Paying for bridesmaids hair/makeup

quietasmice · 14-02-2014 1:06am #1

Hi,
I desperately need advice. I live in the uk with my fiancé (who's English), and we are getting married in Ireland this summer. My little sister has been a great help in organising things up until now, but we've hit a brick wall.
She is adamant that we should pay for her hair and makeup, along with the other two bridesmaids' hair and makeup. We are a young couple who plan to buy a house if we can next year, and everything is so tight. Our wedding budget is so limited because of the price of everything in Ireland, the expectation of ppl invited and the fact that we cannot get loan if we want to get house deposit next year.
My sister paid for the 3 bridemaids dresses online as a wedding present, costing 400 euro, this is for our wedding present. We are asking that the groomsmen pay for their suit hire, and the two things we splurged on was a photobooth (it was my one wishlist item) and our honeymoon which is on credit card at 0% interest. My sister has said we are putting money in the wrong places and it's asking too much and insulting to expect bridesmaids to pay for their own hair and makeup. I told her once I know where money stands, we may be able to cover hair as I understand they may not have booked hairdresser as a guest, but makeup they could easily do themselves? I just don't think it's fair when guys are paying for suit hire, and although I know it's Irish custom, we just can't afford it, particularly as half our guests will not gift as generously as the Irish side, simply down to different customs and culture.
Please help me solve this situation - am I being unreasonable? I feel like two of the bridesmaids are just so demanding, the other is from uk and seems to be the only one putting my feelings and situation first.

quietasmice · 14-02-2014 1:14am

Oh, and she also said tan and nails should be covered! I know these girls aren't well off, and it is my wedding, but because it's my wedding there's so much more to be paid for!

Please help!

Dymo · 14-02-2014 1:18am

If it wasn't your wedding, they wouldn't need these things. You should pay because your causing this expense not them. Maybe you shouldn't be getting married yet.

sawdoubters · 14-02-2014 1:22am

tell them you cant afford it

I am sure some one would do it for free

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/who-should-pay-for-bridesmaid-hairstyles#axzz2tFdm1tTl

Carraig77 · 14-02-2014 1:22am

Cancel the photobooth.
U should pay for their hair and make up.
If can't afford have one bridesmaid. Three is too much if money is tight.
I ve been bridesmaid a couple of times and I would have not been impressed if asked to pay.
Also I had 2 bridesmaids at my wedding, I priced around And got good deal on hair and make up.

Boombastic · 14-02-2014 1:27am

Yep, pay for hair and make up

I'm not paying for my bridesmaids tans because personally I don't like the fake tanned look (certainly not in middle of spring)- if they want it the can get it themselves and nails they are having done themselves

quietasmice · 14-02-2014 1:48am

Ok - Dymo - I'm getting married because my fiancé and I want to be husband and wife, I didn't say yes when he proposed while wondering if my bridesmaids would request tans and manicures.
Carraig77 - the photobooth is the ONLY wishlist I have had. My bridesmaids chose their dresses as I was outvoted on what I liked for them, and I don't get excited about cakes or flowers, etc. Even my wedding dress, which I LOVE, was on a sale rack for under 500 euro. My bridesmaids demands mean they will cost me more than what I can spend on myself - is that normal?
And yes, I did ask them to be bridesmaids. One is my sister, one is the best man's fiancé, and one is my brother's girlfriend, so all three would have been attending the wedding anyway. All three would also, even as guest, got their hair done as that's what they do for every wedding they attend. I am not dictating to them how their hair should be styled, nor do I mind if they don't get tan, manicure, etc.
I think from the comments I can understand why I should possibly stretch the budget for hair, IF it's doable, as a gesture. But makeup, etc.? We are paying entirely for this wedding ourselves and although I can't wait to be married, I dread all the demands lurking between now and then. I am so different from my maids - I've even considered doing my own makeup!

Boombastic · 14-02-2014 1:55am

quietasmice wrote: »

Ok - Dymo - I'm getting married because my fiancé and I want to be husband and wife, I didn't say yes when he proposed while wondering if my bridesmaids would request tans and manicures.
Carraig77 - the photobooth is the ONLY wishlist I have had. My bridesmaids chose their dresses as I was outvoted on what I liked for them, and I don't get excited about cakes or flowers, etc. Even my wedding dress, which I LOVE, was on a sale rack for under 500 euro. My bridesmaids demands mean they will cost me more than what I can spend on myself - is that normal?
And yes, I did ask them to be bridesmaids. One is my sister, one is the best man's fiancé, and one is my brother's girlfriend, so all three would have been attending the wedding anyway. All three would also, even as guest, got their hair done as that's what they do for every wedding they attend. I am not dictating to them how their hair should be styled, nor do I mind if they don't get tan, manicure, etc.
I think from the comments I can understand why I should possibly stretch the budget for hair, IF it's doable, as a gesture. But makeup, etc.? We are paying entirely for this wedding ourselves and although I can't wait to be married, I dread all the demands lurking between now and then. I am so different from my maids - I've even considered doing my own makeup!

Ok this might sound harsh but here is what I would do in your situtation... I would tell your sister to feck off with her demands. Tell her what it is you want and stick to it.

You not paying for make up and hair, but at the same time you are not dictating what way it should be styled

If she throws a strop and refuses to be bridesmaid, let her off

quietasmice · 14-02-2014 2:24am

Boombastic wrote: »

Ok this might sound harsh but here is what I would do in your situtation... I would tell your sister to feck off with her demands. Tell her what it is you want and stick to it.

You not paying for make up and hair, but at the same time you are not dictating what way it should be styled

If she throws a strop and refuses to be bridesmaid, let her off

Boombastic, thank you

- If nothing else your comment made me giggle and stop pulling my hair out for five mins! My sister has been great so far but has ENTIRELY different ideas of wedding etiquette, expectations, etc. I just feel clueless, frustrated and stupid with it all

Tigger · 14-02-2014 2:28am

nobody likes a scabby wedding
sorry but its true

Boombastic · 14-02-2014 2:34am

quietasmice wrote: »

Boombastic, thank you - If nothing else your comment made me giggle and stop pulling my hair out for five . ns! My sister has been great so far but has ENTIRELY different ideas of wedding etiquette, expectations, etc. I just feel clueless, frustrated and stupid with it all

I've been there

I just flat out refused tans, but 'what about the photos?' They'd say. My reply "I think you're naturally beautiful'

and now I believe they have booked their own became they wouldn't be seen dead at a wedding without one

If I was demanding they get tans, I would pay for it but I'm not

Boombastic · 14-02-2014 2:35am

Tigger wrote: »

nobody likes a scabby wedding
sorry but its true

Do you go to weddings asking the bridesmaids 'who did your hair and how much did it cost?'

What would you consider a 'scabby wedding'

Tigger · 14-02-2014 2:37am

Boombastic wrote: »

Do you go to weddings asking the bridesmaids 'who did your hair and how much did it cost?'

What would you consider a 'scabby wedding'

no but they will talk

its how it is that the bridesmaids are to be catered for
by all means lead the new wave but people will talk

Boombastic · 14-02-2014 2:40am

Tigger wrote: »

no but they will talk

its how it is that the bridesmaids are to be catered for
by all means lead the new wave but people will talk

Who cares? How it's meant to be and people will talk? Seriously if narrow minded people want to talk, let them, who cares? It's that kind of attitude that has people under pressure spending 10, 000+ on weddings

Will people to about me because I don't have a tan...it's Ireland, when was the last time you seen the sun?

Tigger · 14-02-2014 2:44am

Boombastic wrote: »

Who cares? How it's meant to be and people will talk? Seriously if narrow minded people want to talk, let them, who cares? It's that kind of attitude that has people under pressure spending 10, 000+ on weddings

and its the attitude that the invited should pay up that has wedding invites being called summonses

i enjoyed a lot of weddings but i can afford to before when i was earning small potatoes it was very hard and extra hard when we were both in the bridal party

Boombastic · 14-02-2014 2:52am

Tigger wrote: »

and its the attitude that the invited should pay up that has wedding invites being called summonses

i enjoyed a lot of weddings but i can afford to before when i was earning small potatoes it was very hard and extra hard when we were both in the bridal party

I paid for the dresses, the make up, shoes, hair and jewelley because I want those things a certain way. Best men suits are paid for. Every thing else it's their choice, I don't expect them to pay for anything. What did you have to pay for being part of the bridal party?

If I was just them to straighten their hair or do it themselves, I wouldn't pay for it

Also I don't think the invited should pay up??

Tigger · 14-02-2014 2:54am

Boombastic wrote: »

I paid for the dresses, the make up, shoes, hair and jewelley because I want those things a certain way. Best men suits are paid for. Every thing else it's their choice, I don't expect them to pay for anything. What did you have to pay for being part of the bridal party?

If I was just them to straighten their hair or do it themselves, I wouldn't pay for it

Also I don't think the invited should pay up??

the op dosent want to pay for hair and makeup?
also expects the groomsmen to rent/buy their own suits (did it once thought less of the people)

Boombastic · 14-02-2014 2:58am

Tigger wrote: »

the op dosent want to pay for hair and makeup?

Yep, she doesn't mind if they do it themselves or what style they have it. If she prefers they do it themselves, why don't they just do that. Surely they could manage?I still don't see how they are being compelled to pay.

You can always say no to being bridesmaid/ best man.

She didn't state if she wants the suits matching it a particular style, if not can't the wear their own suit (if the own one) or borrow one for the day

Tigger · 14-02-2014 3:02am

Boombastic wrote: »

Yep, she doesn't mind if they do it themselves or what style they have it. If she prefers they do it themselves, why don't they just do that. Surely they could manage?I still don't see how they are being compelled to pay.

You can always say no to being bridesmaid/ best man.

She didn't state if she wants the suits matching it a particular style, if not can't the wear their own suit (if the own one) or borrow one for the day

ok but i've been told and she's been told what to do yet not covered
op: are you asking for spefic things and yet not covering them?

quietasmice · 14-02-2014 3:38am

Ok, just a few things:
1. There are certainly no summonses for our guests - over half of them are from uk and as a result do not pay 100 euro a head gift or whatever it is - nor would I expect them to. If they choose to come over their attendance is enough for us BUT it does mean we do not "get back" money we've put in the wedding afterwards so need to budget.

2. The three groomsmen are my fiancés closest friends and actually asked him if they could be part of our wedding - that's why I have 3 bridesmaids to match. They are from uk and over here it is completely normal to pay for own suit hire. My fiancé will do the same for his best man who's getting married next year, and again when other two get married.

3. I haven't asked anything of my bridesmaids other than they be my bridesmaids. My sister offered to pay for dresses as a wedding present, although I'll be paying for alterations on all 3 dresses, plus hair accessories and I got each of them a necklace as a gift. I don't care what shoes they wear as they won't be seen, but all three have told me they have silver shoes anyway. I don't care what hairstyle they have, all three said they'd like to have some sort of up do but I'm not bothered what style - I told them to choose something to suit their face (I told them to choose a bridesmaid dress to suit their shape also). One girl is naturally tanned, the other two (my sis and brother's gf) always use fake tan on nights out and for weddings so they want it done. I know all three want to look nice on the day (naturally) but I'd be happy for them to paint each others nails or not at all if that's what they want - I do not care about manicures or tans.
I have promised to pay 70 euro towards room for my sister the night of wedding, as a thank you for her help with stuff.
What more can I do? I'm not being "scabby" - I just can't make money appear out of thin air. My fiancé is in the process of interviewing for new jobs, we want a house next year as I currently commute an hour and half each way, and we want to start a family. I'm making sensible cutbacks where possible, e.g. I swap work on editing websites and photography with people who can give discounts for my services, e.g. cheaper invites and videographer. I work all hours to try and save money and I just don't understand why it's expected we pay for this too.
They would've been guests at the wedding anyway - the only difference is they are in a dress they didn't have to pay for, get a necklace and get to sit at top table! If I was a bm I'd feel special to be part of it but I guess not everyone thinks as simply as I do...

sanna · 14-02-2014 6:34am

Im getting married in 3months, Scottish marrying Irishman in Ireland, finding the in between of customs hard as well!
We dont pay for suits for bridal party mainly as most will wear kilts and most have them, IVe paid for BM dresses and even tho it wasnt particularly what one BM wanted its my wedding!
I did think about doing my own makeup and if that was the case then I wouldnt be paying for BMs to get done, but again Im not sure how that goes at home as I remember being BM for my sister and she didnt pay for makeup? Hair then was done by my then boss so i as free the rest got discount.

We are on strict budget as well but if Im paying for my hair and makeup then Im paying for theirs

Carraig77 · 14-02-2014 7:32am

I still think op should pay for hair and make up.
We paid for our own wedding too ... I think most people do.
I'm not fussed about hair and make up and left them decide what they wanted. No tan... This is Ireland.

We did our own flowers, I brought the invites in tesco €1.99 for pack of 10. No fancy wedding cars. No video.
We had a great day. My bridesmaid was my sister and my vest friend. I just think you have your prioritities wrong. I still think the photobooth is an un necessary expense especially as u are trying to budget.
If money is getting out of control cancel big do And just go off and have small family party.

January · 14-02-2014 10:31am

I'm having 5 bridesmaids and I'm paying for their hair, tan and nails... make up is being done for all of us as a gift (one of my BM's is a professional MUA). I think I'd take off frills like photo booths and pay for their hair and make up at least, not tan and nails if you're not that fussed.

I think it's just polite to not have your BM's out of pocket, I know they'd be coming to your wedding anyway but that's not the point.

stargazer 68 · 14-02-2014 10:46am

OP you didn't pay for their dresses - at least pay for hair and makeup!

jlm29 · 14-02-2014 10:51am

Sounds like you're having 3 bridesmaids, when you can't afford them. You didn't have to have a matching number of bridesmaids and groomsmen- you chose to. Anyone I know who's gotten married has paid for hair and makeup for bridesmaids. If I had to choose, id pick to have their make-up done professionally, and just straighten their hair or something. The make up will look way better in photos.

Milly33 · 14-02-2014 11:25am

mmm that's a tough one but then she is your sister she should understand and if the bridesmaids are close to you they should understand too.

Now I would defo think you should pay for the hair as that is something that is a bakes to do yourself if you don't like doing it.. Fake tans and that I would think is their own business as not everyone is into them. Now if you were saying that they had to have the fake tans to suit you then most defo you should be paying for it but if they want it then off they go an get it...

tough one but id nearly tell your sister to cop on tis your day surely ye can meet half way or something.. where abouts in Ireland are ye getting married

BanzaiBk · 14-02-2014 11:36am

My 2c. I am going to be a bridesmaid for my cousin in April. Just Two bridesmaids, her sister and I. She's paid for the dresses and shoes. Her sister will do the nails and makeup (MUA) and I've arranged the hairdresser. It's all on a very tight budget but with a few bits that my cousin always wanted.

Tbh I find some of the replies crazy. Sure normally things like this would be paid for but the OP is on a budget. Two people who love each other want to get married. That surely is the most important thing here. My cousin was upfront from the beginning that it would be shoestring but never once did it cross my mind that it was a 'scabby wedding'. I'm delighted for her that she's getting married and I'm pretty chuffed she asked me to be in her wedding party.

If I was OP I'd be having a chat with my sister about the situation.

Birdie086 · 14-02-2014 11:36am

Getting married this year on a very strict budget as well.

I have five bridesmaids, all important to me for different reasons, paying for their dresses, earings, brooch for the dress, and will pay for their hair and make up. i think its only fair.

We have cut other corners that are less important to cover this.

January · 14-02-2014 11:42am

BanzaiBk wrote: »

My 2c. I am going to be a bridesmaid for my cousin in April. Just Two bridesmaids, her sister and I. She's paid for the dresses and shoes. Her sister will do the nails and makeup (MUA) and I've arranged the hairdresser. It's all on a very tight budget but with a few bits that my cousin always wanted.

Tbh I find some of the replies crazy. Sure normally things like this would be paid for but the OP is on a budget. Two people who love each other want to get married. That surely is the most important thing here. My cousin was upfront from the beginning that it would be shoestring but never once did it cross my mind that it was a 'scabby wedding'. I'm delighted for her that she's getting married and I'm pretty chuffed she asked me to be in her wedding party.

If I was OP I'd be having a chat with my sister about the situation.

]

But she can afford a photo booth.

ElleEm · 14-02-2014 11:53am

I agree with the others. I would have thought dress, shoes, hair and make up were all the bare minimum that would be provided for someone being bridesmaid. I know people who pay for accommodation, nails and tan but I would see them as added extras and not basics.

OP, you asked them to be part of your wedding party, I personally think you should have budgeted accordingly.

flikflak · 14-02-2014 12:18pm

Ok, I know hindsight is always a great thing but you really should have put everything into your budget including the bridesmaids costs and then figured out all the associated costs that go with them so then you could a. see if you could afford to have any and b. how many you could afford.

These are the types of questions to be asked before you even think about asking anyone to be a BM. Personally I think the hair and make should be paid for by you (the tan and nails are OTT IMO) but you are in this situation now so here are a few ideas.

Is there anyone attending the wedding that has a knack for make up? If so you could ask them to do the BM`s as their gift to you?

Is there a local beauty college anywhere nearby that you could ask the students to do it for you for a reduced cost?

Are any of the BM`s good with make up? Maybe one of then could do the others?

Find the money and pay for them.

I really dont think its unreasonable for them to expect for their hair and make up to be done. If you were planning on not having it done for them you should have spelled it out from the start so they were clear on where they stood then they could have decided yes or no if they wanted to be a BM.

Thank god I am not having any BM`s!!!

Paying for bridesmaids hair/makeup

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