The Jizzler Awards Ceremony 2013

wnolan1992

Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, boys and girls... your Holiness,

Bonjour et bienvenue à la quatrième (ou cinquième) cérémonie C&H Jizzler Prix (teehee, prix...)

Hello and welcome to the fourth (or possibly fifth, who knows) Jizzler Awards. Tonight will be a night to remember for so many of you, as you will be bestowed with an award which will entitle you to kudos, wimmins, various liqueurs and fine wines, and the respect of everyone on this fine website.

"Look at him/her!" they'll shout. "He/She has a Jizzler! Let me take off my undergarments with exuberance, abandon all my inhibitions and jump upon him/her in a sexual manner right here and now on this bus!"

The rest of you will have to sit back, glower with a mixture of rage and envy, and vow to bribe me next yeardo your best to win an award legitimately next year.

For those of you wondering what the Jizzler Awards are, well they're awards. Which are awarded to people who deserve to be awarded them.

Why are they called Jizzler Awards? Simply put, because these awards were founded by very immature individuals who pounced on the opportunity of ingraining a one off troll poster into the C&H lexicon.


Your hosts for this evening are me (but if you hadn't figured that out by now, you're a bit slow), and my beautiful and wonderful cohost CTYIgirl! It promises to be a night of uncomfortable glances, sexual innuendo and long awkward silences after our pitiful jokes fall flat. It's like the Eurovision, except with better music. :P



The first award will be presented at 9:30, so until then, pull up a seat, grab a nice glass of fine whiskey (or cheap paint stripper vodka, we're not elitist here) and prepare for the whirlwind ride that is the Jizzler's!

SarahBeep!

IM SO EXCITED

iamanengine

How about we fight to the death for awards? Lets go Roman style on this sh*t!

Let the games begin!!!

wnolan1992

SarahBeep! wrote: »

IM SO EXCITED

And you just can't hide it?

iamanengine

wnolan1992 wrote: »

And you just can't hide it?

I'm about to lose control....and......I think I like it?

AtomicKoala

Woo! Let the inebriation of joy commence!

LoonyLovegood

*sashays in, does a Jennifer Lawrence, gets up, refills drink from bottle hidden in dress, approaches podium*

LADIES AND GENTS. WELCOME TO THE FOURTH OR FIFTH ANNUAL JIZZLER AWARDS! One male and one female tribute is selected from each forum, and these tributes will fight to the death in the annual pageant known as the Hunger Games. Good luck, and may the odds be ever in your favour.

Wait, wrong ceremony.

MEN AND WOMEN, PEOPLE OF ALL AND NO GENDERS, WELCOME TO THE JIZZLERS! We need someone to take over the bar, so feel free to volunteer (not as tribute, I swear...). This shall be an exciting jizzler ceremony, filled with honour, and spectacle, and perhaps even sugar high singalongs. So welcome, sit down, ignore the smell coming from the air vents as we have our biggest event of the year!

wnolan1992

I'm wearing one of these suits, so please don't as me to dance at any point tonight...

LoonyLovegood

The picture doesn't work...is it a mankini?

wnolan1992

CTYIgirl wrote: »

The picture doesn't work...is it a mankini?

How 'bout now? They're better than mankinis... :pac:

iamanengine

Come on come on lets get his over with so I can get back to drinking and watching my Harry Potter marathon!!

LoonyLovegood

I have to look daycent presenting this, don't I? So here...

wnolan1992

The Playpen Awards

Playpens made a joyous return to the forum a fortnight ago. After a long barren year when Davidius shamefully neglected his, they were reinvigorated by a young upstart moderator known as wnolan1992 who was the driving force behind getting it going again.

But wnolan graciously refused to take full credit for this achievement, and instead insisted that the lowly minions who actually put themselves forward should be honoured tonight.

Now, _Tyrrell_ was the first to enter into Playpen 3.0, and we should not let the fact that he is, as of yet, the only person who qualifies to win these awards (given that Reventon93's thread is still ongoing) detract from the fact that he is the winner of both The Best Playpen Answers and Best Playpen Intro awards for this year.

Congratulations young squire. Here is your very own signature which you can use to show off that you totally won this award: http://i.imgur.com/AXECaTi.png

AtomicKoala

Needs more fancy colours. Where's Deise_Girl when one actually needs her for once eh?

iamanengine

Hooray for awards!

LoonyLovegood

Woo, Tyrell! We'll give him about ten/fifteen minutes to post his acceptance speech, and then we'll go to the next one.

wnolan1992

FYI, there are actual sigs as well, they're not all trolling. :pac:

iamanengine

THERE'S A TROLL IN THE DUNGEON

wnolan1992

iamanengine wrote: »

THERE'S A TROLL IN THE DUNGEON

Just thought you should know... *faints*



EDIT: The ceremony is trending on Boards atm. Let's try and get it to the top of that page. :pac:

LoonyLovegood

C&H is a fantastic forum, and we have our threads that we all love. Yaaaaaa, Aaaargh, The Den, they're all filled with our hopes, dreams and desires.

There's not much can be said here, but the winner of the best thread is THE DEN. The Den is our place of sanctuary, and it's an honour to give it this award.

Palytoxin

Hon the Lads.

wnolan1992

Those sigs are gorgeous... I love the santa hats... Give that guy an award of his own!

LoonyLovegood

Four for you, jizzlers, you go jizzlers...and none for wnolan1992 bye

suitcasepink

Awwww god, nearly missed my yearly enjoyment that is the jizzlers

PizzamanIRL

That has to be the best name for an awards ceremony ever.

AtomicKoala

CTYIgirl wrote: »

C&H is a fantastic forum, and we have our threads that we all love. Yaaaaaa, Aaaargh, The Den, they're all filled with our hopes, dreams and desires.

Gets out award for best shill.

Squidgy Black

Chargers are busy trying to get into the playoffs so I'm buy eating doritos watching them.

I'd just like to say fúck you Mr president, I will rule the world.

Thank you and goodnight.

iamanengine

_Tyrrell_ wrote: »

Chargers are busy trying to get into the playoffs so I'm buy eating doritos watching them.

I'd just like to say fúck you Mr president, I will rule the world.

Thank you and goodnight.

Truly wise words. Congratulations good sir

wnolan1992

SECOND BEST BEARD AWARD
Happy AtomicKoala, colours...

What can one say about this next award? Renamed in 2012 to acknowledge that the greatest beard the forum has ever known is unfortunately no longer with us, this award acknowledges the poster who has the best facial hair.

Previous winners of this award include soccymonster, soccymonster, soccymonster and soccymonster. Can she retain her title and be the undisputed hairy-baby of the forum?

Well, without further ado, here are the results:

3rd Place - Dumbledore
2nd Place - JamJamJamJam
1st Place - soccymonster

Yes, her reign of beardyness continues for another year! Enjoy your swanky sig:



Here is the code to put in your sig:
[noparse][/noparse]

iamanengine

I could have sworn Dumbledore would have had it this year. Feck

Squidgy Black

I don't get the beard thing, were we supposed to post pics of facial hair? I have a fairly decent beard and I feel left out.

LoonyLovegood

Just general beardiness. BEARDSSSSSSSSSSS

iamanengine

I have a beard dammit!

wnolan1992

_Tyrrell_ wrote: »

I don't get the beard thing, were we supposed to post pics of facial hair? I have a fairly decent beard and I feel left out.

It would have to be fairly fricken magnificent to beat soccy's. She's been growing it for many's the year now. :P

Palytoxin

wnolan1992 wrote: »

It would have to be fairly fricken magnificent to beat soccy's. She's been growing it for many's the year now. :P

I think she should shave it for charity at this stage tbh

LoonyLovegood

Now we come to the award that few know what it is about. Best Jumpguy.

Back in the lore of 2009 C&H, they were deciding awards for the first ever Jizzler awards. But yet, when the categories were being decided, there was one poster who knew that he couldn't win any awards, and therefore decided there should be a category for him and him alone. With this, I present to you, the award for BEST JUMPGUY.

3RD: Duffy the Vampire Slayer, JamJamJamJam, Vito Corleone, wnolan1992
2ND: deise_girl, HugsiePie
1ST: Insect Overlord, Slow Show

Congrats IO and Slow Show! Your sig is here



If (what do I mean, if, of course you do!) want to pop it in your sigs, you can use this.

[noparse][/noparse]

wnolan1992

I love that IO wanted to win an award, but has to share the spoils. :pac:

wnolan1992

Most Creative Poster

Next we move on to an award which celebrates those among us with some sort of discernible talent, be it art, writing, poetry, music, or being a wordsmith. Now I know you're probably thinking that that's a very small crop amongst a forum of misfits and delinquents such as C&H and, to be brutally honest, you'd be dead right.

So let's just get this out of the way...

3rd Place - Vito Corleone
2nd Place - Jhcx


And our winner, the person you have voted as the most creative poster in the forum... may god have mercy on us all for the ensuing gloating...
1st Place - deise_girl

...


...


Congratulations. :P

Here's your sig (that's supposed to be a paintbrush):


Here is the code to put in your sig:
[noparse][/noparse]

iamanengine

Nanananananana, baby give it up, give it up, baby give it uuuup

/musical_interlude

wnolan1992

iamanengine wrote: »

Nanananananana, baby give it up, give it up, baby give it uuuup

/musical_interlude

NO SINGING IN THE CROWD! SECURITY! :mad:

You will wait patiently and quietly in your seat, applaud when the sign lights up, and wait for the music we have lined up at the half way point!

*cracks whip*

iamanengine

....



Yes sir

iamanengine

My talents aren't appreciated in this damn forum!!

*Storms off*

wnolan1992

iamanengine wrote: »

My talents aren't appreciated in this damn forum!!

*Storms off*

What talents?



:P




As an inter award activity for us all, suggest new awards for next year. Best suggestion gets a special prize at the end of the night.

iamanengine

wnolan1992 wrote: »

As an inter award activity for us all, suggest new awards for next year. Best suggestion gets a special prize at the end of the night.

"Best Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher in Harry Potter"

Or, the alternative -

"Most likely to be a Defence Against the Dark Arts Teacher"

Or even -

"Most likely to marry at a young age for the money"

LoonyLovegood

Every year in C&H, there's a poster whose leadership qualities stand out above the rest. This poster is someone who has informed us of how they would treat the Irish populace should they become Supreme Leader of the island. The winner of Most Likely to Become President is...

second runner up: deise_girl
First runner up: vito corleone
and the winner is...

DRUMROLL

Colm!



[noparse][/noparse]

wnolan1992

As Colm! betrayed us all and closed his account, I think it is best that we move swiftly along and award an award to someone who is still actually on Boards...


SHOULD BE A COUPLE

They say love makes the world go round. Well, that's bollox. What really makes the world go round is red hot fiery passion and lust. This is no more true than when it comes to teens and young adults. With the amount of raging hormones on isplay in this forum, it is a miracle there have not been more C&H pregnancies...

So let's celebrate this by implanting filthy thoughts in people's head of potential partners for their lewd acts.

Last year, there was much consternation when it was revealed that the winner was a massive orgy (which has yet to take place btw, jus' sayin'... ). Will people be bitchy and angry this year? Let us see by presenting the results!

3rd Place - deise_girl and wnolan1992, Insect Overlord and wnolan1992
2nd Place - C&H Friends with Benefits, MauraTheTird and Palytoxin
1st Place - deise_girl and soccymonster and One Direction!!!!11111!!!!1111

Unlucky Maura and Paly, maybe next year.


Your sig (that is a love heart, screw you)


[noparse][/noparse]

iamanengine

What a suggestive signature....

LoonyLovegood

Most Inspirational Poster

People say that young people are wasters, that we don't care about anything. But as any member of this little community can attest, there's inspirational people here. There's people who I care a lot about, and who show strength in so many different ways.

This particular award is for a poster who is inspirational, who helps make everyone feel better and leads the way for them.

3rd place: CTYIgirl (Oooh, thanks
2nd place: deise_girl
1st place: PALYTOXIN


[noparse][/noparse]

iamanengine

Hon Paly

wnolan1992

NERDIEST POSTER


NERD ALERT!

3rd Place - Vito Corleone
2nd Place - iamanengine, wnolan1992

This is what you get for passing HL Maths Clem.
1st Place - deise_girl

Sig:


[noparse][/noparse]

LoonyLovegood

BEST MOD

Us mods have a thankless task, trying to whip ye eejits into shape...who am I kidding? C&H mods are some of the luckiest on the site, we're blessed with a forum that there's rarely a need to get involved in discussions. We could teach AH a few lessons. (On the other hand, nope. I'd rather not have to).

And the runners up are:

3rd place: CTYIgirl
2nd place: Piste
1st place: wnolan1992

Congrats wnolan1992! (And whoever didn't vote for me...*caresses ban hammer tenderly*)

Sig:


[noparse][/noparse]