Gender- find out or not?

Wonkagirl

I really want to, hubbie doesn't. He wants the surprise.

Has anyone regretted finding out?

I want to know so that I can be mentally organised!

Moonbeam

I never found out on the 1st 2nd or 3rd but I am thinking this time I might so I can either get rid of the girls stuff or the boys as it is my last!
The only time I have ever heard regrets is when people have been told it was a girl then it was a boy.
If you want to find out go for it!

Wonkagirl

Some of my friends are saying the element of surprise is all that kept them going in the last month. Probably why you didn't find out also?

I definitely would this time if I were you- just to be practical!

Tasden

I wanted to but for every scan the baby's legs were in the way so that settled that! It was actually nice having the surprise in the end though

Roesy

Tasden wrote: »

I wanted to but for every scan the baby's legs were in the way so that settled that! It was actually nice having the surprise in the end though

We had that situation too! My husband wanted to find out and I didn't mind either way but when bubs was being coy at the 20 week scan and the 3D scan a month later we took it as a sign! Only 10 days to due date. Can't wait to finally meet our little surprise

January

Didn't find out on my previous 3 (sonographer kinda slipped on number 2) but will definitely be finding out this time.

I have 3 girls so need to know this time!

Lisha

For first I wanted to know but husband did not. At 20wk scan doc could not see.
At 30wk scan husband was not there and I asked and was told it was a boy. I was delighted (I was convinced it was a boy) and I did not tell husband I knew . I did not buy any blue clothes and bought neutral baby stuff.
Tbh when I was told it was a boy I was delighted but it was an anticlimax . Kinda felt like 'oh ok now have to wait til he arrives'

For second I asked but she never obliged. To be told she was a girl after horrific birth was an amazing experience.

Also in hospital a couple left with their baby boy in a pink car seat . I'd hate it if scan reader got the gender wrong .

So it's a highly individual choice best big luck what ever you decide

nikpmup

I really wanted to know but himself was adamant he didn't. It wasn't about being prepared for pink or blue; it was more that I had this person coming into my life who was going to turn it upside down and I had no idea who it was! He on the other hand wanted the surprise in the delivery room. In the heel of the reel, I has an emergency section, so we didn't get that moment in the delivery room of finding out. I was adamant I wanted to find out in #2, but I'm not sure now!

pwurple

I'm torn on it. We were told there was a 70% chance it was a girl on my daughter... This time we got no 20 week scan. I would really like to know, it makes names easier and i would love to know if i can pack away the dresses and things that are too small for her, or if I should leave them out.

100 euro for the scan though. Maybe if i saw a groupon or something. Hah.

Suucee

Found out on my first. Bought all the big things, cot buggy car seat in neutral as knew i would want them again. But clothes was all girls. Was delighted we found out. Had a 3d scan so not much chance of error. The surprise was what she looked like . The huge head of black hair which is now a dark curly blonde . The big blue eyes . And how all i could think was how much she looked like OHs nephew. We had 2 names picked which we were sure of but she ended up with a completly different name.

Just found out on sat that this ones a boy. OH over the moon. Also got a 3d scan and the lil willy is so clear i cant imagine it being wrong. Cant wait to go boy shopping now. Theres been no baby shopping for this one as we have everything so time to go clothes shopping.

So no i dont regret it one bit. It made me more prepared. Funny enough i was convinced my daughter was a boy so a bit shocked whem i found out . Was also convinced this one was a girl so glad i know so im more prepared.

Digs

I was dead set against finding out but we decided to as in our heads we were convinced it was a boy and thought it best to find out in case we got a (very happy) surprise!

Found out we were having a girl at our 21 week scan. Looking back I am so glad we did, I bonded with my little girl before she was born, I had had trouble believing a baby was actually going to arrive and visualising our little girl made it much easier for me.

We kept it to ourselves, was our secret (apart from my mum, my dad 100% did not want to know). Knowing my little girl was on the way helped get me through those last few months. The way I see it you either get the surprise at the big scan or on delivery day, it's up to you

cyning

I really wanted to know and despite scans into double figures (12/13 I think!) she wouldn't fully cooperate. They were almost sure it was a girl: and I was convinced it was going to find out this time too... I bought everything including clothes in neutral colours, but it was so special having that secret with my husband that we had a little girl on the way.

Balmed Out

I definitely vote no. Its like if you know what your birthday present is weeks before youre birthday. You still like it just as much and its great to get it but your missing out on a lot of excitement. Were due in January and im like a 6 year old in the run up to santa coming looking forward to finding out what im getting.

CramCycle

I wanted to but my wife said no. So glad I didn't, just buy neutral baby gros, can't explain why, just on the day, you will realise it is the most unimportant thing ever.

Xdancer

We found out as I had only ever imagined myself with a girl and so I needed to mentally prepare myself for a boy (i would have been happy either way). I was convinced it was a boy so I was totally taken aback when I was told it was a girl, but was absolutely delighted.
My OH said he felt much more exctied about the pregnancy once he new the gender as he felt he 'knew' her a bit more.

It's a totally personal choice though. At the end of the day there are only 2 possibilities. Now if a cat came out instead, THAT would be a surprise.

missis aggie

We didn't want to know either with no1 or 2. Both times there was great exitment and finding out the gender was a peak of the whole pregnancy and labour When my second baby was born at home we forgot to check and we only realised after 5 min that we have another girl. That's how much it didn't matter for us I just love the surprise.

Hello Lady!

I don't understand why it's less of a surprise regardless of when you find out. We know what we are having - 2 girls. And as another poster said, knowing that they are girls I feel closer to them - they are more real as 'people' now and I think of them as 'my girls' not just 'the babies'. My husband is also delighted to know and he calls them by the names we have picked (I just hope we don't change our minds when we see them or it could get quite confusing for the first few weeks!). My inlaws and his neice and nephew refer to them as 'the little princesses' and when they phone to ask how we are all doing it is so lovely to hear a 7 year old ask how his little princess cousins are!

I suppose for us, having two means we need to be more prepared, which is quite difficult if you don't know what you are having - if it had been a boy and a girl it would have made the buying of the essentials a bit more awkward. As it is we have chosen the pram, bedding, nursery decor etc for girls now and it feels so exciting.

It is very much a personal choice, but for me knowing 'my girls' are on their way, and seeing their little faces on the 4D scan has made it easier to cope with being pregnant. I just can't wait to see them now!

Rose35

I found out but I wanted to know right from the start, OH didnt mind knowing either, but he thought I should have kept it between him and I, but I was so excited I told anyone that wanted to know, I never regretted finding out, made shopping for him that little bit more special

Sligo1

We found out for our first and have found out for our second to be. For me, being able to say him or her is the most lovely thing ever. Even tho you know there is a baby in there.... For us, knowing whether its a boy or a girl makes it all so much more real. I never regretted finding out our first was a little boy. The real surprise for us was seeing his little face and body and what he looked like after the birth. That was the most amazing thing ever, and for us i dont think the fact of knowing he was male or female would have taken away from actually seeing his little face. During my pregnancy we loved referring to him as our little man. And now I'm soooo excited to be expecting our little girl. But who knows.... If we are ever blessed with a 3rd.... Maybe we will choose not to find out.... Congratulations aswell!

CramCycle

I think the general rule of thumb is that it doesn't matter either way once they are born, as everyone here seems to agree, once they are born, it is the least important thing going on. If you want to know, find out, if you don't, don't.

On reflection, and hearing others views, knowing or not knowing made no difference whatsoever.

Funny story though, we did not know, so the doctor held up the baby and asked, "Well dad, what is it?", I of course panicked, went silent, then my wife panicked at the silence and asked me what was it, to which I replied "we have a baby".

icescreamqueen

I found out! I was just too nosy to find out one way or another. Also, up until I found out at 20 weeks, I was convinced I was having a boy but ended up finding out I was having a girl. I had friends and family offering me pink/ blue baby things and had to arrange transport from Dublin-Donegal so it was more convenient for me to know what to take up.
Anyone saying the element of surprise is gone, what you start getting excited about is thinking about what your little boy/girl will look like and you start buying clothes for girls/ boys. It makes it exciting going shopping if you know who to shop for. You really won't have the same kind of leisure to shop when baby is born!

wolfpawnat

In both pregnancies I didn't find out, though in my heart I knew what they were. I am so glad I didn't, it was a nice surprise in the end, but that was just my opinion on it. It was a good thing I didn't, I never wanted a daughter and my second baby was, if I had known beforehand it would have caused me to not want to bond with the baby, but once I saw here I was completely smitten so it didn't matter then

red fraggle

we didnt find out on our first. and the surprise was great. my husband was counting fingers and the midwife had to say 'well what do you have?@ so we got to announce to ourselves that we had a little girl. pure joy:D expecting number 2 in 5 weeks and we didnt find out. cant wait. and for me finding out what you have after the hardship of labour makes it al worth it! and obviously having a healthy baby does too. its also great ringing and telling ppl after the birth what you have. but as everyone else said it is a personal choice. we were lucky cos we both didnt want to find out. if your partner doesnt want to maybe you can if you can keep it a secret from him. make sure ye are both happy as you dont want to take the surprise away from him either.;)

Ms2011

We found out on our son. He was named as soon as we found out so he really felt like a little person. When he was born he got so many gifts personalised with his name which I loved.
If I was pregnant I'd definately find out again, I find it hard enough waiting for 20 weeks to find out, I wouldn't be able to wait the whole 40 ;-)

Hello Lady!

wolfpawnat wrote: »

It was a good thing I didn't, I never wanted a daughter and my second baby was, if I had known beforehand it would have caused me to not want to bond with the baby, but once I saw here I was completely smitten so it didn't matter then

Really? I think you are selling yourself short there. I really don't think you would have failed to bond just based on the sex. For all you know knowing the sex in advance may have helped you to bond earlier, you just don't know. Not bonding with your baby would usually be due to other factors and not just the sex of babs. I was petrified that I would have 2 boys because there are no boys on my side and I have no idea of boys! That was part of why I wanted to find out because it would have taken me a while to get my head around it, but I have no doubt that I would have bonded with them regardless.

wolfpawnat

Hello Lady! wrote: »

Really? I think you are selling yourself short there. I really don't think you would have failed to bond just based on the sex. For all you know knowing the sex in advance may have helped you to bond earlier, you just don't know. Not bonding with your baby would usually be due to other factors and not just the sex of babs. I was petrified that I would have 2 boys because there are no boys on my side and I have no idea of boys! That was part of why I wanted to find out because it would have taken me a while to get my head around it, but I have no doubt that I would have bonded with them regardless.

No seriously. I cried when they told me the baby was a girl, I didn't even want to see her. I did not want a daughter. I had a horrific relationship with my mother and I despise all things pink and girlie. Thankfully maternal instinct kicked in and I fell in love with her when I actually saw her, but hand on my heart, had I known I was having a girl before I had her, I would have been upset the whole second half of the pregnancy and probably not have the bond I do have with her now.

I know that sounds terrible, but I cannot deny it. I will add this is just me, everyone is different.

Roselm

wolfpawnat wrote: »

No seriously. I cried when they told me the baby was a girl, I didn't even want to see her. I did not want a daughter. I had a horrific relationship with my mother and I despise all things pink and girlie. Thankfully maternal instinct kicked in and I fell in love with her when I actually saw her, but hand on my heart, had I known I was having a girl before I had her, I would have been upset the whole second half of the pregnancy and probably not have the bond I do have with her now.

I know that sounds terrible, but I cannot deny it. I will add this is just me, everyone is different.

Thanks for sharing something so personal.I'm glad you and your daughter have bonded easily

wolfpawnat

Roselm wrote: »

Thanks for sharing something so personal.I'm glad you and your daughter have bonded easily

It's almost taboo to say it, but I refuse to lie about it. I love her so much and that is all that matters in the end

Cunning Stunt

wolfpawnat wrote: »

It's almost taboo to say it, but I refuse to lie about it. I love her so much and that is all that matters in the end

I don't think this is taboo/uncommon at all. Sometimes we build ourselves up for one particular gender and then we get a shock when it turns out that it is different.

My friend cried at her scan because she wanted another girl and they told her she was having a boy. To this day, her husband thinks they were happy tears!

She had a hard time adjusting to the idea but of course she loves her little man now that he is here and would not have it any other way.

minnnie

I had no preference on my first and never dreamed of finding out. I loved the surprise at the end. I had a girl and was totally in love.
My second i had an awful preference for another girl. I was afraid to find out in case they told me it was a boy but figured if it was a boy and i found out when it was born i would be delighted. I cried through the labour and told the midwife not to dare tell me it was a boy. I had a girl.
On my third i had a preference for a girl again but wouldn't have been any way disappointed with a boy either. So i toyed with the idea of finding out because the amount of girl baby clothes i had i wanted to know whether to keep or get rid of. My partner did not want to find out, he loved the surprise on each. I was 99% sure in my own head i was having a girl going by my cycle and when i conceived. I decided not to find out. Again loved hearing the gender. It was another girl.

If i had another i would like a boy for my partner but i wouldn't care either way myself. But again i'd keep the surprise element for the end instead of midway.

rufs

Yep, Only 11 weeks gone tomorrow on my first but have a strong feeling its a boy.
Will deffo be finding out when the time comes for practical reasons and cause i just have to know !!!

wolfpawnat

rufs wrote: »

Yep, Only 11 weeks gone tomorrow on my first but have a strong feeling its a boy.
Will deffo be finding out when the time comes for practical reasons and cause i just have to know !!!

Congrats, I felt it with both of mine, but sure, you have a 50% chance of being right

Penny Dreadful

wolfpawnat wrote: »

It's almost taboo to say it, but I refuse to lie about it. I love her so much and that is all that matters in the end

There are so many things about pregnancy and parenthood that people are scared to admit.
I have no children myself yet (working on it though:p) and have often spoken to my older sister about how being pregnant and a mother has been for her. She has been very honest about it which I really do appreciate.
She had an easy (as they go) pregnancy with her first and then had a long drawn out pretty rough and ready labour. As a result she said she found herself almost blaming her baby for that even though it made no sense. The joy and happiness and all that stuff that she was waiting for the instant the baby was born didn't kick in for 6-8 weeks. She said she was really going through the motions with it all.
The baby was in no way neglected or anything but it wasn't until the baby smiled at her one day (turned out to be wind and a massive puke came all over her) that she felt there was someone in there, that she realised her baby girl was a person with a personality not just something that required feeding and changing on a regular basis.
She said that she never felt she could say that to anyone and that made her feel really alone.

Rosy Posy

wolfpawnat wrote: »

In both pregnancies I didn't find out, though in my heart I knew what they were. I am so glad I didn't, it was a nice surprise in the end, but that was just my opinion on it. It was a good thing I didn't, I never wanted a daughter and my second baby was, if I had known beforehand it would have caused me to not want to bond with the baby, but once I saw here I was completely smitten so it didn't matter then

It's really interesting to hear that perspective. A good friend of mine found out with her second child as her partner had two boys from a previous relationship and their first was a boy. He was really hoping for a girl and she wanted him to manage his disappointment before the birth when it turned out to be a fourth boy. Fast forward and he has never really bonded with the last child and I wonder if they had waited to find out would it have been different? Obviously there are lots of factors at play.

Personally we have always opted for the surprise. I like to retain an aura of mysticism over the process, and finding out feels like cheating to me somehow. We have two boys and a girl now so there's no pressure one way or the other. We have a mixture of clothes too, but most of our newborn stuff is gender neutral.

I totally agree with the poster who said its amazing how little it matters after the birth. With our second we had told the midwives that we didn't want anyone to declare the sex until we had discovered it for ourselves- when she was born we didn't look for ages, the midwife was biting her lip, we just were transfixed by her beautiful face and hands and feet!

Cunning Stunt

Seeing as everyone is being so honest...
On my first pregnancy we didn't find out, and I had a little girl. For some reason I had myself built up for a little boy (I think because girls are more dominant in my family), and I remember the pang of disappointment that hit me when I saw she was a girl. Of course it was just the initial realization and I am sure it wouldn't have mattered afterwards, but unfortunately she died there in the delivery room and I never got to 'take back' my feeling of disappointment, so I live with that guilt every day.

This time around we have also chosen not to find out, but after seeing how beautiful she was and after having lost her, I find myself now pining for another girl.

My hubby thinks it would be better for us if it's a boy because it will help us distance ourselves that bit more from what happened and it won't feel like we are 'replacing' her. My gut feeling also says this is a boy, because this pregnancy has been so different on me physically, and the baby is a lot more active.

Whether or not it was a good decision for us not to find out the gender on this one remains to be seen, but I am pinning my hopes on the general consensus that it won't matter when he/she is finally here.

Sligo1

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Seeing as everyone is being so honest...
On my first pregnancy we didn't find out, and I had a little girl. For some reason I had myself built up for a little boy (I think because girls are more dominant in my family), and I remember the pang of disappointment that hit me when I saw she was a girl. Of course it was just the initial realization and I am sure it wouldn't have mattered afterwards, but unfortunately she died there in the delivery room and I never got to 'take back' my feeling of disappointment, so I live with that guilt every day.

This time around we have also chosen not to find out, but after seeing how beautiful she was and after having lost her, I find myself now pining for another girl.

My hubby thinks it would be better for us if it's a boy because it will help us distance ourselves that bit more from what happened and it won't feel like we are 'replacing' her. My gut feeling also says this is a boy, because this pregnancy has been so different on me physically, and the baby is a lot more active.

Whether or not it was a good decision for us not to find out the gender on this one remains to be seen, but I am pinning my hopes on the general consensus that it won't matter when he/she is finally here.

O my gosh, my heart goes out to you and your family. I can't even imagine how you must feel. But sending hugs and good wishes and all the very best of luck this time With your beautiful baby to be x

wolfpawnat

Cunning Stunt wrote: »

Seeing as everyone is being so honest...
On my first pregnancy we didn't find out, and I had a little girl. For some reason I had myself built up for a little boy (I think because girls are more dominant in my family), and I remember the pang of disappointment that hit me when I saw she was a girl. Of course it was just the initial realization and I am sure it wouldn't have mattered afterwards, but unfortunately she died there in the delivery room and I never got to 'take back' my feeling of disappointment, so I live with that guilt every day.

This time around we have also chosen not to find out, but after seeing how beautiful she was and after having lost her, I find myself now pining for another girl.

My hubby thinks it would be better for us if it's a boy because it will help us distance ourselves that bit more from what happened and it won't feel like we are 'replacing' her. My gut feeling also says this is a boy, because this pregnancy has been so different on me physically, and the baby is a lot more active.

Whether or not it was a good decision for us not to find out the gender on this one remains to be seen, but I am pinning my hopes on the general consensus that it won't matter when he/she is finally here.

Hoping for the best this time around CS. And my deepest sympathies for your little girl

Personally I would not want to "distance myself" from her, she existed and even for that briefest time she was in this world. If you have another girl, it will not take away from the one you had, and if it is a boy, she still would have been here too.

Cunning Stunt

I agree - perhaps I wrote it the wrong way - I don't want to distance myself from 'her' or deny her existence, I meant more of a 'moving on from the grief' type thing. But thanks anyways for your replies and your good wishes.

Mush09

Hey y'all
Partner due end of April....we have 28 week scan next week in Limerick Maternity....do we get scanned then and can we find out the sex of the baby or is it just a general check up?
Thanks :-)

wolfpawnat

Mush09 wrote: »

Hey y'all
Partner due end of April....we have 28 week scan next week in Limerick Maternity....do we get scanned then and can we find out the sex of the baby or is it just a general check up?
Thanks :-)

They are able to tell at that stage You usually have to ask though, most places won't tell you otherwise.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

wolfpawnat wrote: »

They are able to tell at that stage You usually have to ask though, most places won't tell you otherwise.

Yup they told me at my 28 week scan in limerick, although the tech couldn't be certain because the little fecker had his legs crossed tight We've since found out that it's deffo a boy

Edit: Sorry, on second thoughts, they actually don't scan as standard at 28 weeks, afaik the 28 week appointment is for blood/urine/doctor only and the scan is done at 31 weeks. I was lucky though that my 31 week appointment was due around xmas so they decided to scan me at the 28 week appointment instead of bringing me back during silly season. You might be lucky depending on the doctor and if the clinic is quiet on the day

Mush09

Thanks so much Wolfpawnat and mrspostman we might be cheeky and ask can she get scanned. Worse they can say is no :-D

wolfpawnat

When I had my last baby I was in every second week for scans because of difficulties, and they asked did I know, when I said no, they asked if I wanted to, even though it wasn't part of it. It only takes a moment. Can't see why they wouldn't give a little slide over to check. Though some babies are shy with their bits!!!!

ShaShaBear

We just sent in a booking request online for a gender scan, hoping to find out in two weeks! I've always felt so far it is a boy and my partner feels the same, but recently I was starting to panic that I would be upset if it was a girl.

Bought our first outfit today (neutral) and while I was there I saw this tiny newborn dress in navy with little polkadots and a white frilly collar and I burst into tears holding it up for my partner to see. Guess I'll be happy either way, but I want to know even more now (this is our first).

ncmc

I was tempted to find out at my 20 week scan, but hubby wanted it to be a surprise. I spoke to my sister about it, turns out she had found out on her first and not let on, but then kept it a surprise for her subsequent three babies. She says there is no comparison with the excitement of finding out after the birth – especially as she had difficult labours – so that was enough to convince me to keep it as a surprise.

eviltwin

I found out with my second, I wanted to know from a practical point of view, could we use my daughers clothes or did I need to go out and buy boys things.

On the emotional side of things I had lost a baby girl the year before and while I would have been happy with a girl I think I would have needed the time to get used to it and think of the new baby as an individual rather than the lost baby mark 2. As it happened we were having a boy.

I'm glad I found out, we started calling him by name from the time we found out around 20 weeks and it helped me bond.