Cutting down a tree

lisademps

Does anyone know if it is possible to get a tree cut down? There is one on my road, it's big enough so there's always a shade on the front of the house, never mind the noise of the birds at 5am every morning! Add to that, it has some sort of sap that falls in little drops on the cars around. My car is in the drive and is covered in it. Anybody know if the council would just laugh at my reasons?

stefan idiot jones

Termites.

lisademps

What you mean termites?

Ihatecuddles-old

Chances are some of your neighbours will want to keep it.

In my parents estate there's crab apple trees, every year when they fall the roads are covered in purple sludge. A neighbour around the back insisted they are kept, so the council won't remove them. Pain in the hole.

The Bishop Basher

Copper nails in the roots. Sneaky but effective.

Mr.Fred

It probably has some kind of protection order on it but the council have to trim it back if it's becoming over grown or a hindrance akaik.

Hi lisademps, welcome to After hours, if you only want serious answers I'm afraid you're in the wrong forum and I would suggest you try the regional forum for wherever you live, otherwise have a read of the charter and enjoy!

martinedwards

sabotage it so that it becomes unsafe and NEEDS to be cut down

easier than it sounds.....

ring bark it.

OK, basic biology.....

all the water up and food down travels through the tubes in the outer 1/2" of the tree. all the wood in the middle is dead and does nothing but give support.

so.

go out at 2am and cut a ring, 1/2" wide all the way round the tree.

or be extra stealthy and stagger the cuts at different heights.

above the cuts.... no more water rising, so the tree will die.

i'll take ages before anyone notices.... the leaves will die back, then not grow new leaves in Spring.

call the council & tell 'em its a safety hazard and they'll send some guys in hard hats to take it down.

of course this is vandalism so you shouldn't do it.

The Backwards Man

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Hi lisademps, welcome to After hours, if you only want serious answers I'm afraid you're in the wrong forum and I would suggest you try the regional forum for wherever you live, otherwise have a read of the charter and enjoy!

*stops sharpening axe*

lisademps

Yes it deciduous so leaves all over the car too!

Mr.Fred

Ah C'mon leaf it alone...:D

tin79

lisademps wrote: »

Does anyone know if it is possible to get a tree cut down?

No its not possible. Nobody in the history of mankind has done this...ever.

Funkfield

I was going to cut down a tree but I took an arrow to the knee.

The Backwards Man

Is the tree older than the house? Not being smart but if it is, I'd have more sympathy for the tree having it's sunlight blocked by the house than vice versa.

Uriel.

lisademps wrote: »

Yes it deciduous so leaves all over the car too!

It probably doesn't make that decision lightly

kneemos

Funkfield wrote: »

I was going to cut down a tree but I took an arrow to the knee.

William Tell on the sauce again?

tin79

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Is the tree older than the house? Not being smart but if it is, I'd have more sympathy for the tree having it's sunlight blocked by the house than vice versa.

Anyone who sympathises with a tree is not right in the head.

I however sympathise with bacteria when I wash my hands and am perfectly sane.

Funkfield

kneemos wrote: »

William Tell on the sauce again?

Yep!

biko

Move house.

SHOVELLER

In my locality there was a huge tree. One winters day it fell and killed someone. Then miraculously it was cut down very soon after.

Typically Irish.

There are hundreds of trees growing dangerously high all around the city yet the council will give their usual excuses.

I'm not saying cut them all down as the benefits of trees are obvious but they should be trimmed back at a certain point.

The Backwards Man

tin79 wrote: »

Anyone who sympathises with a tree is not right in the head.

I however sympathise with bacteria when I wash my hands and am perfectly sane.

I do sympathise with trees, I'm not ashamed of it. Poor old fecker moseying along for hundreds of years minding his own business, then some young upstart wants to cut him down for blocking the sunlight, it's not like it deliberately planted itself outside their house to cause minor discomfort.

Trees are an important landmark too, and if marked on an OS map should be saved as much as possible, in case technology ever goes belly up.

Finally, ask someone where trees can't grow what they think of people who cut them down for the hell of it.

kneemos

If it's blocking light you may have something to nag the Council about,make sure to offer to pay for it when you ask them.Don't forget to get you're local TD and or councillor to stick their oar in.

keith16

Burn your house down.

Kichote

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I do sympathise with trees, I'm not ashamed of it. Poor old fecker moseying along for hundreds of years minding his own business, then some young upstart wants to cut him down for blocking the sunlight, it's not like it deliberately planted itself outside their house to cause minor discomfort.
.

I could cut down the tree for OP. But i refuse for this reason

Trees take a long time to grow back and you have to take out the roots if you want to plant something else there. Long after the upstart is gone there will be no replacement tree

Poor homeless birds

Rasheed

Who owns the land it's on? Is it council land or private?

If its council sure try them, they might humour you. You could get a few loads of timber from it too.

The Backwards Man

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Poor homeless birds

Not just birds, trees are a very important factor int the life of all kinds of flora fauna, from squirrels to mushrooms.

If a tree is dead or dying, or a danger to humans then by all means cut it down, but if it it's just a bit of an inconvenience I say live and let live.

Plazaman

Deleted User wrote: »

Poor homeless birds

I know, my ex is always looking for money off me since she got evicted.

Gmol

Leaf it alone, it won't do you any harm. It's bark is worse than it's bite and so on

Dravokivich

Funkfield wrote: »

I was going to cut down a tree but I took an arrow to the knee.

How'd getting married stop you?

The Backwards Man

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Not just birds, trees are a very important factor int the life of all kinds of flora fauna, from squirrels to mushrooms.

If a tree is dead or dying, or a danger to humans then by all means cut it down, but if it it's just a bit of an inconvenience I say live and let live.

I'm picturing something out of a disney movie now!

Plazaman wrote: »

I know, my ex is always looking for money off me since she got evicted.

Some chicks eh.

The Backwards Man

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm picturing something out of a disney movie now!

Are you calling me a Dumbo?

hardCopy

Paging James Forde

James Forde to After Hours

tin79

SHOVELLER wrote: »

In my locality there was a huge tree. One winters day it fell and killed someone. Then miraculously it was cut down very soon after.

Typically Irish.

How and why would you cut down a tree that has already fallen over? Or is the root of your problem that you are bark-ing mad?

The Backwards Man

tin79 wrote: »

How and why would you cut down a tree that has already fallen over? Or is the root of your problem that you are bark-ing mad?

I think that's why he said it was miraculous.

knucklehead6

stefan idiot jones wrote: »

Termites.

no. use THERMITE.... Then we can have all sorts of conspiracy theouies around whether or not the gubberment knew about it and planned it all along.

SEPT 23 1989

I like the sound of birds singing in the morning apart from one type

that sounds like a fcuking machine gun:mad:

bacon n eggs

Perhaps a magpie.

positron

I am not even your neighbor and even I feel the need to protect that tree.

If birds chirping is waking you up, it only means your body doesn't need sleep that badly. I was up almost all night last night (flu) and there were birds chirping all around the house and there are no trees here - they were chatting away from the roof / chimney.

pharmaton

You'll need to contact the relevant authority op, there's a bunch of very old tall trees that act as a boundary between my street and the privately owned land opposite us and as a result the front of the house is always in the shade (the back is gloriously bright) . As much as I like them it does get on my goat that I can't do anything about them and because they are so high they are always a concern in bad weather. Few years ago I went in search of answers and contacted the land owners and they were quick to let me know they are all protected and can't be touched. I'm hardly surprised but they do actually employ caretakers who maintain the trees and make sure they are safe and every couple of years de-branch a few that over look public roads around the area.


(I actually like the bird song and leafyness of the area otherwise)

kylith

Ah, OP, would you not make sure to give it a nice drink of water every day? Just be sure, whatever you do, NOT to put a load of salt in the watering can too.

positron wrote: »

If birds chirping is waking you up, it only means your body doesn't need sleep that badly. I was up almost all night last night (flu) and there were birds chirping all around the house and there are no trees here - they were chatting away from the roof / chimney.

It could just mean that they're noisy little feckers. Before I took down the tree in my garden sparrows used to have me up from about 05:30 with their CHEEP CHEEP CHEEP, and I sure as hell wasn't done sleeping. If you couldn't be woken by noise unless you'd had enough sleep then alarm clocks, fire alarms, and the like, would be useless.

The Pheasant

Ah leave the tree alone! What species is it? I know you said deciduous but like Birch, Beech, Oak, Sycamore? Ya can't cut down an oak!

kneemos

The Pheasant wrote: »

Ah leave the tree alone! What species is it? I know you said deciduous but like Birch, Beech, Oak, Sycamore? Ya can't cut down an oak!

Some sort of manky crossbreed that drips sap,probably poisonous.

Funkfield

Dravokivich wrote: »

How'd getting married stop you?

"Cut down a tree" is a euphemism for "go out and bang some young wan".

laoch na mona

leave it be if you get evicted you can sleep in the tree

lisademps

The Pheasant wrote: »

Ah leave the tree alone! What species is it? I know you said deciduous but like Birch, Beech, Oak, Sycamore? Ya can't cut down an oak!

Well it has those helicopter leaves so that would make it a Maple tree?

kneemos

lisademps wrote: »

Well it has those helicopter leaves so that would make it a Maple tree?

They're big tuckers,you'll be highly unpopular with you're neighbours "if"you do get it cut down I suspect.

yore

lisademps wrote: »

Does anyone know if it is possible to get a tree cut down? There is one on my road, it's big enough so there's always a shade on the front of the house, never mind the noise of the birds at 5am every morning! Add to that, it has some sort of sap that falls in little drops on the cars around. My car is in the drive and is covered in it. Anybody know if the council would just laugh at my reasons?

Jaysus, things have gone downhill for the poor oul' smelly crusties ever since they un-"occupied" Dame St.

Just tell him to get ta fuck outta your tree

stefan idiot jones

How about putting that fu@ki' bully of a tomcat up your tree and torching the pair of them.

Thats two threads closed for the price of one.

Mr. CooL ICE

SHOVELLER wrote: »

In my locality there was a huge tree. One winters day it fell and killed someone. Then miraculously it was cut down very soon after.

Interesting.


OP, murder your neighbours and frame the tree

kylith

lisademps wrote: »

Well it has those helicopter leaves so that would make it a Maple tree?

A Sycamore, I think.