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Gender- find out or not?

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    #32
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    rufs wrote: »
    Yep, Only 11 weeks gone tomorrow on my first but have a strong feeling its a boy.
    Will deffo be finding out when the time comes for practical reasons and cause i just have to know !!!

    Congrats, I felt it with both of mine, but sure, you have a 50% chance of being right :D


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    #33
    Penny Dreadful
    Registered Users Posts: 3,041 ✭✭✭Penny Dreadful


    wolfpawnat wrote: »
    It's almost taboo to say it, but I refuse to lie about it. I love her so much and that is all that matters in the end :D

    There are so many things about pregnancy and parenthood that people are scared to admit.
    I have no children myself yet (working on it though:p) and have often spoken to my older sister about how being pregnant and a mother has been for her. She has been very honest about it which I really do appreciate.
    She had an easy (as they go) pregnancy with her first and then had a long drawn out pretty rough and ready labour. As a result she said she found herself almost blaming her baby for that even though it made no sense. The joy and happiness and all that stuff that she was waiting for the instant the baby was born didn't kick in for 6-8 weeks. She said she was really going through the motions with it all.
    The baby was in no way neglected or anything but it wasn't until the baby smiled at her one day (turned out to be wind and a massive puke came all over her) that she felt there was someone in there, that she realised her baby girl was a person with a personality not just something that required feeding and changing on a regular basis.
    She said that she never felt she could say that to anyone and that made her feel really alone.


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    #34
    Rosy Posy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,666 ✭✭✭Rosy Posy


    wolfpawnat wrote: »
    In both pregnancies I didn't find out, though in my heart I knew what they were. I am so glad I didn't, it was a nice surprise in the end, but that was just my opinion on it. It was a good thing I didn't, I never wanted a daughter and my second baby was, if I had known beforehand it would have caused me to not want to bond with the baby, but once I saw here I was completely smitten so it didn't matter then :D

    It's really interesting to hear that perspective. A good friend of mine found out with her second child as her partner had two boys from a previous relationship and their first was a boy. He was really hoping for a girl and she wanted him to manage his disappointment before the birth when it turned out to be a fourth boy. Fast forward and he has never really bonded with the last child and I wonder if they had waited to find out would it have been different? Obviously there are lots of factors at play.

    Personally we have always opted for the surprise. I like to retain an aura of mysticism over the process, and finding out feels like cheating to me somehow. We have two boys and a girl now so there's no pressure one way or the other. We have a mixture of clothes too, but most of our newborn stuff is gender neutral.

    I totally agree with the poster who said its amazing how little it matters after the birth. With our second we had told the midwives that we didn't want anyone to declare the sex until we had discovered it for ourselves- when she was born we didn't look for ages, the midwife was biting her lip, we just were transfixed by her beautiful face and hands and feet!


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    #35
    Cunning Stunt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,292 ✭✭✭Cunning Stunt


    Seeing as everyone is being so honest...
    On my first pregnancy we didn't find out, and I had a little girl. For some reason I had myself built up for a little boy (I think because girls are more dominant in my family), and I remember the pang of disappointment that hit me when I saw she was a girl. Of course it was just the initial realization and I am sure it wouldn't have mattered afterwards, but unfortunately she died there in the delivery room and I never got to 'take back' my feeling of disappointment, so I live with that guilt every day.

    This time around we have also chosen not to find out, but after seeing how beautiful she was and after having lost her, I find myself now pining for another girl.

    My hubby thinks it would be better for us if it's a boy because it will help us distance ourselves that bit more from what happened and it won't feel like we are 'replacing' her. My gut feeling also says this is a boy, because this pregnancy has been so different on me physically, and the baby is a lot more active.

    Whether or not it was a good decision for us not to find out the gender on this one remains to be seen, but I am pinning my hopes on the general consensus that it won't matter when he/she is finally here.


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    #36
    Sligo1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,948 ✭✭✭Sligo1


    Cunning Stunt wrote: »
    Seeing as everyone is being so honest...
    On my first pregnancy we didn't find out, and I had a little girl. For some reason I had myself built up for a little boy (I think because girls are more dominant in my family), and I remember the pang of disappointment that hit me when I saw she was a girl. Of course it was just the initial realization and I am sure it wouldn't have mattered afterwards, but unfortunately she died there in the delivery room and I never got to 'take back' my feeling of disappointment, so I live with that guilt every day.

    This time around we have also chosen not to find out, but after seeing how beautiful she was and after having lost her, I find myself now pining for another girl.

    My hubby thinks it would be better for us if it's a boy because it will help us distance ourselves that bit more from what happened and it won't feel like we are 'replacing' her. My gut feeling also says this is a boy, because this pregnancy has been so different on me physically, and the baby is a lot more active.

    Whether or not it was a good decision for us not to find out the gender on this one remains to be seen, but I am pinning my hopes on the general consensus that it won't matter when he/she is finally here.

    O my gosh, my heart goes out to you and your family. I can't even imagine how you must feel. But sending hugs and good wishes and all the very best of luck this time With your beautiful baby to be x


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    #37
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    Cunning Stunt wrote: »
    Seeing as everyone is being so honest...
    On my first pregnancy we didn't find out, and I had a little girl. For some reason I had myself built up for a little boy (I think because girls are more dominant in my family), and I remember the pang of disappointment that hit me when I saw she was a girl. Of course it was just the initial realization and I am sure it wouldn't have mattered afterwards, but unfortunately she died there in the delivery room and I never got to 'take back' my feeling of disappointment, so I live with that guilt every day.

    This time around we have also chosen not to find out, but after seeing how beautiful she was and after having lost her, I find myself now pining for another girl.

    My hubby thinks it would be better for us if it's a boy because it will help us distance ourselves that bit more from what happened and it won't feel like we are 'replacing' her. My gut feeling also says this is a boy, because this pregnancy has been so different on me physically, and the baby is a lot more active.

    Whether or not it was a good decision for us not to find out the gender on this one remains to be seen, but I am pinning my hopes on the general consensus that it won't matter when he/she is finally here.

    Hoping for the best this time around CS. And my deepest sympathies for your little girl :(

    Personally I would not want to "distance myself" from her, she existed and even for that briefest time she was in this world. If you have another girl, it will not take away from the one you had, and if it is a boy, she still would have been here too.


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    #38
    Cunning Stunt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,292 ✭✭✭Cunning Stunt


    I agree - perhaps I wrote it the wrong way - I don't want to distance myself from 'her' or deny her existence, I meant more of a 'moving on from the grief' type thing. But thanks anyways for your replies and your good wishes.


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    #39
    Mush09
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭Mush09


    Hey y'all
    Partner due end of April....we have 28 week scan next week in Limerick Maternity....do we get scanned then and can we find out the sex of the baby or is it just a general check up?
    Thanks :-)


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    #40
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    Mush09 wrote: »
    Hey y'all
    Partner due end of April....we have 28 week scan next week in Limerick Maternity....do we get scanned then and can we find out the sex of the baby or is it just a general check up?
    Thanks :-)

    They are able to tell at that stage :) You usually have to ask though, most places won't tell you otherwise.


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    #41
    fro9etb8j5qsl2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,391 ✭✭✭fro9etb8j5qsl2


    wolfpawnat wrote: »
    They are able to tell at that stage :) You usually have to ask though, most places won't tell you otherwise.

    Yup they told me at my 28 week scan in limerick, although the tech couldn't be certain because the little fecker had his legs crossed tight :o We've since found out that it's deffo a boy :)

    Edit: Sorry, on second thoughts, they actually don't scan as standard at 28 weeks, afaik the 28 week appointment is for blood/urine/doctor only and the scan is done at 31 weeks. I was lucky though that my 31 week appointment was due around xmas so they decided to scan me at the 28 week appointment instead of bringing me back during silly season. You might be lucky depending on the doctor and if the clinic is quiet on the day :)


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    #42
    Mush09
    Registered Users Posts: 13 ✭Mush09


    Thanks so much Wolfpawnat and mrspostman :) we might be cheeky and ask can she get scanned. Worse they can say is no :-D


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    #43
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    When I had my last baby I was in every second week for scans because of difficulties, and they asked did I know, when I said no, they asked if I wanted to, even though it wasn't part of it. It only takes a moment. Can't see why they wouldn't give a little slide over to check. Though some babies are shy with their bits!!!! :)


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    #44
    ShaShaBear
    Registered Users Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    We just sent in a booking request online for a gender scan, hoping to find out in two weeks! I've always felt so far it is a boy and my partner feels the same, but recently I was starting to panic that I would be upset if it was a girl.

    Bought our first outfit today (neutral) and while I was there I saw this tiny newborn dress in navy with little polkadots and a white frilly collar and I burst into tears holding it up for my partner to see. Guess I'll be happy either way, but I want to know even more now (this is our first).


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    #45
    ncmc
    Registered Users Posts: 4,852 ✭✭✭ncmc


    I was tempted to find out at my 20 week scan, but hubby wanted it to be a surprise. I spoke to my sister about it, turns out she had found out on her first and not let on, but then kept it a surprise for her subsequent three babies. She says there is no comparison with the excitement of finding out after the birth – especially as she had difficult labours – so that was enough to convince me to keep it as a surprise.


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    #46
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    I found out with my second, I wanted to know from a practical point of view, could we use my daughers clothes or did I need to go out and buy boys things.

    On the emotional side of things I had lost a baby girl the year before and while I would have been happy with a girl I think I would have needed the time to get used to it and think of the new baby as an individual rather than the lost baby mark 2. As it happened we were having a boy.

    I'm glad I found out, we started calling him by name from the time we found out around 20 weeks and it helped me bond.


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