Depression and how I overcame it

Rhys Essien

This story is not only one of the best stories I have read on this website but probably one of the best on the net and I don't know why it is not permanently pinned to the front page for all to see.

Well done Gregg.

owen85

Well done

OneoOne1

Rhys Essien wrote: »

This story is not only one of the best stories I have read on this website but probably one of the best on the net and I don't know why it is not permanently pinned to the front page for all to see.

Well done Gregg.

Here here !!!!!

RiderOnTheStorm

inspiring.... well done!

PS loved your Jim Morrison quote .... :-)

LegacyUser

Amazing
Very well told.

LegacyUser

Truly inspirational

LegacyUser

Pretty strange reading the OP's post. I also couldn't cope with it, left a job suddenly and took off travelling, coming back, it came back. 2012 was a bad year.

After that trip and maybe 12/13 years suffering from depression I went to my GP and just the act of talking it through set me on the road back to a good place.

Before my trip I probably was depressed for maybe 14 years, mid teens to maybe 29/30, never sought any help,drank a bit too much, didn't eat well, didn't exercise and withdrew socially finding social situations very difficult.I missed out on some life events, didn't go to my debs, had few friends, no real social life, no relationships.

Shame I waited so long to start talking about it. The GP really helped, I didn't want meds so I changed my diet, started exercising, talking to people about my feelings and forcing myself into social situations even though I really didn't want to. It worked. Read a book on CBT.

Anyone he is dealing with this at the moment should take heart from the OP's post and if you have someone to open up too, please do. I never thought Id be able to not sure get rid of it is the right word, probably manage it, and be happy and I am now.

I laugh at stupid stuff on the way home from work, find quiet times relaxing and productive instead of letting my thoughts run wild, am happy with me and have friends.

You might feel horrible but please do talk about it. Its your first step to a better place. Its not easy but my it worth it.

py2006

I don't normally read or share these Americanised/Self help kind of articles but I found this one (outlined below) gives good and simple advice for anyone suffering with depression. Making the small and simple changes in your routine and thoughts can make a huge difference.

The below is well worth a read and EVEN MORE worth trying out in your own life:



Don't catastrophize
One way to sabotage yourself is to take a single event and treat it as an ongoing source of negativity. "People who are unemployed do this a lot," says Rego. "They've lost their job because of the economy and they personalize it."

It's also unhealthy to catastrophize—focus on the worst imagined outcome, even if it's irrational. For example, don't let concerns about money escalate into the conviction you'll soon be homeless.

Instead of thinking, "I'll never get another job," try to say to yourself: "I will get another job. It just may take some time."



Stop ruminating
Ever clash with a colleague or fight with a friend and then keep obsessively thinking about it, amplifying the anger, stress, and anxiety associated with the memory? Known as rumination, this type of thinking is linked to a greater risk of becoming or staying depressed.

While reflection is a good thing, and may help you solve problems, rumination does the opposite.

If you catch yourself ruminating, studies suggest it may help if you try to distract yourself, meditate, or redirect your thoughts. Cognitive behavioral therapy often targets rumination because it can be so damaging to mental health.


Retire your crystal ball
Very few (if any) of us are blessed with the ability to predict the future. But depressed people will often convince themselves they know what will happen a day, a month, or a year down the line. And it's usually bad, if not downright catastrophic.

Fortunately, our dire predictions rarely come true.

Try to stay in the present. It's much more manageable and you're less likely to blow things out of proportion.


Don't dwell on the past
It's pretty pointless to tell yourself you should have done this or shouldn't have done that. You can't change the past, but you can live in the present.

Just accept that you made the best decisions you could have made with the information or resources you had at the time. Hindsight is always 20/20, so best to try to just let it go and don't beat yourself up for perceived missteps.

And do a rumination check; ruminating about the past can generate anxiety, just as worry about the future.



Reach out to others
A hallmark of depression is isolation. It can happen easily if you're not working, or you're avoiding people because you're depressed. But reinvigorating or expanding a social network provides an opportunity to get support, perhaps even from people in the same or a similar situation, says Rego.

"Once you start reconnecting with people, you get a sense they understand," he says. "You get positive advice and encouragement and it's often done in activities that end up being fun."

Staying home alone will perpetuate the depression. Getting out with other people—even a little bit—will lift your spirits.


Stick to a structured routine
Even if you don't feel like it, make sure you get up at a set time, eat meals at the same hour every day (even if you're not hungry), and avoid lounging on the couch during the day lest it prevent you from sleeping well at night.

"People who are depressed tend to eat or sleep inconsistently," says Rego. "Even if you're unemployed or feeling down, it's really important to set and establish a daily routine as best you can. This gives you a sense of regularity that can help with a depressed mood."

If you can incorporate socializing into your routine, all the better.


Avoid black and white thinking
Black and white is great for zebras, but not thoughts. Depressed people tend to think in extremes: I'm a loser. No one loves me. I'll never get a job.

But your thought patterns could put you in a rut or keep you there. "Being depressed or sad is going to color the way you think about yourself in a negative direction," says Rego.

These thoughts can paralyze you and stop you from doing the very things that will get you out of a lousy situation. Try to think in shades of gray, says David R. Blackburn, PhD,a psychologist with Scott & White Hospital in Temple, Texas. Instead of "no one loves me," try "lots of people (if not everybody) love me."


Reality check your thoughts
If you're depressed, negative thoughts go with the territory. However, they are rarely grounded in reality.

Once you've identified a negative thought, ask yourself, "Where is the evidence that I'm the most despicable human being on the entire earth?" There probably isn't any.

"You can't just be rattling these thoughts back and forth and saying they're true," says Blackburn. "You have to come up with some solid evidence."

And if you're worried about what people are thinking about you, go ahead and ask them.


Choose smart goals
Select a few simple, straightforward goals you can easily set and follow, suggests Rego. Those goals should be SMART, which stands for "specific, measurable, attainable, rewarding, and time-limited."

So for example, deciding you will have a job by the end of the week is unrealistic.

But deciding to post two resumes online by the end of the week, on the other hand, is SMART. "It's specific. It's attainable. It's not that much effort to do and it could be rewarding," says Rego.



Fake it a bit
Write down all the things you used to like doing that you've stopped doing because you're sad and depressed, suggests Rego, who is also assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Albert Einstein College of Medicine.

That could be going to the movies, socializing with friends, or simply going to the corner coffee shop with a newspaper.

Then, one by one, start reincorporating these activities into your life even if you're feeling unenthusiastic about it. Also, focus on tasks that can give you a sense of mastery or accomplishment, whether it's tidying up the apartment or paying the bills. That can help ease the depression as well.


Don't deny depression
If your present situation, well, sucks, denying it will only make things worse. "Some people don't accept they're depressed and instead beat themselves up or think they're crazy or weak," says Rego.

This may only drive you deeper down, while acceptance can relieve the suffering, he says.

In general, knowing and accepting that you're depressed can allow you to take steps to make it better or get treatment, rather than pretend that everything's just fine.


Treat yourself well
Take a look at the language you use when you think about or talk to yourself and compare it to the way you talk to everyone else. If there's a disconnect, try to treat yourself in a kinder, gentler way.

"We're often kind to everybody else but we beat ourselves up. That's a double standard," says Blackburn. "It would be preferable to use a single standard: Don't beat everyone else up, but get off your own back, too."

BetsyEllen

This is without doubt the best thing I have read on Boards.ie
So inspiring and uplifting - I actually felt a little emotional towards the end.

Thanks for sharing Gregg.

greggharris

BetsyEllen wrote: »

This is without doubt the best thing I have read on Boards.ie
So inspiring and uplifting - I actually felt a little emotional towards the end.

Thanks for sharing Gregg.

Thanks so much for your comment.

Hope it helped

Gregg

surrender monkey

Thanks so much for writing this. I've suffered from depression and lack of confidence for as long as I can remember, it has had a detrimental effect on almost every area of my life . I've decided that I just can't live trapped inside my own head anymore so I'm about to start CBT myself and while I am still worried your post has given me a lot of hope.

LegacyUser

I found this post last Christmas when I was very down. I can't express how much it helped me.

Now that December is here and the Christmas gloom is about to set in again, I find myself back here seeking inspiration

Cheers Gregg!!!

davisaaadavis

Love it.
Well done!!

LegacyUser

Cheers for the post Gregg.

I've a boards account but posting anonymously for this one. I must admit, I had read your thread before and though nothing of it. However, tonight I have my third session with a counsellor who specialises in anxiety in young professionals and uses CBT.

It was only when I read your post today I said "Holy sh*t, am I depressed as well?"

It's scary how much I can relate to that post. I'm only 22, but I feel like you've mapped out my life for the next 8 years. I was doing professional exams recently and had a near breakdown (didn't go to most of them) and it was after that I went to the doctor who put me in touch with someone who specialises in anxiety. Everything in your post resonates with me, the last few months I've been saying to myself that I just want to quit my job, take off and get out of the country for a year or two; everything would be better. But I'm terrified the same will happen to me, I'll leave for a year and then before long everything will be back to the way it was.

For anyone in a similar position, don't wait to do something about it. I was sceptical at first too, but sure I had nothing to lose - so I went for it. It's made me so much more aware of the whole picture of what's going on with me every time I'm in a situation where there's a level of anxiety (which is most of them unless I'm on my own )

HalloweenJack

You can't escape anxiety or depression, unfortunately. You have to address it somehow.

Unknown Soldier

Thanks for that post, Gregg.

Much appreciated.

Icelandicseige

Unknown Soldier wrote: »

Thanks for that post, Gregg.

Much appreciated.

4 years later Gregg is still turning friend upside down

Sephiral

Brilliant post Gregg. Really articulates what elements of depression are like. CBT isn't for everyone but it is a great technique to try. Kudos for trying to improve so often.

MightyMandarin

Fantastic post, Gregg, I think it'd be great if it was stickied as I'd never seen this before today.

Reading your story actually shocked me a little as I went through a few bad years myself, but never saw myself as depressed or suffering from depression, yet I did a lot of the same things you used to do. I used to avoid social contact for a variety of reasons, mostly fear-based, and I would often lie in order to have an excuse.

It made me feel even worse though, as I just sat at home alone, caught up in my thoughts and worries, and just constantly running back over and over bad memories and situations in which I perceived myself to have been a failure. The result was that I just couldn't talk to people without knowing them for several weeks as I was frightened inside. Approaching strangers at a party (if I actually turned up for some mad reason) would be an excruciatingly painful process for me, and I found myself often clinging to the one friend I might have there.

I thought life was just hopeless for a long time and that this was my destiny and I'd always be this way, but I managed to overcome most of these worries just by talking to people about it, and forcing myself to open up. Working in a bar forced me to engage with strangers, but I also talked about my thoughts and habits with my colleagues who became good friends of mine, and I learned that the fears I had in my own head (while certainly more extreme than for average people) were similar to what everyone else experienced. I learned that it was ok to be in awkward situations and that instead of avoiding social contact I would thrive off of it. Being surrounded by confident extroverts in work, I learned that I was in fact, one of them aswell.

I learned to appreciate myself, and even though I'm a humble person, receiving praise for the work I did from other people, helped me to like myself again. It changed my entire attitude and approach as I no longer hated myself.

I don't know if what I had can be described as depression. I know the term gets bandied about a lot, and I never once went to a counsellor or doctor about my struggles. In hindsight, I probably should have.

I still reflect on stuff too much and it often leaves me spending hours going over and over incidents with other people. I also have days and weeks where I start to feel bad about myself and I can find myelf slipping back into a reclusive state. I think at these points I need to surround myself with people even more, as tbh I feel an awful lot better when I do. I'm working on it though, and I think I'll have to for the rest of my life in order to ensure that I don't end up like I did before. I've opened up to others about my past, and people I've befriended in the last few months don't even believe me when I first tell them what I was like.

It feels good to read through this thread though, knowing that I'm not the only one who had deep-seated fears and struggle with them for years. Thanks.

Valmont

I know everyone is different but I recoil at the word 'depression'. It has so much baggage attached to it that I worry someone who is having their own personal problems could read about it or be told about it by a professional and then through some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy start to experience the other 'symptoms'. Is depression something you have, like a cold, or is it a subjective state of being intimately tied to your hopes, aspirations, actions, and values? Here is a short review of some of the problems of calling depression depression for anyone interested.

techyjon

Thank you for sharing this great success story of yours! Well done!

OneoOne1

Love this post.

Thanks Gregg

LegacyUser

Great story

Thanks

jwhg

I have never posted on this site but I decided to register today to express my gratitude to Gregg for taking the time to share his story.

I can't begin to express how much this post has helped me. No doubt, many others too.

I hope all is going well.

Thank you.

John