Meaningless words on menus

blue note

Does anyone else see words on menus and assume them to be utterly meaningless?

I walked by a pub with a menu outside it today advertising "fresh craft ale battered cod". From that safely we can assume that it's battered fish. It's probably cod, although possibly haddock or pollack or something. There is probably a smidgen of some sort of ale in the mixture, but a negligible amount. And it's almost certainly a piece of fish that has at some time been frozen.

Chips usually have these phrases as well; hand-cut, homemade, twice cooked, etc all mean frozen chips 9 times out of 10.

I'm not saying that these things are never true, but I find them untrue often enough for me to ignore them on a menu.

Bajingo

The worst phrase to see on a menu or sign for food, 'Lovingly Prepared' or some similar nonsense!

darced

This post has been deleted.

Lawrence1895

'Spicey' or 'hot'...without using Sambal Oelek or Wasabi :pac:

kneemos

Was it fresh craft ale or fresh cod,they seem to be getting more and more cryptic with their wording these days.

KeithM89

Not a menu, but if you ever buy a packet of Keoghs crisps, on the back of the bag it gives the name of the person who made that batch. Who gives a flying f*ck??
Edit: Like This

Karl Stein

Hand cut sandwiches.

castletownman

CONTAINS NO TRACES OF HORSE MEAT

kneemos

Keith wrote: »

Not a menu, but if you ever buy a packet of Keoghs crisps, on the back of the bag it gives the name of the person who made that batch. Who gives a flying f*ck??
Edit: Like This

Marketing is all about personalisation apparently like the new Coke cans with names on them,I've vowed never to buy one.

KeithM89

kneemos wrote: »

Marketing is all about personalisation apparently like the new Coke cans with names on them,I've vowed never to buy one.

They dont even make a label with my name on it

biko

Aye, know what you mean OP but it's intended to sound artisan and extra special.
Incidentally I like when they add what type of fish/meat/cheese was used. It means I don't have to ask.
This is one of my fav items on a menu, copied from their webpage.
Kai Style Reuben: Pastrami, melted Maryland cheddar, pickled cabbage + purple ‘slaw w/ mustard mayo on flat bread

B.A._Baracus

George Carlin says it quite good:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X08upzdwejg

padd b1975

It's done to make pretentious foodie muppets feel good about themselves.

Sky King

There's a place in my town offering 'home made Italian pizza'.

Amazing it doesn't get cold on the way over to Ireland.

Keith

Keith wrote: »

They dont even make a label with my name on it

What's your name?

KeithM89

Deleted User wrote: »

What's your name?

Pepsi.

Sky King

Keith wrote: »

Pepsi.

Partial credit.

padd b1975

Chef's special sauce.:o

eug87

kneemos wrote: »

Marketing is all about personalisation apparently like the new Coke cans with names on them,I've vowed never to buy one.

People posting pictures of a coke can on facebook "I finally found my name".
its a can of coke ffs.

Talib Fiasco

I always giggled a little at "soup of the day". I nearly expect to see a newspaper just like in The Simpsons with a big picture of the soup on the front page.

pharmaton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCiW5NqQCWE

dnos?

razorblunt

Soup of the day, catch of the day, potatoes of the night.

Rustic chips can jog on too.

Surveyor11

'Service not included', of course it is, do I have to pay extra for someone to carry the plate from the kitchen to the table?

Gbear

Cathal Cloch wrote: »

Hand cut sandwiches.

I prefer laser-cut sandwiches myself.

Cool_CM

Menus for coffee and wine etc, I'd imagine the people who write up the descriptions have great fun though!

Examples here:

http://www.coffeebytheroast.com/page2.htm

crockholm

Potatoe.

Antar Bolaeisk

Bajingo wrote: »

The worst phrase to see on a menu or sign for food, 'Lovingly Prepared' or some similar nonsense!

Applies to everything in this cookbook.

Marcusm

biko wrote: »

Aye, know what you mean OP but it's intended to sound artisan and extra special.
Incidentally I like when they add what type of fish/meat/cheese was used. It means I don't have to ask.
This is one of my fav items on a menu, copied from their webpage.
Kai Style Reuben: Pastrami, melted Maryland cheddar, pickled cabbage + purple ‘slaw w/ mustard mayo on flat bread

That of course gives less information about the meat than might be expected from traditional (could have been cow, sheep or pig) or modern (often turkey) sources.

Sir Humphrey Appleby

blue note wrote: »

Does anyone else see words on menus and assume them to be utterly meaningless?

I walked by a pub with a menu outside it today advertising "fresh craft ale battered cod". From that safely we can assume that it's battered fish. It's probably cod, although possibly haddock or pollack or something. There is probably a smidgen of some sort of ale in the mixture, but a negligible amount. And it's almost certainly a piece of fish that has at some time been frozen.

Chips usually have these phrases as well; hand-cut, homemade, twice cooked, etc all mean frozen chips 9 times out of 10.

I'm not saying that these things are never true, but I find them untrue often enough for me to ignore them on a menu.

You're definitley eating in the wrong places. :P

Sir Humphrey Appleby

Keith wrote: »

They dont even make a label with my name on it

They do now that you have become one us:D

kneemos

Keith wrote: »

They dont even make a label with my name on it

They do a "ME" for narcissistic types.

Frank Black

Using 'alla' instead of 'with' or 'and'.

Like 'Curry alla rice'.

Also, why call it the 'soup de jour'.

This isn't the Champs Elysses.

The Backwards Man

Pan Seared Ostrich Tenderloin.


Just plain steak, no ostrich anywhere.:(

Pighead

'Lightly drizzled with.....' is another one.

April O Neill

eug87 wrote: »

People posting pictures of a coke can on facebook "I finally found my name".
its a can of coke ffs.

People are idiots.

Gran Hermano

Jus.

April O Neill

Gbear wrote: »

I prefer laser-cut sandwiches myself.

So much neater.

Gran Hermano

Cool_CM wrote: »

Menus for coffee and wine etc, I'd imagine the people who write up the descriptions have great fun though!

Examples here:

http://www.coffeebytheroast.com/page2.htm

Checks link, fails to notice problem

LenaClaire

It makes me crazy when restaurants have " with au jus", it just makes me twitch.

Sir Osis of Liver.

Im always disappointed with Butterfly Steak.

If im paying 30 quid i want what I asked for.

mattjack

That Thousand Island dressing , from a thousand islands ?

Or Virgin Olive Oil ? Made from virgins ?

spurious

'Fresh' - especially when it bloody isn't.

You serve fresh food - my God, what a novel concept! You'll make a fortune!

Frank Lee Midere

mattjack wrote: »

That Thousand Island dressing , from a thousand islands ?

Or Virgin Olive Oil ? Made from virgins ?

Nothing added. That's fine. Also fine is "soup of the day" - that just means it changes. Hardly pretentious.

ViveLaVie

Keith wrote: »

They dont even make a label with my name on it

You can order one

KeithM89

ViveLaVie wrote: »

You can order one

Ah the effort of that though.
If i was gonna order one, i certainly wouldnt get my name printed on it :P

Zaph

mattjack wrote: »

That Thousand Island dressing , from a thousand islands ?

Allegedly invented in, or named after, the Thousand Islands area on the US/Canada border.

jimgoose

Pretentious French ballacks on menus I can handle, just. What does annoy me is unnecessary/inappropriate verbiage in an effort to sound "suave" or "sophisticated". Exampla gratia:

Waiter: A little frappucino for yourself at all, sir?

JG: No. But I'd like a jug of iced water for myself, if yourself can manage it. At all, at all.

Chareth Cutestory

What I find just as annoying as the meaningless words on menus are the stupid smears and blobs that have been appearing on some plates.

If I order a big slice of cake with chocolate sauce, I don't want it coming out looking like someone pooped on a paintbrush and dragged it across my plate. Who ever thought this was a good idea?? At all at all.

The_Valeyard

Billy Connolly had a great one about a restaurant in Ireland

'Potatoes of the night'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-7nbcWOaws

prettygurrly

"mama's...."

everyone know's it's the chef in the kitchen who made the spaghetti bolognese (or whatever)

Ted_YNWA

The_Valeyard wrote: »

'Potatoes of the night'

With seasonal vegetables