Engagement ring.. Pick one myself or let her choose after I pop the question?

CiscoKid_

Hi guys,

I'm planning on popping the question in September when on holiday with my girlfriend. But I'm not sure about the engagement ring... I mean whats better.. asking her to marry me with a ring that I picked and that I think she'll like or ask her to marry me without a ring and then the both of us go shopping for a ring that she'll love to wear?

username123

Let her choose.

Some rings dont suit certain hands and theres no way of knowing til you go try them on. She will be wearing it for life so let her pick something she loves.

3DataModem

Pick it yourself, IMO

Worked for me

mloc123

3DataModem wrote: »

Pick it yourself, IMO

Worked for me

And to balance it out, don't pick it yourself.

I didn't chance it and glad I did not as the one of would have picked was completely different.

Buy a cheap temporary ring for the day.

kelbal

Buy a dress ring so you have something for the special moment, but let her know that its not the real deal and you'll go shopping later. Something like this........

http://www.argos.ie/static/Product/partNumber/2322683/c_1/1%7Ccategory_root%7CJewellery+and+watches%7C14416987/c_2/3%7C19780838%7CRings%7C14416988/c_3/4%7Ccat_14416988%7CDress+rings%7C24507648.htm

thats what I did!! best of luck

mloc123

Shopping for the ring together is fun anyway. Got engaged while on holidays and must have looked in every tiffanys between San Francisco and Vegas over the following 2 weeks.

username123

mloc123 wrote: »

Shopping for the ring together is fun anyway. Got engaged while on holidays and must have looked in every tiffanys between San Francisco and Vegas over the following 2 weeks.

Yeah it really is. Its romantic and giggly and you havent told people so its like ye have a secret. Its a good time.

Aineoil

mloc123 wrote: »

And to balance it out, don't pick it yourself.

I didn't chance it and glad I did not as the one of would have picked was completely different.

Buy a cheap temporary ring for the day.

As a woman I am torn about the question.
It depends on your fianceé to be.
It's kind of cute that the man's chooses the ring. My husband chose my engagement ring (which was stolen two years later). I thought it was very romantic. I loved that ring for sentimental reasons.
He usually has good taste, but I do remember getting a pair of expensive earrings as a present that I really still don't like. (He's not on boards so shhh!)

Years later I did buy another engagement ring which we chose together (and it way way more expensive than my original engagement ring), not quite like receiving a ring that he chose though.

Buying a temporary ring is a good idea......so long as it's only temporary.

Depends on your fianceé to be fair. Some girls like to get a bespoke ring made.

lazygal

We chose the ring together. What I thought I'd like didn't suit when I tried them on, and my husband would have picked a different style entirely.

bee06

It depends on your future fiancee really ... friends have told me that if their boyfriend/fiancee had picked the ring for them they wouldn't have said yes because it shows he didn't know her well enough to know she'd want to pick her own ring.

On the other hand my fiancee picked my ring and he was 100% right with what he picked. He had asked me a few months before we got engaged whether I'd want to pick my own ring or not and I'd said the only reason I'd want to pick my own ring is because I wouldn't want him stressing over picking the right one so he know I wasn't one of the girls who had to pick her own ring.

If you're not sure what she'd like then I'd err on the side of caution and let her pick it.

name0123

yea let her choose, I really enjoyed shopping for my ring. its a very exciting time, I do think my OH would have picked a ring very similar to what I did but let her choose

Nicman

Hey there,
Congrats first of all! So I think the fact that you're even asking on boards shows how much thought you're putting into this and it's so sweet! I always said to my mates that if my (now) fiancée chose my ring I'd die. I don't really wear jewellery and not into rings so I figured if I don't know what suits me how could he.
So he popped the question this year and sure enough he had a ring that he chose himself. I loved it and truly believe if I had picked one myself it would never mean as much to me as this does. I heard the story of how much effort he put into choosing it from the jeweller when getting it re-sized and I almost cried, it was just so sweet.

What I would say is, if you decide to choose it yourself, bring her to the place you got it the next day, don't take no for an answer - to make sure it's "the one"! That's what we did, and because I had never tried on engagement rings before (not even secretly!), and even though I loved it, how was I to know that it was my "one"? So I was delighted to affirm it for myself - that I had the option to return it if I wanted to and 100% sure and happy that I wouldn't have chosen any other.

Every time I look at it I beam knowing that this was chosen with love and it's therefore not just any piece of metal and stone with a price tag. It means so much to me and when people admire it I'm so proud to tell them that he chose it himself!

Gatica

I think it really depends on her taste as mentioned..

I think it's very romantic to have a proposal with the ring. having said that I picked mine and I love it to this day. I admire it a few times a day and I know that he probably wouldn't have picked it.
It took a lot of looking around and trying on rings to find the one that looked right. Rings can look quite different on than in the display...

Nicman

Yeah...it's a sticky one OP! I think if I had picked my own and didn't know any different then I'd probably always say "thank God he didn't pick it"! And of course picking your own one - you'll always love it and put so much into choosing it.

I think you've got to go with your gut here OP - you know her better than anyone (or you should do!) so you'll know if she'd appreciate the gesture or if she'd just kill you for not leaving it to her! If she's really into her jewellery I'd have to say be careful, there's a good chance she'd prefer to pick it herself. If she's not that into jewellery like me, then you can be sure that the only piece she's wearing for the rest of her life better be a good one but at the same time she may not have a specific ring in mind.

donegaldude

let her choose, I used a dress ring first. Then we looked at rings all over the country. Eventually she decided on the ring she saw in the first shop about 6 weeks later! Glad I didn't choose one myself, it would have been totally different!
Best of luck with it!

buttercups88

propose with a dress ring, then go shopping together

goldenhoarde

Hi

A dress ring is the way to go if you are not sure of her tastes etc

When i proposed i didn't have a ring as she didn't wear them so i couldn't plich one to get a size and also an idea of her tastes.

Once we got back from the weekend away here where she accepted my proposal http://www.irishlandmark.com/property-listings/annes-grove-gatelodge.aspx i took her here http://www.craftsofgold.com/ to get a ring made up.

And she loved it, once she figured out what she wanted. If i had bought a ring it i doubt would have been as nice, plus he made the wedding bands for us too.

best of luck with it and whatever you decide, she will be happy and remember the day for ever. The ring if you chose it to do it together will be her "engagement ring" so it will always be special no matter what.

ABajaninCork

I don't really get the vibe about getting a dress ring. Whatever for??? As far as I'm concerned it's money wasted that could go towards the real McCoy!

I got engaged in Portugal. Waited until we returned to London to go ring shopping in Hatton Garden. Job done.

OP - I'd let the lucky lady choose the ring herself. She might not like or suit what you've chosen. In my case, I thought a plain princess cut diamond would be just the job. Didn't suit me. I now have an emerald-cut ring with baguette shoulders which looks much nicer.

username123

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I don't really get the vibe about getting a dress ring. Whatever for???

I suppose its just so you can share the news and have a token on the finger? My hubby proposed on the Sunday of a bank holiday weekend so we couldnt go ring shopping for a week, I was fit to explode not being able to tell anyone!

ABajaninCork

Seems to be an Irish thing. We told friends and family on our return, but didn't have a ring for another fortnight. Made no difference. We were still engaged to be married!

username123

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Seems to be an Irish thing. We told friends and family on our return, but didn't have a ring for another fortnight. Made no difference. We were still engaged to be married!

As I remember I got my nails done in that week and we did tell his granny - but no one else. We didnt want to tell until we had the ring (I cant really remember why though - but I think we thought people wouldnt take it seriously if there was no ring?).

mloc123

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I don't really get the vibe about getting a dress ring. Whatever for??? As far as I'm concerned it's money wasted that could go towards the real McCoy!

I got engaged in Portugal. Waited until we returned to London to go ring shopping in Hatton Garden. Job done.

OP - I'd let the lucky lady choose the ring herself. She might not like or suit what you've chosen. In my case, I thought a plain princess cut diamond would be just the job. Didn't suit me. I now have an emerald-cut ring with baguette shoulders which looks much nicer.

It's less than 100e for a dress ring... You could get one for 30-40e if you wanted.

ABajaninCork

mloc123 wrote: »

It's less than 100e for a dress ring... You could get one for 30-40e if you wanted.

I suppose you could. I still think it's a waste of money. People at home would think you pretentious...

cookiecakes

I'd let her choose. I had an idea what I wanted in my head and when we went ring-shopping, it didn't suit me at all! I'm so glad I got to choose it myself or I would have had something that I loved but which made me look like I had mad sausage fingers!

hoodwinked

to be fair my husband kept saying things to me like if we were to get engaged what kind of ring would you like?

so we went and looked around, unbeknownst to me he later went back and bought it, and hid it for a few months until he was ready to propose, of course i had totally forgot he was asking me about them so was totally surprised when he asked AND i loved the ring.

BizzyC

Try and figure out what she'd want.

I picked the ring myself because I knew that she wanted to be surprised on the day.
She'd have been very disappointed had I not had the actual ring there with me.

heroics

Like some of the other posters my girlfriend did not own a ring so I had no idea of the type of ring she would like so I got a fake ring in claires accessories for about 10€ to propose and we went shopping the next day for a ring.

Only got to the second jewellers, Quickest decision I think she has ever made

lazygal

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I suppose you could. I still think it's a waste of money. People at home would think you pretentious...

Well if people at home think its pretentious of course you shouldn't bother.
Not everyone allows themselves to be swayed by people at home and what they might think.

ABajaninCork

lazygal wrote: »

Well if people at home think its pretentious of course you shouldn't bother.
Not everyone allows themselves to be swayed by people at home and what they might think.

No. And quite rightly so. But we tend not to follow the crowd, and do our own thing...

lazygal

ABajaninCork wrote: »

No. And quite rightly so. But we tend not to follow the crowd, and do our own thing...

Why, then, did you feel the need to post about what people at home might think? It doesn't matter a damn what people at home think.

viper006

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I suppose you could. I still think it's a waste of money. People at home would think you pretentious...[/QUOte}

Why would people think its pretentious in the slightest? Proposing is a huge thing and I think its nice to have a ring when you pop the question , for the sake of 50-100e for such a occassion i dont think its a waste of money of at all. Im sure afew brides to be would be disappointed if their fella popped the question and had no ring for his fear of what other people might think. Nothing wrong in the slighest in having a dress ring if you think it would make the proposal more special.

username123

I must admit I would not complain if presented with a nice dress ring - for any occasion!

lazygal

username123 wrote: »

I must admit I would not complain if presented with a nice dress ring - for any occasion!

I'd be the same. A friend of mine was proposed to with a nice dress ring, which she now wears on her right hand and plans on passing on to her daughter when she turns 18, which is a lovely thing to be able to do.

ABajaninCork

viper006 wrote: »

Why would people think its pretentious in the slightest? Proposing is a huge thing and I think its nice to have a ring when you pop the question , for the sake of 50-100e for such a occassion i dont think its a waste of money of at all. Im sure afew brides to be would be disappointed if their fella popped the question and had no ring for his fear of what other people might think. Nothing wrong in the slighest in having a dress ring if you think it would make the proposal more special.

See, this seems to be an Irish thing, as I said. Personally, I didn't give a **** what people thought. I was engaged and had no ring for a fortnight. Didn't take anything away from the moment. Of course, you should do your own thing. I gave my personal opinion. The OP doesn't have to follow it, any more than the other opinions given here...

ABajaninCork

lazygal wrote: »

Why, then, did you feel the need to post about what people at home might think? It doesn't matter a damn what people at home think.

Because, as I say, I don't understand it. Moving on...

lazygal

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Because, as I say, I don't understand it. Moving on...

From your post it sounds like the fact 'people at home' would think it 'pretentious' was a reason for not doing something. Even though you've said you do your own thing, you still referred to what other people would think in a negative way. Just a bit odd that someone who claims to care less about what others think would feel the need to refer to what 'people at home' would say - maybe you're one of those at home who feel its pretentious?

listermint

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Because, as I say, I don't understand it. Moving on...

To be fair you called the process pretentious (people at home would think it is) and then in the same breath said you like to do your own thing and not worry about what others do. So you completely contradicted yourself. Now you replied with a move it along....


Leave people at what they are doing and dont be worrying what others do. (or live by your own words) as they say

ABajaninCork

OP - Do what you think is best. I wish you and the lucky lady lots of luck and happiness whatever you decide to do!

As for the others who want to pick a row over nothing. Go right ahead! I'm getting a tad bored.

lazygal

ABajaninCork wrote: »

OP - Do what you think is best. I wish you and the lucky lady lots of luck and happiness whatever you decide to do!

As for the others who want to pick a row over nothing. Go right ahead! I'm getting a tad bored.

I'm not trying to pick a row. If you want to opt out of the discussion that's your prerogative.

Uriel.

The only thing I have heard from some people is that the token ring used to propose can become the favourite as that was the ring "of the moment" and the more expensive "long-term" ring is the second cousin.

Any truth / potential to that being an issue?

viper006

ABajaninCork wrote: »

OP - Do what you think is best. I wish you and the lucky lady lots of luck and happiness whatever you decide to do!

As for the others who want to pick a row over nothing. Go right ahead! I'm getting a tad bored.

There's no row in fairness but your rightly being asked to explain earlier comments about the pratice of dress rings being classed pretenious by "people from home" and classing the whole practice as a "irish thing" which is isnt in the slighest. Maybe the conversation struck a nerve with you but each to own i guess.

Back on topic OP, I back up previous advice and let her choose after you propose,

kelbal

Uriel. wrote: »

The only thing I have heard from some people is that the token ring used to propose can become the favourite as that was the ring "of the moment" and the more expensive "long-term" ring is the second cousin.

Any truth / potential to that being an issue?

Well, people at home might think you're pretentious if you do that

Only spent about €40 on a dress ring myself, so the real deal was obviously different, and the one to be worn!

Gatica

ABajaninCork wrote: »

I suppose you could. I still think it's a waste of money. People at home would think you pretentious...

I don't think it matters what they think, also you don't need to show anyone your token ring. It can be used as something to propose with and kept between you until you get the real thing...

hoodwinked wrote: »

to be fair my husband kept saying things to me like if we were to get engaged what kind of ring would you like?

so we went and looked around, unbeknownst to me he later went back and bought it, and hid it for a few months until he was ready to propose, of course i had totally forgot he was asking me about them so was totally surprised when he asked AND i loved the ring.

I think it might work for some, but may also lead to expectations or disappointment if she thinks he's about to propose and then it doesn't happen for ages.

Uriel. wrote: »

The only thing I have heard from some people is that the token ring used to propose can become the favourite as that was the ring "of the moment" and the more expensive "long-term" ring is the second cousin.

Any truth / potential to that being an issue?

Kind of.. Friend of mine was proposed to with a token ring which totally looked like the real deal. She thought it was the sh!t, so to speak ()...
She admired it and admired it and absolutely loved it. She then was really disappointed to hear from OH that it wasn't the real ring and then had to shop for another, and she said she felt even the expensive rings couldn't compare to the lovely ring she'd got at the proposal. sooooo.... I guess different strokes for different folks.

We got "honeymoon" rings for ourselves. Silver plain ring + a silver ring and a stone for me (20 Euro) and a silver plain men's ring for him (also 20 quid). We figured we didn't want to worry about losing the real rings swimming on honeymoon or getting mugged over it. But after being on honeymoon for several weeks, the fake rings actually really appealed and felt like our real wedding rings cos we'd worn them the most and I was sad to be taking them off when we got back.

Malari

Gatica wrote: »

Kind of.. Friend of mine was proposed to with a token ring which totally looked like the real deal. She thought it was the sh!t, so to speak ()...
She admired it and admired it and absolutely loved it. She then was really disappointed to hear from OH that it wasn't the real ring and then had to shop for another, and she said she felt even the expensive rings couldn't compare to the lovely ring she'd got at the proposal. sooooo.... I guess different strokes for different folks.

Why? If she was happy with the ring he proposed with, why on earth did she "have to" buy another one?

Gatica

I didn't ask, but I think lots of people feel that they need to have the diamond ring to show for it...

username123

Malari wrote: »

Why? If she was happy with the ring he proposed with, why on earth did she "have to" buy another one?

A token ring probably wouldnt last 60 odd years and maybe get passed down to children.

Nicman

....Ah love love love, and the trouble it causes! I doubt OP cares to get into a debate about dress rings. So then CiscoKid.... have you decided yet if you'll pick it or not?
Here's a thought - why not go have a look in a few jewellers and see if anything shouts out at you? No obligation to buy, free to change your mind if they're all just merging together as the same and can leave it up to her then? The main thing people keep forgetting to point out to you is that in Ireland you can return the ring if she doesn't like it.

So have you a plan for the proposal whilst on hols or just gonna wait for the right moment? I'm really happy for you guys, although we're not into the whole wedding plans lark, we're happier than ever since we got engaged this year and loving it

CeNedra

My husband and I picked the ring together. It was completely different than what I thought I would go for and the minute I saw it on my finger I knew it was the one and didn't want to see another one. I just love it to this day. We had a lovely time pottering around the shops looking at rings, we still laugh about how awkward we were at the beginning but how much we loved it.

My sisters husband had a completely different idea on the ring. He went to a craft jewellery designer and bought the diamonds. The jeweller put the diamonds into a beautiful presentation box. Her husband proposed and then took her to the jeweller and they designed the ring together. Her ring is really really beautiful. They also added another diamond to it when they were designing it, so it was pretty flexible!! I haven't heard of anybody else doing that but she just loved it and thought it was a lovely and romantic idea and made a beautiful day out of it!!

Anyway, whatever you decide, best of luck. Enjoy it yourself. Thinking about getting engaged still makes me smile and I wish the same for you.

Nicman

Wow that sounds so sweet...whoever said Irish guys weren't romantic eh!

PCros

OP, I think you can only answer the question as you know your girlfriend the best.

You have to ask yourself, is she going to be a tad annoyed when you go down on one knee, present the ring and then tell her its not the real deal and that you have to go shopping for one?

As Nicman said - you can always return the ring if she doesn’t like it and then let her pick one.

Best of luck!

Lexie_Karas

My other half brought me ring shopping with him, and I loved the whole excitement of it and adore that we picked my ring together. He was worried that if he got me a token ring I'd get incredibly sentimental, fall in love with it and not want a different ring (and he was probably right!), so he got a ring box and put a haribo jelly ring into it (which was always a joke between us before hand). He proposed on a Sunday and had booked the Monday and Tuesday off work (I was already off) so we could spend two days ring shopping. I felt like his proposal lasted for 3 whole days and it really was a very romantic time.

But like others have said, only you know your girlfriend well enough. Have you bought her jewellery in the past? Does she like what you usually buy?