthing other parents and such for taking the wifes side). Some of these parents are now saying that her behaviour was unprofessional and are wondering if this could be brought up to Board of management as she is involving other people in her mess.

Is this possible?

Czarcasm

corkcailin wrote: »

I have a strange question. We recently found out that a member of staff at our childs school was having an affair with one of the fathers. It has since ended and he has gone back to his wife. This member of staff has since fell out with quite a few people over her behaviour (basically bad mouthing other parents and such for taking the wifes side). Some of these parents are now saying that her behaviour was unprofessional and are wondering if this could be brought up to Board of management as she is involving other people in her mess.

Is this possible?

Quick answer? It could be brought up alright on the agenda.

Would anything be done about it in terms of disciplinary action? Highly unlikely, but don't quote me on that, could easily go either way, if the Board of Management wanted to leave itself open to an unfair dismissal case.

But what's even more likely that the Board of Management won't want to touch it with a forty foot barge pole, in the hope that the adults involved will grow up and stop gossiping and acting like children.

ahnow

I wouldn't persue it if I were yous. It sounds like you are all ganging up on her from the outside, like a bit of the mob mentality has come in to play a bit. She did a horrible thing, and the affair has ended. If individual people have issues with her deal with it on an individual level like adults. Getting together as a group to go after someone is extremely damaging for the person that is singled out. Even if she has done something wrong.

Stavro Mueller

Question: Has her behaviour affected the teaching of the kids in the school?

Molester Stallone

ahnow wrote: »

I wouldn't persue it if I were yous. It sounds like you are all ganging up on her from the outside, like a bit of the mob mentality has come in to play a bit. She did a horrible thing, and the affair has ended. If individual people have issues with her deal with it on an individual level like adults. Getting together as a group to go after someone is extremely damaging for the person that is singled out. Even if she has done something wrong.

She did a horrible thing? Yes, she held the father down & seduced him against his will & made him have an affair.
It sounds like a small town mentality & they are just trying to harass the woman, you are correct in that respect, the woman broke no law & any attempt to remove her from her job could lead to lawsuits & general unpleasantness between all parties

corkcailin

Thats what I was thinking too, from talking to the wife they want to move on and forget about it, but the "mistress" keeps talking about it to anyone who will listen and then starts accusing people of name calling and talking about her when they tell her she was in the wrong and not the injured party like she is making out. She gas conracted half the parents st some stage bad mouthing another parent

dudara

Threads merged and duplicate post deleted

dudara

OP - why do you think the woman in question is still going on about it? Something must be causing her to react that way. But the basic question is if she's bringing that mess into the classroom. The parent are adults and they can deal with it (or should be able to deal with it). The kids are another matter.

corkcailin

Lol, I dunno how the post has come up twice ir jow I can delete one..

i am staying well out of it as I would know both sides well. Its her attitude since this hapoened that has people angry. She is blaming everyone bar herself for what happenened

Molester Stallone

corkcailin wrote: »

Thats what I was thinking too, from talking to the wife they want to move on and forget about it, but the "mistress" keeps talking about it to anyone who will listen and then starts accusing people of name calling and talking about her when they tell her she was in the wrong and not the injured party like she is making out. She gas conracted half the parents st some stage bad mouthing another parent

How was she in the wrong? Why was the father not in the wrong? how do we not know this woman was seduced by the father & led along for months with promises of him leaving his wife? Perhaps he preyed on her needs & insecurities, got what he wanted & left

GarIT

corkcailin wrote: »

She is blaming everyone bar herself for what happenened

She swore no loyalty to anybody, she can sleep with anyone of legal age regardless of if they are married and is doing nothing wrong.

He is married, if he does something on his wife it is his problem alone.

corkcailin

Molester Stallone wrote: »

How was she in the wrong? Why was the father not in the wrong? how do we not know this woman was seduced by the father & led along for months with promises of him leaving his wife? Perhaps he preyed on her needs & insecurities, got what he wanted & left

Dont get me wrong, both him and her have equal blame in this. And from what she has said she was doing the running for months before anything happened. They only had sex twice before being found out and there was never talk of him leaving his wife. She also did some horrible things like texting the wife about trivial things while she was with d husband. She has come out looking so bad in all this and is making it a lot worse for herself. She should just keep her head down and try and move on with her life and job

Molester Stallone

corkcailin wrote: »

Dont get me wrong, both him and her have equal blame in this. And from what she has said she was doing the running for months before anything happened. They only had sex twice before being found out and there was never talk of him leaving his wife. She also did some horrible things like texting the wife about trivial things while she was with d husband. She has come out looking so bad in all this and is making it a lot worse for herself. She should just keep her head down and try and move on with her life and job

Maybe she could move on if some people would let her be?

anncoates

Sounds like the wife's pals are trying to get the teacher sacked in revenge. Presumably the husband was at fault too?

Remind me again who the children and adults are in this situation?

P. Breathnach

It is the role of a school's principal to deal with staff issues. That role is limited to the school context: what staff do in their private lives is, except in rare cases, irrelevant. It is possible that this is one of those rare cases, but I'd rather not venture an opinion on limited information.

The avenue for bringing such issues to the board is through the principal.

corkcailin

Molester Stallone wrote: »

Maybe she could move on if some people would let her be?

Thats the thing, she wont let it be. The husband and wife are trying to keep it quiet but she keeos talking about it all d time

jellyboy

hi op
Something says to me that you have more than an interest in this ,
in the space of a few posts it looks like to me that you have taken a "side "
in this ..

For whatever reason you have ..Leave well alone

this is toxic written all over it..
im guessing that there is children of the father going to school / does it affect them? (the gossiping)

people are taking "sides" in this and it reads like that the "scarlet" woman is going for the chop

if you launch a complaint.it will quickly snowball and what sets out to be revenge becomes lives ruined for others

corkcailin

P. Breathnach wrote: »

It is the role of a school's principal to deal with staff issues. That role is limited to the school context: what staff do in their private lives is, except in rare cases, irrelevant. It is possible that this is one of those rare cases, but I'd rather not venture an opinion on limited information.

The avenue for bringing such issues to the board is through the principal.

Thanks. This is the advice I was looking for, didnt expect to start a convo on eho was right and wrong. There are 2 guilty and 1 innocent adult in all of this

Oryx

Its a nine day wonder. If you want it to go away then leave the situation alone. People will stop talking once there's nothing to talk about. Push it to the school board and it will roll on for much longer.

corkcailin

Oryx wrote: »

Its a nine day wonder. If you want it to go away then leave the situation alone. People will stop talking once there's nothing to talk about. Push it to the school board and it will roll on for much longer.

Im not the one talking about pushing it to the board, I said some parent's were saying it because of her attitude. ........ I know the couple in question want to move on and leave it in d past.

corkcailin

dudara wrote: »

Threads merged and duplicate post deleted

dudara

OP - why do you think the woman in question is still going on about it? Something must be causing her to react that way. But the basic question is if she's bringing that mess into the classroom. The parent are adults and they can deal with it (or should be able to deal with it). The kids are another matter.

I dont know why she keeps going on about it. She told me she wantsnto get on with her life but she doesnt seem to be able to let go

deisemum

corkcailin wrote: »

Thats what I was thinking too, from talking to the wife they want to move on and forget about it, but the "mistress" keeps talking about it to anyone who will listen and then starts accusing people of name calling and talking about her when they tell her she was in the wrong and not the injured party like she is making out. She gas conracted half the parents st some stage bad mouthing another parent

This whole thing smacks of the wife and her cheater husband wanting to move on but don't want the daily reminder of seeing this woman at the school. The mistress isn't the only one talking about it to others since the wife is at it too and you can be sure she's not saying anything complimentary about the mistress quite the opposite and no doubt the more people she can "turn" against the mistress the better in her mind, even better if she can get others to try and get the mistress in trouble at work and possibly sacked so she wouldn't be a daily reminder at school.

Even if the mistress was chasing after this man for months and offering herself on a plate if he was happy in his marriage he wouldn't have gotten involved. It's typical of some people, blame the mistress and not the cheater.

twiggy86

God this place is getting annoying, I swear most people come here just to derail threads and take things out of context!

I take from your thread that your issue is not that she had an affair but that she seems to be doing a lot of s**t stirring since it all came out. I would maybe bring it up with the principle but certainly approach it from this point of view. School teachers don't have to be whiter than white but most realise that keeping the parents happy is a huge part of the job, one which this woman is certainly not performing. Another option is maybe the next time she phones one of the parents to give out about another they could just tell her they have no interest in her crap, she'll get the hint eventually.

Oryx

corkcailin wrote: »

I dont know why she keeps going on about it. She told me she wantsnto get on with her life but she doesnt seem to be able to let go

Its likely she feels scorned, hurt and used. Add to that being painted as the villian, well I can see why shes still on about it. Even though she is being very immature and possibly damaging her career. If you are close enough to chat about it on an honest level you would do well to tell her that, and then refuse to get drawn into the subject again.

Stavro Mueller

corkcailin wrote: »

I don't know why she keeps going on about it. She told me she wants to get on with her life but she doesn't seem to be able to let go

So she's confiding in you? If that's the case, then maybe you should take her aside and warn her that if she keeps going on about this, that it's going to have consequences. Possibly involving the principal and the board of management if any of the lovely backbiting people in this story get steamed up enough. Tell her to either get over it or go get professional help. Boy this is one ugly tawdry story.

corkcailin

deisemum wrote: »

This whole thing smacks of the wife and her cheater husband wanting to move on but don't want the daily reminder of seeing this woman at the school. The mistress isn't the only one talking about it to others since the wife is at it too and you can be sure she's not saying anything complimentary about the mistress quite the opposite and no doubt the more people she can "turn" against the mistress the better in her mind, even better if she can get others to try and get the mistress in trouble at work and possibly sacked so she wouldn't be a daily reminder at school.

Even if the mistress was chasing after this man for months and offering herself on a plate if he was happy in his marriage he wouldn't have gotten involved. It's typical of some people, blame the mistress and not the cheater.

I have already said that both him n her are to blame. The couple have no involvement in what is going on now, in fairness to the wife she has been very composed in alll of this and hasnt been getting involved. The people involved now are other parents that she has been mouthing off to who are disgusted with her POST AFFAIR carry on.

corkcailin

twiggy86 wrote: »

God this place is getting annoying, I swear most people come here just to derail threads and take things out of context!

I take from your thread that your issue is not that she had an affair but that she seems to be doing a lot of s**t stirring since it all came out. I would maybe bring it up with the principle but certainly approach it from this point of view. School teachers don't have to be whiter than white but most realise that keeping the parents happy is a huge part of the job, one which this woman is certainly not performing. Another option is maybe the next time she phones one of the parents to give out about another they could just tell her they have no interest in her crap, she'll get the hint eventually.

This is exactly what I have been saying. the affair is in the past but it is the stirring she is doing now, not only about the couple but other parents too some of whom wouldnt be friends with the couple in question

corkcailin

cymbaline wrote: »

So she's confiding in you? If that's the case, then maybe you should take her aside and warn her that if she keeps going on about this, that it's going to have consequences. Possibly involving the principal and the board of management if any of the lovely backbiting people in this story get steamed up enough. Tell her to either get over it or go get professional help. Boy this is one ugly tawdry story.

I wouldnt say she was confiding, she said this a day or 2 after it all came out. I havnt been talking to her properly since...... I do feel this could get ugly one way or another. I know she accused one mum if being a dole grabber and she is fuming over this.

Gatling

corkcailin wrote: »

I wouldnt say she was confiding, she said this a day or 2 after it all came out. I havnt been talking to her properly since...... I do feel this could get ugly one way or another. I know she accused one mum if being a dole grabber and she is fuming over this.

You haven't been talking to her since it came out,
But yet your claiming she's always talking about it ,
As for the dole grabber complaint,
Its beginning to sound like a witch hunt IMO she said this and she said that, and she's supposed unprofessional ,
Maybe people should worry about there own situations and leave this run its rumor course

Stavro Mueller

If you don't know her well enough to take her aside and tell her to keep her mouth shut, the next step is to approach the principal. I'm not a teacher so I don't know how things work in schools. Normally if someone's behaving improperly, the next step is their line manager or HR. I assume in schools the principal is the manager and is the one who should be taking her aside. This is getting messy and could get very ugly indeed.

corkcailin

cymbaline wrote: »

If you don't know her well enough to take her aside and tell her to keep her mouth shut, the next step is to approach the principal. I'm not a teacher so I don't know how things work in schools. Normally if someone's behaving improperly, the next step is their line manager or HR. I assume in schools the principal is the manager and is the one who should be taking her aside. This is getting messy and could get very ugly indeed.

Its not my place to approach the school, I think it should be up to the wife, who wants nothing to do with her she said as far is she is concerned she doesnt exist anymore.

sopretty

corkcailin wrote: »

Its not my place to approach the school, I think it should be up to the wife, who wants nothing to do with her she said as far is she is concerned she doesnt exist anymore.

Why are you stirring the pot then?

corkcailin

sopretty wrote: »

Why are you stirring the pot then?

Im not stirring. If you read my first post I said some parents were thinking of going to BoM. I asked a simpke question if that could be done

sopretty

corkcailin wrote: »

Im not stirring. If you read my first post I said some parents were thinking of going to BoM. I asked a simpke question if that could be done

What exactly are they intending to report to the bom? That she had an affair? Or that because of her affair and comments made to her or about her, she has fallen out with these parents?

P. Breathnach

corkcailin wrote: »

Its not my place to approach the school, I think it should be up to the wife, who wants nothing to do with her she said as far is she is concerned she doesnt exist anymore.

If what is happening is damaging to the school, then any parent has a legitimate right to express concern to the principal (indeed, any member of the community might have, but I'd be uncomfortable about a non-parent getting involved).

I really don't think the responsibility should fall on the man's wife; she has enough on her plate.

corkcailin

sopretty wrote: »

What exactly are they intending to report to the bom? That she had an affair? Or that because of her affair and comments made to her or about her, she has fallen out with these parents?

From what I can gather its about the way she has spoken about a number of parents since, bad mouthing them and such. The affair is not the matter in question

Stavro Mueller

Do you have a child in the school?

strandroad

corkcailin wrote: »

From what I can gather its about the way she has spoken about a number of parents since, bad mouthing them and such. The affair is not the matter in question

So it's not the wife's complaint at all, it's the parents who feel affected who should make it.

corkcailin

cymbaline wrote: »

Do you have a child in the school?

Yes we do

corkcailin

mhge wrote: »

So it's not the wife's complaint at all, it's the parents who feel affected who should make it.

But have they a valid point. To be honest she is great with d kids

daisybelle2008

OP, you say you want to stay out of it and your 'personal issue' seems to be a curiosity about if other people can go to the BOM about all this gossip and tittle tat you say is none of your business.
Stop making it your business so and drop the subject. It will be yesterday's news soon and your involvement is not necessary in the bigger scheme of things. No need to drag yourself into it.

Czarcasm

corkcailin wrote: »

But have they a valid point. To be honest she is great with d kids

OP your sentence is contradictory (tbh I hadn't expected this thread to go on after you got your answers on the first page) but once she's good with the children, that's all that matters.

The parents can approach the principal directly, they can go through the parents council in the school, or they can approach the parents representative on the Board of Management of the school (that'd be me in my son's school), but honestly, if anyone approached me hoping to bring that before the Board of Management, I'd be telling them in the most polite terms possible to fcuk right off and don't involve me in that crap.

The Board of Management of any school has bigger issues to be dealing with than getting involved in the sex lives of their employees, and tbh if someone WERE daft enough to want this brought up at a Board of Management meeting, I'd say the very same thing.

All you're doing here is perpetuating idle gossip and it does indeed come off like you're trying to stir up a reaction. This is an open and shut case of petty bitching amongst adults who haven't a whole lot better to be doing with their lives (and yes, in fairness, if your story is accurate, I do include the teacher in this farce, though you never included the dole scrounger comment till later, which makes me suspicious that you are indeed just looking to stir up a reaction).

You might do well to educate the people intending to make a complaint about the teacher what they might be letting themselves in for (gossips don't like to exert any more effort that flapping their gums, so this might soften their cough) -


http://www.asti.ie/pay-and-conditions/conditions-of-work/dismissals/

CaraMay

corkcailin wrote: »

There are 2 guilty and 1 innocent adult in all of this

What business is it of yours?

The Princess Bride

This teacher crossed a line when she started an affair with a parent of one of the students in the school where she is employed.
Regardless of him being married and her being single,she acted unprofessionally.

Affair over,they hope to forget and move on?
If she is telling everybody who wants to listen about how unprofessional she has been,well,I'd imagine someone from the school staff/BOM will hear about this shortly anyway,and act accordingly.
If she is a good teacher,and her behaviour has not/is not affecting the students,there shouldn't be any issues.
Frankly,if she is badmouthing,gossiping etc...she sounds rather unstable to me.

OP-I'd advise you to step back and say/do nothing -especially if you're friendly with both parties.

Flippyfloppy

corkcailin wrote: »

They only had sex twice before being found out and there was never talk of him leaving his wife.

This just sounds like gossip really.

P. Breathnach

Czarcasm wrote: »

OP your sentence is contradictory (tbh I hadn't expected this thread to go on after you got your answers on the first page) but once she's good with the children, that's all that matters.

If she's good for the children, that matters a great deal; but it's not all that matters. If she causes problems in the school's relationship with families, that is a legitimate issue for concern.

The parents can approach the principal directly, they can go through the parents council in the school, or they can approach the parents representative on the Board of Management of the school (that'd be me in my son's school), but honestly, if anyone approached me hoping to bring that before the Board of Management, I'd be telling them in the most polite terms possible to fcuk right off and don't involve me in that crap.

I'd be wary of involving a parents' council. Such bodies are often very informally constituted, and the members are not always discreet.

Nor is it a good idea to expect parents' representatives on a school board to raise it. That's going over the head of the principal, and is a bad way to conduct business.

Czarcasm

P. Breathnach wrote: »

If she's good for the children, that matters a great deal; but it's not all that matters. If she causes problems in the school's relationship with families, that is a legitimate issue for concern.

I know you're right PB, but it's completely at the Principal's discretion how valid a concern that is for the school. We could argue the moral in's and out's of it all day, but we have no idea how the Principal of the school will react. They may have a quiet word with the teacher just to be seen to be addressing the parents issues and keep the peace, or they may dismiss the parents concerns as the beginning of a virtual shìtstorm and want to wash their hands of the situation by telling them the school has no grounds to act on hearsay and idle gossip without concrete evidence. They'd react the very same way if a child was being bullied at the school - without evidence it's very hard to act on a complaint.

I'd be wary of involving a parents' council. Such bodies are often very informally constituted, and the members are not always discreet.

Nor is it a good idea to expect parents' representatives on a school board to raise it. That's going over the head of the principal, and is a bad way to conduct business.

You're right again PB, I was just throwing those out there though in the hope of showing the OP how futile a complaint would be if the parents were to try and mount one. Most people are more concerned about their children's education than what their teachers get up to outside the classroom, and they'd see this as a witch-hunt coming a mile off and would prefer not to be involved and let the children adults sort it out amongst themselves.

deisemum

P. Breathnach wrote: »

If she's good for the children, that matters a great deal; but it's not all that matters. If she causes problems in the school's relationship with families, that is a legitimate issue for concern.

I'd be wary of involving a parents' council. Such bodies are often very informally constituted, and the members are not always discreet.

Nor is it a good idea to expect parents' representatives on a school board to raise it. That's going over the head of the principal, and is a bad way to conduct business.

I've been on the Parents Association when my children were in primary school and I'm currently on the Parents Council in their secondary school and we cannot discuss individual teachers and if another parent approaches us with a concern to do with a teacher we have to refer the parent to the principal.

evolving_doors

Please people please...won't somebody think of the Ethos?

All jokes aside
..about 20 years or so ago a woman was dismissed from her job from a ' religious' school because she was seen about the town with a divorced/unmarried man (can't remember which!)..legal case ensued and the case against the school was struck down because she went against the ethos...

Pure and simple..don't fkuc with the ethos as itll beat any hand..

Also have a check out the NEW teaching council code of practice...it's actually a bit vague as to what a teacher can /can't do outside school hours so she could be reported/pursued along those lines.

Personally though.. once she goes in and does her job without treating the kids any different then people should keep their noses out..

Colser

What I cant understand is where is all this interation/bickering taking place? People collect their kids from school and go home so when is she stirring trouble? Where did the dole scrounger conversation take place...surely not on school property? Why would she have parents phone nums to text or call them out of school? Is she a teacher or a helper in the classroom?

Just asking all these questions as I see very little interaction between parents and teachers at the school once the children are dropped and collected...And sorry OP I think you have more than a passing interest in all of this...just my opinion..

maria34

Am I the only one who thinks that all these "parents" are actually married ladies afraid that this teacher will crab their husbands? Why else are they bothered.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I don't think this is the correct Forum for this thread. It is not a Personal Issue for you, it doesn't even sound like it a personal issue for anyone particularly close to you. I will move it to the Primary & Pre-School Forum and the mods there can make a decision on whether or not it is suitable there.