Engagement ring.. Pick one myself or let her choose after I pop the question?

username123

I must admit I would not complain if presented with a nice dress ring - for any occasion!

lazygal

username123 wrote: »

I must admit I would not complain if presented with a nice dress ring - for any occasion!

I'd be the same. A friend of mine was proposed to with a nice dress ring, which she now wears on her right hand and plans on passing on to her daughter when she turns 18, which is a lovely thing to be able to do.

ABajaninCork

viper006 wrote: »

Why would people think its pretentious in the slightest? Proposing is a huge thing and I think its nice to have a ring when you pop the question , for the sake of 50-100e for such a occassion i dont think its a waste of money of at all. Im sure afew brides to be would be disappointed if their fella popped the question and had no ring for his fear of what other people might think. Nothing wrong in the slighest in having a dress ring if you think it would make the proposal more special.

See, this seems to be an Irish thing, as I said. Personally, I didn't give a **** what people thought. I was engaged and had no ring for a fortnight. Didn't take anything away from the moment. Of course, you should do your own thing. I gave my personal opinion. The OP doesn't have to follow it, any more than the other opinions given here...

ABajaninCork

lazygal wrote: »

Why, then, did you feel the need to post about what people at home might think? It doesn't matter a damn what people at home think.

Because, as I say, I don't understand it. Moving on...

lazygal

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Because, as I say, I don't understand it. Moving on...

From your post it sounds like the fact 'people at home' would think it 'pretentious' was a reason for not doing something. Even though you've said you do your own thing, you still referred to what other people would think in a negative way. Just a bit odd that someone who claims to care less about what others think would feel the need to refer to what 'people at home' would say - maybe you're one of those at home who feel its pretentious?

listermint

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Because, as I say, I don't understand it. Moving on...

To be fair you called the process pretentious (people at home would think it is) and then in the same breath said you like to do your own thing and not worry about what others do. So you completely contradicted yourself. Now you replied with a move it along....


Leave people at what they are doing and dont be worrying what others do. (or live by your own words) as they say

ABajaninCork

OP - Do what you think is best. I wish you and the lucky lady lots of luck and happiness whatever you decide to do!

As for the others who want to pick a row over nothing. Go right ahead! I'm getting a tad bored.

lazygal

ABajaninCork wrote: »

OP - Do what you think is best. I wish you and the lucky lady lots of luck and happiness whatever you decide to do!

As for the others who want to pick a row over nothing. Go right ahead! I'm getting a tad bored.

I'm not trying to pick a row. If you want to opt out of the discussion that's your prerogative.

Uriel.

The only thing I have heard from some people is that the token ring used to propose can become the favourite as that was the ring "of the moment" and the more expensive "long-term" ring is the second cousin.

Any truth / potential to that being an issue?

viper006

ABajaninCork wrote: »

OP - Do what you think is best. I wish you and the lucky lady lots of luck and happiness whatever you decide to do!

As for the others who want to pick a row over nothing. Go right ahead! I'm getting a tad bored.

There's no row in fairness but your rightly being asked to explain earlier comments about the pratice of dress rings being classed pretenious by "people from home" and classing the whole practice as a "irish thing" which is isnt in the slighest. Maybe the conversation struck a nerve with you but each to own i guess.

Back on topic OP, I back up previous advice and let her choose after you propose,

kelbal

Uriel. wrote: »

The only thing I have heard from some people is that the token ring used to propose can become the favourite as that was the ring "of the moment" and the more expensive "long-term" ring is the second cousin.

Any truth / potential to that being an issue?

Well, people at home might think you're pretentious if you do that

Only spent about €40 on a dress ring myself, so the real deal was obviously different, and the one to be worn!

Gatica

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I suppose you could. I still think it's a waste of money. People at home would think you pretentious...

I don't think it matters what they think, also you don't need to show anyone your token ring. It can be used as something to propose with and kept between you until you get the real thing...

hoodwinked wrote: »

to be fair my husband kept saying things to me like if we were to get engaged what kind of ring would you like?

so we went and looked around, unbeknownst to me he later went back and bought it, and hid it for a few months until he was ready to propose, of course i had totally forgot he was asking me about them so was totally surprised when he asked AND i loved the ring.

I think it might work for some, but may also lead to expectations or disappointment if she thinks he's about to propose and then it doesn't happen for ages.

Uriel. wrote: »

The only thing I have heard from some people is that the token ring used to propose can become the favourite as that was the ring "of the moment" and the more expensive "long-term" ring is the second cousin.

Any truth / potential to that being an issue?

Kind of.. Friend of mine was proposed to with a token ring which totally looked like the real deal. She thought it was the sh!t, so to speak ()...
She admired it and admired it and absolutely loved it. She then was really disappointed to hear from OH that it wasn't the real ring and then had to shop for another, and she said she felt even the expensive rings couldn't compare to the lovely ring she'd got at the proposal. sooooo.... I guess different strokes for different folks.

We got "honeymoon" rings for ourselves. Silver plain ring + a silver ring and a stone for me (20 Euro) and a silver plain men's ring for him (also 20 quid). We figured we didn't want to worry about losing the real rings swimming on honeymoon or getting mugged over it. But after being on honeymoon for several weeks, the fake rings actually really appealed and felt like our real wedding rings cos we'd worn them the most and I was sad to be taking them off when we got back.

Malari

Gatica wrote: »

Kind of.. Friend of mine was proposed to with a token ring which totally looked like the real deal. She thought it was the sh!t, so to speak ()...
She admired it and admired it and absolutely loved it. She then was really disappointed to hear from OH that it wasn't the real ring and then had to shop for another, and she said she felt even the expensive rings couldn't compare to the lovely ring she'd got at the proposal. sooooo.... I guess different strokes for different folks.

Why? If she was happy with the ring he proposed with, why on earth did she "have to" buy another one?

Gatica

I didn't ask, but I think lots of people feel that they need to have the diamond ring to show for it...

username123

Malari wrote: »

Why? If she was happy with the ring he proposed with, why on earth did she "have to" buy another one?

A token ring probably wouldnt last 60 odd years and maybe get passed down to children.

Nicman

....Ah love love love, and the trouble it causes! I doubt OP cares to get into a debate about dress rings. So then CiscoKid.... have you decided yet if you'll pick it or not?
Here's a thought - why not go have a look in a few jewellers and see if anything shouts out at you? No obligation to buy, free to change your mind if they're all just merging together as the same and can leave it up to her then? The main thing people keep forgetting to point out to you is that in Ireland you can return the ring if she doesn't like it.

So have you a plan for the proposal whilst on hols or just gonna wait for the right moment? I'm really happy for you guys, although we're not into the whole wedding plans lark, we're happier than ever since we got engaged this year and loving it

CeNedra

My husband and I picked the ring together. It was completely different than what I thought I would go for and the minute I saw it on my finger I knew it was the one and didn't want to see another one. I just love it to this day. We had a lovely time pottering around the shops looking at rings, we still laugh about how awkward we were at the beginning but how much we loved it.

My sisters husband had a completely different idea on the ring. He went to a craft jewellery designer and bought the diamonds. The jeweller put the diamonds into a beautiful presentation box. Her husband proposed and then took her to the jeweller and they designed the ring together. Her ring is really really beautiful. They also added another diamond to it when they were designing it, so it was pretty flexible!! I haven't heard of anybody else doing that but she just loved it and thought it was a lovely and romantic idea and made a beautiful day out of it!!

Anyway, whatever you decide, best of luck. Enjoy it yourself. Thinking about getting engaged still makes me smile and I wish the same for you.

Nicman

Wow that sounds so sweet...whoever said Irish guys weren't romantic eh!

PCros

OP, I think you can only answer the question as you know your girlfriend the best.

You have to ask yourself, is she going to be a tad annoyed when you go down on one knee, present the ring and then tell her its not the real deal and that you have to go shopping for one?

As Nicman said - you can always return the ring if she doesn’t like it and then let her pick one.

Best of luck!

Lexie_Karas

My other half brought me ring shopping with him, and I loved the whole excitement of it and adore that we picked my ring together. He was worried that if he got me a token ring I'd get incredibly sentimental, fall in love with it and not want a different ring (and he was probably right!), so he got a ring box and put a haribo jelly ring into it (which was always a joke between us before hand). He proposed on a Sunday and had booked the Monday and Tuesday off work (I was already off) so we could spend two days ring shopping. I felt like his proposal lasted for 3 whole days and it really was a very romantic time.

But like others have said, only you know your girlfriend well enough. Have you bought her jewellery in the past? Does she like what you usually buy?

Daisy M

Ok to put another spin on it, many moons ago myself and oh went ring shopping together I choose the ring which I loved but I was very influenced by the price. My oh wanted me to spend a lot more but I considered it to be a waste an wouldn't. It ended up that my husband was never happy with the ring and felt he didn't give me the ring I in his words "deserved".
Roll on a coupe of decades and after wearing the ring all the time, having the setting repaired a couple of times, the band was ready to snap.

My husband decided to get me a new ring as a surprise, he got me the same type of ring but of better quality, one that could literally be handed down through generations. And at long last he is happy that he has given me the ring he always wanted for me. Now again if I had been involved in the choosing there is no way I would have allowed the amount to be spent on me but I love love love my new improved version.

Because I wasn't involved in the choosing I got the ring I secretly always dreamed of.

CiscoKid_

I'm more confused then ever A few mins ago I decided on getting a dress ring and then buying a proper ring with her a day or two later, but the last two posters have me so confused *sorry guys*... My other half sounds exactly like that, she would get attached to the dress ring and not want to get rid, and secondly if we went around shopping she would not let me spend a huge amount on a ring. Darn.

I'll go with my gut. Thanks guys

Gatica

btw, it doesn't have to be a ring! some people have got little ring charms for a bracelet, or a necklace pendant of a ring. That way you're still proposing with a "ring".

Daisy M

CiscoKid_ wrote: »

I'm more confused then ever A few mins ago I decided on getting a dress ring and then buying a proper ring with her a day or two later, but the last two posters have me so confused *sorry guys*... My other half sounds exactly like that, she would get attached to the dress ring and not want to get rid, and secondly if we went around shopping she would not let me spend a huge amount on a ring. Darn.

I'll go with my gut. Thanks guys

Sorry to have confused you even more.:) I have to admit I had never looked at it from my husbands point of view and much and all as I loved my new ring I felt a little ill when he told me the cost. But when he explained to me how he felt and how important it was to him, I was able to let the cost concern go and enjoy my new ring guilt free. Having said that there is no way on earth I would have been able to even look at rings of that value if he had brought me with him to pick a new one.

Instead of buying a dress ring could you bring her to buy a piece of jewellery to the equivilant price and look at rings while doing that without been obvious.

My advice would be if you have no idea what she wants propose, bring her ring shopping and if she starts behaving like me explain that you have a budget and that you want to get her a ring for life that can be worn and passed down to the next generation.
Best of luck!!

BizzyC

Op, alternative to a dress ring is another engagement ring.
Most shops will allow you to exchange for another ring if she doesn't like it.

So if she gets attached, job done.
Otherwise you can bring her in to the shop to pick a different style.

That was my approach; even though I thought I had the ring right, I made it clear to her that we could go in to the shop together and change it if she wanted a different style.

plastic glass

BizzyC wrote: »

Op, alternative to a dress ring is another engagement ring.
Most shops will allow you to exchange for another ring if she doesn't like it.

So if she gets attached, job done.
Otherwise you can bring her in to the shop to pick a different style.

That was my approach; even though I thought I had the ring right, I made it clear to her that we could go in to the shop together and change it if she wanted a different style.

Really? Is this the case for most ring shops in Dublin? I would have thought it wasn't the case but good to know if it is.

BizzyC

plastic glass wrote: »

Really? Is this the case for most ring shops in Dublin? I would have thought it wasn't the case but good to know if it is.

From their perspective it's good business.

If you buy a cheap ring and go shopping together, good chance you'll go elsewhere.
But by buying a proper ring from them and coming back to exchange, they have your business for the expensive ring locked in.

Of course you'd have to confirm with the shop first.

jlm29

If you decide to take her ring shopping, go in yourself in advance and have the money talk in the shop. Make sure they know your max budget, and that she doesn't have to listen to you discussing money (if you think it would make her uncomfortable that is- I know girls who would start haggling on their partners behalf if they thought they could knock a few quid off). If they know your budget, they will only show you rings within it. You can explain this to your gf. Similarly, you can haggle a bit on price, but don't do it in front of her!
Myself and my oh went shopping together, but I was SO uncomfortable when the lady asked about max budget in front of me!

CiscoKid_

Guys, an update. I decided to buy the ring beforehand after seeing hundreds!!!!. Had it insured and everything and hoped to god it suited her. Kept it in my jeans pocket for the first two days (was sweating badly with the heat and jeans! She couldn't understand why I wasn't wearing shorts in Italy). Proposed at sunset on a hilltop overlooking Florence and she said yes She absolutely loves the ring and doesn’t want to be apart from it for the resizing now haha!

Gatica

Congratulations! Hope you guys have a great time of it... If you're not rushed about the wedding planning. Enjoy this period of romantic bliss!
It's like being newly-weds, that honeymoon feeling... You'll get to enjoy it again when you get married, but it's nice to enjoy it twice