Gender- find out or not?

Wonkagirl

I really want to, hubbie doesn't. He wants the surprise.

Has anyone regretted finding out?

I want to know so that I can be mentally organised!

Moonbeam

I never found out on the 1st 2nd or 3rd but I am thinking this time I might so I can either get rid of the girls stuff or the boys as it is my last!
The only time I have ever heard regrets is when people have been told it was a girl then it was a boy.
If you want to find out go for it!

Wonkagirl

Some of my friends are saying the element of surprise is all that kept them going in the last month. Probably why you didn't find out also?

I definitely would this time if I were you- just to be practical!

Tasden

I wanted to but for every scan the baby's legs were in the way so that settled that! It was actually nice having the surprise in the end though

Roesy

Tasden wrote: »

I wanted to but for every scan the baby's legs were in the way so that settled that! It was actually nice having the surprise in the end though

We had that situation too! My husband wanted to find out and I didn't mind either way but when bubs was being coy at the 20 week scan and the 3D scan a month later we took it as a sign! Only 10 days to due date. Can't wait to finally meet our little surprise

January

Didn't find out on my previous 3 (sonographer kinda slipped on number 2) but will definitely be finding out this time.

I have 3 girls so need to know this time!

Lisha

For first I wanted to know but husband did not. At 20wk scan doc could not see.
At 30wk scan husband was not there and I asked and was told it was a boy. I was delighted (I was convinced it was a boy) and I did not tell husband I knew . I did not buy any blue clothes and bought neutral baby stuff.
Tbh when I was told it was a boy I was delighted but it was an anticlimax . Kinda felt like 'oh ok now have to wait til he arrives'

For second I asked but she never obliged. To be told she was a girl after horrific birth was an amazing experience.

Also in hospital a couple left with their baby boy in a pink car seat . I'd hate it if scan reader got the gender wrong .

So it's a highly individual choice best big luck what ever you decide

nikpmup

I really wanted to know but himself was adamant he didn't. It wasn't about being prepared for pink or blue; it was more that I had this person coming into my life who was going to turn it upside down and I had no idea who it was! He on the other hand wanted the surprise in the delivery room. In the heel of the reel, I has an emergency section, so we didn't get that moment in the delivery room of finding out. I was adamant I wanted to find out in #2, but I'm not sure now!

pwurple

I'm torn on it. We were told there was a 70% chance it was a girl on my daughter... This time we got no 20 week scan. I would really like to know, it makes names easier and i would love to know if i can pack away the dresses and things that are too small for her, or if I should leave them out.

100 euro for the scan though. Maybe if i saw a groupon or something. Hah.

Suucee

Found out on my first. Bought all the big things, cot buggy car seat in neutral as knew i would want them again. But clothes was all girls. Was delighted we found out. Had a 3d scan so not much chance of error. The surprise was what she looked like . The huge head of black hair which is now a dark curly blonde . The big blue eyes . And how all i could think was how much she looked like OHs nephew. We had 2 names picked which we were sure of but she ended up with a completly different name.

Just found out on sat that this ones a boy. OH over the moon. Also got a 3d scan and the lil willy is so clear i cant imagine it being wrong. Cant wait to go boy shopping now. Theres been no baby shopping for this one as we have everything so time to go clothes shopping.

So no i dont regret it one bit. It made me more prepared. Funny enough i was convinced my daughter was a boy so a bit shocked whem i found out . Was also convinced this one was a girl so glad i know so im more prepared.

Digs

I was dead set against finding out but we decided to as in our heads we were convinced it was a boy and thought it best to find out in case we got a (very happy) surprise!

Found out we were having a girl at our 21 week scan. Looking back I am so glad we did, I bonded with my little girl before she was born, I had had trouble believing a baby was actually going to arrive and visualising our little girl made it much easier for me.

We kept it to ourselves, was our secret (apart from my mum, my dad 100% did not want to know). Knowing my little girl was on the way helped get me through those last few months. The way I see it you either get the surprise at the big scan or on delivery day, it's up to you

cyning

I really wanted to know and despite scans into double figures (12/13 I think!) she wouldn't fully cooperate. They were almost sure it was a girl: and I was convinced it was going to find out this time too... I bought everything including clothes in neutral colours, but it was so special having that secret with my husband that we had a little girl on the way.

Balmed Out

I definitely vote no. Its like if you know what your birthday present is weeks before youre birthday. You still like it just as much and its great to get it but your missing out on a lot of excitement. Were due in January and im like a 6 year old in the run up to santa coming looking forward to finding out what im getting.

CramCycle

I wanted to but my wife said no. So glad I didn't, just buy neutral baby gros, can't explain why, just on the day, you will realise it is the most unimportant thing ever.

Xdancer

We found out as I had only ever imagined myself with a girl and so I needed to mentally prepare myself for a boy (i would have been happy either way). I was convinced it was a boy so I was totally taken aback when I was told it was a girl, but was absolutely delighted.
My OH said he felt much more exctied about the pregnancy once he new the gender as he felt he 'knew' her a bit more.

It's a totally personal choice though. At the end of the day there are only 2 possibilities. Now if a cat came out instead, THAT would be a surprise.

missis aggie

We didn't want to know either with no1 or 2. Both times there was great exitment and finding out the gender was a peak of the whole pregnancy and labour When my second baby was born at home we forgot to check and we only realised after 5 min that we have another girl. That's how much it didn't matter for us I just love the surprise.

Hello Lady!

I don't understand why it's less of a surprise regardless of when you find out. We know what we are having - 2 girls. And as another poster said, knowing that they are girls I feel closer to them - they are more real as 'people' now and I think of them as 'my girls' not just 'the babies'. My husband is also delighted to know and he calls them by the names we have picked (I just hope we don't change our minds when we see them or it could get quite confusing for the first few weeks!). My inlaws and his neice and nephew refer to them as 'the little princesses' and when they phone to ask how we are all doing it is so lovely to hear a 7 year old ask how his little princess cousins are!

I suppose for us, having two means we need to be more prepared, which is quite difficult if you don't know what you are having - if it had been a boy and a girl it would have made the buying of the essentials a bit more awkward. As it is we have chosen the pram, bedding, nursery decor etc for girls now and it feels so exciting.

It is very much a personal choice, but for me knowing 'my girls' are on their way, and seeing their little faces on the 4D scan has made it easier to cope with being pregnant. I just can't wait to see them now!

Rose35

I found out but I wanted to know right from the start, OH didnt mind knowing either, but he thought I should have kept it between him and I, but I was so excited I told anyone that wanted to know, I never regretted finding out, made shopping for him that little bit more special

Sligo1

We found out for our first and have found out for our second to be. For me, being able to say him or her is the most lovely thing ever. Even tho you know there is a baby in there.... For us, knowing whether its a boy or a girl makes it all so much more real. I never regretted finding out our first was a little boy. The real surprise for us was seeing his little face and body and what he looked like after the birth. That was the most amazing thing ever, and for us i dont think the fact of knowing he was male or female would have taken away from actually seeing his little face. During my pregnancy we loved referring to him as our little man. And now I'm soooo excited to be expecting our little girl. But who knows.... If we are ever blessed with a 3rd.... Maybe we will choose not to find out.... Congratulations aswell!

CramCycle

I think the general rule of thumb is that it doesn't matter either way once they are born, as everyone here seems to agree, once they are born, it is the least important thing going on. If you want to know, find out, if you don't, don't.

On reflection, and hearing others views, knowing or not knowing made no difference whatsoever.

Funny story though, we did not know, so the doctor held up the baby and asked, "Well dad, what is it?", I of course panicked, went silent, then my wife panicked at the silence and asked me what was it, to which I replied "we have a baby".

icescreamqueen

I found out! I was just too nosy to find out one way or another. Also, up until I found out at 20 weeks, I was convinced I was having a boy but ended up finding out I was having a girl. I had friends and family offering me pink/ blue baby things and had to arrange transport from Dublin-Donegal so it was more convenient for me to know what to take up.
Anyone saying the element of surprise is gone, what you start getting excited about is thinking about what your little boy/girl will look like and you start buying clothes for girls/ boys. It makes it exciting going shopping if you know who to shop for. You really won't have the same kind of leisure to shop when baby is born!

wolfpawnat

In both pregnancies I didn't find out, though in my heart I knew what they were. I am so glad I didn't, it was a nice surprise in the end, but that was just my opinion on it. It was a good thing I didn't, I never wanted a daughter and my second baby was, if I had known beforehand it would have caused me to not want to bond with the baby, but once I saw here I was completely smitten so it didn't matter then

red fraggle

we didnt find out on our first. and the surprise was great. my husband was counting fingers and the midwife had to say 'well what do you have?@ so we got to announce to ourselves that we had a little girl. pure joy:D expecting number 2 in 5 weeks and we didnt find out. cant wait. and for me finding out what you have after the hardship of labour makes it al worth it! and obviously having a healthy baby does too. its also great ringing and telling ppl after the birth what you have. but as everyone else said it is a personal choice. we were lucky cos we both didnt want to find out. if your partner doesnt want to maybe you can if you can keep it a secret from him. make sure ye are both happy as you dont want to take the surprise away from him either.;)

Ms2011

We found out on our son. He was named as soon as we found out so he really felt like a little person. When he was born he got so many gifts personalised with his name which I loved.
If I was pregnant I'd definately find out again, I find it hard enough waiting for 20 weeks to find out, I wouldn't be able to wait the whole 40 ;-)

Hello Lady!

wolfpawnat wrote: »

It was a good thing I didn't, I never wanted a daughter and my second baby was, if I had known beforehand it would have caused me to not want to bond with the baby, but once I saw here I was completely smitten so it didn't matter then

Really? I think you are selling yourself short there. I really don't think you would have failed to bond just based on the sex. For all you know knowing the sex in advance may have helped you to bond earlier, you just don't know. Not bonding with your baby would usually be due to other factors and not just the sex of babs. I was petrified that I would have 2 boys because there are no boys on my side and I have no idea of boys! That was part of why I wanted to find out because it would have taken me a while to get my head around it, but I have no doubt that I would have bonded with them regardless.

wolfpawnat

Hello Lady! wrote: »

Really? I think you are selling yourself short there. I really don't think you would have failed to bond just based on the sex. For all you know knowing the sex in advance may have helped you to bond earlier, you just don't know. Not bonding with your baby would usually be due to other factors and not just the sex of babs. I was petrified that I would have 2 boys because there are no boys on my side and I have no idea of boys! That was part of why I wanted to find out because it would have taken me a while to get my head around it, but I have no doubt that I would have bonded with them regardless.

No seriously. I cried when they told me the baby was a girl, I didn't even want to see her. I did not want a daughter. I had a horrific relationship with my mother and I despise all things pink and girlie. Thankfully maternal instinct kicked in and I fell in love with her when I actually saw her, but hand on my heart, had I known I was having a girl before I had her, I would have been upset the whole second half of the pregnancy and probably not have the bond I do have with her now.

I know that sounds terrible, but I cannot deny it. I will add this is just me, everyone is different.

Roselm

wolfpawnat wrote: »

No seriously. I cried when they told me the baby was a girl, I didn't even want to see her. I did not want a daughter. I had a horrific relationship with my mother and I despise all things pink and girlie. Thankfully maternal instinct kicked in and I fell in love with her when I actually saw her, but hand on my heart, had I known I was having a girl before I had her, I would have been upset the whole second half of the pregnancy and probably not have the bond I do have with her now.

I know that sounds terrible, but I cannot deny it. I will add this is just me, everyone is different.

Thanks for sharing something so personal.I'm glad you and your daughter have bonded easily

wolfpawnat

Roselm wrote: »

Thanks for sharing something so personal.I'm glad you and your daughter have bonded easily

It's almost taboo to say it, but I refuse to lie about it. I love her so much and that is all that matters in the end

Cunning Stunt

wolfpawnat wrote: »

It's almost taboo to say it, but I refuse to lie about it. I love her so much and that is all that matters in the end

I don't think this is taboo/uncommon at all. Sometimes we build ourselves up for one particular gender and then we get a shock when it turns out that it is different.

My friend cried at her scan because she wanted another girl and they told her she was having a boy. To this day, her husband thinks they were happy tears!

She had a hard time adjusting to the idea but of course she loves her little man now that he is here and would not have it any other way.

minnnie

I had no preference on my first and never dreamed of finding out. I loved the surprise at the end. I had a girl and was totally in love.
My second i had an awful preference for another girl. I was afraid to find out in case they told me it was a boy but figured if it was a boy and i found out when it was born i would be delighted. I cried through the labour and told the midwife not to dare tell me it was a boy. I had a girl.
On my third i had a preference for a girl again but wouldn't have been any way disappointed with a boy either. So i toyed with the idea of finding out because the amount of girl baby clothes i had i wanted to know whether to keep or get rid of. My partner did not want to find out, he loved the surprise on each. I was 99% sure in my own head i was having a girl going by my cycle and when i conceived. I decided not to find out. Again loved hearing the gender. It was another girl.

If i had another i would like a boy for my partner but i wouldn't care either way myself. But again i'd keep the surprise element for the end instead of midway.

rufs

Yep, Only 11 weeks gone tomorrow on my first but have a strong feeling its a boy.
Will deffo be finding out when the time comes for practical reasons and cause i just have to know !!!