Executing a will -Just say no !

Teagwee

I'm afraid I don't have enough legal knowledge to offer you any concrete suggestions with this issue - it certainly seems unfair. The worst is the effect it's having on your poor mum. I wish I could say I haven't seen THAT happening before
There's a forum here called Legal Discussions - maybe you could ask a question there or get your post transferred by a mod? In any event, try and say calm and look out for your mum. Make her wellbeing and care the priority here.

annieoburns

I think you are entitled to see and have a copy of the section of the will that concerns yourself. In this day and age it should be no problem to scan a will and send an electronic copy. In any case when probate is granted it becomes a public document. I think it is important to see the actual wording and perhaps other items not directly affecting you are also of interest.

Is there no solicitor involved handling the probate? He would have a duty to act on your behalf as a beneficiary and should supply the details of the will as requested.

Teagwee

It's possible everything was left to the mother in the will and therefore it is her right to distribute copies (or not) if she wishes. It will all become clear once probate goes through, but it may just be an unhappy coincidence that the eldest sister knows 'everything' because she is the wife of the executor.

This is a waiting game for the other people involved (who may not be mentioned) and is evidence of the angst that wills leave behind them if all is not made clear. Your father must have trusted his son-in-law to carry out his wishes so maybe all will be well in the end. It's very important that your mother doesn't feel under pressure from everyone involved at this time.

jos28

So sorry that you are going through all this hassle Changeling. I definitely think it would be worthwhile post in the Legal forum as Teagwee suggested. In the meantime you might find some information here
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/death/the_deceaseds_estate/

changeling

Thanks for the replies, yes our mum is being looked out for by three of us, my eldest sister though, the executor's wife, is trying to bully her out of her home, and move in with her. She is using tactics that are passive aggressive and very difficult to confront. My mother is adamant she doesn't want to move in with her and wishes to stay in her own home. Nothing I can do about any of that except continue to be available when she needs me.

It is of some comfort to read what one poster wrote - he wouldn't have been made executor if my dad didn't trust him - well I'm afraid that my father's generation assessed people in a very different way i.e. if you have a respectable job, house, car , then you must be respectable. Sadly, I am seeing a lot of manipulation and control issues from these so called 'respectable' people.

changeling

jos28 wrote: »

So sorry that you are going through all this hassle Changeling. I definitely think it would be worthwhile post in the Legal forum as Teagwee suggested. In the meantime you might find some information here
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/death/the_deceaseds_estate/

Thanks for that, I have already posted there some weeks ago, and have been told the executor has no legal obligation to furnish us with a copy of the will.
That wasn't really my issue, it's just the way we have been excluded by him and my sister, I wanted to get some opinions from executors on it:)

jos28

As an executor I have always felt obliged to let my siblings know what is going on at all times. They all got copies of the will, a full set of accounts with receipts/copies of bank statements etc when the initial funds were distributed. I ran everything by them before taking action and I know that 2 of the 3 siblings are very happy with how I have handled things. Yet I still did not manage to keep everyone happy :rolleyes:.
It would appear that your sister and her husband have ulterior motives and seem to be quite devious. Are you a beneficiary or did everything transfer to your Mother. As a matter of interest has your Mam made a will and if so who is the executor ?

changeling

jos28 wrote: »

As an executor I have always felt obliged to let my siblings know what is going on at all times. They all got copies of the will, a full set of accounts with receipts/copies of bank statements etc when the initial funds were distributed. I ran everything by them before taking action and I know that 2 of the 3 siblings are very happy with how I have handled things. Yet I still did not manage to keep everyone happy :rolleyes:.
It would appear that your sister and her husband have ulterior motives and seem to be quite devious. Are you a beneficiary or did everything transfer to your Mother. As a matter of interest has your Mam made a will and if so who is the executor ?

I have no idea who is or isn't a beneficiary. From what I've picked up , but nobody has actually verbalised this, my mother is the sole beneficiary and is so stressed about getting it all iin her name that she now has shingles. I personally find the whole scenario a little fishy to be honest, but I won't talk to my mother about it and haven't in the past for fear she thinks she is being put under pressure or something, and I don't know if she has made a will herself or not.

Personally I feel she is being bullied in a very devious way. I was thinking about privately contacting the solicitor and just asking her to note my concerns in case of any irregularities that may occur down the road, but I don't want to rock the boat either. I just don't trust my sister and bro in law. And that is because they haven't been very open with any of us.

jos28

Your poor Mam, this must be so difficult for her and the rest of you. If you have no legal entitlement to see the will then I suppose all you can do is sit and wait until probate is granted. When my Dad passed away it had to go to probate because the house was in his name only. When probate came through Mam was called to the solicitors where everything was transferred to Mam's name. She was also advised to re-do her own will.
On the day in question myself and my brother went to the solicitor's office with Mam(she had Parkinsons, using a wheelchair and could not get there independently). We were not allowed into the actual office as Mam outlined her wishes. We were told that this was normal procedure to avoid Mam being put under any undue pressure. This may be of some consolation to you. Hopefully the same procedure will apply in your Mam's case. I would certainly mention your concerns to the solicitor, it wouldn't do any harm.

Santa Cruz

jos28 wrote: »

Thanks for the reassurance Outkast. I am going to stick rigidly to correct procedure, end of story.
I have the duties of an executor pinned up in front of my desk. It has become like a mantra at this stage

Absolutely. You were selected because the deceased knew that you had the strength of character to carry out HIS/HER wishes. If the awkward party can respect the wishes of the deceased cut them adrift. Life is too short to be entertaining scavengers like that

jos28

Santa Cruz wrote: »

Absolutely. You were selected because the deceased knew that you had the strength of character to carry out HIS/HER wishes. If the awkward party can respect the wishes of the deceased cut them adrift. Life is too short to be entertaining scavengers like that

That actually means a lot to me because I would love to think that my Mam had that in mind when she chose me. Update on the situation is that an offer has been made for the house for €20k more than we were willing to give it to my niece. Everyone (apart from one) wants to accept the offer. Bidder is loan approved and ready to go. So I reckon that the offer will be accepted. It is really awful though because I still feel guilty about 'kicking' her out and it is made even worse by the fact that a baby is on the way.:(

However, said person has had 2 years to raise the funds and I AM sticking to my solicitor's advice.

Teagwee

jos28 wrote: »

That actually means a lot to me because I would love to think that my Mam had that in mind when she chose me. Update on the situation is that an offer has been made for the house for €20k more than we were willing to give it to my niece. Everyone (apart from one) wants to accept the offer. Bidder is loan approved and ready to go. So I reckon that the offer will be accepted. It is really awful though because I still feel guilty about 'kicking' her out and it is made even worse by the fact that a baby is on the way.:(

However, said person has had 2 years to raise the funds and I AM sticking to my solicitor's advice.

Good for you - you've proved you are indeed the best person for the job. Everyone involved will now get their rightful share of the inheritance, including the person who, if you take it to its logical conclusion, wanted MORE than everyone else in getting a subsidised home. They now have a bigger pot of money to search elsewhere for a place that they can legitimately bid for. It's a win-win really.

jos28

Thanks Teagwee, I am very pleased that it has worked out. Siblings are delighted with the result. I can begin to think about relaxing at this stage (providing the sale goes through without a hitch). Fingers crossed !

Santa Cruz

jos28 wrote: »

Thanks Teagwee, I am very pleased that it has worked out. Siblings are delighted with the result. I can begin to think about relaxing at this stage (providing the sale goes through without a hitch). Fingers crossed !

You have done your duty without fear or favour in accordance with the deceased's wishes. Well done
(I had typo in my earlier post "can" should have read "can't" but you got my drift)

qapmoc

Santa Cruz wrote: »

You were selected because the deceased knew that you had the strength of character to carry out HIS/HER wishes.

+1. Well said.

LegacyUser

Hi Jos28

I don't envey you with executing a will. As the old saying goes were there is a will there are relations. Some people show what they are like when there is a will, land or money to be shared out.

You have done the right thing in putting the house up for sale despite the fact that some of the relatives were expecting to get a cheap house. They had 2 years to save money in order to get a mortage so I would not feel bad in this regard. Ok they are not happy at the moment but the other relatives I think would be glad to get some money from the house sale.

At least your realtives left a will as I know cases where no will was left and is causes a lot of problems. One of my freinds told me a number of years ago that her father would not make a will as he did not want to think about dieing. He now has 2 adult children with there own families. This man has a decent size farm and would have savings/investments along with this. When he dies there will be some fight between the children in regards to this.

At least if someone makes a will they can get advice on what they can leave to there children, grandchildren ect before landing them with a big tax bill. Also a solicitor can ensure that a person is not making a will/signing over everthing they own under duress.

OldGoat

My apologies for the delay in approving the above post. My fault for not checking the "Waiting for approval" sooner.

jos28

Thanks Wise Lady, your comments are very reassuring. I know in my heart that I have done the right thing, but the right thing isn't always easy !!
It looks like the sale is going through without major problems, thankfully. The other siblings are delighted, for one it means he can pay for his daughter and her husband to come home from the USA for Christmas. The other one has a daughter who has just put a deposit on her first home so I'm sure she will get a helping hand. Mam and Dad's few bob will now be spread throughout the family helping their beloved grandchildren (and a few nice treats for us too). This is EXACTLY what they would have wanted. Gotta clear the house out for the last time this weekend which I'm not looking forward to but there will be plenty of hands on deck who won't let me get too sentimental

TOMP

jos28 wrote: »

Thanks for the reassurance Outkast. I am going to stick rigidly to correct procedure, end of story.
I have the duties of an executor pinned up in front of my desk. It has become like a mantra at this stage

Dont execute anyone

jos28

Quick update :

Finally collected the cheques for the house from the solicitor today (never believe them when they say it will all be wrapped up in 6 weeks ). I felt like Santa Clause handing them out to the delighted siblings. I also made a point of bringing flowers and a Thank you card to my parent's grave today. I could sense the pair of them smiling down.
Things have improved with the offended sibling, she now realises her child could never have raised the money to purchase. There is a few bob left in the kitty and we have all decided to book a nice meal and an overnight somewhere together in the New Year.
Mam and Dad would be delighted with that and the fact that there are 2 grandchildren getting married next year and a new grandchild on the way in March.
To those of you going through this, hang on in there. Thanks for all the support folks

Teagwee

Well done, jos28 - you came through it and can now enjoy the rewards of the just. A family celebration sounds wonderful and just the thing to smooth over any remaining angst. I hope you buy yourself a really nice treat for Christmas - you deserve it.

jos28

Yep, I'm heading off to Germany tomorrow with my bestest friend and there are some seriously nice shops in Munich :D I plan to treat myself to a really nice leather bag. I just know Mam would approve

Layinghen

Enjoy every second of it Jos.