really need help

anon1900

Yea I think im okay, keep it together for a couple of weeks , become very withdrawn and then just as im starting to get back on my feet, i do it again to myself, and then the problems start flowing out of me, i definitely need to go to meetings

anon1900

I've decided that im going to do what @Carpet Diem was doing posting every couple of days in his thread Time To Change my life around forum, I only post on this when Im in crisis or at breaking point but from now on I'm going to do things differently. One thing I must admire from Carpet diem and alot of you that have posted and been through similar struggles as me is the ability that ye have to dust yerselves down after making a mistake , either relapsing or in my case at the minute although I have thought about drink and have been binge eating as a result. I need to put that to one side

I ve also decided to post here as a possible way of recognising the triggers that set me in a self destrcutive mode and pattern of thinking, Ive also never been to a meeting, in my head there for older people but thats total bull and Im going to start going because I genuinely cant put myself through what ive done for the last few days again it takes so much out of me, it almost feels like a hangover. Posting here on a regular basis will also help me to focus on the good things that I have in my life , something that I dont recognise half enough, and all the positives and at 21 I have so much that I can achieve, despite everything thats gone on Im still on track to get my degree, Im fit and healthy, im going to have to keep drawing on these things. I know ive said it before but id really like to thank everyone whos posted and responded to me and gave me encouragement, it gave me strength. I hope that when I one day fully recover I can do the same things.

So my plan for tommorow, forget the last few days of self destrcutive behaviour and move forward as much as I can
Get a good gym and swim session in early enough in the morning and then try and relax with some reading, got dunphys and fergusons book lying around must try and start one of them!

I ve also had to look inside myself and try and find out why I went on a massive food binge and negative thinking, I was sitting down and I just got extremely restless, lots of negative energy floating around, almost a voice in my head questionning why arent I out drinking or why Im alone. Ive said in my original post Ive had to literally cut everyone out of my old life, deleted facebook, change my mobile number. Ive had to start a new life, sometimes the thought of starting a new life becomes exhausting, I just want to have friends and everything without having to work so hard,previously i would have filled myself with alcohol, but lately(last 2 weeks ive been eating loads of **** food till the point where im sick)


Theres obviosuly some part of me that doesnt want me to get better , because im so used to feeling **** and down that i self destrcut, anyway look im gonna do my best and ill keep this updated, cheers again for the support, i must watch a bit of match of the day

December2012

Hi Anon,

I just wanted to give my online support. I think you're being very clever in looking at ways to deal with your problem.

One day at a time, one hour at a time, is the common way to manage any difficulty.

You'll get there.

anon1900

, ive had to change it around what i was doing wasnt working, hopefully this way will help a bit. Im really hour to hour at this stage but Im going to have to start somewhere, thanks again for your support,

hubba

Anon1900

Try and stay in the now, don't dwell on stories of the past or fears of the future, and let any unhelpful thoughts which catch you unawares just pass on through. Easier said than done, I know, but just keep trying to bring your thoughts back to right now - what can you see, what can you smell, hear. It really does help limit the anguish while you let the hard times pass.

And keep busy!

anon1900

The thoughts of wanting to drink have stopped, when I was in midst of my anxiety and when I was trying to give it up last year, rushing myself into A and E like I said in my first post thinking that there was something wrong with me, I kept the packets of painkillers they were giving me, the medical letters I had to give to the college department for all the time I was missing, I just said to myself I can never go back there again and go back drinking ever again

Its going to take a while to get out of this slump, but at least things have been getting better since a couple of days ago, I need to focus on dreams and aspirations , and I also need to remind myself If i go back on the drink I wont achieve any of these. The councellor I see in the college that I see reminded me that considering where I ve come from its normal to have really hard days, he said it wouldnt be realsitic if I didnt. I need to remind myself of that and get back into my fitness and gym work, I suppose what I found difficult was the voice in my head saying whats the point of going to gym , no one cares but thats where I ve had to change my mindsetm I care and I do it for me, it makes me feel good. I also want to get back to a decent level of competitive sport , playing a bit of ball with the college.

I ve also had to look at triggers for my behaviour and Im going to have to start going to meetings, because Its when things start going well and pick up a bit for me I think Im okay again, thats when I need the support to keep me on the right road not when things hit breaking point then looking for helo, and I really have been at my lowest the lst few days but Im comming out of it. My main goals for the new year and Im going to write them down tonight are to finish out my degree and try and make something out of it, ive missed a load of college over the lst year or so, im still on track just about to get a 2.2, also to keep my fitness levels up and play sport again, also im gonna have to try and get a relationship going, since Ive stopped drinking and been on collge night out ive found it hard, but those were completely false anyway, was so drunk i wouldnt even remeber half the time, I was really uncomfortable with mysedlf back then. I ve met this girl a few times for coffee before lecture going have to try and build on that, so theres lots of things to be positive about

Im alos going to have to drop some of the hate I have towards my father its just bringing me down, whats done is done. I cant keep carrying it with me. I also really want to travel during the summer, be it interrailling or a few months in states all this is achievable its not going to be easy on any level, it can all be done if I stay off the drink. Sometimes the thoughts of building a new life becomes exhasuting and thats why Ive binge eating the last few days, the food is isntant but thankfully ive stopped that and Im getting back on track. Listen thanks again for everyone who has been giving me support on this, its helping me bigtime , cheers

enoughalready

Fair play to ya Anon1900...I start back to college on the 6th of January and I know there is going to be a lot of peer pressure to drink and attend house parties etc...thankfully I am doing a lot of the ground work now to steady myself and prepare myself to say no. I feel I have good will power, will see how I fare out, on the plus side, with all this new energy I can put my main focus on coming out of this course with at 2:1 or even a 1:1 degree. Drinking - what a fake life that was, I actually feel sorry for half my class mates who I can see are struggling with booze but don't have the strength to stop and sort their lives out. I thank God I got the wake up call I needed before it was too late. Good luck with your journey and keep posting (",)

anon1900

cheers, Thats what I found the hardest, when I first tried to give it up , lasted for three months Jan- March, ended up on a college night and started drinking, havent touched it since last march. I ve had to stop going out and to house parties, had to find completely new stuff to do, went big into training and trying to focus on college work at the minute. Best of luck to you aswell , I hope it works out for ya

anon1900

Struggling a bit today, probly just the day thats in it.. things have improved from the last few days at least tho

Carpet diem

Fair play - keep the head up and things will get better.

anon1900

As I said a while ago, I was going to try and post not just when things were really bad, not that I'm flying at the minute, Ye'r probly sick of me going on about the last few days when I was in the horrors but things have been slowly starting to improve for me, Im getting a bit of drive back into me, im refusing to let it beat me

I done alot of writing as well , more that I ve ever done to try and make sure that never happens to me again, I can never have another few days like that, Id really struggle to come out of them the next time, without drinking, so I ve really had to analyise mysled and and understand and try and deal with the feeling before I get out of hand, Id like to really thank ye again for writing back to my posts , especially on christmas eve and christmas day, it rally gave me a lift when I was low, it ment a whole lot, anyway happy new year and best wishes to everyone, its a relief knowing that I can talk to other people on this who understand and are going through similar stuff,

cheers lads

anon1900

Just back to place down in college a couple of hours ago, starting back tomorrow, hoping to put some form of structure on my life at the minute, trying to sort out timetables and catch up on assignment's, all over the place a the minute, its minor in the large scale of things though.

I found it so hard to leave the house and come back, the head was all over the place, felt guilty , imagining and wishing how I would of done things over differently over the Christmas, instead of self destructing and ruining it, I barely made it down, kept pulling in on the motor way, haven't touched a drink but by god, I was getting some dose of the fear. I suppose I have to look at the positives, looking back to the stuff I was posting on this thread x-mas day and x mas eve I would of taken your hand off if you told me Id make it back to college without drinking , Im in a position to change -things and build a life for myself, ,,.. Just about it, have to keep looking forward.Have to follow through and go to meetings aswell Oh yea, came in to be greeted by a new housemate, some lad over from new jersey on exchange til lmay, he was ware'n the ear off me after five minutes, wasn't rally in the form for it this evening, but thats somewhere I can try and start with maybe, we'll have to see. Looking forward to get back training on wends aswell, run off some of the steam.

stefan idiot jones

Lets be honest here, if you can be in the same room with an American especially one with that accent for a couple of hours without stabbing your ears with a screwdriver, you can achieve anything.

Keep up the good work and try not to smother him with a pillow.

Sunnyisland

This was posted in AH anon maybe of help, I thought it was honest and well worth a read.

www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057119805

Carpet diem

How you getting on OP?