Something needs to be done about nightclub groping

rox5

http://beaut.ie/2013/79727/

Just came across this on Facebook, and really is one of the reasons I rarely go to nightclubs that much anymore. I mean girls should be able to go out and enjoy themselves without being groped by creeps and then getting scolded when they reject them.

I mean some of the comments on beaut.ie really creep me out and I keep thinking that if this behavior continues that no girl will ever trust a guy who approaches them in a nightclub or pub, even though they might actually be genuine. I feel bad for those decent guys being tarred with the same brush of being a creep automatically if they talked to a girl in a nightclub.

Have you ever been groped in a nightclub, to a point where it ruined your night?
Just want to hear other woman's views on this.

meeeeh

I don't go often to night clubs but it still happened a lot. People on holidays tend to be the worst. I was in a crowded club once when a group of turists came (I think they were Italian but the nationality diesnt overly matter) and every ten minutes different hand landed on my arse or someone was leaning on me. But in a way it was very bad couple of weeks ago. The first guy tried to chat me up and when he figured out my boyfriend was standing behind he ignored him and kept on going. It's realy not fun when somebody is so drunk they can barley talk and just go on and on. The other guy was worse. He basically asked me what am I doing with that fat **** (my boyfriend) and was just a pain anyway. I don't like to be ignorant but with that one I had enough and just walked away. Sometimes I wish they would just grope me and leave, it would be less painfull than listening to the drunken dross. There were other examples, for whatever reason any creep in the neighborhood finds me. Maybe I'm old but this kind of stuff just makes stay away from certain places.

Esoteric_

I'd imagine it's happened to all women at some point.

The only time it legit ruined my night was when a guy groped me, I pushed him off and told him to fcuk off. He then told me he was going to rape me. :rolleyes: Lovely behaviour *snort*.

In general, it doesn't happen too often in the places I go, but I don't let it ruin my night. I just call the bouncer and get him to deal with the bloke and then get on with my night.

Das Kitty

The way some men behave in nightclubs really puts me off going. I used to love going when I was younger and probably (stupidly) had more of a tolerance for being felt up and groped. I loved--and still love--to have a dance.

I think there's a perception that if you're in a club, you're there to pull someone. I'd like to say that this is a new thing but it was the same 17 (!) years ago when I started going out first.

The last couple of times I went to a club (hello hen nights) I left feeling very edgy after spending the nights trying to fend off guys. Very young drunk guys for the most part. I did feel there was pressure to gently dissuade them rather than "making a scene" or "ruining people's nights". It's a bit crap that that's what my #1 concern was rather than avoiding being groped.

I go mostly to late night bars now if I'm going out. There's not as much opportunity to dance (not that I let that stop me) but I have a far better night not having to constantly keep an eye on the roaming hands of random guys.

I was pregnant last time I was on a hen and some dick-head grabbed my tits. I don't know what hurt more, my sore boobs that I could barely get into a bra without wincing over, or the fact that this ass treated my body as public property.

URGH!

DeltaWhite

I was out the other night and I was a little tipsy, wearing jeans and a nice top.

Some slime ball walked up to me and grabbed my lady area and I instinctively smacked him right in the face. I'm not a violent person but if some muppet thinks he can invade my space like that I will gladly protect/defend myself. The bouncers saw what happened and escorted him out.

I was sickened by it. I have a bf and I don't go looking for men when I'm out, I was with the girls having a great time and my night was ruined by one absolute sleaze.. I actually don't even know why I feel like I have to explain myself, maybe that's society today - dress provocatively and you're "asking for it" or being to drunk leaves you open to this kind of thing. Shouldn't be happening at all.

fits

Walked into Flannerys bar one night about ten years ago. I just walked down the length of the bar and was groped three times in about 90 seconds. It was crowded so I could never see who had done it. I turned around and walked back out and have never set foot in the place since. I cannot abide nightclubs or meat market bars.

Anytime I go out to dance now, its at music festivals or gigs. I dont really go out otherwise anymore.

GreeBo

As a 30 something guy, can I ask where you ladies are experiencing this?
Are they typically younger guys?

I'm not shy but I couldn't even imagine just randomly groping/grabbing some girl on a night out, no matter how drunk.

I have also never seen it firsthand, but heard how places like Coppers etc are considered meat markets by both sexes.

fits

GreeBo wrote: »

As a 30 something guy, can I ask where you ladies are experiencing this?

Almost everywhere when it is packed and people are drunk. (never have a problem at gigs though)

Are they typically younger guys?

not necessarily.

I'm not shy but I couldn't even imagine just randomly groping/grabbing some girl on a night out, no matter how drunk.

Its nothing to do with shyness or confidence, its more to do with being a dick.

markad1

Holy jaysus, I'm a 40 yo man and I'm gobsmacked reading above.
Then again I don't get out much

GreeBo

fits wrote: »

Its nothing to do with shyness or confidence, its more to do with being a dick.

Not denying that they are dicks, but it does seem like something a normally shy dickhead would do with some drink on board. Lots of guys I know turn into very different people when drunk, some very obnoxious and totally different than when sober. I guess the same is true for girls.

Begs the question, any girls on here ever pinch a random bum on a night out?
I've seen and experienced that but it seems to be treated as much more of a laugh when a girl does it, less predatory I guess anyway.

kylith

I haven't been to a club in years, and I'm glad for it now. I've never had a problem with men groping me (I reckon I must give off a 'fúck off' air), so I'm surprised to hear how prevalent it seems to be. Don't let them away with it, if a man got a smack in the chops every time he did something like this he wouldn't be long about stopping it. Don't worry about making a scene; teach them a lesson.

Ash.J.Williams

GreeBo wrote: »

As a 30 something guy, can I ask where you ladies are experiencing this?
Are they typically younger guys?

I'm not shy but I couldn't even imagine just randomly groping/grabbing some girl on a night out, no matter how drunk.

I have also never seen it firsthand, but heard how places like Coppers etc are considered meat markets by both sexes.

I'd never do it either, but i've seen friends actually score from a bit of ass slappin!

rox5

GreeBo wrote: »

Begs the question, any girls on here ever pinch a random bum on a night out?
I've seen and experienced that but it seems to be treated as much more of a laugh when a girl does it, less predatory I guess anyway.

I know a girl who slapped a few bums on a night out just for a laugh, but she would not be pineing after them though. I think it is different with girls, they might just do it as a bit of harmless fun, but I have never in my experiance seen a girl grope a guy and follow them around the nightclub, or get really pissed off when they are rejected. It's scarier with guys since they are, I'll admit, the stronger sex. I had one guy grab my wrist one time, and could not get him to loosen his grip for ages. If I did that to a guy (just FYI I have never done that to guys on nights out, just giving an example), he could pull away from me no bother.

Lyaiera

rox5 wrote: »

I know a girl who slapped a few bums on a night out just for a laugh, but she would not be pineing after them though. I think it is different with girls, they might just do it as a bit of harmless fun

It's really not harmless fun. It's a violation of someone's privacy. Guys could say the same about doing it to girls, "Ah, sure I was only playing." I can't see how anyone can debate this. Don't grab other people. It seems obvious.

meeeeh

GreeBo wrote: »

As a 30 something guy, can I ask where you ladies are experiencing this?
Are they typically younger guys?

I'm not shy but I couldn't even imagine just randomly groping/grabbing some girl on a night out, no matter how drunk.

I have also never seen it firsthand, but heard how places like Coppers etc are considered meat markets by both sexes.

Usually in the clubs which have general appeal. Rock clubs, concert venues, alternative music events or even more expensive night clubs are usually ok. It's the common night clubs who attract all types of people which seem to be the worst. When younger I spent the most time in clubs or pubs where men were way to preoccupied checking if a guitarist on the stage made a mistake than anything else. And it was great, although you wouldn't get chatted up either.

I like alcohol, I have a glass of wine with food very often and sometimes I get drunk too. But I hate it how annoying people can get when completely hammered. I honestly believe that drink is the main problem. Most of those guys are dicks in everyday life too but they are much worse when drunk.

rox5

fits wrote: »

Walked into Flannerys bar one night about ten years ago. I just walked down the length of the bar and was groped three times in about 90 seconds. It was crowded so I could never see who had done it. I turned around and walked back out and have never set foot in the place since. I cannot abide nightclubs or meat market bars.

Anytime I go out to dance now, its at music festivals or gigs. I dont really go out otherwise anymore.

Something similiar happened to me where I was just dancing with my friends minding my own business, when I felt the back of my top being lifted up. I pulled it down super quick, and turned around to tell them off but they were no where to be found. It didn't help that I am not totally skinny, so I have a bit of flab and love handles. So I wasn't sure if it was someone trying to grope me, or if it was someone being a real dickhead and trying to expose my fatness.
But had made me even more self-concious about my body shape, since it is impossible to find going-out clothes that are not tight-skinned and crop-top these days. Similiar thing happened on a nightout where I overheard a group of guys talking about which girls they saw and who they would want to sleep and when they saw me they said I was too fat to sleep with, and I am only a size 12! That's is not fat in my opinion.

Ash.J.Williams

meeeeh wrote: »

Usually in the clubs which have general appeal. Rock clubs, concert venues, alternative music events or even more expensive night clubs are usually ok. It's the common night clubs who attract all types of people which seem to be the worst. When younger I spent the most time in clubs or pubs where men were way to preoccupied checking if a guitarist on the stage made a mistake than anything else. And it was great, although you wouldn't get chatted up either.

I like alcohol, I have a glass of wine with food very often and sometimes I get drunk too. But I hate it how annoying people can get when completely hammered. I honestly believe that drink is the main problem. Most of those guys are dicks in everyday life too but they are much worse when drunk.

ha i hear ya!

meeeeh

rox5 wrote: »

I know a girl who slapped a few bums on a night out just for a laugh, but she would not be pineing after them though. I think it is different with girls, they might just do it as a bit of harmless fun, but I have never in my experiance seen a girl grope a guy and follow them around the nightclub, or get really pissed off when they are rejected. It's scarier with guys since they are, I'll admit, the stronger sex. I had one guy grab my wrist one time, and could not get him to loosen his grip for ages. If I did that to a guy (just FYI I have never done that to guys on nights out, just giving an example), he could pull away from me no bother.

I don't think it's harmless fun. I know quite a few men who would not appreciate that kind of harmless fun. I might be old fashioned but I do think that we should treat people with some sort of respect.

Ash.J.Williams

meeeeh wrote: »

I don't think it's harmless fun. I know quite a few men who would not appreciate that kind of harmless fun. I might be old fashioned but I do think that we should treat people with some sort of respect.

I saw an irish girl get put in her place in Egypt when she pinched a muslim dude in the ass....he was dead sound and was hanging out with us at night all week...then that happened...he went nuts "have you no respect" etc!

markad1

rox5...I'm sure all those lads were hunks and could "pull" any girl they wanted....I wouldn't have said 12 was big either

Ash.J.Williams

rox5 wrote: »

Something similiar happened to me where I was just dancing with my friends minding my own business, when I felt the back of my top being lifted up. I pulled it down super quick, and turned around to tell them off but they were no where to be found. It didn't help that I am not totally skinny, so I have a bit of flab and love handles. So I wasn't sure if it was someone trying to grope me, or if it was someone being a real dickhead and trying to expose my fatness.
But had made me even more self-concious about my body shape, since it is impossible to find going-out clothes that are not tight-skinned and crop-top these days. Similiar thing happened on a nightout where I overheard a group of guys talking about which girls they saw and who they would want to sleep and when they saw me they said I was too fat to sleep with, and I am only a size 12! That's is not fat in my opinion.

i actually heard this about me when i was 21ish "what about him? ...nah bellys to big" i laughed....but ya know yerself!!

Das Kitty

The only person's bum I've ever groped in a nightclub was my OH's and I had pre-approval.

I don't think it's any less wrong for a girl to randomly grope/slap/or pinch a guy than it is the other way around.

If you wouldn't do it to someone somewhere like the supermarket, a club should be no different.

Pepe LeFrits

kylith wrote: »

Don't let them away with it, if a man got a smack in the chops every time he did something like this he wouldn't be long about stopping it. Don't worry about making a scene; teach them a lesson.

Don't go down this route. Aside from the risk of having some drunken cretin fly into a rage and absolutely lamp you, it's simply wrong. I've had girls pinch or slap my arse plenty of times too and giving someone a smack isn't appropriate, whatever their gender.

Report it to the management of the club in question, and if they don't act on it, well, then it's time to start naming and shaming.

MurdyWurdy

I went out last weekend for a friend's birthday, we were in a packed bar in town. At about midnight i decided it was time for me to leave but we were as far from the exit as I could be. There were loads of groups of lads standing in my way and every group I tried to squish past wouldn't let me go at first, you know the type, stopping a woman by themselves, trying to be smartarses and making comments.

That was until they realised I was 8 months pregnant and that's why I couldn't get past. The look of fear on their faces as they all frantically tried to get out of my way as quick as possible was hilarious!

I rarely go to bars or clubs anymore so can't recall being groped. I don't remember it being a problem when I did go out a lot but perhaps my tolerance for assholes was higher than.

Scarinae

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

Report it to the management of the club in question, and if they don't act on it, well, then it's time to start naming and shaming.

It’s not always that straightforward though. I was in a pub with two friends and this drunk middle aged man started bothering us, he didn’t actually grope any of us but he sat down next to my friend and kept trying to put his arm around her and touch her leg. We complained about him to the barman and he said that she should take it as a compliment, so we left

GalwayGuy2

Originally Posted by kylith
Don't let them away with it, if a man got a smack in the chops every time he did something like this he wouldn't be long about stopping it. Don't worry about making a scene; teach them a lesson.

It would sound awful if that man was a woman in the above :S

DeltaWhite

Pepe LeFrits wrote: »

Don't go down this route. Aside from the risk of having some drunken cretin fly into a rage and absolutely lamp you, it's simply wrong. I've had girls pinch or slap my arse plenty of times too and giving someone a smack isn't appropriate, whatever their gender.

Report it to the management of the club in question, and if they don't act on it, well, then it's time to start naming and shaming.

If someone touches my vagina without my permission - they are getting slapped simple as that. Anyone who thinks they can do that to a woman and get away with it needs a slap of reality. I understand your point about them flying into a rage but in the heat of the moment that's not what I would be thinking about!

GreeBo

DeltaWhite wrote: »

If someone touches my vagina without my permission - they are getting slapped simple as that. Anyone who thinks they can do that to a woman and get away with it needs a slap of reality. I understand your point about them flying into a rage but in the heat of the moment that's not what I would be thinking about!

So what am I entitled to do if some "lady" grabs me in the crotch?
Surely no one should think they can do that to anyone else?

CavanGal

This stuff drives me mad. Why is it that if I am walking down the street in the middle of the day and some guy slapped my ass, grabbed my chest or vagina, all hell would break loose, the Guards called and the guy done for assault. However, 12 hours later I am in a bar/club, I head to the bar and its a fricking free for all and I should laugh it off or else I am creating a scene/embarrassing myself. No-one has ever grabbed my vagina (thank God as I would freak) but I am rather, er, gifted in the chest area and when I was younger, I was often gropped there -whether I was wearing a low top or not. I can take the ass slapping to a certain extent as it is less invasive but it still irritates me. However any other gropping and the refusal to take no for an answer when trying to chat me up is just ridiculous and upsetting. Why is it that drink leads some people (of both sexes) to lose all common sense and become animal-like?

I do agree though that it depends where you go so I tend to avoid Coppers and the likes at all costs. However, I should be able to wear what I like without people thinking it is an invitation to touch me!

Morag

It's gotten worse in the last few years, it's rare I will go out unless it's to places were that sort of carry on is not acceptable or if I have friends with me who will back me up.

Last time it happened was last weekend, trying move through a pub to head to the stairs to go up and meet people there. Two arseholes moved into my way thinking I was going to have to brush passed them, I refused and asked them loudly to move and they acted like scalded cats, calling me rude. I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye as I moved passed them and turned around to catch one of them going to grope my bum, told him if he touched me I would have him done for assault. Needless to say I got called a bitch, a dyke and a stuck up cnt and these were men older then me I'd say mid 40s to 50s and it was 9:30pm in a pub and not in a night club.

When I was leaving the pub 2 hours later I got groped twice, couldn't say who it was, was just trying to get the hell out of there asap. I won't be going back there ever again.

GreeBo

Mods, any issue with people posting where they have had this happen to them?