so how 50/50 is your relationship

club goldgrain

got home from work during the week, made dinner, OH eats different to the rest of family so i made two dinners actually,all good.
we went out for a awhile and then watch abit of TV when we got home.
OH said let tidy up and head to bed;). just as we started to clean up kitchen OH said i'll head on up, and i got to tidy up and sort house.:mad:

i taught relationships are to be 50/50 we all say they are, but are they?

now who sorted the washing this weekend because the weather had loads of drying in it?:cool:

Well, what did you tell him about it? "Hey where do you think you're going cmere and help", no?

club goldgrain

no point really, if the OH doesn't see it, than it would be waisted,
so whats yours 50/50 now be honest

Jerrica

I used to think it was all about 50:50, split it all down the line and each person do an equal amount, it's a little idealistic. There's things I'm great at doing and come naturally to me, there's things that he likes to do and won't bat an eyelid at. So now, instead of trying to split everything we play to eachother's strengths. I'm an organisation fiend so I tend to manage finances, paperwork, that kind of thing. He's a great cook so he'll make 95% of all dinners and lunches. I see more dirt than he does so I take care of the cleaning, at least all except the hoovering because for some weird reason he quite enjoys that

So maybe you could look at figuring out all the things that you do, all the things that he does, and talk to eachother about how fairly the workload is spread.

lazygal

Pretty 50-50. I do stuff, he does stuff. When I'm on maternity leave I'd do a lot more at home because its more practical. He's good at treating me, I'm good at treating him and we organise ourselves so we both get a bit of a break. I do the morning routine, he does all the bedtimes. I do more household stuff, he does 99% of the DIY, I sort out some bills, he does the research for insurance etc.

I wouldn't stand for my husband heading off if I needed help though. He sounds thoughtless or self centered, or a combination of the two. That is seriously unattractive to me. I don't know how people put up with that long term. I've a couple of aunts married to men for over 30 years who never think to lift a finger around the house and never, ever changed a nappy or put on a dinner, but I do think some women play the martyr card or the 'ah men are useless, its easier to do it myself' rather than being proactive about trying to change things.

club goldgrain

Jerrica wrote: »

I used to think it was all about 50:50, split it all down the line and each person do an equal amount, it's a little idealistic. There's things I'm great at doing and come naturally to me, there's things that he likes to do and won't bat an eyelid at. So now, instead of trying to split everything we play to eachother's strengths. I'm an organisation fiend so I tend to manage finances, paperwork, that kind of thing. He's a great cook so he'll make 95% of all dinners and lunches. I see more dirt than he does so I take care of the cleaning, at least all except the hoovering because for some weird reason he quite enjoys that

So maybe you could look at figuring out all the things that you do, all the things that he does, and talk to eachother about how fairly the workload is spread.

thats pretty cool,
we do split everything down the middle as you do.
now heres the thing say when OH cooks do you clean?
if all normal things are done, kids,bills,whatever and both parties are finished for the day, is it you or OH that tidys up, make sure everything is good before you to bed, lets say,tomorrow's lunch,ironing,take something out for tomorrow dinner if needs be....?

Das Kitty

OP, it sounds like you're unhappy with the division of labour, but it also sounds like you haven't told your OH you are. How is she supposed to know or modify her behaviour if you don't communicate?

My husband probably does more daily housework than me at the moment. I work 5 days, he works 3, so that's how it's falling. I still do all the laundry and 90% of the food preparation.

I think most importantly though is that the forum is always open to change the status quo.

club goldgrain

this is the thing if you asked me i would actually say it's 50/50. i do my bit OH does theirs, but if you actually stop and look at it.....is it?

everything is working great,not broken no need to fix it but i just stopped last week and looked at it for the outside i'd think 70/30. no be fair.
65/35:rolleyes:.. ok 60/40

Roesy

We are pretty 50:50 in the division of work in our house. We both have things we do better than the other though. For instance I would be better at spotting the little things that might pass him by such as cobwebs or cleaning out the fridge. He does a far better job of the floors than I do.

Cooking is 50:50 most of the time but I'm off for the summer at the moment so I usually tend to do a bit more then. I enjoying trying out new recipes and freezing stuff for busy days when I'm off.

Saying that if for some reason one or the other of us is stressed with work or sick etc the other person automatically takes up the slack. I was exhausted tired and had bad enough morning sickness for a few weeks recently and looking back I did hardly anything around the house during that time. Same when his back was at him.

I would say my husband does more that me around the house but we don't analyse it, as long as no one feels used or taken advantage of its all good.

Some woman are happy to do more because they have different standards than the men they live with.

If one person is lazy and expects someone else to do the work and uses avoidance to get away with not doing their fair share, then you have a problem.

So what you have to ask your self are you doing more because the person is lazy and selfish or are you doing more because you want it done better that they would do it.

kylith

Kind of 70/30 here. OH and I take turns walking the dogs and cooking dinner, but any cleaning is down to me. I don't even think the fecker knows when the bins go out.

club goldgrain

i'm wondering in a relationship,even the 50/50 ones that we convince ourselves, does one person generally do more.?

club goldgrain

kylith wrote: »

Kind of 70/30 here. OH and I take turns walking the dogs and cooking dinner, but any cleaning is down to me. I don't even think the fecker knows when the bins go out.

black bin tomorrow 7am, green next week;)

helimachoptor

club goldgrain wrote: »

i'm wondering in a relationship,even the 50/50 ones that we convince ourselves, does one person generally do more.?

I think so tbh.

My wife when she was younger worked in the local hotel as a chef (child labour!) so she is an awesome cook (im not half bad ) but she is very good.

She does 90% of the cooking, she cleans the bathrooms and "washes" the clothes.

I do bins, all the ironing (very relaxing), polish, hoover, wash floors, dishwasher, sort clothes and hang up along with all the manual labour.

however she is very much a clean as you go girl, where im a little more i do the cleaning on a saturday and dont care what the place is like til then so we complement each other well. While i do the big ticket items, the fact is she is cleaning/tidying all week which means when saturday comes around i dont have anywhere near as much to do.


as said above aslong as people dont take advantage its fine for one to do more than the other i think

What happens to the 70/30 relationships if a baby and children come in to the picture?. That's one of the main reason why something like sharing the work of running a home need to sorted from the beginning not necessarily 50/50, what ever suits you both but making sure that house work dose not become a pinch point in a relationship.

I guarantee you if there is underlying tension about housework ( or any thing in a relationship ) it will be made a hundred time worse if a baby come in to the mix and the issue had not been sorted.

club goldgrain

mariaalice wrote: »

What happens to the 70/30 relationships if a baby and children come in to the picture?. That's one of the main reason why something like sharing the work of running a home need to sorted from the beginning not necessarily 50/50, what ever suits you both but making sure that house work dose not become a pinch point in a relationship.

I guarantee you if there is underlying tension about housework ( or any thing in a relationship ) it will be made a hundred time worse if a baby come in to the mix and the issue had not been sorted.

i agree, i've two children, more to tidy after..

kylith

club goldgrain wrote: »

black bin tomorrow 7am, green next week;)

Wednesdays, actually :P

The Sweeper

I work full time. He works full time and travels a lot for work. On and off I've spent half the year so far on my own in the house. The intermittent nature of his travel has had an interesting effect on my perception of who does what in the house. After 11 years together, it's easy to think 'I do all of X and he does most of Y'...

I discovered the following:

I do no laundry. None. Nada. Zip. When he's away, I simply work through my entire wardrobe until there isn't a stitch left. Then over the course of a day I'll run the washing machine six times. Washing, into the dryer, out of the dryer and folded and put away, or ironed and hung up. I'll spend a weekend day entirely doing laundry. When himself his home, he does all the laundry, but he strings it out. He'll leave a wash in the washing machine overnight before putting it in the dryer. He leaves stuff in the dryer so when it comes out it's a rumpled mess. He'll take stuff out of the dryer and it'll stay in a basket in the spare room and never get put away. It'd annoy me, but I don't get to be annoyed about it because I don't do any laundry. I'm sure it annoys him that by the time I do laundry it's because there are 100 empty hangers in the wardrobe. Hmmm.

I am the only one who cooks for the two of us. I'm a far better cook than he is. With our staggered working hours, he started cooking for himself - basic stuff. He'll cook for me if I ask him to, but mostly while he'll happily eat what I cook, I don't like much of what he cooks. I can't really complain that he doesn't do any cooking when in fact he does, but I'm just not interested in eating it. I've learned the best way to get fed is to ask him to cook one of the things that he makes that I do like. Otherwise I cook or we eat at different times so it's a moot point. The other day he was bemoaning the fact that I make home-made ice cream. 'Why couldn't you have a hobby like long-distance running or triathlon training?' he complained, around a gobful of bitter chocolate ice cream. 'Dunno', I replied, 'Sometimes I wish you had the ability to inspire me to do things like long-distance running or triathlon training. But you don't. So instead I make dessert.' He sighed, loudly. There was a moment of silence, and then, around another spoonful, he said 'Yeah but it's really good dessert.' Looks like you really are the only person responsible for the inputs and outputs of your own body. Hmmm.

Dusting is something that happens in other people's houses.

Actually, that's not true - dusting happens in our house over two hours every Wednesday, when the lady we pay to clean comes over. She vacuums, dusts and does the two bathrooms. She shakes out the sofa throws and straightens up the detritus that always occupies the dining room table. She is worth her weight in solid gold. When we moved into this house late last year, we did four months of minor home renovations like painting, door handles, plumbing and such like. Then we got a new kitchen and had the laundry converted. All the while I was working 50 hours a week and himself was doing similar and also leaving for weeks at a time. He expressed frustration one day at the state of the bathroom. I suggested he pull a time turner out of his arse and give us both an extra day in the week to clean the house. He responded by saying if he had an extra day in his week, the last thing he'd do with it is spend it cleaning the house. This led to the question of why we would set aside any of our weekend at all to clean the house. Voila: part time gainful employment for a very nice woman who lives down the road.

I spend more time than he does caring for the pets. All the routine stuff - cat litters, morning and evening feeds, washing bedding, giving worm doses, going to the vet - that's all me. He does giant love-a-thons in the middle of the back yard when he comes home from being away and heads out into the garden with the grooming tools and they all come running. Then he leaves pet hair all over the yard and it looks like there's been a giant battle of hamster armies. Bastard.

I leave my shoes all over the house. He behaves like Kevin the teenager when I suggest we change the bed on a Sunday evening. (Jesus Christ, it's a duvet cover, one fitted sheet and two pillow cases. It takes five minutes. We'd be done while you're still whinging about not wanting to do it. Get over it.)

It didn't used to be like this. For a long time at the start, I did all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, you name it. Then we got a bunch of pets and with my allergies I couldn't keep up with the necessary de-furring of the house, so we bought a robot vacuum cleaner. Then I realised if I die tomorrow nobody will put 'Here lies the Sweeper, beloved wife, she sure knew how to clean a toilet' on my tombstone, and it's not what I want to be remembered for anyway, so I started doing what I want.

I think blokes are raised to do what they want from the get go, and we women have to learn it. For anyone struggling with home resentment, I recommend learning to do what you want to do. It's amazing what happens when you do.

helimachoptor

Being away from work can have an interesting dynamic on house work.

In a previous life I used to be away quite a bit for a few weeks at a time, so when i came home from living in a hotel or serviced apartment and having all my cleaning done it used to be quite the adjustment to get back to my jobs.

I still work away but generally only a night or maybe 2 however the one thing that annoys me is (considering theres only one of us in the house) I go and the dishwasher is empty and when i come back its all perfectly timed so that the dishwasher has finished its cycle just as i come in the door :pac:

club goldgrain

The Sweeper wrote: »

I work full time. He works full time and travels a lot for work. On and off I've spent half the year so far on my own in the house. The intermittent nature of his travel has had an interesting effect on my perception of who does what in the house. After 11 years together, it's easy to think 'I do all of X and he does most of Y'...

I discovered the following:

I do no laundry. None. Nada. Zip. When he's away, I simply work through my entire wardrobe until there isn't a stitch left. Then over the course of a day I'll run the washing machine six times. Washing, into the dryer, out of the dryer and folded and put away, or ironed and hung up. I'll spend a weekend day entirely doing laundry. When himself his home, he does all the laundry, but he strings it out. He'll leave a wash in the washing machine overnight before putting it in the dryer. He leaves stuff in the dryer so when it comes out it's a rumpled mess. He'll take stuff out of the dryer and it'll stay in a basket in the spare room and never get put away. It'd annoy me, but I don't get to be annoyed about it because I don't do any laundry. I'm sure it annoys him that by the time I do laundry it's because there are 100 empty hangers in the wardrobe. Hmmm.

I am the only one who cooks for the two of us. I'm a far better cook than he is. With our staggered working hours, he started cooking for himself - basic stuff. He'll cook for me if I ask him to, but mostly while he'll happily eat what I cook, I don't like much of what he cooks. I can't really complain that he doesn't do any cooking when in fact he does, but I'm just not interested in eating it. I've learned the best way to get fed is to ask him to cook one of the things that he makes that I do like. Otherwise I cook or we eat at different times so it's a moot point. The other day he was bemoaning the fact that I make home-made ice cream. 'Why couldn't you have a hobby like long-distance running or triathlon training?' he complained, around a gobful of bitter chocolate ice cream. 'Dunno', I replied, 'Sometimes I wish you had the ability to inspire me to do things like long-distance running or triathlon training. But you don't. So instead I make dessert.' He sighed, loudly. There was a moment of silence, and then, around another spoonful, he said 'Yeah but it's really good dessert.' Looks like you really are the only person responsible for the inputs and outputs of your own body. Hmmm.

Dusting is something that happens in other people's houses.

Actually, that's not true - dusting happens in our house over two hours every Wednesday, when the lady we pay to clean comes over. She vacuums, dusts and does the two bathrooms. She shakes out the sofa throws and straightens up the detritus that always occupies the dining room table. She is worth her weight in solid gold. When we moved into this house late last year, we did four months of minor home renovations like painting, door handles, plumbing and such like. Then we got a new kitchen and had the laundry converted. All the while I was working 50 hours a week and himself was doing similar and also leaving for weeks at a time. He expressed frustration one day at the state of the bathroom. I suggested he pull a time turner out of his arse and give us both an extra day in the week to clean the house. He responded by saying if he had an extra day in his week, the last thing he'd do with it is spend it cleaning the house. This led to the question of why we would set aside any of our weekend at all to clean the house. Voila: part time gainful employment for a very nice woman who lives down the road.

I spend more time than he does caring for the pets. All the routine stuff - cat litters, morning and evening feeds, washing bedding, giving worm doses, going to the vet - that's all me. He does giant love-a-thons in the middle of the back yard when he comes home from being away and heads out into the garden with the grooming tools and they all come running. Then he leaves pet hair all over the yard and it looks like there's been a giant battle of hamster armies. Bastard.

I leave my shoes all over the house. He behaves like Kevin the teenager when I suggest we change the bed on a Sunday evening. (Jesus Christ, it's a duvet cover, one fitted sheet and two pillow cases. It takes five minutes. We'd be done while you're still whinging about not wanting to do it. Get over it.)

It didn't used to be like this. For a long time at the start, I did all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, you name it. Then we got a bunch of pets and with my allergies I couldn't keep up with the necessary de-furring of the house, so we bought a robot vacuum cleaner. Then I realised if I die tomorrow nobody will put 'Here lies the Sweeper, beloved wife, she sure knew how to clean a toilet' on my tombstone, and it's not what I want to be remembered for anyway, so I started doing what I want.

I think blokes are raised to do what they want from the get go, and we women have to learn it. For anyone struggling with home resentment, I recommend learning to do what you want to do. It's amazing what happens when you do.

all god but for the most of it i got ...you really make your own ice cream ,,,i'm impressed,,, done the marathon thing...prefare the ice cream

Faith

Haha, Sweeper, your relationship sounds uncannily like mine! (Apart from the working bit, because that's not happening for me right now)

Corkbah

our relationship is similar to above - we each have different things that we do which the other person may not even notice.

I instinctively make herself a glass of coke zero with ice and a slice of lemon - every day when we get home, we both entertain the dog (playtime and walks), I do the bins, the washing, the hoovering, and general tidy up, she'll iron her clothes (I dont mind wearing mine unironed so pointless ironing them)....I'm sure she does other stuff - just I dont see it (I usually prefer to leave a mess until Sat and do a tidy up then)....she does ALL the gardening, weeding, watering, planting ...and most of the DIY jobs, I'm not mechanically minded so DIY is wasted on me.

Our main problem is the dishes - she prefers to wait until the dishwasher is full before running it and I prefer to do it before its full ...but for the handwash only stuff (some pots/pans etc) ... we both leave until it is needed to be used again...as regards shopping... she chooses the stuff, I pay for it (she earns more), we both make dinners together.

is it 50-50 ... close enough !! ... one thing that does bug me though is she gets jealous of my job, its very flexible so I dont have to start until 11 and can finish before 4 most days - but I drive in at 7.30ish (so she can be in work for 9) and wait till she finishes at 5....but then again ... thats what love is ...isn't it ???

The Sweeper

Everybody prefers the ice cream.

lazygal

I think people should seriously consider getting a cleaner, even once a month. We decided early on living together that life was too short to spend time arguing about or doing cleaning. The money we spend on our cleaner is probably the best value for money out of all our household spend. It wasn't as expensive as we thought and has paid dividends over and over for household and relationship harmony. We'd cut a lot of other areas before getting rid of the cleaner.

lazygal

lazygal wrote: »

I think people should seriously consider getting a cleaner, even once a month. We decided early on living together that life was too short to spend time arguing about or doing cleaning. The money we spend on our cleaner is probably the best value for money out of all our household spend. It wasn't as expensive as we thought and has paid dividends over and over for household and relationship harmony. We'd cut a lot of other areas before getting rid of the cleaner.

We don't have a cleaner, but I agree with the above post and you are providing employment for some one so it is a win win situation all round, plus think of this if you earn say 20 euro a hour in your paid work and can get a cleaner for 12 euro isn't that good value especially if it helps your relationship

Chattastrophe!

lazygal wrote: »

I think people should seriously consider getting a cleaner, even once a month. We decided early on living together that life was too short to spend time arguing about or doing cleaning. The money we spend on our cleaner is probably the best value for money out of all our household spend. It wasn't as expensive as we thought and has paid dividends over and over for household and relationship harmony. We'd cut a lot of other areas before getting rid of the cleaner.

Yep, I'd love to get a cleaner but haven't convinced himself yet. He reckons it's a waste of money to pay someone for something we can do ourselves ... but the fact of the matter is, we don't do it ourselves, at least not often enough or thoroughly enough.

It would make such a massive difference to get someone in, even just once a month, to give the place a really good going-over. Well worth sacrificing, say, the cost of one night out a month, or whatever it would work out at!

club goldgrain

Tlachtga wrote: »

Yep, I'd love to get a cleaner but haven't convinced himself yet. He reckons it's a waste of money to pay someone for something we can do ourselves ... but the fact of the matter is, we don't do it ourselves, at least not often enough or thoroughly enough.

It would make such a massive difference to get someone in, even just once a month, to give the place a really good going-over. Well worth sacrificing, say, the cost of one night out a month, or whatever it would work out at!

is he happy not to get one because you do most of it anyway?

Chattastrophe!

club goldgrain wrote: »

is he happy not to get one because you do most of it anyway?

Nah we both do our fair share. Actually he's doing a lot more than that these days, especially when it comes to cooking, as I'm pregnant and have pretty bad morning (all day!) sickness.

But we've both always been a wee bit lazy when it comes to housework. I don't mind doing the laundry, but I'm not a fan of scrubbing and dusting. And I think he just doesn't really see when things need to be cleaned.

meeeeh

club goldgrain wrote: »

i'm wondering in a relationship,even the 50/50 ones that we convince ourselves, does one person generally do more.?

I'm not convincing myself, I know I do almost everything around the house, except DIY or gardening which I hate. We are self employed and he works about 12 hours minimum during the week and a bit on Saturdays and I work three days. We deal with the issues and situations as they arise and I don't feel particularly hard done.

I get a cleaner every so often but I don't realy like other people going through the house. A hangover from growing up in house with no privacy.

club goldgrain

i posted this because i got a strange response to what i said in another post, becuase i do a lot of "house work" dinners,ironing, cleaning, washing,vaccum, polish, i do all the kid taxi stuff (becuase i love to see them do their thing) generally i don't sit down to much,(bundles of energy) and i have no issues with most things i do, ( that one day annoyed me and i posted it)but people seam to think i was a woman,
i'm the man of the house a dad of two, work full time,
i am impressed to see everything is an agreed 50/50 with you all.

but still it a be fair 60/40. with most of use, one carrys the can. be honest

Toto Wolfcastle

Jerrica wrote: »

I used to think it was all about 50:50, split it all down the line and each person do an equal amount, it's a little idealistic. There's things I'm great at doing and come naturally to me, there's things that he likes to do and won't bat an eyelid at. So now, instead of trying to split everything we play to eachother's strengths. I'm an organisation fiend so I tend to manage finances, paperwork, that kind of thing. He's a great cook so he'll make 95% of all dinners and lunches. I see more dirt than he does so I take care of the cleaning, at least all except the hoovering because for some weird reason he quite enjoys that

I think this is an example of the healthy way of doing it. 50:50 might work for some people, but it might not for others. Being happy with the situation is more important than doing an equal amount. If that means that one person is happy to do 70% because they work less, then that's the way it should be. If it means getting a cleaner, then it should be done that way.

I hate housework but I'm not working so I do more simply because I'm at home. If I'm honest, I would say that my husband probably does a bit more than he should have to but he's happy to do it. He's better at hoovering and I'm quicker at ironing so that's what we do. If I cook, he cleans up. If he cooks, I clean up. I had to do 100% of the work for a few months this year because my husband couldn't do anything and it was tough but I had to adapt and everything worked out. That's our situation, and we're happy with it so we never fight over housework.

I think it's like any part of a relationship. If you're fighting over it you need to sit down and figure out the issue and come up with a happy compromise.

Das Kitty

club goldgrain wrote: »

i posted this because i got a strange response to what i said in another post, becuase i do a lot of "house work" dinners,ironing, cleaning, washing,vaccum, polish, i do all the kid taxi stuff (becuase i love to see them do their thing) generally i don't sit down to much,(bundles of energy) and i have no issues with most things i do, ( that one day annoyed me and i posted it)but people seam to think i was a woman,
i'm the man of the house a dad of two, work full time,
i am impressed to see everything is an agreed 50/50 with you all.

but still it a be fair 60/40. with most of use, one carrys the can. be honest

Oh so you were testing the members! :rolleyes:

This is The Ladies' Lounge, of course most people are going to assume it was a woman posting.

For the record, I twigged you were a guy because of your cagey use of 'OH' instead of pronouns.

Das Kitty

Das Kitty wrote: »

Oh so you were testing the members! :rolleyes:

This is The Ladies' Lounge, of course most people are going to assume it was a woman posting.

For the record, I twigged you were a guy because of your cagey use of 'OH' instead of pronouns.

I was wondering why you'd written "she"

club goldgrain

Das Kitty wrote: »

Oh so you were testing the members! :rolleyes:

This is The Ladies' Lounge, of course most people are going to assume it was a woman posting.

For the record, I twigged you were a guy because of your cagey use of 'OH' instead of pronouns.

sorry i was, and no better place to do it.
i was have a lack of faith in the OH there for a awhile,
well twigged by you.

so i'm not less a man because i do that **** then, i was thinking i was getting girly but to be honest i actually love doing it.great sense of pride.

club goldgrain

bluewolf wrote: »

I was wondering why you'd written "she"

i noticed that to..
equality ....

club goldgrain

club goldgrain wrote: »

i noticed that to..
equality ....

It's the ladies lounge, it's not unreasonable to expect it's ladies posting in here about advice

kylith

bluewolf wrote: »

It's the ladies lounge, it's not unreasonable to expect it's ladies posting in here about advice

If I see someone post in TLL and they mention their partner is female I assume that it's a lesbian couple unless I know for a fact that the poster is male. I think it's a fair enough assumption in this forum.

Dolbert

I assumed you were a guy too, did I pass your little test?

In my relationship he probably does more of the cleaning, while I do 90% of the cooking/ decorating. Neither of us are fastidious about housework though, we're more likely to clean as we go and do a quick once-over if people are coming around. I'd love a cleaner but it's been vetoed!

club goldgrain

where else could i post it, can you imagine the **** i'd get in the GM club or AH. come on it's the only place that reall coversations happen, i actually try not to read here, but most other places get so abusive,and just depress you,

whoops now i sound like i belong here TLL

MissFlitworth

We both do an equal amount - which is roughly nothing. We suck. I cook more because I like it and for a long time we had an 'I cook, you do dishes' arrangement going on but then his working hours changed so we are basically in the house in shifts and cook for ourselves. This has resulted in my dishes & pots still being there looking me straight in the face with baldy pot cheek 2 days later and having to remind myself that I can't get annoyed that the dishes aren't done because for 'you cook, I clean' to work the 'clean' person needs to have partaken in whatever was cooked. I am both 'cook' and 'clean' and if you could buy disposable pots I would be all over it.

Every so often one of us arrives at the end of our tether or a my mam sends a text/130 character heart attack my way saying 'I'm at the Red Cow roundabout, might pop in' and we blitz the place and sit looking at our shiny, clean kitchen thinking 'God, why don't we do this all the time, it looks amazing and only took half an hour' but we just never get around to it on a weekly basis.

I'm not sure we need a cleaner so much as we need a nanny at this point

LadyMayBelle

I always hoped that things would be 50/50 or thereabouts in our housework related part of our relationship but it's not nor has it been. I do the washing/hanging up/folding/putting away, the sweeping of the kitchen and vaccuuming (for two people, wooden floors get super dusty), mopping change the bins, change the bedsheets, buy the stuff for cleaning and the general cleaning up (dusting, putting away stuff, cleaning ghe bathroom and toilet, airing the flat etc). Majority of the recycling too as it would need to be literally falling at his feet to notice sometimes! I tend to do a lot of the decorating/fixing work too. Cooking is split, Im sure he's insist he does more, but I think it's split. Ive ended up taking care of his plants too.

It bugs me tho how he might not see dirty stuff right in front of him or washes 90% of the dishes but then not clean the table tops or sweep up the mess created by food prep. MEN!

I wish it was more even, I'd LOVE to come home to fresh sheets done for me some night Having a clean house is important to me, and even if I leave things for him to do, he rarely notices and it drives me mad having to put up with dirt!

club goldgrain

i do not agree that men don't see dirt etc,
my house is the opposite and all women should come home now and again to fresh sheets on the bed,,

LadyMayBelle

Seriously thinking about having a chat!!

helimachoptor

helimachoptor wrote: »

she ........ "washes" the clothes.

I do ......all the ironing (very relaxing)...... dishwasher, sort clothes and hang up.

Don't you mean dish"washer".

Moonbaby

Moonbaby wrote: »

Don't you mean dish"washer".

Well spotted.

clairefontaine

When you find yourself doing the accounting, you might be in trouble.

Nymeria

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

I always hoped that things would be 50/50 or thereabouts in our housework related part of our relationship but it's not nor has it been. I do the washing/hanging up/folding/putting away, the sweeping of the kitchen and vaccuuming (for two people, wooden floors get super dusty), mopping change the bins, change the bedsheets, buy the stuff for cleaning and the general cleaning up (dusting, putting away stuff, cleaning ghe bathroom and toilet, airing the flat etc). Majority of the recycling too as it would need to be literally falling at his feet to notice sometimes! I tend to do a lot of the decorating/fixing work too. Cooking is split, Im sure he's insist he does more, but I think it's split. Ive ended up taking care of his plants too.

This sounds like a bit of a nightmare to be honest, I'm like you, in that I like things clean and tidy. I don't think I could live with someone who didn't make some sort of effort to clean up after themselves. It would drive me insane and I would end up resenting him and feeling like his mother.

Have you tried talking to your partner? does he know how much it bothers you?

I would stop taking care of his plants for a start. Let them die, then maybe he'll learn a lesson.

And leave him to wash and dry his own clothes, he's not a child he should at least be doing that for himself.

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

It bugs me tho how he might not see dirty stuff right in front of him or washes 90% of the dishes but then not clean the table tops or sweep up the mess created by food prep. MEN!

To be fair, its not all MEN that's the problem, just one man.

I don't mean to have a go or anything, but seriously, if you are unhappy with the situation then you need to instigate some changes or you will become resentful and drive yourself crazy.
It's not like you have some magical cleaning skills and abilities that he is lacking, basically he doesn't notice these things because he doesn't want to notice them; and he won't want to change things because he sounds like he has a charmed life.

Scortho

LadyMayBelle wrote: »

I always hoped that things would be 50/50 or thereabouts in our housework related part of our relationship but it's not nor has it been. I do the washing/hanging up/folding/putting away, the sweeping of the kitchen and vaccuuming (for two people, wooden floors get super dusty), mopping change the bins, change the bedsheets, buy the stuff for cleaning and the general cleaning up (dusting, putting away stuff, cleaning ghe bathroom and toilet, airing the flat etc). Majority of the recycling too as it would need to be literally falling at his feet to notice sometimes! I tend to do a lot of the decorating/fixing work too. Cooking is split, Im sure he's insist he does more, but I think it's split. Ive ended up taking care of his plants too.

It bugs me tho how he might not see dirty stuff right in front of him or washes 90% of the dishes but then not clean the table tops or sweep up the mess created by food prep. MEN!

I wish it was more even, I'd LOVE to come home to fresh sheets done for me some night Having a clean house is important to me, and even if I leave things for him to do, he rarely notices and it drives me mad having to put up with dirt!

Have you talked to him about it?
Have you asked him, while you're washing up can he wipe down the table etc?
In your mind you shouldn't have to ask him to do it, but we're men. We dont see these things.

I see dishes, i bang them in the dishwasher and the jobs done. My gf on the otherhand sees dishes, places them (in order of size, all the knives, forks etc have there own compartment too:rolleyes:) and then proceeds to wipedown all the surfaces such as table and worktops.
Id never think to do any of this.

No harm in asking him to do xyz. Assuming that he'll do it, just because you do, is unfair on him. However if you ask him to do something and he flat out refuses to do it, then you need to have a chat. Or make him go hungry for a few days:pac:

Scortho

Scortho wrote: »

Have you talked to him about it?
Have you asked him, while you're washing up can he wipe down the table etc?
In your mind you shouldn't have to ask him to do it, but we're men, we don't see these things.

I see dishes, i bang them in the dishwasher and the jobs done. My gf on the otherhand sees dishes, places them (in order of size, all the knives, forks etc have there own compartment too:rolleyes:) and then proceeds to wipedown all the surfaces such as table and worktops.
Id never think to do any of this.

No harm in asking him to do xyz. Assuming that he'll do it, just because you do, is unfair on him. However if you ask him to do something and he flat out refuses to do it, then you need to have a chat. Or make him go hungry for a few days:pac:

Isn't it rather insulting to all men to say that they only see things that need to be done if a woman points them out?

And since he's an adult, he should be able to take the initiative and do his share without his mummy - sorry, partner - spelling it out first.

I find this concept of men being creatures of limited attention span and even less awareness of their surroundings to be very odd.

It's like the stereotype of the useless man - so beloved of cleaning product advertisments - has been made into not only something women should 'put up with' but attempt to 'cure' too.

Scortho

Candie wrote: »

Isn't it rather insulting to all men to say that they only see things that need to be done if a woman points them out?

And since he's an adult, he should be able to take the initiative and do his share without his mummy - sorry, partner - spelling it out first.

I find this concept of men being creatures of limited attention span and even less awareness of their surroundings to be very odd.

It's like the stereotype of the useless man - so beloved of cleaning product advertisments - has been made into not only something women should 'put up with' but attempt to 'cure' too.

I am a man and am speaking of my own experiences of housework that I see and dont see. Certain aspects of cleaning I see, other things pass over my head.

Yes I help out with the housework, but I wouldnt notice the things that my gf sees. Likewise, she wouldnt notice certain things that Id see to be done (i dont mention them either, I just do them).
Im perfectly happy with putting the dishes in the dishwasher. On the otherhand she nearly wants the sink sterilized.

I wouldnt need to be told to wash the cars, or cut the grass, but i might need a little reminder to wipe down the clean table.
I dont notice everything that she does, which is hardly my fault that we both have different cleaning standards.

Legs.Eleven

That's nothing to do with gender, Scortho. My boyfriend is cleaner than I am and in fact, we'd a discussion about the cleaning the other day and it's obvious he sees stuff I don't.


Really gets on my tits when men are excused/made out to be imbeciles because "they can't see what women see".Jesus wept! Give me a break. :rolleyes: