Paying for bridesmaids hair/makeup

BanzaiBk

January wrote: »

]

But she can afford a photo booth.

Yes I know, I also read the OP.

jonnyfingers

OP I think it's pretty clear that you don't want to pay for the hair and make-up so let that be your decision. I'm not sure you'll get the validation you're looking for on this forum, but that doesn't matter, it's your wedding so trust your own decisions.

I would suggest you tell the bridesmaids that you're really sorry but you don't have the money for their hair and make up in the budget so would be extremely grateful if they could cover the cost as a favour to you. In return they have free reign on how they look, and you'll have to accept that if that might be a problem.

After the wedding if you find you have a little extra cash from gifts maybe get them a voucher or something as a small thank you.

They may not be entirely happy with you, especially if they feel spending money on a Photobooth could have been spent elsewhere, but I'm sure they'll get over it. If this looks like something that might cause serious damage to your friendship then a) that's ridiculous, it's only hair and make up and b) if you're really worried I'd reconsider the Photobooth, or see if you can source one for cheaper elsewhere and put whatever the difference is towards the hair and make up cost.

Like you we live in the UK and are traveling back to Ireland for the wedding and the cost is pretty high. We've ended up putting off saving for a house until after the wedding because we just couldn't afford both sadly.

But in the end remember what the wedding is really about, the two of you. Don't get hung up on the costs or traditions too much. If you can't afford something then don't pay for it. If the bridal party and guests want to make a fuss over it then feck em.

Dolbert

OP I think your bridesmaids would be much more understanding if you simply couldn't afford it. However, having them go without just so you can have a photobooth screams of selfishness. Are you paying for your own hair and makeup? Are you contributing anything at all to the bridesmaids?

kkcatlou

TBH I've never heard of a couple not paying for the hair and makeup for their bridesmaids. it seems very unusual and is not the done thing in Ireland.

That said, if you can't justify paying for it, make it clear that you will be happy for them to do it themselves (i.e. you shouldn't insist they have to pay for it to be done) and are happy with whatever style they want. You say they would have to cover this expense themselves if they were just a normal guest. If they were a normal guest, they would probably do it themselves.

Tan and nails are excessive to be fair. You shouldn't feel you have to pay for those. Room on the night is debatable. I got it paid for once when I was BM and the other time I offered as I knew they were on a strict budget. We'll be paying for all of ours the night of the wedding but asking them to pay for themselves the second night.

Being a bridesmaid/ groomsman is a duty as well as an honour. I think people should be appreciated for all the hard work they put into it and not just treated like "well aren't they lucky I picked them", which is what you hear from some brides!

Moonbeam

if you want their hair and make up done then you should pay for it.

Usually you would buy the dresses,shoes,pay for hair and make up and pay for the hotel for them.
As not everyone want to do this sometimes they wear their own shoes and pay for hotel themselves.

CarMe

Would you not be mortified getting them to pay?

Sadderday

OP, when you asked these gals to be your bridesmaids you should have mentioned it to them that the deal would entail them paying for these things themselves... everyone is in a financial difficulties these days including i'm sure your bridal party. I do understand where your coming from, We're hoping to get married and buy a home too so we would need to keep costs down but I wouldn't ask people to be a part of the day if I couldn't afford to have them there in their glory.

However; you are in the situation now so if you really cannot budget for such things its time for a sit down with all three gals and give a clear explanation of this. At the end of the day paying for the bridal parties rooms, handbags, transport etc etc would all ideally be included but if you can't do it you cant do it.

However; a photobooth outweighing your bridal party on the day is something to think about. Some people leave a disposable camera on the tables and their guests take snaps throughout the night. you could develop them afterwards (on your own time) and i'm sure you find such photos worth their weight in gold.

I understand your situation completely but I think you shoot yourself in the foot by having a photobooth in place and expecting the bridal party to part with their own hard earned cash even if it is for tan etc, would you rather the gals turn up feeling uncomfortable they are kinda doing you a favour at the end of the day?

P.s shopiing around can get you serious deals...

FactCheck

It's incredibly scabby to ask someone to go to the trouble and expense of being a bridesmaid or groomsman and not pay for their outfit and hair.

I'd make an exception for makeup because presumably they all own make up and do their own regularly? I don't think there's anything wrong with saying "There won't be a make up artist, we'll just all do our own on the day". You aren't asking anyone to go to any extra expense, just use what they would use normally.

Organising a makeup artist to come and then expecting them to pay up would be so, so rude though.

FactCheck

Basically you have several choices:

1) put off the house buying for a year, get a loan, have wedding of your dreams
2) cut corners - photo booth, credit card honeymoon, 6+ people in the wedding party - these are EXTRAS, luxuries, you go without if you cannot afford them
3) go to a registry office just the pair of you and avoid all the hassle and expense

But there is no option 4) make other people pay for your luxuries and daydreams. That's really, really rude. Have what you can afford. Going into debt is crazy enough, don't also alienate everyone close to you by picking their pockets to pay for a dream that's out of reach.

Sadderday

FactCheck wrote: »

Basically you have several choices:

1) put off the house buying for a year, get a loan, have wedding of your dreams
2) cut corners - photo booth, credit card honeymoon, 6+ people in the wedding party - these are EXTRAS, luxuries, you go without if you cannot afford them
3) go to a registry office just the pair of you and avoid all the hassle and expense

But there is no option 4) make other people pay for your luxuries and daydreams. That's really, really rude. Have what you can afford. Going into debt is crazy enough, don't also alienate everyone close to you by picking their pockets to pay for a dream that's out of reach.

Well said

XxMCRxBabyxX

OP are you getting your hair and make up done yourself? If you already have someone coming over then it wouldn't look great to expect the others to do it themselves or pay for it themselves. If you are doing yours yourself then I see no obligation on you to pay for the others. As already suggested could you guys do each other's hair and make up? We did this for a friend's wedding recently and everyone looked great with no great expense needed.

Could you organise a DIY photobooth instead? At that same wedding a room was set up with lots of fun and silly accessories such as hats, glasses, masks, feather boas, etc along with a digital camera on a timer that people used to take their pictures. It turned out really well and just like the professional photobooths would. In fact people had more space so they got some really great photos done with the entire families/bridal parties/groups of friends.

swpb

you should be paying! I can't believe this is even up for discusssion. I've been bridesmaid 4 times now and NEVER had to pay, would always offer but its never been accepted. If you couldn't afford to get the full works for 3 bridesmaids you should have only had one. Sorry but you should be paying .

jlm29

Do the other bridesmaids know this is an issue? Is one of them going to come along in a few weeks wondering what to get you for a present? If they do, you could suggest hiring a make-up artist, or a hair-dresser. But if they don't, you should find that money somewhere. It's only right.

Ms2011

I'm only having the one bridesmaid so I can afford to pay for everything for her for the day, dress, shoes, hair, make up, tan, nails, room & jewellery. She has organised my hens & has minded my son so I can meet with suppliers etc. & will be my right hand on the wedding day so it's the least I can do to say thanks.

quietasmice

Ok I can see it's all mixed opinions. I still stand by the fact that I'm not making anyone "pay for my dreams and luxuries" - I haven't asked them to pay for anything, just do these things themselves - so I don't agree with that statement.
However, from these comments, some which have been put more delicately than others and I thank you for that, I now understand that some compromises will need to be made.
I am going to see where we can cut our budget to accommodate for paying for the bridesmaids hair. I still don't believe a makeup artist is necessary as all girls are more than capable of doing own, and I would never dream of expecting a bride to pay for my makeup. Again, tan and nails is not something that I personally feel is a requirement - if they would feel better and choose to do this themselves then that's fine.
In years to come, I know that if we sacrificed the photobooth, I would look at our wedding pictures and feel sad that we didn't have it. I know that I won't look at our wedding pictures and think "Oh what a shame I didn't get the bridesmaids to tan and manicure and have professional makeup". They are all beautiful girls naturally. Several posts here have made me out to be really selfish and have been quite full of venom... I spend most of my life in general being told what to do by other people who think they know best, and usually I let them, including my little sis. But with the fear of sounding like a bridezilla, which I assure you I am far from as I have no demands whatsoever, I need to remind myself sometimes that this is MY wedding day, not theirs. None of my bridesmaids are married yet so truly don't appreciate how impossible it is to stretch money. I know the photobooth can seem insulting as a result, but I truly don't think I should apologise for an aspect of the wedding that is important to US - regardless of how other people feel.
We want a wedding surrounded by family and friends, one that has elements my mum and dad want, and one that has our personality in it - the photobooth ticks this last box.
We will pay for dress alterations, gifts for the bridesmaids, bouquets, AND hair on the day, but they can still have it styled how they choose. If they want makeup, tan and nails we can either help each other out, OR they can pay for those extras themselves as it is not a demand that I have placed on them. My sister will also have her accommodation covered. The other two are with my brother and best man so shouldn't have a problem with that. I think there are too many rules and expectations around Irish weddings - I've found it hurtful that my bridesmaids expected all of this despite knowing how much we are struggling with money, and two of them have found it hurtful as Irish custom dictates that a bridesmaid should be pampered and spoiled by the bride and groom. This is such a grey area, but your opinions have been taken on board so thank you xx

Sadderday

Best of Luck OP, at the very end of the day none of it will matter in 20 years so make it what you will, you cant please everyone and gals doing each others make up (and tan?) including yours doesn't sound awful but I would certainly try get a hairdresser into the mix... sure if ye won the lotto it would be a different story so dont sweat the small stuff and i'm sure by 6pm on the day of your wedding the bridesmaids will be bladdered and in fine form regardless of the morning arrangements!!

Ya better make sure you get a round of sausage sambos in though, hungry bridesmaids are the last thing ya want!

quietasmice

lol Sausage sambos are a given - I wouldn't dare break that rule!! Thank you

cinloom

I think they should understand it. I am quite shocked that it is a demand. It is your wedding, do whatever you want . I did that and our wedding was has i wanted it .

JerCotter7

cinloom wrote: »

I think they should understand it. I am quite shocked that it is a demand. It is your wedding, do whatever you want . I did that and our wedding was has i wanted it .

Sweet. Trackies for the next wedding I go to so. Oh wait I'm never in the bridal party anyway. :cool:

silvervixen84

I was a bridesmaid twice last year.

1. Hair was paid for. We did our own makeup.
2. Hair and makeup was paid for.

For 1. we did a trial run before the wedding, as the three bridesmaids had different colouring and hair colour, so our makeup had to be suitable for all of us. The bride had previously done a mini-makeup course so was able to show us how to do our eyes exactly as she would like it on the day. She then bought us all the same shade lipgloss in a local pharmacy (poundshop prices).

I would say pay for the hair. Maybe you could find a trainee hairdresser who's good at upstyles and wants the practice and experience? (Do a test run first though).

Also start looking at makeup looks on youtube/pinterest for your bridesmaids. Arrange a trial run a couple of days before the wedding (perhaps with some wine and nibbles!) and just get everyone to bring some eyeshadows and lip colours so you can use what ye already have. Cheap and cheerful, and fun!

Electric Sheep

quietasmice wrote: »

we sacrificed the photobooth, I would look at our wedding pictures and feel sad that we didn't have it. I know that I won't look at our wedding pictures and think "Oh what a shame I didn't get the bridesmaids to tan and manicure and have professional makeup". They are all beautiful girls naturally. Several posts here have made me out to be really selfish and have been quite full of venom... I spend most of my life in general being told what to do by other people who think they know best, and usually I let them, including my little sis. But with the fear of sounding like a bridezilla, which I assure you I am far from as I have no demands whatsoever, I need to remind myself sometimes that this is MY wedding day, not theirs. None of my bridesmaids are married yet so truly don't appreciate how impossible it is to stretch money. I know the photobooth can seem insulting as a result, but I truly don't think I should apologise for an aspect of the wedding that is important to US - regardless of how other people feel.
We want a wedding surrounded by family and friends, one that has elements my mum and dad want, and one that has our personality in it - the photobooth ticks this last box.

In years to come you are far more likely to regret that you wasted money on a gimmick like a photo booth while damaging your relationship with the sister who has been so helpful with organizing your wedding.

If you are getting your hair and makeup professionally done, pay for theirs as well.

stinkle

could you DIY the photobooth? I read an article on a wedding website and it sounded easy enough (maybe delegate someone to set it up). An old laptop with a webcam plus silly props is the bare minimum really.

I'm a bit taken aback at the cost of hair and make up for my day too, but I'm useless with grooming and really want something to last all day and cover some skin issues that I'm self-conscious about, so I'm happy to pay for that for me and the girls. It was never gonna be an issue, but if it was something I felt we could save on, I would be annoyed if a BM was in a huff purely because its the done thing elsewhere, and wasn;t helpful with finding ways to fit it into your budget.

Electric Sheep

BanzaiBk wrote: »

Tbh I find some of the replies crazy. Sure normally things like this would be paid for but the OP is on a budget. Two people who love each other want to get married. That surely is the most important thing here.

If that is the most important thing then why stress your budget by having three bridesmaids and a photo booth?

Everyone is on a budget when planning a wedding, but putting a thing like a photo booth above the family and friends in the wedding party is pretty strange when the OP says she wants her wedding to be about family and friends. They will still be around long after the wedding and the photo booth are forgotten.

Paying E70 toward the room for a sister that helped so much with the organization of the wedding instead of paying for the whole price of the room is stingy enough by itself.

Typer Monkey

I don't really get the appeal of a photo booth. What's the draw in having a load of pictures of people in wigs pulling silly faces? I agree with the above posters who recommended prioritising your bridesmaid's over it. You say you don't care about convention but yet you asked two people who you don't seem that close to to be bridesmaids just to match the number of groomsmen. I'm only having one bridesmaid and my OH is having 3 groomsmen.

At the very least I think you should pay for the bridesmaid's hair to be done. You could always say hair and makeup are your 'gift' to them instead of getting them something else?

CarMe

Yeah to be blunt, you actually just sound embarrassingly tight.

cookiecakes

OP it sounds like you are in a tough situation. It's hard to balance what you want and the stuff people expect you to pay. My issue would be the same as someone said above. If you expected them to pay for their own stuff, you really should have explained it to them when you were asking them so they could have been fully informed before accepting. You say that you're only paying for your sisters room and the other two are with people from the groom's party so that should be fine. Both the groomsmen are already paying for their own suits so adding hair, make up etc to that is putting a lot of expense on them as couples.

I appreciate that maybe you didn't know this was the norm but unfortunately it is and you'll have to deal with them expecting it. I got married at the end of November and paid for everything for our bridesmaids. We had two and covered dresses, shoes, make up, hair, rooms and trials. We were also saving for a house at the same time and yes we did have to cut back on other stuff but I felt it wasn't my place to ask them and expect them to pay for themselves.

I don't know if you're Irish and I know in America and stuff, it's common place for the bridesmaids to pay their own way but here, that's mainly how its done. It sucks if you weren't expecting it but there are always places to cut back slightly. Yes money may be tight for you but it also could be equally tight for them and they went in to it blind. I hope you can still have the day you want while making the bridesmaids feel comfortable and happy that you asked them to be a part of your big day. Good luck!

Carraig77

Also for me the morning at home with my 2 bridesmaids getting hair and make up done was kinda magical and memories with my family I will always treasure. I'd hate to there having been any tension over the hair and make up.

Also if ur 2 bridesmaids are not married yet, then when they marry there is a big chance u might be bridesmaid.
And u wont be expected to bear any financial expense like dress, etc etc. Down the line with house and kids money doesn't become any less tight.. Believe me.

Anyway best if luck. Hope ye both have a wonderful day. Don't let the small stuff take away from a time that is so special for u and ur partner .

Toots

A makeup artist is optional and can work out pretty expensive if you factor in costs for trials etc. IMO it's not necessary to have one. If you can afford it, that's great but if you can't and they really want their makeup done professionally then explain to them how your budget doesn't cover it. Asking you to pay for their tan and nails is a bit cheeky, I think. If you were insisting they have tan and manicures for the day then you should pay for it but otherwise that's something they should sort themselves if they want it.I think you're right in paying for the hair. Unless they're very confident in doing their own hair, I'd be hesitant not to use a hairdresser for the day. Any time I've been a bridesmaid, we've had our hair done professionally and honestly I've never met anyone who's been a bridesmaid who hasn't had a hairdresser do their hair. I'd go so far as to say that a hairdresser is a must-have for the day and it's very unfair to expect bridesmaids/groomsmen to be out of pocket as a result of being part of your bridal party.

CaliforniaDream

I think people are being overly harsh on the OP.

I do think that you should pay for hair and makeup but there are ways around the expense.
If it was up to me I'd pay for makeup over hair as makeup can look awful in photos if not done correctly. Nearly everyone can straighten or curl their hair simply which always looks like. Not 'special' as such but good enough for photos.

Instead of buying them a necklace why don't you book somewhere like Brown Thomas for the makeup? You can get makeup done when you spend a certain amount (I think it's 50Euro). This way, everyone gets their makeup done and you can buy the girls the products as their present. I'd love some new makeup from MAC/Nars/Benefit etc bought for me.

Look for trainee hairdressers as others have said. It doesn't have to cost a fortune but the thought will go a long way. Nails and tan don't have to be paid for. Nice if you can afford it but not necessary.

Everything can be done, it's just about smart budgeting.

almorris

Why get a photobooth? Maybe ask the photographer to take a load of guest photos. As for for fake tans, if overdone they are notorious for putting a color cast in photos making it difficult to get everyone looking natural.