Yummy mummy & tummy mummy traffic chaos expected this week.

Lando Griffin

So after a summer of painstakingly minding our little ones it’s once again time to dump them into the education system for another 10 months or so.
Unlike thousands of other yummy mummies and bulged jegging clad wans, Lando will adjust time accordingly in the morning and leave the house 15 minutes earlier to ensure a pleasurable driving experience to school for all.
I will park in a car park provided and not across the emergency gate or double parked at the bus stop.
I will indicate when wishing to enter a line of traffic and not expect other road users to mind read my intentions.
I will not dispose of my fag end at the school gate.
Any other tips for road users coming up to back to school time?

super_furry

I bet you carry a lot of tension in your shoulders.

seamus

Lando Griffin wrote: »

Any other tips for road users coming up to back to school time?

Walk your kids to school. It'll be quicker and you'll all stop getting so damn fat.

Fr_Dougal

Yay! Free childcare!

BillyMitchel

As disgusting as throwing your cig butts on the ground is, it hardly adds to "traffic chaos" unless there's an oil tanker coming towards you and it blows up because of the cig butt.


Perv at the MILFs, it makes time go faster.

Lando Griffin

seamus wrote: »

Walk your kids to school. It'll be quicker and you'll all stop getting so damn fat.

Very good suggestion.

Although it would be impossible for me to walk my kids to school and it is approx 10 miles away, I am sick to the teeth of people who use the car when only a less then a mile from it.

jimgoose

Lando Griffin wrote: »

...Any other tips for road users coming up to back to school time?

Aye. Buy a couple of bicycles and stop driving the little brutes around like they were the Sultan of Brunei.

Valetta

Do you drive an SUV?

If so, all your good intentions come to nowt.

Lando Griffin

Valetta wrote: »

Do you drive an SUV?

If so, all your good intentions come to nowt.

I drive a modest if not unimpressive family saloon, one of the leaders in its class for low carbon emissions whilst achieving excellent MPG in both rural and urban driving environments.

Valetta

Lando Griffin wrote: »

I drive a modest if not unimpressive family saloon, one of the leaders in its class for low carbon emissions whilst achieving excellent MPG in both rural and urban driving environments.

I think you should be ok so.

But no pyjamas, right?

Lando Griffin

Valetta wrote: »

I think you should be ok so.

But no pyjamas, right?

If I worked as a Pajama model, then yes, but I don't so no.

byronbay2

BillyMitchel wrote: »

Perv at the MILFs, it makes time go faster.

There is absolutely nothing perverted about a man ogling MILFs at the school gates - it's the most natural thing in the world!

wexie

byronbay2 wrote: »

There is absolutely nothing perverted about a man ogling MILFs at the school gates - it's the most natural thing in the world!

I've yet to see any MILFS when collecting my kids from school, most disappointing

Seen plenty of PJ's though :eek:

danniemcq

Whatever happened the school bus?

syklops

Whats a tummy mummy?

FreshKnickers

Forgive my ignorance but what's 'tummy mummy' when it's at home? Is it the overweight mammies?

Eh, answer syklops first, sure.

byronbay2

wexie wrote: »

I've yet to see any MILFS when collecting my kids from school, most disappointing

Seen plenty of PJ's though :eek:

Without wanting to offend you, it's a well known fact that all Wexford women are skanks and mingers.

jester77

danniemcq wrote: »

Whatever happened the school bus?

exactly, no one was driven to school when I was a kid. Lots of us had to walk 10-20 mins to get the bus, even in the rain. Kids are not brittle, the walk to the bus will do them good and the fresh air will clear their minds in time for class.

sbsquarepants

syklops wrote: »

Whats a tummy mummy?

It's the bit between the tits and vag son, now do your homework:D

danniemcq

jester77 wrote: »

exactly, no one was driven to school when I was a kid. Lots of us had to walk 10-20 mins to get the bus, even in the rain. Kids are not brittle, the walk to the bus will do them good and the fresh air will clear their minds in time for class.

heh i had a 25 minute bus journey. Plenty of time to get my math homework and sometimes my English homework too.

syklops

danniemcq wrote: »

Whatever happened the school bus?

Well if your little darling lives more than about 300 metres from the school bus stop, evil bearded paedos might snatch said little darling, so you might as well drive them to the bus stop, and since your in the car anyway, instead of waiting for the bus to come, you might as well drop them to school.

wexie

byronbay2 wrote: »

Without wanting to offend you, it's a well known fact that all Wexford women are skanks and mingers.

No offence taken, we're imports

chopper6

jester77 wrote: »

exactly, no one was driven to school when I was a kid. Lots of us had to walk 10-20 mins to get the bus, even in the rain. Kids are not brittle, the walk to the bus will do them good and the fresh air will clear their minds in time for class.

+1.

Kids are treated like fine bone china these days,getting brought everywhere in SUVs.

When i was a kid the *only* kid who got picked up and dropped off by car was a porker known as "Fatty Moron".

CrazyRabbit

Don't be so lazy. Quit your job and homeschool the kids!

:P

danniemcq

syklops wrote: »

Well if your little darling lives more than about 300 metres from the school bus stop, evil bearded paedos might snatch said little darling, so you might as well drive them to the bus stop, and since your in the car anyway, instead of waiting for the bus to come, you might as well drop them to school.

True its not like most abductions come from close friends/family members....

76% compared to 24% strangers

anncoates

Just leave for work 20 minutes earlier during school term.

Blood pressure lower.

World does not end.

FIN.

Lando Griffin

20 minutes is pushing it, wouldn't probably get the Sky Sports Surf report.

jimgoose

syklops wrote: »

Whats a tummy mummy?

At a guess, I'd say it's a Mum who's expecting another one.

NegativeCreep

Have an exam on Friday. My blood pressure will be through the roof going in with all the traffic! Let your kids take the bus people!

anncoates

Kids are hardly going to be walking or getting the bus to school unaccompanied until at least 4th or 5th class. I assume it's far more common these days to have both parents working and if so, they probably might have to drive on to work after dropping kids off.

If kids have a parent that isn't working, fair enough it's slothful not to walk to school if it's within walking distance.

dxhound2005

chopper6 wrote: »

+1.

Kids are treated like fine bone china these days,getting brought everywhere in SUVs.

When i was a kid the *only* kid who got picked up and dropped off by car was a porker known as "Fatty Moron".

I had to cycle 5 miles to school every day. When my father went to the parish priest to see if school transport could be provided for the locality part of his answer was "My good man, do you not know that Pope John (XXIII) walked 10 miles to school every day". I have no idea if he did but Wikipaedia says he was one of 14 children of sharecropper parents so it is very likely.

To complete the picture of austerity (nobody knew it was austerity then) I had no shoes just wellington boots.

syklops

anncoates wrote: »

Kids are hardly going to be walking or getting the bus to school unaccompanied until at least 4th or 5th class. I assume it's far more common these days to have both parents working and if so, they probably might have to drive on to work after dropping kids off.

If kids have a parent that isn't working, fair enough it's slothful not to walk to school if it's within walking distance.

Now we need to kick off a debate on whats "walking distance"

anncoates

dxhound2005 wrote: »

I had to cycle 5 miles to school every day.

I myself had to make a 100 mile round trip to school on a bicycle with a rucksack of turf as well as carrying my corpulent older brother on the crossbar, which exacerbated my rickets and scurvy.

In addition, my parents were too poor to afford fancy cycling shoes so they painted my feet orange and yellow and glued Velcro on my toes.

Larbre34

NegativeCreep wrote: »

Have an exam on Friday. My blood pressure will be through the roof going in with all the traffic! Let your kids take the bus people!

Here's a tip - travel earlier.

anncoates

syklops wrote: »

Now we need to kick off a debate on whats "walking distance"

Serious answer: under 1 or 2 miles.

AH answer: until the fat little fuckers start crying,

jimgoose

anncoates wrote: »

I myself had to make a 100 mile round trip to school on a bicycle with a rucksack of turf as well as carrying my corpulent older brother on the crossbar, which exacerbated my rickets and scurvy.

In addition, my parents were too poor to afford fancy cycling shoes so they painted my feet orange and yellow and glued Velcro on my toes.

Luxury. My dad would tie one end of a rope to me and lasso the drawbar of a passing tractor with t'other. So I was dragged ta school every morning like something out of Blazing Saddles. This had no socio-economic basis, we were relatively wealthy. My dad was just a funny guy!

zl1whqvjs75cdy

My walk to and from school was up hill. Both ways.

dxhound2005

anncoates wrote: »

I myself had to make a 100 mile round trip to school on a bicycle with a rucksack of turf as well as carrying my corpulent older brother on the crossbar, which exacerbated my rickets and scurvy.

In addition, my parents were too poor to afford fancy cycling shoes so they painted my feet orange and yellow and glued Velcro on my toes.

Who was the Pope at the time?

Surveyor11

I used to roller skate to school. Was I unusual?

Napper Hawkins

You could just not have kids, then all this ****e wouldn't matter anyway!

dxhound2005

jimgoose wrote: »

Luxury. My dad would tie one end of a rope to me and lasso the drawbar of a passing tractor with t'other. So I was dragged ta school every morning like something out of Blazing Saddles. This had no socio-economic basis, we were relatively wealthy. My dad was just a funny guy!

Never did you any harm, you turned out OK.

jimgoose

dxhound2005 wrote: »

Never did you any harm, you turned out OK.

Mmm aye, oh aye - by 'eck it were grand.

_Kaiser_

I had to walk a good 40 minutes each way in all conditions when I was young (about 8/9 upwards), crossed several major roads AND I looked after my younger sister too as my mother worked nights/shifts

The world didn't end, neither of us were kidnapped, we never starved etc. About the only thing it did do was give us a sense of independence, self-reliance and cop-on.

Oh how I miss the 80s...

Elbaston

Just be sure to use your credit card combined with coupons for even small transactions when shopping.

Autonomous Cowherd

anncoates wrote: »

I myself had to make a 100 mile round trip to school on a bicycle with a rucksack of turf as well as carrying my corpulent older brother on the crossbar, which exacerbated my rickets and scurvy.

In addition, my parents were too poor to afford fancy cycling shoes so they painted my feet orange and yellow and glued Velcro on my toes.

Bwahahahahahaahhh! made me laugh like a drain.....

Ava_e

Please be patient with them.

When they suddenly pull in without indicating, then hop out and open their door while pulling the brats from the people carrier into oncoming traffic. Please remember this. They are the only people in the world who have had kids, so they deserve special treatment

chopper6

Kaiser2000 wrote: »

I had to walk a good 40 minutes each way in all conditions when I was young (about 8/9 upwards), crossed several major roads AND I looked after my younger sister too as my mother worked nights/shifts

The world didn't end, neither of us were kidnapped, we never starved etc. About the only thing it did do was give us a sense of independence, self-reliance and cop-on.

Oh how I miss the 80s...

Yep we used to do the same...there would be gangs of kids all heading to and from school on foot for a half hour walk each way without any problems whatsoever.

Older kids would look after thier younger siblings who were in the junior school attached to the primary and we had to cross a constantly busy main road although they eventually installed a lolipop woman.

When once back in 1982 or so there was a scare about a so-called bearded weirdo hanging round the area the Principal of the school announced that for safety reasons children weere always to walk home in groups larger than three...of course despite the delicious thrill of danger,none of these scares ever came to anything and none of us were abducted by peadophiles.

Wacker The Attacker

I like to cummy in her mummy tummy via the bummy

GalwayGuy2

I've yet to see any MILFS when collecting my kids from school, most disappointing

Seen plenty of PJ's though

Ahh I remember when I was a young fella of 12. We had to pick up someone from a sleep over and the young mother of the house came out wearing a bathrobe that came down to jsut past her hips. Ahh, first sight of long legs.

She bent over, a lot, and my young eyes were opened to the joys of the opposite sex.

gctest50

syklops

Surveyor11 wrote: »

I used to roller skate to school. Was I unusual?

Most boardsies didn't have shoes never mind ones with wheels.