Feeling ugly

diddlysquat

Hi all. I have never posted here before. I am 22 year old student (female) and just wanted to get your thoughts.

How would you consider yourself in terms of looks, an honest opinion.

I would not consider myself attractive and I know that I would not be considered anything special in the looks department. I guess it has become somewhat of a fixation of mine from my teens and I find that it inhibits me in a lot of ways. Perhaps in ways I didn't even realise until I stopped to think about it.

Then I see other people who are not particularly attractive and yet they are living life to the full, out every night of the week, confidence to go get what they want, jobs etc.

I guess I just need a kick to make me realise that just because I am not very attractive that it doesn't mean that I can't still do all the things I want.

Anybody else ever have similar issues in the past or present? And how did you cope with it?

endacl

Hi. Bloke here. I've gone out with some lovely looking ladies. Some 'not so'. Whatever that means...

All have been confident, interesting, and fun to be with. I don't regret a single one. I'd still be happy to meet any of them and chat.

If you rate yourself low, maybe that comes across?

diddlysquat

endacl wrote: »

Hi. Bloke here. I've gone out with some lovely looking ladies. Some 'not so'. Whatever that means...

All have been confident, interesting, and fun to be with. I don't regret a single one. I'd still be happy to meet any of them and chat.

If you rate yourself low, maybe that comes across?

Yeah it definitely would come across I am sure. I often find myself out with someone and then seeing beautiful girls and thinking what is the point, guys would prefer them over me. Not the most positive way to think I know.

It tends to creep into my thinking all the time and I find it quite hard to ignore.

pharmaton

There's few women who don't suffer from self esteem re looks at some point in their lives, even the most beautiful are conscious of some parts of their body or other and it seems to be particularly prevalent the younger the women as there is so much pressure to be "beautiful" out there. There's definitely more self assured older women (by old I mean 30+ ) and a lot of it just comes in time, with learning to be comfortable with who you are, finding and meeting others who find those things which are beautiful in you and realizing that looks really are secondary to whats going on inside. To me anyway, beautiful is something that shines from the inside out, it might be confidence or kindness, humor or just the way something works for a particular person and other qualities don't appear as attractive without those key ingredients.

(I had a lot of very attractive sisters and while I wasn't exactly hit with the ugly stick, I somehow ended up less concerned with external beauty because I felt it just wasn't as neccessary for me, I had my own rung on the ladder and I still do ok. )

SarahBeep!

If I find a photo I like of myself, more than once I've caught myself going over it with a fine toothed comb looking for faults!

I think women are so hard on themselves an awful lot of the time!

pharmaton

This is a subject that stirs up so many emotions, I can’t even begin to tell you! I’m welling up already tbh.

I have always had serious image issues, I could only ever find fault with myself and felt nothing but fat and ugly for years. When I was in primary school I got bullied for being fat and it’s something that always stuck with me. I wasn’t fat, I wasn’t skinny – I was a fairly average sized kid but at the time I thought I was the size of a house. By the time I got to secondary school I had no self esteem. Jesus when I think about the size of me as a teenager! I was so slim, but all those taunts never left my head. I tried to kill myself when I was 13.

When I see pictures of myself in my early twenties I cringe at the fact that I thought I was huge. I wasn’t, by any stretch of the imagination. I always had hips and boobs and a tiny waste – no fat whatsoever – the genuine meaning of the word curvy, but I didn’t want to be curvy. In my mid twenties, the aftermath of an earlier tragedy hit and I was flung into the depths of depression and I piled on the weight. I hated myself, I wouldn’t get undressed with the lights on, I wouldn’t look at myself in the mirror.

Despite all of that, I was a good person, I would do anything for anybody, I made people laugh, I tried to always see positive in everything (except my looks – there were no positives there as far as I was concerned),. Something my Dad taught me an early age stayed with me and still does is if you can’t be confident, pretend you are. Put on an act. Soon enough you won’t even be able to tell the difference between being confident and pretending to be.

What I’ve learned in the last few years though is this:

pharmaton wrote: »

beautiful is something that shines from the inside out, it might be confidence or kindness, humor or just the way something works for a particular person and other qualities don't appear as attractive without those key ingredients.

I still find a whole lot of faults with my looks, and I hate most photos of myself, but you know what? I’m fcuking awesome. I’m nice, I’m fun, I’m kind, friendly and positive. I treat people with respect and I have empathy towards all those around me. You can be the best looking woman on the planet but if your personality isn’t up to scratch then it’s worth nothing in the long run.

The bottom line is confidence and beauty comes from within, a very good friend of mine (who I met through wonderful boards!) has drilled that into me. The only person who can really change that is you, I know how hard it is so I won’t be flippant about it, but think about all your positives and focus on them.

Jesus, sorry for all that waffle, to be honest, I could go on all day but I won’t for everyone’s sake.

Princess Peach

I know how you feel OP!

I was overweight growing up, and I have a fairly average/plain face. I wouldn't say ugly but definitely not beautiful I was also really shy. When I was in my early 20s I lost a lot of weight pretty fast and changed my hair and all of a sudden everyone was telling me how great I looked and my confidence soared! I had also been travelling which got rid of a lot of my shyness. I could wear loads of nice clothes I never did before and went out a lot, and because I was so confident I made lots of new friends.

But then in the last 2 years I gained back all the weight I had lost and a bit more, and it's hard for me to lose weight now because of some medical issues. I also moved a few times. Now my confidence is very low. I lost touch with people while I was out of the country and now that I'm back I get anxious about seeing old friends, because of what they might think and say about how I look now. I also get anxious at the prospect of going out for any event really because I don't look as nice in clothes anymore. Mostly I'm just content to stay at home, and this has stopped me making new friends now I've moved also.

I feel a bit silly writing this, especially after reading Whoopsiedaisydoodle's post The logical part of me knows that I didn't make friends before because I looked better, it was because I was more outgoing. And while I feel like a different person now, I know I could work hard to be fun and easy going again. But the silly part of me is still scared.

Maybe try to think of a specific thing that might boost your confidence? I took up burlesque dancing this year, which is a lot of fun. I jump bank and forth with the idea of doing a show. Some days I say no, I need to sort my weight out first, but also I've seen larger girls in shows and they are still fantastic! We'll see!

Try and focus on your good points. If you think of the people in your life that you like and admire, is it because of their looks or their personality?

iwantmydinner

Hi OP,

Whoops is so right; this is a very emotive issue.

I've had my own body-confidence/body-image problems over the years, but now in my late 20s, I've learned to see myself naked and while I'll never be 100% happy, I make a conscious effort to focus on what I do like. I've a wobbly belly - but there's a nice definition to my waist, my skin is clear and smooth, and I've a cute little birthmark under my ribcage. The skin on my legs is that awful, blue shade of pale - but my legs are long and look great in heels. My upper arms are untoned and have those angry little red marks on the backs of them - but I have cute freckles on my arms and I've got nice, square shoulders. Everyone is fabulous in loads of different ways.

I discard photos I don't like without fixating on them, and the photos I like I hang on to. They tend to be ones where I'm with friends, happy and smiling - not necessarily where I'm dolled up to the nines.

My issues (though they are greatly reduced), I think, stem from the fact that I have three stunning sisters, all who seem to never put weight on (I fluctuate like mad) and have a great natural sense of style (it took me aaaages to figure out what suits me - and I'm still learning). Ditto for my best friends.

I've also learned to be very happy with the person that I am - fun, chilled out, kind, happy, empathetic, smart, ambitious, with a decent sense of perspective and priorities.

OP, I think from the sound of your post, you're making a huge leap forward in your own mindset. It sounds like you're realising that it is an awful waste of energy to worry so much about your own looks. That's basically what happened me - I just sort of realised the futility of being unhappy about my body, and gradually got to where I am today. It does take a conscious effort to stay positive and focussed on the good bits. Because believe me - there are plenty of good bits about you, you don't even realise it!

Gongoozler

I know everyone says no one is happy with their body, but ive always seen myself worse than I imagined anyone else saw themselves. I havent been so bad in recent years, but I had extreme thoughts about my looks even just a couple if years back. Ive beeb getting better because so many seem to think im good looking, and its kinda sunk in, but then one incident can year it all away in a second.

I feel my old feelings coming back lately though. And i saw a bad picture of me i look large, completely unsymetrical, googly-eyed and eugh. And now im back to questioning how ANYBODY could ever think im even remotely ok to look at. But I have a great boyfriend and I have to trust he likes how I look. Though often I just do doubt it.

Amirani

I don't really know anyone I'd consider "ugly". I know a good few girls (and guys I guess) that I wouldn't consider particularly attractive but if they have a good personality and are a nice person then I just couldn't describe them as ugly.

I have a lot of sympathy for you OP, lacking confidence and self-assurance is a terrible thing and a hard one to resolve. Hopefully this will change over time like a number of other posters have described as happening. Til then you should really try to focus on things that are good about yourself, know that others are in similar situations, and that most people probably aren't as critical about you as yourself. I can guarantee you that there's plenty of people about who'd consider you attractive.

NiallSparky

NiallSparky wrote: »

I don't really know anyone I'd consider "ugly". I know a good few girls (and guys I guess) that I wouldn't consider particularly attractive but if they have a good personality and are a nice person then I just couldn't describe them as ugly.

Totally agree, ugly is a very very strong word and it's one that IMO is 100% linked to personality. I really don't believe you can be ugly on your looks alone.

I can guarantee you that there's plenty of people about who'd consider you attractive.

+1000

It took me a long time to realise that men (and women obviously) find many different physical features attractive. Some men like blondes, some like brunettes, some redheads. Some like pale skin and some like dark. Some like big hips, some like women who are petite. Some will notice eyes first, some will notice smile.

Everyone is different, I will instantly notice if a guy with red hair enters a room for example, others would not find them notice them at all. There is no doubt that there are people who find you attractive, but I completely understand that's all irrelevant if you don't feel it yourself.

Another thing I've learned is that if someone is attracted to you, they don't notice the imperfections you see in yourself. They don't notice that scar you're so conscious of, or if your nose is slightly crooked, or if are much smaller than them. In fact, the opposite is likely true - they're probably the things they like most about you. I have a gap in my teeth, I hated it until very recently but as soon as I mentioned that I was considering getting braces to close it up I was shocked to be told by a huge amount of people that it's actually my most attractive feature :pac: so now I am embracing (instead of bracing :P) my gap in my teeth

Honey-ec

I'm going to be one of the few against the grain posters here, in that I've always been happy with my looks. Never had any confidence issues whatsoever. It is absolutely taboo for a woman to say this, and I'm sure I'll be the subject of many a rolled eye for it, but here it is: I love my looks.

Now, the reality: it doesn't matter what I think. No more than it really matters whether you think you're Quasi Modo's uglier female cousin. Plenty of people aren't going to find me attractive, and waaaaay more people than you would ever believe will find you attractive. And, furthermore, even if both of us looked like Angelina Jolie, it wouldn't matter a jot if we were both arseholes. The bottom line is, looks aren't everything.

My husband left me for a "hound", to quote one of my male friends. Clearly, her looks didn't come into the equation, no more than mine did when he was making his decision. Because, at the heart of it, they form only a very small part of attraction.

That "hound" has been happily in a relationship with my husband for 18 months. I've been single since we split up. Looks are not the be-all and end-all, believe me.

If you are a kind, genuine, witty, empathetic person, then you already have a hundred times more going for you than the gorgeous-but-vacuous types. You actually sound a lot like my sister. She had serious self-esteem issues in her teens. She's 33 now and I think she's a big ridey ride, but deep down, she still think she's the ugly duckling. I have spent years scratching my head wondering how she can't see what we do when she looks in the mirror, but she clearly doesn't. She's the funniest, most caring person I know, she'd give you her last penny, but in her head, she's somehow "less" of a person because she doesn't fit some notion of beauty (again, in her own head) and that just breaks my heart because it most definitely does affect her interactions with men.

I wish there was some kind of magic wand I could wave over her (and you) and maker her realise that her worth as a person is not bound up with how plain she thinks she is.

Honey-ec

Honey-ec wrote: »

I'm sure I'll be the subject of many a rolled eye for it, but here it is: I love my looks.

Well you shouldn't be - I think that's bloody brilliant. If I could change just one single thing about myself, it wouldn't be "make myself thin" or "give me nicer cheekbones", because let's face it, I'd find something else to change, instead it would be very simply - make me happy with how I look.

Das Kitty

I used to feel very negatively about my looks when I was a teenager. Logically I know I did, I remember how I used to view myself and the negative things I'd tell myself.

It's not how I feel anymore, and I don't really know when or how it changed. But I know now implicitly that *I* am not my body. My body is my tool for life.

The weird thing is though, I know I used to feel the other way, but I can't imagine what that's like anymore. It's like that emotions that went with that just evaporated.

I did, though, as I got older get very very hard on my inner self. I held my own behaviour to an impossible standard, I convinced myself that personality-wise I was one of life's grade A dicks. And to be honest, I think this sort of thinking and negativity about our own looks are very much linked. Sometimes our bodies are the easier target for our self-abuse.

Man, being human is hard as fcuk a lot of the time.

baby and crumble

Honey-ec wrote: »

She's the funniest, most caring person I know, she'd give you her last penny, but in her head, she's somehow "less" of a person because she doesn't fit some notion of beauty (again, in her own head) and that just breaks my heart because it most definitely does affect her interactions with men.

This is really interesting. I am not, by most people's opinions, a 'beautiful woman'. I don't have long hair, I don't wear make-up, I don't wear dresses, I don't fit into the usual notion of female beauty. And for so many years that really messed me up in the head. I was so worried about what other people thought of me that I stopped myself from dressing and looking the way I wanted to in my head (which is pretty masculine, but not totally), but I couldn't bring myself to dress 'girly' so I got stuck in this horrible, baggy, shapeless limbo of jeans and tee shirts that didn't even fit me properly. :mad:

However, I like quite a lot about myself now. I like my face. And my smile is nice, and I really like my eyes- they're exactly like my late mothers, so it feels great to have a piece of her with me every day. I would like to be thinner, but I'm never going to be 'thin', because no matter what I do I can't shrink my bones, and my shoulders and arms are a hell of a size! Yes, wouldn't it be lovely to have a totally flat stomach, and wouldn't it be great to have a lovely little bum that looks great in jeans, but I'm not built to have any of those things. I am, as they say, built for comfort not for speed. I need to loose weight for health reasons, and I'm working on that, but I'm always going to be big.

But my size allows me to give great hugs. And to give my gf somewhere to cuddle into on the couch. And to be able to walk down the street without worrying someone is going to physically have a go at me, mostly because I'm as big as a lot of guys, and look like I can fight back. Which in turn allows me to have the confidence to wear bowties and cardigans and hair that looks like Johnny Cash. I changed my opinion of what beautiful means to me, and although I struggle with it sometimes, it's been a very liberating experience. I don't want to be 'beautiful' in the traditional sense. I'm happy to be thought of as a 'handsome' woman. That was a compliment for a woman 100 years ago- why is it bad now? Why does beauty have to mean inherently feminine?

Lisha

What gets me is I thought I was fat as a teenager and ugly to boot.
I developed a personality to hide behind.
I told people I was fat so often they believed me .

I look back on photos now and a see a bright vivacious girl who was always laughing.

Now I really am overweight. I'd kill to be the weight I was then.

Op think of the people you know, does their looks affect how you treat them ?
I bet it does not in the slightest

Most very attractive people just know to make the best of themselves .
The rest is usually a joy in life.

No one sees you as negatively as you see yourself.

Be kind to yourself op. you deserve it

Faith

Honey-ec wrote: »

but in her head, she's somehow "less" of a person because she doesn't fit some notion of beauty (again, in her own head) and that just breaks my heart because it most definitely does affect her interactions with men.

Gosh, that touched a nerve. I've just realised that I feel like that from time to time too - that I'm less of a person because I don't feel attractive. If I get hit by a bout of feeling ugly, I withdraw completely and sometimes even struggle to make eye contact with people I consider more attractive than me, particularly in the presence of men.

Studies upon studies in social psychology have found that people tend to be closest to those who're of a similar level of attractiveness. I think all my friends are GORGEOUS. Despite those two things, I can't accept that others might see me as being as attractive as I see my friends being. I don't even believe that my boyfriend finds me attractive at times, despite him telling me repeatedly that he does.

I mean, that being said, there are times that I'm perfectly content with myself (excluding my belly ), but isn't it mad how feeling unattractive can really mess you up? It completely distorts your perception of reality.

beks101

This subject hits a nerve. I think Ive spent a large portion of my life feeling this way.

And I've used it as an excuse for things going wrong in my life.
"Oh he broke up with me because I'm not pretty enough"
"Oh he won't notice me because I'm not the prettiest in the room, no point in approaching"
"Oh it's so easy for her, she can just swoop in & get what she wants because she's good looking"

Equally, it's served as a reason to procrastinate and NOT do things I know would enrich my life.
"I'll wait til I've lost some weight before I sign up to that class"
"I feel too fat to go out, I'll wait til I'm slimmer"
"I'll apply for that job when I'm feeling better about myself."

The problem, as I see it, is two-fold.

As women we're held to a ridiculously high standard looks-wise.
If magazines, TV shows, movies, billboards, fashion trends etc have told us anything, it's that we can only be women of high value if we are unnaturally slim while still maintaining boobs and a butt and a perfectly flawless complexion and symmetrical face that probably the models who are portraying that don't even have.

We can only be desirable if we fit into a tiny neurotic little box of "beauty" determined by a select few.

And then - if you're unwilling to let go of these ridiculous notions about beauty and judge yourself by your own standards - it's too easy to live half a life & feel hard done by and bitter because you weren't born as Cindy Crawford.

I'm not a supermodel and I wasn't meant to be. I'm five foot one and comes from a long line of short women who struggled with their weight, with thick unmanageable hair and bad teeth. That's the reality.

But MY reality is that I'm pretty, always have been. Just rarely chose to acknowledge that. I have deep green eyes, a cute face, thick healthy hair, great skin, good teeth, nice legs and fabulous boobs

And those women that I mentioned - they were also ridiculously high achievers, deeply intelligent, stubborn, witty and unbelievably funny women. Traits which Ive also inherited.

I've just spent most of my life fixating on the fact that I have a tendency to gain weight and I'm not the exotic looking Amazonian creature that people flock to when they enter a room.

And you know why? Because it's a source of comfort, a source of control to blame the external things seemingly "out of my control" for my life not going the way I want it to, rather than taking ACTUAL control of my life and going after the things that I want.

Because it's much easier to open a magazine and think, "I don't look like that, what's the point" than it is to challenge the narrow-minded way we're encouraged to think, open your eyes to yourself, look in the mirror and be grateful for all the wonderful attributes - physical and otherwise - that's you've been blessed with.

But as a woman, that is your choice. You can feel "ugly" and "average" next to your "beautiful" friends for the rest of your life - or you can embrace what you have and work on being a more open-minded, insightful individual with a greater capacity for independent thought - and as a by-product - happiness.

It's bloody hard. I'm 28 and wake up most mornings feeling inadequate. But Im no longer willing to accept it. I'm a good bloody person with a nice bloody rack, I deserve more for myself!

leahyl

It's so true that we are our own worst critics! I am very hard on myself a lot of the time even though I have been told by others that I am attractive I still spot a million things 'wrong' with me! I know that I make an effort most of the time and can look well but then you head out feeling great and you spot another girl who you believe looks ten times better than you and then the old insecurities start rearing their ugly heads again! I wish I could just accept myself for who I am and what I look like because I know that I am a good person which, when it comes down to it, is the most important thing

Daisies

Like many posters here, I've had, and continue to have, a lot of self image issues. All throughout my teens and early twenties I was unhappy with how I looked and as many people have said, I felt like this made me a terrible person. It came to a point where my Mam was so concerned about me that she rang some of my friends to ask about me. I hated how I looked and felt like no one could ever want to be close to me as a result.

Now I was slightly over weight but last year I lost the weight and realised I felt no better. I've put on over a stone in the past year and again there is no change in how I view myself and think of myself.

As the absolute legend of a woman, Whoops, said beauty and confidence comes from within and if I can't learn even like myself it will result in my outward appearance changing. I can feel my body language changing depending on my confidence levels. When I am confident I stand taller, smile more and as a result probably look more attractive.

I am rambling a bit but OP, you are by no means alone.

Allyall

Lisha wrote: »

What gets me is I thought I was fat as a teenager and ugly to boot.
I developed a personality to hide behind.
I told people I was fat so often they believed me .

I look back on photos now and a see a bright vivacious girl who was always laughing.

Lisha wrote: »

Now I really am overweight. I'd kill to be the weight I was then.

I posted this song earlier today.. Seems apt here. From this article.
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-schmich-sunscreen-column,0,4054576.column

You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth Until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back At photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now, How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance
even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Lia_lia

I've always been fairly alright with the way I look. I had a lot of confidence issues when I was younger, but it was never to do with how I looked.

Except for my height. I was always very tall as a child. Hated towering over everyone! The smaller girls were usually considered "cuter" so got more attention. Was 5'8" by the age of 12. Now I'm just over 5'9" so I never really got *that* tall...and when you're older it's nice to be tall I guess! Always had crooked teeth aswell and my parents could never afford braces, so I never really smiled in photos. But last year I forked out €4,000 for braces myself and got them fixed, now they're graaaand

Anyway, it's not all about looks at all. Someone can be absolutely gorgeous looking, but it's all about your attitude and personality really. And how much value you hold in yourself. If that makes sense?!

Mozzeltoff

I have always being overweight and I was constantly picked on over it by somebody somewhere. I mentioned it in another post over in AH that my school principal even had a go at me over it! I developed some serious self esteem issues over it and I really felt like I wasn't good enough, that I was a mutant and no matter how much I tried to make myself pretty I just ended up looking like a fool.

I hated the way I dressed. I also hated clothes shopping. Anytime I tried on clothes in shops I always ended up in heap in the dressing room, sobbing and cursing myself at how fat I was. I painfully crippled myself with self criticism. The constant taunting at school, at home and just out and about somewhere didn't help me either. I felt like people were staring at me. I felt like some sick fat freak in a world full of beautiful skinny people. Then one day I said frig it...gonna join Weight Watchers. I was 18 stone when I started and according to WW my goal weight was 10 stone. I stayed with them for about a year and a half and lost four stone but ended up having to leave as I had my L.C and just didn't have time or the money to continue.

After my PLC I started working. I still had a lot of self esteem and confidence issues. I would look at myself in the mirror every morning before work and just stare at all the flaws. My fat arse, my wobbly belly, my massive thighs and fat arms. I was set on the idea that I would never get down to 10 stone. I used to cover my face with my fringe aswel and just try hide my face with it and hide my body in big baggy shirts and jeans. One evening a woman I worked with came on a smoking break with me. This woman was considerably older than me and never gave a flying monkeys on what anyone thought. Anyway as I was talking away with her she starts brushing my fringe away from my face and just says "Why the hell are you hiding your eyes? You have beautiful eyes!!" I was a little shocked about it but it was the first proper and genuine compliment I ever received!

Stuff happened afterwards that was more negative then positive. Lost my job. Started seeing a guy. Things go ok for a while and then bam..straight back down in a hole again. Apparently my weight was too much of an issue for the guy and he just didn't want to bother with me. Cue me falling into the whole fat freak mindset again. I was still around 14 stone but to me I felt like I was 44 stone. I just wanted to give up I spent a few months in hiding. I didn't socialise and didn't wander too far away from home. My best friends at the time actually dragged me out for my 21st and that's when I met the man that would be the turning point. He became my "Big brother" and my best friend for awhile.

This guy showed me how much of a wonderful human being I was and still am. For every flaw I pointed out to him he would point out one of my positive attributes. He also re aligned my way of thinking and made me see that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Yes, I am over weight, but I have a pretty face, pretty eyes and a pretty smile. I have nice hair and a good teeth. But past the looks. I have a sense of humour, I am intelligent (sometimes :P ), strong willed, creative, idealistic and opinionated. This guy helped me past some of my issues! Granted I have a lot more going on but still without him I would still be caught up in all that piddling crap of obsessing over weight and feeling low about myself! No one can be perfect..you can't be everyones cup of tea!

I am in my mid twenties now. I am still over weight. I am still not perfect...but who is? All these models you see in the magazines..either heavily edited photos or lots and lots of make up and angling. Women who you think are prettier than you? They probably think you're prettier than them! My sister in law thinks I am one of the prettiest people she's ever met and I honestly think she's gods gift to men! It is easier to be self critical and beat yourself up about how ugly you are but here..beauty isn't all about looks either..having a good heart and kind soul is a lot more beautiful than some vapid yoke stuck up their own arse on how beautiful they think they are! We all have beauty OP, never think that you don't!

zenno

diddlysquat wrote: »

Hi all. I have never posted here before. I am 22 year old student (female) and just wanted to get your thoughts.

How would you consider yourself in terms of looks, an honest opinion.

I would not consider myself attractive and I know that I would not be considered anything special in the looks department. I guess it has become somewhat of a fixation of mine from my teens and I find that it inhibits me in a lot of ways. Perhaps in ways I didn't even realise until I stopped to think about it.

Then I see other people who are not particularly attractive and yet they are living life to the full, out every night of the week, confidence to go get what they want, jobs etc.

I guess I just need a kick to make me realise that just because I am not very attractive that it doesn't mean that I can't still do all the things I want.

Anybody else ever have similar issues in the past or present? And how did you cope with it?

I shouldn't even be in this female thread, but I will say this.... You're problem is in bold above.

You think you are not attractive, but i'd say many a man would find you attractive. You are looking at the tiny faults within yourself, and yes, we/all 'men & women' have them, but the reason why the rest of the folk have no problem with their slight faults is because they know every person out there has them.

Push yourself out of that pessimistic thinking within yourself and look at the real you. Believe me, everyone has faults but some people look too close and too personally. You're grand, be an optimist and be well with yourself and you'll be fine.

Watching a few movies with friends throughout the years and a woman actor comes on that i never seen before and i'd say she's gorgeous but a few of them would say that they don't think so, but i think she was beautiful. Every person is different, and sees beauty differently so you are grand.

baby and crumble

Actually, I agree with the above. Since I am a woman who like other women, I can come at this from both sides. I get how insecure women can be about looks because I am one. But I also know how some of the things that women dislike most about themselves can actually be the most attractive thing to someone else.

I am well aware how weird this is but even though I dislike being overweight, I find women who are curvy and who *some* people would class as overweight to be the sexiest women ever. Give me a burlesque dancer with a big bum and cellulite over a much slimmer 'perfect' pole dancer. I love when a woman has a round belly- it's so soft to rest my head on and have her play with my hair!!! I love when bits wobble... "jello on springs". I love women who wear glasses, who just pile their hair up on top of their head to get it out of their face because, duh, they're reading. And is there anything more attractive than seeing a big, genuine smile that goes right into your eyes? No.

And also: think about it in reverse. Do you nitpick every little thing about guys you see? Do you fancy the exact same men as your friends? No. Everyone has one or two of those "odd" attractions that few people but them can understand. That's the whole point, that attraction and views of beauty are so individual it's crazy.

baby and crumble

baby and crumble wrote: »

I am well aware how weird this is but even though I dislike being overweight, I find women who are curvy and who *some* people would class as overweight to be the sexiest women ever. Give me a burlesque dancer with a big bum and cellulite over a much slimmer 'perfect' pole dancer. I love when a woman has a round belly- it's so soft to rest my head on and have her play with my hair!!! I love when bits wobble... "jello on springs". I love women who wear glasses, who just pile their hair up on top of their head to get it out of their face because, duh, they're reading. And is there anything more attractive than seeing a big, genuine smile that goes right into your eyes? No.

That's one of my favourite ever posts

Warm fuzzies - I has them.

baby and crumble

Deleted User wrote: »

That's one of my favourite ever posts

Warm fuzzies - I has them.

YAY!!!!

syklops

diddlysquat wrote: »

Hi all. I have never posted here before. I am 22 year old student (female) and just wanted to get your thoughts.

How would you consider yourself in terms of looks, an honest opinion.

I would not consider myself attractive and I know that I would not be considered anything special in the looks department. I guess it has become somewhat of a fixation of mine from my teens and I find that it inhibits me in a lot of ways. Perhaps in ways I didn't even realise until I stopped to think about it.

Then I see other people who are not particularly attractive and yet they are living life to the full, out every night of the week, confidence to go get what they want, jobs etc.

I guess I just need a kick to make me realise that just because I am not very attractive that it doesn't mean that I can't still do all the things I want.

Anybody else ever have similar issues in the past or present? And how did you cope with it?

Bloke here. Never considered myself good looking, even though others said I was. Only thing Ive ever been confident is my ability to fix things, but never been confident about anything else and get intimidated easily. The biggest boost I got to my appearance and to my confidence was when I started hitting the gym, and I developed strong arms. They werent exactly bulging biceps or anything, but I could feel muscle there, and my confidence shot up.

My advice: find something about yourself that you really like and maintain it and build upon it. From a mans perspective, its very rare you see a girl who is 100% unattractive. I am sure there is some part of you that others admire. Find that thing and feel good about it and the rest will come into place. I know its easier said than done but try it.

On not feeling special. In todays very shallow, digitally improved world, maybe you are special by not being "special". A special girl to me, is your californian cheer leader, blonde, big boobed, and thoroughly dim. Miss South Carolina(You tube it!) springs to mind. In many ways I prefer the opposite of that.

syklops

Had to go and find this image. OP, you say you see people who are not that good looking but they are living their lives, out every night good job etc. I suspect some of this is caused by you seeing their facebook life, and not their real lives. The Facebook life is demonstrated here:



Most people broadcast their facebook life, and not just through facebook, but in real life to other people all the time, and edit out the crappy things.

Like you ask someone how was their weekend and they say "Fabulous, me and Jenna went to this awesome club, and the band was amazing". They don't tell you they queued in the rain for 3 hours to get into the gig, or that the support act was dire, or the price of drinks were 7 quid a pop.

The only difference between you and them is they are focussing on the positives, and in your life, you are focusing on the negatives.

Ave Sodalis

I know the feeling OP.
I was never overweight but I was that quiet girl who was too shy to talk during primary school and in my teens, I was still quiet but I had a confident friend. Due to this, I never got approached by any guy while she did all the time. I didn't even get looked at, never mind approached. I was convinced it was because I wasn't as good looking as she was, because I wasn't pretty at all. I ended up with little self esteem, rolling my eyes at my mother (the only person who ever said I was pretty). I stopped caring and accepted that I would never get a guy and I had full expectations that I would go through life and never so much as kiss a guy because I was ugly.
Then, my self esteem took a nosedive. Another girl because my "friend" and she slowly became more and more nasty to me. She would like to remind me how I wasn't good looking and would laugh openly about how I had never kissed anyone. She sneered at the fact I went to the Debs alone (even though I didn't want to take anyone). She would constantly try to put me down and although I did my best not to listen to her, it was hard not to listen to it when it was all day, everyday. I had no self esteem, no confidence.
And then, I went to college. I found friends who are lovely people and my confidence grew. I, like many posters here, had found problems in myself where none existed. As it grew, so did my self esteem and I realised that people are ugly when they're nasty on the inside. Some of the best looking people I know are beautiful because they're genuinely nice people, whatever about physically. It's easy to overlook physical "issues" when they're great people. It's not easy to overlook a bad personality, even if they're physically stunning.
Now? Now, I'm much more comfortable in my own skin and although I still have lapses of zero confidence, I generally find my way out of them quickly enough. As for the girl from secondary school, she had her own issues that she wanted to load of onto me to make herself feel better, but her ugliness as a person means she will probably never be happy until she becomes nicer. On the other hand, I'm turning down modelling scouts :P

panda100

Can relate a lot to what people are saying on here so far.

I developed serious self esteem issues in my teens, I guess as a result of being extremely tall with a large mole on my face. I got the mole removed when I was 18, but I guess psychologically it is still sort of there, as I feel very conscious about my face, and don't feel confident without my makeup on. I also feel very conscious about my height, as I have yet to meet a female taller than me.

I'm really trying to get over it though. I agree with what people on here say, that you don't rate and judge what your friends look like. In fact, I think all my friends are gorgeous. I guess it's about trying to look at yourself through their eyes. I guess you get stuck into a certain way of thinking about yourself and its difficult to rewire your brain to think more positively about yourself.

For me, exercising is really helping me feel better about how I look. Ever since I started running and weight training, I feel more in control of my body, and that gives me a lot more confidence in how I look.

iuil1999

Everyone has their own hang ups. I never had an issues with my looks. I'm attractive and have always been told so. Yet here I am suddenly single after a 15 year relationship. Now I have so many issues with my body that I'm beginning to feel unattractive. And that's only because I now single again and the thoughts of dating again and someone seeing my naked with all my wobbly bits is horrifying me! But at the end of day I'm still me and most people like me because I'm kind, funny and a really good friend. That's what men really look for...someone they can see themselves growing old with. Not someone who's beautiful but as dull as dish water or nasty as hell!

Das Kitty

Can I ask others about how their mothers/female family members spoke about their own bodies when you were growing up?

I've read a few things recently about how people talk in front of their kids about their own self-esteem can colour their view of the world as they grow up.

In general, my mother was pretty matter of fact about her body, the only thing I can ever recall her complain about was her stomach. Funnily enough it was pretty much the focus of my negative feelings about my body too.

Lisha

I have 2 sisters both of whom are conventionally beautiful. Blonde thin
Pretty faces the lot.
I however look like my father. Lost count of how many times I was told 'that I'd never get lost'. As I'd always be known.

My mother always told me that my sisters were the lookers, my shortcomings were constantly pointed out to me,

It stays with you forever your mothers attitude can be so fundamental to the rest of your life.

I was never as fat then as she made me feel.
Now I think I actually am the weight I was always made to feel.
It sounds stupid but when the weight of going up I did not see the big deal as in my head I was fat any way.

Yeah I know how fcuked up is that .

So how we treat our kids is important for the rest of their lives .
Nothing is forgotten

Mozzeltoff

My mother was always a petite woman, very slim and short. However after four kids the weight did pile on. She hated it and was always trying to loose it!

When I started Weight Watchers she encouraged me loads and told me that I could do it. She even joined up herself and we did loose piles of weight together! What made it worse was the fact that when I did have to give it up to focus on the L.C I felt like I was letting her down abit. I don't think she ever felt like that but I kinda did beat myself up about it as she quit not so long after me!

All in all I reckon she was both positive and negative. Positive: She encouraged me loads, if I had a bad week she'd give me a boost and tell me not to worry. Negative: She could be critical about herself which in turn made me think that she was somewhat critical of my weight too. She said one or two things to me alright to try egg me on but it sounded a bit meaner than what she intended..

Daisy78

My mother was very encouraging about my appearance and is still to this day particularly when I'm having a down day.

Rationallly I know I'm an attractive woman. I know I'm rare in that I have a good figure, right waist to hip ratio, everything in proportion, nice boobs, bum, etc., etc. Doesn't matter a jot to be honest cause on a bad day I will fixate on the "bad" stuff and forget the good stuff. I have a large crooked nose which is not exactly ideal when you have a small face. I always knew that for some reason I never looked quiet right in photos but couldn't figure out why until a nice charming girl I went to school with asked me" when I was going to get it fixed like your one outta corrie" I went home, straight to the mirror and bam there it was....one of my flaws laid bare and I had to have somone else.point it out for me. Devastated. That and a number of other nasty comments by others are the ones I play back over and over and over again, not the compliments. The funny thing is that objectively I was proabably more attractive than those that made the jibes but once someone knows where to hit you they have planted enough doubt and negativity in your mind that all of the reasoning in the world won't work if your having a bad day. You just have to try and turn off the negative chatter in your mind as much as you can.

As for my mum, the one thing I will say she got completely right was that she never lied to me, when I would complain about my nose and how I wanted surgery she would gently remind me that it wasn't the first thing you noticed about me, it was my eyes as they are kinda distinctive. She never led me to beleive that I possessed certain attributes when I clearly didn't but rather emphasized the nice features I do have.

michellepinto

It's all about your confidence. Nobody and I mean nobody must get to tell you that you're not pretty.

Legs.Eleven

I think all the women of my house had body issues. My mother (passed away years ago) lived on a diet of popcorn, my sister was anorexic for years (still is to some degree) and my other sister wouldn't have the best body confidence in the world and was always putting herself down (still does). I hated how I looked in my teens because of bullying and low confidence but right through my twenties and now in my 30s, I have generally felt happy with how I look. I've never obsessed over my appearance, avoided beauty mags, never dieted, don't weight myself, don't spend much time looking in mirrors etc. I look after myself and I think I make the most out of what I have. I think because the women in my family were so troubled by their own body image that I subconsciously reacted against that....or I was simply lucky enough not to feel that way just because, which I'm very grateful for and only realise it when I read other people's accounts.

However, whenever my confidence has been severly knocked or I'm going through a rough time, I almost always feel fat and unattractive. My self-image is intrinically linked to how content I am with myself and my circumstances. Those irrational thoughts come into my head the odd time and when I look back on how I felt during those times, it makes no sense to me - how I could feel great one day and horrible the next. How fat and ugly I can feel when that's never been the truth. Perhaps even the most confident of people have those days?

Overall though, I feel blessed. My body is covered in imperfections that others would change in my shoes but whatever way my mind is built, I've always managed to see the overall package. When people point out parts of their body they hate, I can't relate. I can't see what they see. No one is perfect.

And really, beauty absolutely comes from the inside. I'd rather be remembered as a good person rather than an attractive person. Conventional beauty can lose its sheen very quickly if the person is a horrible person. Only the truly superficial will give people like that the time of day.

Precious flower

Every women can relate to your post op so don't feel alone!:) I feel exactly the same away, constantly picking over every part of me, I can't take a photo no matter what, I think I look awful in every one, I hate my nose, teeth, my height, my lack of style with hair and clothes, my clumsiness I'm always comparing myself to other women thinking 'No point being interested in him, sure that girl or that girl is way prettier than me, he wouldn't even give me a sidewards glance.' But if you constantly think 'Do they think I'm pretty?' you'd have to travel the earth and ask every living person before you'd be satisfied, I would anyway! It affects my self esteem in a big way, and my confidence in myself is never good to begin with, I'm always thinking 'Why can't I do this right, why am I so awkward, how come they seem to do a job a hundred times better than me?'. I swear the human mind is something else, it's a miracle our heads don't explode.
I don't know if I'm pretty, or not. My mother and aunt are always on about 'Oh you don't have to do barley anything and you look amazing, I've no pity for you!' :pac:' But when you're hearing from family you take it with a big pinch of salt, I'd have to go up and ask several strangers 'Am I attractive?' to believe them, which of course I'd never do!:pac: But again, as another poster already pointed out, their view is subjective in itself, what they consider attractive, so it's a waste of time really. Although we have shared ideas of beauty, what really attractives people to each other are the smaller things, a smile, how kind they are, shared hobbies, they're eyes etc.

Call Me Jimmy

As a guy, I'd be in the extreme minority to say I have felt like this almost my whole life. For me it has been chronic insofar as it has led to a life of isolation.

As we age though an opportunity to acknowledge and accept our own humanity presents itself. For many this can be liberating.

The best mental attitude to combat the 'i'm not as good looking as the competition, why bother' is (as some have already mentioned) remember that there are different tastes, everybody has them.

In saying that, I have applied that in the past, but tonight I'm inside when I had the opportunity to be out at the pub so maybe I'm not the best to give advice...

However, humility - true humility and a lack of expectation (without negativity) - seems to be the way forward.

Ice Storm

Precious flower wrote: »

I can't take a photo no matter what, I think I look awful in every one

This is me exactly! I was trying to find a photo of myself for a profile picture but I hate every single one. I can't understand how people can post hundreds of photos of themselves on facebook etc. and I can't even find one photo that I look decent in.

Most of the time I just accept my appearance and get on with life as there is not much I can do about it. But every now and then something will knock me back. I went to a new dentist a while ago who basically said that my bite should have been corrected by surgery when I was a teenager and was surprised that I wasn't given that option - I have an underbite that was partially corrected by braces when I was in school. I was so upset to hear that this could have / should have been fixed as I hate my jaw and hate the way I look when I smile even though my teeth are straight. Your smile is supposed to light up your face but I feel so ugly when I smile. I don't think the dentist had any idea how upset I was after her comments!

I felt down about it for a while and still do from time to time but I try not to get upset about my appearance as it's out of my control and all I can do is make the best of what I have.

Nymeria

Ice Storm wrote: »

This is me exactly! I was trying to find a photo of myself for a profile picture but I hate every single one. I can't understand how people can post hundreds of photos of themselves on facebook etc. and I can't even find one photo that I look decent in.

Most of the time I just accept my appearance and get on with life as there is not much I can do about it. But every now and then something will knock me back. I went to a new dentist a while ago who basically said that my bite should have been corrected by surgery when I was a teenager and was surprised that I wasn't given that option - I have an underbite that was partially corrected by braces when I was in school. I was so upset to hear that this could have / should have been fixed as I hate my jaw and hate the way I look when I smile even though my teeth are straight. Your smile is supposed to light up your face but I feel so ugly when I smile. I don't think the dentist had any idea how upset I was after her comments!

I felt down about it for a while and still do from time to time but I try not to get upset about my appearance as it's out of my control and all I can do is make the best of what I have.

I feel very similar, although I feel attractive in general, I have issues with my profile, don't like photos and obsess a bit about my jawline as I feel my chin sticks out and it looks a bit odd. I see people with lovely symmetrical faces and chins that don't stick out and I'm super jealous.

I also had braces as a teenager, and like you I have straight teeth and I'm told I have a nice smile, but still I feel that my chin sticks out when I smile.

Its funny what we focus on/ obsess over. To me its a big deal and I think that everyone must notice it because I do, but I remember an ex-boyfriend telling me that my nice eyes and beautiful smile were some of the things he liked about me when he first met me (and I just kept thinking, but didn't you notice that my chin sticks out :rolleyes:).

It is also something I notice on other people, I suppose because I am so aware of it on myself...for example there is an actor who would be considered very hot, who I don't find that attractive, mainly because he has the same kind of chin/jawline as me, and so I see it as a negative. But friends of mine think he is gorgeous, and I mentioned it one time about don't you think he has a weird chin etc. but actually they hadn't really noticed because they were looking at the whole package and not focusing on one little thing.

Ice Storm

Nymeria wrote: »

I feel very similar, although I feel attractive in general, I have issues with my profile, don't like photos and obsess a bit about my jawline as I feel my chin sticks out and it looks a bit odd. I see people with lovely symmetrical faces and chins that don't stick out and I'm super jealous.

I also had braces as a teenager, and like you I have straight teeth and I'm told I have a nice smile, but still I feel that my chin sticks out when I smile.

Its funny what we focus on/ obsess over. To me its a big deal and I think that everyone must notice it because I do, but I remember an ex-boyfriend telling me that my nice eyes and beautiful smile were some of the things he liked about me when he first met me (and I just kept thinking, but didn't you notice that my chin sticks out :rolleyes:).

It is also something I notice on other people, I suppose because I am so aware of it on myself...for example there is an actor who would be considered very hot, who I don't find that attractive, mainly because he has the same kind of chin/jawline as me, and so I see it as a negative. But friends of mine think he is gorgeous, and I mentioned it one time about don't you think he has a weird chin etc. but actually they hadn't really noticed because they were looking at the whole package and not focusing on one little thing.

I feel exactly the same. It's something I notice on other people too. A new guy started in work with a similar chin to me and a lot of the other girls think he's really hot. Although I do think that certain features can be considered attractive on men and not so much for women.

I was reading an article about an actress with an underbite (you can probably guess who!) and in the comments section, there were some very nasty remarks about her chin. It hurt me to read them as I thought that's how people think of me. But it hasn't stopped her being successful and she is considered beautiful.

dearg lady

oh some of these posts brought a tear to my eye! why are we all so hard on ourselves! I've never really had confidence about my looks, I remember realising I would never be beautiful and being so disappointed. but I do think I have grown into myself, I know I'm not beautiful but I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin, it's taken me til 30 to feel this way though!

Deleted User wrote: »

Well you shouldn't be - I think that's bloody brilliant. If I could change just one single thing about myself, it wouldn't be "make myself thin" or "give me nicer cheekbones", because let's face it, I'd find something else to change, instead it would be very simply - make me happy with how I look.

I always used to say if I could get plastic surgery it would be to get my nose straightened but then I realised I wouldn't do that, because then I wouldn't look like me. I'd rather have the wonky nose cos it's all part of the package.

I knew the sunscreen song would come up, love those lyrics! Another song I love to quote is Folding Chair by Regina Spektor, 'I've got a perfect body, cos my eyelashes catch my sweat' Our bodies are perfect in so many ways, performing all the little things they need to do, we should give ourselves a break!

Whatsernamex33

I don't particularly have bad skin, teeth, hair and the lot, I'm pretty lucky in that department.. But I don't think I've felt 100% confidence in myself. I always compare myself to other girls, always wanting to change my hair colour. I feel ugly with foundation on, but I look nicer with a bit of eye makeup and lip gloss.

The times I felt my best and gorgeous were the times I was single and guys were chatting me up left, right and centre. I didn't want any of them, but I always made sure I looked well. Now that I'm in a relationship, it's not that I feel any different, my boyfriend does tell me I'm beautiful often, but sometimes I wonder how does he? I wake up in the morning with groggy eyes, hair in a mess. Sometimes I'll completely forget to take off my eyeliner and have panda bear eyes the next morning :pac: I think everyone has that one thing that they don't like about themselves.

Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it's the person's personality that makes that person beautiful. A smile holds a thousand words.

Anabelle

I'd consider myself not anywhere near good looking, but not ugly. Some days I look in the mirror and think 'not so bad' then other times I would think the complete opposite, that I look awful. I've never had that much confidence, but as another poster said, I tried to fake it a lot in social settings and when going out because I thought it might make up in some part for my looks. I have never been called pretty/good looking/ attractive and that's something I've only realized since reading this thread. I never get approached on a night out, or on the very very rare nights that I did I always thought that the guy was talking to me as a sort of joke with his friends or to take the piss, as I could never understand why he would want to talk to me when there was so many prettier girls around. It didn't really effect me because I was/am very god at laughing things off like that. One night out a few weeks ago I was out with a few of my friends and a guy was talking to us and pointed at each of my friends (not me) and said they were beautiful. I of course smiled and laughed along with them but I was just thinking 'am I really that bad?'.

I do think it is all about confidence though, which I don't have a lot of, and don't know how to get.

Lyra Fangs

This may sound weird but I find it reassuring that there are other people with similarly (bad) opinions of their looks as I do

I've always been critical of how I looked, I believe my faults definitely outweigh my positives and it's not helped by the fact that I have an attractive sister and attractive friends. In recent years I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be 'beautiful', I'm a plain Jane.

I know that even a plain looking person can look amazing with the right clothes and make up but I have zero fashion sense so that's out the window

I have a good sense of humor and am (hopefully) a fun person to be around so I try to rely on that than my looks.

What surprises me most about the posts on this thread is that people who may not be 100% happy with their looks can still pick out a few things that they like about themselves. I can't do that, there's nothing I like...

LegacyUser

Feeling ugly is a very familiar part of my life. I have improved in recent times however there will still be times when i actually get upset over how I look. I always hear others comment to how pretty someone is looking to their face. But I have never had somebody comment on how pretty I look. I have overheard far more negatives about the look then positives. But the reality is what can I do about it?
Recently I fancied an acquaintance of mine and one night I kissed him. Then a few months later I heard that him and his friends were saying how fat I am and that Im not pretty. Honestly I have never been so hurt in my life. This was from someone I know and yet they feel justified to say such nasty things about me. It really affected my already low self confidence. When I heard what was said I remember wishing I was pretty so that he would of liked me. Not what an a*****e. That came later. But instinctively I thought negatively about myself.
I know I will never be beautiful but I wish I could just be a little bit pretty. Its sad really.

Millicent

nupretty wrote: »

Feeling ugly is a very familiar part of my life. I have improved in recent times however there will still be times when i actually get upset over how I look. I always hear others comment to how pretty someone is looking to their face. But I have never had somebody comment on how pretty I look. I have overheard far more negatives about the look then positives. But the reality is what can I do about it?
Recently I fancied an acquaintance of mine and one night I kissed him. Then a few months later I heard that him and his friends were saying how fat I am and that Im not pretty. Honestly I have never been so hurt in my life. This was from someone I know and yet they feel justified to say such nasty things about me. It really affected my already low self confidence. When I heard what was said I remember wishing I was pretty so that he would of liked me. Not what an a*****e. That came later. But instinctively I thought negatively about myself.
I know I will never be beautiful but I wish I could just be a little bit pretty. Its sad really.

Your acquaintance is a dickhead. Seriously. I know it's easier said than done but don't let somebody like that, who's proven they haven't much character, dictate how you feel about yourself.

And you're hardly that bad if he kissed you, too.

syklops

Then a few months later I heard that him and his friends were saying how fat I am and that Im not pretty

Sorry, obviously I don't know the ins and outs of it, but you say you heard that he had been saying these things about you. Who told you or where did you hear this from? Is it possible the person who told you fancies this guy as well and knew you were keen on him also? If you heard him firsthand, then fine, but if this information came second hand I'd be a little more sceptical.

Its also possible he was in a group of lads and one of them was slagging you, as lads do, and he didn't defend you. Or he did defend you but the other person didn't hear that part.

Or its possible the other person said it just to be mean with the added protection of "I was only saying what I heard" and its also possible the other person got what the lads were saying completely arse-ways. Chin up.

Ilyana 2.0

I think I have a very warped view of myself, compared to how others see me.

When I look in the mirror, I see a big manly jaw, bad skin, yellowy teeth, a bloated stomach, and ripples upon ripples of cellulite. Oh and my nose looks like I've had a round with Mike Tyson.

But, without meaning to sound cocky, I do receive compliments from people about my looks. I have something of an hourglass shape, brown eyes and curly hair, and these seem to be what people notice about me. My boyfriend said he was attracted to me because he found me 'striking' - I laughed in his face when he said that I've had other girls (who I thought were gorgeous) tell me that they're jealous of my curves.

I can see what they see, but the critical voice in my head kind of takes over and reminds me of my flaws. Sometimes my self-esteem affects my relationship because I'm so self-conscious. But my boyfriend says he wants me because I'm 'me'; the whole package. And at the end of it all, looks are nothing if you're a wagon on the inside :pac: