Anyone not want kids?

shinesun

I'm 31 and don't want any kids.
Don't get me wrong, I adore my nephews/niece etc but I don't have any maternal instincts whatsoever, never had.
Some people can be so condescending saying oh but you will change your mind after a while. Same goes for some guys in thinking this..
I know there are fantastic mothers out there but I'm afraid it's just not for me.
I'm guessing there a few of us out there that get the funny looks when you tell them you don't want kids...

Malari

Plenty of women feel the same OP, it's come up a few times before in tLL. You'll find a lot of good replies to people who think its appropriate to comment on your reproductive choices too if you do a search. ;-)

username123

shinesun wrote: »

Some people can be so condescending saying oh but you will change your mind after a while. Same goes for some guys in thinking this..

Im almost 40, I dont want kids. Never have. Husband doesnt want them either.

I used to work with a guy who would say to me "Listen, when a woman decides she wants a baby, thats it, thats all she can think of, you'll change your mind, youre just not ready right now". He was the same age as me. I used to just laugh at him and say just because his wife had baby fever it didnt mean all women have baby fever.

I do still get the odd comment, Ive a number of rebuttals but genuinely my most common response is "Christ Id hate to have kids, I value my personal freedom far too much to ever want to be a parent". People tend not to pry too much tbh. Assumptions tend to be made, now that Im close to 40 some people probably presume I might have tried and wasnt able to so they dont talk about it at all. It was a more common point of comment when I was newly married and indeed, when I was single when people think they have the right to query why you are not with "some nice fella" and do you not "want a family?" - like you are sort of deliberately staying single to annoy them.

People should just mind their own business regarding the reproductive choices of others.

seenitall

All present and correct... oh no, wait, where's bronte??

:P

bronte

seenitall wrote: »

All present and correct... oh no, wait, where's bronte??

:P

Anseo!

We need a CF forum in this joint! :pac:

Edit: Does anyone else feel like they're seeing more and more recognition in mainstream media of women and couples who are deciding not to reproduce? There was that pretty big TIME magazine article recently. I feel like there's been more favourable coverage in the last couple of years and not just the usual "hedonistic yuppie" and "party animals" type stories.
It's been nice to see.

Jenneke87

After three horrendous pregnencies where I got so sick that I couldn't walk unaided and almost choked on my own vomit because I couldn't reach the bathroom in time I decided that being pregnant and children are not for me.

Whispered

No kids for me, thanks very much!

Nymeria

{Puts hand up} ME!

I'm 29 years old, and its just not something I ever wanted, I don't see that changing in the next 10 or 15 years. Like you OP I have nephews and a niece whom I love dearly, and I enjoy being an aunt - but I will never be a mother, or a grandmother, and that's perfectly fine with me.

OP, if you are looking for support there are plenty or childfree sites out there, some of them are good, some of them are bit too radical for me. I guess each to their own.

I personally am at a better place then I have ever been about my choice. Stupid comments from people used to really get to me, and for a time I thought there was something really wrong with me, that I was missing something. But, slowly I have come to realise that people want different things, and what makes someone else happy will not necessarily make me happy. There is no baby-shaped hole in my life.

There has certainly been some higher profile stories about not having children so its good that it is becoming seen as a valid lifestyle choice. I feel though that there still needs to be more harmony between parent and non-parents, and acceptance of eachothers choices. I suppose that will come with time.

athtrasna

Me! Both my sisters are baby mad and always have been yet I never saw myself with kids, and to be honest, the though of pregnancy turns my stomach.

I'm 36 now so it's not very likely that I'll change my mind.

sunbeam

I'm 41 and still don't want kids. If only I could call in some of those bets...

pwurple

I don't see why people would give you funny looks. We are not all the same as each other, why would be all want the same things.

Maybe it's the same as when I say I don't like cats or bananas. (Waits to be called some sort of freak).

username123

pwurple wrote: »

Maybe it's the same as when I say I don't like cats or bananas.

You might think that you dont like cats now, but in time, your biological cat clock will start meowing and the next thing you know, you will be obsessed with kittens. The smell of them, the fluffiness of them, and you wont rest til you have one. It happens to all women. You'll see

seosamh1980

pwurple wrote: »

I don't see why people would give you funny looks. We are not all the same as each other, why would be all want the same things.

Maybe it's the same as when I say I don't like cats or bananas. (Waits to be called some sort of freak).

Not liking cats?? Ah here, I can understand not liking kids, but, KITTENS?? That's a step too far, what's wrong with you :P

I don't have any strong leanings towards having kids. A friend's girlfriend asked me last week if I want them, she was looking at me all expectantly waiting for me to gush about wanting them, I managed a "....meh?" and that was it. Now if she'd asked if I want cats...!

woodchuck

Does anyone else get tired of having to gush over other peoples babies? I'm sick of pretending how beautiful they all are... they genuinely all look the same to me!! Kittens and puppies... now those are cute.

I certainly don't want kids at the moment. Maybe that will change at some stage, but I really hope not. One part of me thinks I would actually make a good mother, but I don't want to be one. I'm far too mentally unstable to be left in charge of another human being!! And I have no desire to look after a puking, pooping snot machine that will some day become a resentful teenager.

username123

Ive always felt quite awkward when work people bring in new babies, and as Ive always worked in a male dominated environment, it would be ME the person would make a beeline for. And Id no interest!!

I hate occasions where people encourage their child to kiss me goodbye, on one very traumatic (for me!) occasion, a friend insisted her little boy kiss me goodbye and he had snot running down onto his lips, I let it happen, then I ran to the car, got in, tore around the corner, opened the door and threw up out the side. I just found it absolutely disgusting. My friend would have been horrified if Id refused to let the child kiss me though.

I hate it when people want me to hold a baby, have a child kiss me, show me endless photographs of their kids etc.... Im pretty sure if I showed them the endless pics I have of the neighbours cat on my phone, theyd be equally bored.

meeeeh

I have two. And I still don't get the pics obsession. I show them to my mum and some family members who I know want to see them. I'm not interested in other people's children and I don't know why others would be in mine. And I'm no more interested in cat or dog pictures.

Lia_lia

I want kids, eventually. And by eventually I mean like 10+ years time. There are so many things I want to do beforehand! Kinda afraid by the time I actually want kids I'll be too old! So many people from my year in Secondary School have kids now. Freaks me out a bit. Different strokes I spose..

Neyite

username123 wrote: »

I
I hate occasions where people encourage their child to kiss me goodbye, on one very traumatic (for me!) occasion, a friend insisted her little boy kiss me goodbye and he had snot running down onto his lips, I let it happen, then I ran to the car, got in, tore around the corner, opened the door and threw up out the side. I just found it absolutely disgusting. My friend would have been horrified if Id refused to let the child kiss me though.

Gawd, I remember being forced to kiss any and every adult as a child, ugh! I've vowed that I'll only encourage it if its a) immediate family, and b) if my child is happy to do it.

Mrs Garth Brooks

I am so undecided and im 30. I've never been the maternal type and never imagined myself with kids.

I've always been independent, and im more practical thinking. Would like to be settled if it ever happened. I dont see myself earning enough to even have a child.

Im living my 20s now, im going travelling soon. I never lived my 20s. Finished college at 21, almost 22, a course I didnt really like much. Followed by 6 years of a job I hated, lived at home (paying weekly housekeeping, adult boys let off from paying housekeeping), felt I was paying for children I never had as my housekeeping was spent on their food, bills etc

Went and did a two year course I loved. A year unemployed. That brings me up to almost 31.

Far too much responsibility and crap in my 20s. They were wasted and I want some freedom now, not children.

I dont see it happening soon but I cant help thinking I dont have long left and there's no going back at 45.

I've always loved animals, il always have furry babies.

Yeah, there you go, im really undecided.

meeeeh

It could be cultural thing but I even don't like air kissing myself and neither did I have to kiss anybody as a child, so I really don't know why should I be telling my son to do it. He probably wouldn't listen anyway.

Btw this is a toppic that is kind of close to me because for very long time I thought I'll never want kids. I changed my mind in a very organic way, it just felt right. But that doesn't mean my brain turned into mush whenever I saw a baby. I hate the word broody. I was never broody, yet I still love my children. Having a child is not an achievement, helping them to become happy, balanced adults is. And I think sometimes people forget that.

Neyite

meeeeh wrote: »

Having a child is not an achievement, helping them to become happy, balanced adults is.

Exactly. People compliment me from time to time, saying "oh you are a great mammy" and my response is "well, lets see how he turns out first, eh?"

I think that childfree people get treated as if there is this AMAZING thing that they HAVE to have in their lives by those who have had children. Funnily enough though, it was nearly all new dads that were the worst for us. Like they discovered the secret of life or something. And it annoyed the hell out of me that they were all "oh you know what is the best thing EVER?? Parenthood! you guys should get a move on!!" and they had no idea what our views on the matter was.

JenEffy

I'm 24 and never want kids. The thought of being pregnant terrifies me. I'm crazy about my neighbour's two kids but I don't want to have my own. I have issues with depression and just could never look after a child. I look forward to doing whatever the hell I want for the rest of my life

Whispered

I'm 29 and married a few years. My husband is constantly told by people that I'll change my mind. It used to be "when she turns 25" now it's 30.

I've been accused of not loving my husband, not being secure enough in our relationship, having something wrong with me both physically, so I'm compensating by telling myself I don't want kids and mentally, sure what type of woman doesn't want kids. I've been finding it increasingly difficult to keep my patience with people and their opinions on our childless state.

seenitall

Whispered wrote: »

I've been accused of not loving my husband, not being secure enough in our relationship, having something wrong with me both physically, so I'm compensating by telling myself I don't want kids and mentally, sure what type of woman doesn't want kids. I've been finding it increasingly difficult to keep my patience with people and their opinions on our childless state.

Ugh, that'd be infuriating all right. The implicit (and explicit) pressure about reproducing is bad here as far as the European context goes, but it IS changing. Slowly but surely. Just like any other facet of tradition really (ok, maybe some go much quicker than others).

Or you could comfort yourself somewhat by feeling lucky you weren't born a female on the backroads of India or Africa; you'd rrrrrrreally know pressure then...

Dutchess

I am 27 years old and I do not want kids, neither does my husband.

I have never wanted them -shortly toyed with the idea of adopting-and to be honest, as a rule, I don't like them. Hearing stories from colleagues that had to get up to shower their child after he/she wet the bed in the middle of the night don't exactly fill me with enthusiasm. I honestly cannot see the advantages of having children. It seems that once you have a child your own life is pretty much over. Until the child grows up at least. Maybe I'm too selfish.

This is something I was very open about when I still lived in the Netherlands, but in Ireland, I have learnt that it is a conversation best avoided. For a woman not to want kids still seems some kind of a taboo and it illicits reactions of non-understanding and judgement. What I hate most is speaking with mothers maybe a few years my senior who adopt this superior tone telling me that I am still oh so young and I will definitely change my mind. Like my current choice is somehow wrong.

Bringing another child into an overpopulated world will do no one any favours.

End of rant!

lazygal

I have child(ten, one is imminent) and I totally get why people wouldn't want them. I love mine, but I'm indifferent to a lot of others and the mammy chat people think you're interested in. I couldn't care less whether someone wants to have children.

I also find it very difficult to believe no one ever regrets a decision to have children. I'd say many parents would look wistfully at the child free and want their lives, even for a day.

username123

lazygal wrote: »

I also find it very difficult to believe no one ever regrets a decision to have children. I'd say many parents would look wistfully at the child free and want their lives, even for a day.

I often notice my friends who are parents have this assumption that because I am childless I am out partying til all hours every weekend, lying in til midday on Saturday and Sunday and generally still living life as I did in my 20s.

The truth is, I hardly ever drink because I can't handle the hangovers, I don't like to stay out late because I have exercise and study commitments. A weeks work knackers me as much as the next woman. I have a mortgage and other financial responsibilities so no, I don't just spend all my wages on clothes and booze. I haven't had a lie in in ages because I don't like wasting the day in bed.

lazygal

I wasn't a party animal prekids either. But its nice to be able to go for dinner or meet friends on a whim, or sit with a coffee and book for an hour, or head off for a weekend at no notice. Life gets quite planned with children in the mix.

meeeeh

There is the misconception that pee in the middle of the night or exploding nappies are hard work. That is easy, it's the responsibility that doesn't go away when you are tired, sick, stressed or overworked. But on the other hand studies now seem to indicate that parents in general now are happier than non parents. But it just as statistics, there is a whole range of experiences hidden inside.

username123

meeeeh wrote: »

There is the misconception that pee in the middle of the night or exploding nappies are hard work. That is easy, it's the responsibility that doesn't go away when you are tired, sick, stressed or overworked.

Yeah, for some years I had the experience of having to take care of my physically and mentally damaged mother. I didn't mind any of the sometimes gross physical stuff. It was the never ending responsibility. It's one of the reasons I knew I'd hate to be a parent. I didn't have maternal feelings anyway but I think that that experience solidified it for me.

Of all my friends who are parents I see few who really seem to love it. And some who really seem to hate it!

Aglomerado

I'm 36, I adore kids (babies not so much) but I've never wanted my own. I like being able to book trips away to cities at the drop of a hat, sleep off hangovers every now and again. I couldn't cope with all the birthday parties and after-school activities that seem to be the norm these days (children usually don't like to be the odd one out so you have to make a bit of an effort!).

I suppose I'm just lazy! I might regret not having had any in 20 years' time but I'll always enjoy friends and neighbours' little ones.

Dark Phoenix

I am in my thirties and have never wanted to have kids.

I can't cope with babies at all its just not my thing.

Older kids are grand and I love my friends kids and I coach kids in a sport I do and I love all that but I don't want my own.

I love my life and I don't want to give it up to dedicate it to having and rearing kids. I have friends whose life revolved around this and that's all they ever wanted. I think its a choice you want or you don't and people should respect what others choose.

I have had people come out with the 'ah you will change your mind' nonsense. One lad in work tried this one day and was put back in his box quite fast :rolleyes:

Dortilolma

I want kids, always have. Some people don't and that's their business.

Everybody lives their own life as they see fit and as long as they aren't hurting/persecuting anyone leave them too it.

As is the case on every emotive issue both sides can be nasty and make assumptions about the other and that is what I can't stand.

seenitall

Dortilolma wrote: »

As is the case on every emotive issue both sides can be nasty and make assumptions about the other and that is what I can't stand.

There is no reason on god's green Earth, though, why someone's choice not to have children should be an emotive issue for anyone else. Perhaps it would be wothwhile to think about why this is nonetheless the case around these parts.

Toast4532

I don't want kids, but I could end up changing my mind. I am in my early twenties now, so don't want any major responsibility just yet.

When I was 15/16/17 etc I was asked by aunties/cousins etc if I wanted kids and when I said no all I got in response was "you'll change your mind, everyone wants kids", it used to, and still does, really winds me up.

My cousin and his girlfriend have three kids, and after their first child was born, his gf gave up work and became a stay at home mum, all three kids are in school now, and she is still at home, doing nothing, just using the excuse she's a "stay at home mum".

The kids start school at 9am and finish at 3pm, so she could work in the mornings, but won't.

Any time I see her she always makes some comment to me about marriage, or babies, and a few years ago told me to "hurry up, and pop them out", and I look at her, her life now and any time she or my cousin want to go somewhere (either together, or individually), they always have to plan in advance and plan childcare etc. Their food bills are always high, school costs, kids need new uniforms/school shoes/books each year, if they go out for lunch/dinner etc it costs a fortune.

Dolbert

seenitall wrote: »

There is no reason on god's green Earth, though, why someone's choice not to have children should be an emotive issue for anyone else. Perhaps it would be wothwhile to think about why this is nonetheless the case around these parts.

I think it's the way comments are phrased that can rankle.

Good: 'I value my freedom too much to have kids'
Bad: 'Gawd I can't imagine spending the next 20 years in snot-wiping servitude'

Good: 'I can't imagine my life without my kids now, they mean the world to me.'
Bad: 'You'll never know true happiness until you have kids, you couldn't possibly understand...' etc.

There's a way to say it without being unnecessarily disparaging and patronising.

pwurple

Toast4532 wrote: »

My cousin and his girlfriend have three kids, and after their first child was born, his gf gave up work and became a stay at home mum, all three kids are in school now, and she is still at home, doing nothing, just using the excuse she's a "stay at home mum".

Eh, toast.... I have a family and we both work full time, but we have to actually hire people to do that stuff at home that she is doing. Cleaning, laundry etc. There aren't enough hours in the day to do it all otherwise.

She's not 'doing nothing'. There's a ridiculous amount of laundry alone generated by 5 active people, with 3 of them going through probably 2 changes of clothes a day and doing god knows what to their bedlinen and towels. Let alone food prep, repairs, buying more clothes for them as they grow, shoes, food, and doing all the other housey stuff.

It's EASILY a full time job.

This is the kind of daftness that will piss people off.

seenitall

Dolbert wrote: »

I think it's the way comments are phrased that can rankle.

Good: 'I value my freedom too much to have kids'
Bad: 'Gawd I can't imagine spending the next 20 years in snot-wiping servitude'

Good: 'I can't imagine my life without my kids now, they mean the world to me.'
Bad: 'You'll never know true happiness until you have kids, you couldn't possibly understand...' etc.

There's a way to say it without being unnecessarily disparaging and patronising.

No, I don't think that's the full story.

If someone said 'Gawd I can't imagine spending the next 20 years in snot-wiping servitude' to me (as I am a parent), I certainly wouldn't blow a fuse or take it personally in any manner, shape or form. I would think that the person seems to have an issue around having children and that it's probably good they won't have any. That, I would suggest, is a normal mental response to hearing something like that, instead of feeling personally slighted on my own choices, or threatened, or insulted.

Let's face it, in a country such as this, where reproductive rights are/have recently been such a hot and contentious issue in their many facets (contraception, abortion), the needlessly emotive responses of people to others' choices around this will most likely stem from the same source as anything else regarding the topic.

Dortilolma

seenitall wrote: »

There is no reason on god's green Earth, though, why someone's choice not to have children should be an emotive issue for anyone else.

I whole-heartedly agree, it's just a choice people make for themselves. Yet some people seem to take it personally if you do not make the same choice they did ... which is beyond ludicrous.


A person is rarely (if ever) qualified to judge choices another person makes and I feel like that's what both sides of the discussion need to stop doing.

meeeeh

I think those who don't have children get the stupid comments more often because they are still a minority at certain age, especially if they are in stable relationship. But l'm sick of people implying that being a parent is sort of irrational thing you do after your brain turns into mush and you see babies everywhere. Misconceptions are on both sides.

seosamh1980

What I hate is how it's ok to gush about how much you'd love kids, would love a gang of them, would give up everything to have them, would devote your life, etc etc, but if you say to someone "Nope, it's just not for me, doesn't appeal to me", they look at you and respond like you've said you don't fancy breathing ever again, like you are insane and don't understand what you're saying. People who ask you if you want kids are the people who only ever seem to expect you to answer that you do, in general they then seem shocked if you say no, which is odd considering there is a 50/50 chance you'll say either yes or no?

Toast4532

pwurple wrote: »

Eh, toast.... I have a family and we both work full time, but we have to actually hire people to do that stuff at home that she is doing. Cleaning, laundry etc. There aren't enough hours in the day to do it all otherwise.

She's not 'doing nothing'. There's a ridiculous amount of laundry alone generated by 5 active people, with 3 of them going through probably 2 changes of clothes a day and doing god knows what to their bedlinen and towels. Let alone food prep, repairs, buying more clothes for them as they grow, shoes, food, and doing all the other housey stuff.

It's EASILY a full time job.

This is the kind of daftness that will piss people off.

I know for a fact, from another family member who was staying with them that my cousins girlfriend did/does none of what you mentioned.

Laundry - my cousin does it. Every evening, after work, he puts on a load of washing, and just before bed, he puts it out to dry. If he didn't, it would pile up and not get done until he did it.
Cleaning - done by my cousin (and another relative)
Cooking - ready meals thrown in the oven (though at weekends my cousin would do all the cooking).
My cousins mum (my aunt) takes the kids to get their school shoes/uniforms etc. Books are rented from the school.

I know for a fact that his girlfriend is constantly (read: every day) out with her friends/over at their houses etc while the kids are at school, and when they come home from school, they sit watching TV with her, until their dad comes home and makes dinner. He's said this himself, he does it all, along with his job, he works in construction and leaves for work about 7.30am and gets home about 7pm, six days a week. If he didn't work such long hours, and work as much as he does, they wouldn't have money for their rent, bills, food, petrol etc.

At the weekend my cousin does all the cleaning (hoovering, dusting, etc).

I am aware that it is a full time job raising three active children, along with house work and other duties, I have other family members who have children and full time jobs (some even run their own businesses) but yet, they still manage to do 60% of house hold duties, along with their jobs etc.

I'm also aware that my cousins situation isn't like everyone else's situation.

Pokiedots

I am 31 and I dont want children, I work with children every day and love it but I dont want to have my own children.
This has never been a problem for me, I have no problem with listening to people telling me its a matter of time before I change my mind, I just smile and nod at them, however my partner who has always said he doesnt want children either is starting to change his mind, which is quite difficult as you can imagine!

Rosy Posy

I have always wanted, and have, children. I'm very happy with my decision but I also respect the decisions of others not to have children. I have two close friends in this position. Neither is in a relationship and they are both in their thirties and the pity that they get is horrible. Both have great careers and have plenty going for them but because they don't have a boyfriend and have no desire for children they sometimes get treated like second class citizens, people assume that their assertions that they don't want a family are just bravado because it may not be an option for them. I'm glad they're not having kids- there's no way in hell I would leave mine with them (babies anyway), they would hate it and wouldn't be able to handle the mess or the randomness.

I am really conscious that they are not baby people and don't bombard them with cute kid pics/stories etc but sometimes the chasm between our lives is made evident in ways that can be a little hurtful. For example, I'd just had my third baby, born at home and had a phonecall with one of the aforementioned friends. We spent 5mins tops discussing my birth and the baby (I try not to go into too many details so as not to bore her or gross her out) after which she gave me a blow by blow account of her recent trip to a music festival complete with the saga of her missing phone. I just sat there mm-ing and ahh-ing and thinking how damn irrelevant it all was.

What I think is truly awful is people who don't particularly like children but have them because its 'the thing to do' and they don't want to end up with regrets. I have another friend who is amazingly talented in her career, extremely glamorous and loves the craic- drinking and dancing and going on exotic holidays. Never showed any interest in babies, as in 'would you like to hold the baby?' 'no thanks', you know the sort of person who tries to shake a two year old's hand and engage them in small talk. Well, when she hit 35 and had been married for a few years and pressure was on from the MIL and society in general so they had a baby. She was basically straight back to work, spends hardly any time with the baby and when she does seems totally awkward. I'm not saying she doesn't love her child but its definitely something she could do without but was pressured into.

Zambia

The pressure people exert is because they need allies.

Kids are hard work, but two kids and two adults is less work.
Having friends who have kids is great because you can leave your kids with them in a tight spot. They are child qualified as they have kids.

People with kids seek out others with kids so they can assist them in controlling their own kids. They can't go back to being child free so their only option is to bring you into the kiddy cult.

I'm a bloke plus, I'm in the kiddy cult I love it but its hard work.

It's 24/7 responsibility so if its not for you sweet Jesus don't go there.

Rosy Posy

Zambia wrote: »

It's 24/7 responsibility so if its not for you sweet Jesus don't go there.

this.

I love kids and have always wanted them, but still I find it exhausting and challenging and I don't need to deal with having a job outside the home to boot. I just can't understand how anyone would put themselves through it if they weren't totally into it. I think that our society puts out a false belief that you have to have children to validate yourself as a person which is utter nonsense.

Dutchess

seosamh1980 wrote: »

What I hate is how it's ok to gush about how much you'd love kids, would love a gang of them, would give up everything to have them, would devote your life, etc etc, but if you say to someone "Nope, it's just not for me, doesn't appeal to me", they look at you and respond like you've said you don't fancy breathing ever again, like you are insane and don't understand what you're saying. People who ask you if you want kids are the people who only ever seem to expect you to answer that you do, in general they then seem shocked if you say no, which is odd considering there is a 50/50 chance you'll say either yes or no?

"Science" would have us believe that a great many of our decisions come from our supposed desire to procreate. It's what drives us forward, apparently. So maybe the desire not to have children makes me, and anyone else who feels the same way, an unnnatural freak?

Zambia

Zambia wrote: »

It's 24/7 responsibility so if its not for you sweet Jesus don't go there.

Agreed.
The responsibility is for life. People say they can't deal with babies or children but the teenage years are apparently the hardest. You can't pawn a teenager off to someone else, you simply have to engage with them.

I think the pressure to produce kids is lessening somewhat, thankfully. More couples are choosing not to have children so it's not as uncommon as it was. The same goes for small families and one child families.
Ireland is slow to catch up with the rest of the Western World in terms of attitude to choice around whether to have kids and how many (maybe an ingrained Catholic thing?)

There's no doubt people regret having kids. They're not compatible with much of modern living. As mentioned above, I also know parents who would rather do anything than spend time with their own offspring. I worked with a woman who returned from maternity leave early, such was her desperation to get away from her child.
Parenting isn't for everyone.

meeeeh

Rosy Posy wrote: »

What I think is truly awful is people who don't particularly like children but have them because its 'the thing to do' and they don't want to end up with regrets. I have another friend who is amazingly talented in her career, extremely glamorous and loves the craic- drinking and dancing and going on exotic holidays. Never showed any interest in babies, as in 'would you like to hold the baby?' 'no thanks', you know the sort of person who tries to shake a two year old's hand and engage them in small talk. Well, when she hit 35 and had been married for a few years and pressure was on from the MIL and society in general so they had a baby. She was basically straight back to work, spends hardly any time with the baby and when she does seems totally awkward. I'm not saying she doesn't love her child but its definitely something she could do without but was pressured into.

I'm was like that and I still am up to an extent. If I'm not ooooing and aaaaing over neighbor's brats it doesn't mean I don't love my children or that I was pressurized into having them. But I have no problem admitting that I prefer putting together Lego helicopter than sitting on a mat with a squiggly toy and grinning like an idiot. Puppies and babies grow up, and some of us are better suited dealing with a bit older ones. And some are not. Oh and btw, I want to work and I know plenty of people who still want to work. Just because some of us don't want to be stay at home mums it doesn't mean we were pressurized by society into having children. people really should respect that not everybody is the same or has the same lifestyle.

lazygal

I'm not that partial to the baby stages myself. My older child is a fun age where she'll really interact and has a personality and you can actually have a laugh with her. Babies are grand, some aspects of it are nice (you can put them down somewhere and they don't disappear and put the heart across you) but it wouldn't be my favourite age. And I'm not that interested in other people's babies either, I was like that before I had children and it hasn't changed. Plenty of parents are doing a fantastic job without having to go gooey eyed over everything their children do.

Galadriel

I'm 34 and don't want kids either, my oh feels the exact same.

I get the same from friends saying I will wake up one day and all I'll be able to think of is having a baby, em, no.