Guys approaching Girls on the street

Sarahaw

I was out in dublin yesterday at about 16.00 on grafton street. This guy just stopped me in the street. He said hi, told me his name and said he'd like to meet up some time and asked if he could have my number. He seemed like a pretty normal guy (not a creep!), said he was 24 and I thought he was actually pretty handsome).

This never happened me before, usually Irish guys only approach when they've built up a bit of dutch courage! I was a bit stunned by it and didn't really know what to make of it.

Just wondering if this is common or has ever happened you and did you think it was a good or bad. Some of my friends thought it was a bit weird that a guy would approach like that! I have his number and don't now if I should text him.

Thanks

Colash

Sarahaw wrote: »

I was out in dublin yesterday at about 16.00 on grafton street. This guy just stopped me in the street. He said hi, told me his name and said he'd like to meet up some time and asked if he could have my number. He seemed like a pretty normal guy (not a creep!), said he was 24 and I thought he was actually pretty handsome).

This never happened me before, usually Irish guys only approach when they've built up a bit of dutch courage! I was a bit stunned by it and didn't really know what to make of it.

Just wondering if this is common or has ever happened you and did you think it was a good or bad. Some of my friends thought it was a bit weird that a guy would approach like that! I have his number and don't now if I should text him.

Thanks

And did u give him your number ?

Outkast_IRE

Serial Killer

Sarahaw

no i didn't give him my num. I can't remember him asking for it. I think I might have been a bit shy / embarrassed about the whole thing so he just gave me his.

Sarahaw

Outkast_IRE wrote: »

Serial Killer

thought as much

OU812

Well call him !!!

That's the way things should be done.

username123

Its just not really a norm of Irish culture. But I cant imagine its any a worse way to meet a new person than in a bar, online, at the supermarket etc... Meeting a stranger is meeting a stranger. Its happened me (being approached that way) in the USA and Australia (although that was on a beach so a bit more 'holiday' feel to it).

Theres no reason not to text but just abide by the usual safety rules, meet in a public place, tell people where you are and what time you expect to be back etc..

miamee

This happened to me last summer, also on Grafton street one evening. Guy stopped me, asked me was I single and told me I was very beautiful. I didn't really know what to make of it but he asked if he could call me some time. Gave him my number, he called a couple of days later and we chatted a bit and agreed to meet up for a drink a couple of days later.

The date was ok except that we were total strangers with nothing in common. He talked about himself a lot when I asked questions but didn't ask much about me. Basically he was in the market for a girlfriend and didn't really care what I was interested in etc. He was already suggesting that I take time off work in august to go on holidays with him! We said we might meet again later in the week but he insisted on walking me part of the way home, gave a horrible kiss goodbye and asked could he come home with me :eek:

On the Friday he called several times through the afternoon and evening (possibly 7 times, can't remember exactly), each call followed by a text. Eventually I texted back saying I wasn't interested in seeing him again as friends or anything else.

I don't regret taking a chance, it just didn't work out very well!

Colash

OU812 wrote: »

Well call him !!!

That's the way things should be done.

Fair play to him . He has balls

miamee

Just to add, it wasn't the same guy as this fella was well into his 30s!

Outkast_IRE

miamee wrote: »

Just to add, it wasn't the same guy as this fella was well into his 30s!

Unless he is Benjamin Button, Is that a possibility ? When he was talking about himself did he mention a stint working on a boat ?

Reamer Fanny

Total creep, sounds like the Ted Bundy type alright.

nursemar88

I think fair play to him. If he didn't come off as a creep then I would go for it. Obviously keep with the rules of public place and everything else already mentioned. If all else fails you'll know whats he like. Sure blind dates are always with strangers too.

starling

OP I'd give him a chance if you think he's attractive, but like others have said keep it to a public place. Maybe he's a bit odd and maybe he's just confident, no way to know until you get to know him a bit!
Personally I don't think it's creepy for a guy to approach a girl in a respectful way; there's a world of difference between "I think you're very beautiful and is it okay if I give you my phone number?" and "Hey sexy nice t*ts wanna go somewhere?"
The other week a guy asked me for directions and then wouldn't take no for an answer when I told him he couldn't have my phone number and no, I didn't want to be facebook friends with him...
When I walked away he stood outside the chemist waiting for me to come out. For fifteen minutes I sat in the chemists with the girls who worked there (the male owner would have seen him off sharpish but he wasn't there) an we watched him standing around staring at the door from across the street.
Eventually one of the girls walked me towards the shopping centre but he followed us so we had to double back and sneak around to the back entrance of the shopping centre. Now that's creepy.
I don't mean to tell you your experience though. It's all down to the way your guy acted, did he make you feel creeped out? Or was it more just surprise that he had the confidence to approach you without 6 pints
Our instincts on this are often right even if we sometimes ignore them because of politeness or whatever. the guy who followed me was making me uncomfortable pretty much straight away.

Itwasntme.

I've given my number to random people who asked for it just because I was impressed by their confidence. Unfortunately, every single one of them has been an asshole. I would still give my number out though if I think the person attractive just because I don't see how it is any different from any other scenario in which it is more socially acceptable to ask for a stranger's number.

SolarFlash

sounds like a loon. Forget what u see in movies they don't do that in America either.

Esoteric_

I don't think he sounds like a loon or a creep at all.

Had it happen to me about 3 years ago. Was impressed by the guy's confidence and he was somewhat my type, so I gave my number to him. He texted me that night, we chatted through text for an hour or two, went on a date the next day and ended up in a relationship for over a year, and it was probably the best relationship I ever had. He's still a close friend, we were just both too young for a serious relationship at the time. He did it again about three months ago with another girl and is still dating her.

wesf

Itwasntme. wrote: »

I've given my number to random people who asked for it just because I was impressed by their confidence. Unfortunately, every single one of them has been an asshole. I would still give my number out though if I think the person attractive just because I don't see how it is any different from any other scenario in which it is more socially acceptable to ask for a stranger's number.

Hop it out there so

pwurple

I would be seriously unimpressed with that. Asking me out based on what I look like alone? Not even a word out of your mouth, so he clearly doesn't give two hoots about anything other than a warm body. Shallow as you like, also possibly desperate as fook. Is he asking every third girl til he gets a number?

And if you go out with him, what happens when the next pretty thing walks past? I'd avoid like the plague, because he may already have it!

Itwasntme.

pwurple wrote: »

I would be seriously unimpressed with that. Asking me out based on what I look like alone? Not even a word out of your mouth, so he clearly doesn't give two hoots about anything other than a warm body. Shallow as you like, also possibly desperate as fook. Is he asking every third girl til he gets a number?

And if you go out with him, what happens when the next pretty thing walks past? I'd avoid like the plague, because he may already have it!

Oh come on, just because he asked for her number doesn't mean he doesn't care about anything but her looks. And let's not kid ourselves - looks are the most common basis upon which people strike up conversations which in theory lead to getting to know someone and deciding thereafter whether you like them or not. Asking for a stranger's number on the street is an effort in that direction. How else would you have him go about it?

wesf

pwurple wrote: »

I would be seriously unimpressed with that. Asking me out based on what I look like alone? Not even a word out of your mouth, so he clearly doesn't give two hoots about anything other than a warm body. Shallow as you like, also possibly desperate as fook. Is he asking every third girl til he gets a number?

And if you go out with him, what happens when the next pretty thing walks past? I'd avoid like the plague, because he may already have it!

I'd say you're a bundle of fun on a night out! 1st thing any male thinks when he sees a girl is if she's attractive or not, that decision takes all of 2 seconds.
Then you can go about discovering what sort of personality she has. Like it or not, looks are the first thing people see. He saw a girl he felt was attractive and had the balls to do something about it, what's wrong with that?!

meeeeh

I would worry they want to sell me a hoover or get me to join Jehovah Witnesses.

But seriously something similar happened to me twice. First one was slightly mentally disabled. It wasn't exactly on the street but in my parents business. I haven't spoken to him before. he just brought me coffee from cafe next door. When I said no to a date he started crying and I had to let him down gently. Couple of weeks later he was standing in front if the house at night and waiting for me. He realy scared me and mum had to send him away, luckily they my parents knew his family and talked to them so they kept him away after that.

The other one probably wasn't exactly right in the head either. He probably spotted me before when walking dogs. One day he was waiting for me in the woods and asked me on a date. At the same time he was trying to give me some money for make up. My stupid dogs were just wagging their tails although they would usually bark at people (they never bit anybody). I can't remember how I got rid of him but I was avoiding that part of woods for quite a while after that. So no I wouldn't give my number to a stranger.

Esoteric_

pwurple wrote: »

I would be seriously unimpressed with that. Asking me out based on what I look like alone? Not even a word out of your mouth, so he clearly doesn't give two hoots about anything other than a warm body. Shallow as you like, also possibly desperate as fook. Is he asking every third girl til he gets a number?

And if you go out with him, what happens when the next pretty thing walks past? I'd avoid like the plague, because he may already have it!

Sorry, but 99% of people judge on looks.

Physical attraction is just as important as attraction to personality. That's not being shallow, that's being realistic.

narddog

Most Irish women are fairly unfriendly, imo. Trying to strike up a conversation with someone can be like trying to get blood from a stone. Have lived in a few countries and I always found it much easier to talk to women when I'm abroad. A lot of women in Ireland are so full of themselves, it's quite funny.

Reamer Fanny

Are you sure he wasn't a really crafty chugger?

porsche959

Sarahaw wrote: »

I was out in dublin yesterday at about 16.00 on grafton street. This guy just stopped me in the street. He said hi, told me his name and said he'd like to meet up some time and asked if he could have my number. He seemed like a pretty normal guy (not a creep!), said he was 24 and I thought he was actually pretty handsome).

This never happened me before, usually Irish guys only approach when they've built up a bit of dutch courage! I was a bit stunned by it and didn't really know what to make of it.

Just wondering if this is common or has ever happened you and did you think it was a good or bad. Some of my friends thought it was a bit weird that a guy would approach like that! I have his number and don't now if I should text him.

Thanks

My take is that he has read some P.U.A. materials and is trying it out.

That kind of approach doesn't come naturally, even to confident types.

I'm not necessarily saying you shouldn't meet him, but be aware - and I'm not being cynical - that he could have approached ten other women on the same day with the same spiel.

I don't see the harm in meeting up with him and seeing what happens. Maybe he's practising getting some confidence, maybe he just felt a spark and went with it! Nothing wrong with that

cantdecide

pwurple wrote: »

I would be seriously unimpressed with that. Asking me out based on what I look like alone?!

What if he asked you because you might look like a nice approachable lady?

I don't approach women in pubs or clubs. I've asked lots of ladies out under other circumstances but I've never asked out a stranger on the street. I kinda admire a guy that would... provided it's genuine of course.

pwurple

Itwasntme. wrote: »

Oh come on, just because he asked for her number doesn't mean he doesn't care about anything but her looks. And let's not kid ourselves - looks are the most common basis upon which people strike up conversations which in theory lead to getting to know someone and deciding thereafter whether you like them or not. Asking for a stranger's number on the street is an effort in that direction. How else would you have him go about it?

How else? It's conversation first, then number obviously. What kind of nutter goes up to people and asks for the number first like in the OP? Weirdos with no other social outlet or clue is who.

What's wrong with cafe's, sports clubs, classes, work, pubs, dancing or any of the million places where people meet eachother and strike up conversation? It's iffy and I would steer well clear. Like I said, it's desperate and/or shallow at best. Axe murderer at worst.

Rosy Posy

SolarFlash wrote: »

sounds like a loon. Forget what u see in movies they don't do that in America either.

Actually this has happened to me in America and I had a couple of good experiences out of it (some just meeting interesting people even though nothing romantic came of it). But there were also instances where it happened there and I (metaphorically) ran for the hills. It's about trusting your instincts and making sure you don't leave yourself in a vulnerable situation.

It's also very common in Africa and India in my experience.

I think that there is something about me that is approachable because this happens to me a lot (I'm also a magnet for god botherers and chuggers). I've been told I have an open face.

pwurple

Esoteric_ wrote: »

Sorry, but 99% of people judge on looks

... and 99% of boards.ie statistics are made up on the spot.

Prodigious

Not sure if lads are allowed in here, but here's my 2 cents:

He saw the OP, thought she was pretty, struck up conversation and asked for her number.

He is either naturally confident, or has been reading about pickup online. Either way, it's not such a strange thing to do. Is there a potential relationship there? Who knows. Point is, it's highly unlikely that he's a murderer/rapist.

Best case scenario, he's a great guy who you end up dating for a while.
Worst case scenario, you go on a date, he's boring as hell, and you never see him again.

Prodigious

pwurple wrote: »

... and 99% of boards.ie statistics are made up on the spot.

So do men approach women in clubs based on personality?

meeeeh

I don't think that everybody who approaches people is a nutter but I just wouldn't trust them.

rox5

Sarahaw wrote: »

This never happened me before, usually Irish guys only approach when they've built up a bit of dutch courage!

Jaysus, that's the truth! Never been approached on a street by a stranger, but on nights out when sober guys who seem genuine actually talk to you, I am always surprised everytime, because I have gotton so used to drunken idiots coming up to you just to get the shift. I also get suspicious too, because I always think "If they are sober and chatting me up, they must be up to something!" :pac::p


I'd say just give him a chance, but meet in public places. He could be a stalking creep and a wannabe ted Bundy (don't want to be scary, just being realistic) but then he could be genuine.

SueBoom

A similar thing happened to me when I was living in Australia. I was on the way home from work on the train, a few glances and smiles were exchanged with this guy and he passed me his number as he was getting off. We ended up seeing each other for a few months, it didn't work out for us that way but he's now one of my closest friends and one of the best people I've ever met in my life. Obviously not every situation is going to work out like that but if you're comfortable with it and you got a good vibe off him then go for it! Just be safe.

(Also suggesting that people shouldn't approach people they are attracted to is ridiculous. Your idea of how people meet and get together must be way out of wack. Being physically attracted to someone is equally important as liking who they are.)

Millicent

My boyfriend gave me his phone number out of the blue in a coffee shop after just a brief exchange. That was more than six years ago.

Had a load of people trying to talk me out of texting him because "he might be a weirdo." He wasn't (well not in the axe-murderer way anyway! :pac:) and I'm so glad I ignored them.

If you think he's on the level, go for it, OP. Might be one of the best decisions you ever make. (And it gets you a few "aw" responses when people ask you how ye met!)

beks101

porsche959 wrote: »

I'm not necessarily saying you shouldn't meet him, but be aware - and I'm not being cynical - that he could have approached ten other women on the same day with the same spiel.

Yeah this is it really, isn't it.

This kind of approach isn't altogether uncommon on this side of the world (Canada) but I just can't get used to it.

I'm a perfectly friendly, social person, I'd talk to the wall, but being stopped cold in the street or in the subway station or whatever just makes me uncomfortable, self conscious and somewhat agitated that I'm being "put on the spot" as I go about my day, probably rushing somewhere with ten things on my mind.

And yeah, it's not exactly natural behaviour for even the most outgoing of us so I'd be thinking, "how many girls said 'no' before me?"

seenitall

Yup, agreed. I wouldn't go there.

I've had the approach tried on me a few times in the past and I was mildly freaked out every time, except memorably once, when the guy who approached me on the street turned out to be lovely, I went to the cinema with him that same evening and he remains a very good friend to this day, 12 years later.

What swayed me that time was simply gut instinct, this guy's body language was so laid-back he was almost horizontal; non-threatening would be a huge understatement!

... which is probably why he was trying out a PUA technique (yes, you could see that one coming!) in the first place; he definitely doesn't have a predatory fibre in his body, no matter how much he tries. And that's why he is my friend.

I am a skeptical person at the best of times, but that experience kind of confirmed it for me that we can thank PU 'Artistry' for an x amount of this type of approaches; and I've never been in the market for what they're selling.

blacklilly

OP I think most women would be chuffed if a guy approached them and asked for their number etc.
It happened me in March in Paris and I was definitely taken a back and a little apprehensive about it but to cut a long story short he came to visit me in Ireland a few weeks ago and I'm going over to visit him in July and if nothing more comes of it, it's still a nice story.

My advice, take the chance, be safe and feel good about it.

Prodigious

seenitall wrote: »

I am a skeptical person at the best of times, but that experience kind of confirmed it for me that we can thank PU 'Artistry' for an x amount of this type of approaches; and I've never been in the market for what they're selling.

While the mainstream image of Pickup artists is sleazy, heartbreakers, etc, I wouldn't necessarily judge the man making the approach based on that. Most who use PUA techniques are not doing it play with women's hearts, they just want to genuinely improve the romance in their life. What harm in that?

seenitall

Well, I don't want to turn this into a discussion on PUA; suffice it to say that I find the idea of intentionally being coached to manipulate people's reactions and responses to one's own benefit when it comes to the segment of life that to my mind should be all about honesty and transparency, eh, a little unappealing.

The romance-improver thing sounds nice and good, but if you actually read some of this stuff, that kind of idea is really, really not the first thing that springs to mind.

That's what harm.

Prodigious

seenitall wrote: »

Well, I don't want to turn this into a discussion on PUA; suffice it to say that I find the idea of intentionally being coached to manipulate people's reactions and responses to one's own benefit when it comes to the segment of life that to my mind should be all about honesty and transparency, eh, a little unappealing.

The romance-improver thing sounds nice and good, but if you actually read some of this stuff, that kind of idea is really, really not the first thing that springs to mind.

That's what harm.

I understand that, and agree that many sides of it are quite ugly. However, my point is that elements of it are welcome - for example the approach. The man can chose to approach, or not to approach. The large majority would choose not to, and unfortunately there is a stigma around it, as can be seen in this thread. Every approach opens new doors for both parties, and I can only see the good in that. The woman hopefully should be able to sniff out the bad ones fairly easily on a first date.

starling

narddog wrote: »

Most Irish women are fairly unfriendly, imo. Trying to strike up a conversation with someone can be like trying to get blood from a stone. Have lived in a few countries and I always found it much easier to talk to women when I'm abroad. A lot of women in Ireland are so full of themselves, it's quite funny.

Have you considered it might be you?

Columbia

Sounds like he's been studying the whole PUA thing. They fall under two categories, the ones who "spin plates" and fancy themselves as a bit of a playboy, and the normal guys who for whatever reason haven't had any luck with women.

I'd say go out with him if you found him attractive and he seemed normal. Be on the lookout for BS though, some of those guys are like a general in the war-room when it comes to relationships, everything is so carefully planned and coordinated that sometimes you end up dating a strategy rather than a person.

Scarinae

I’ve had this happen to me a few times, never while I’m single though so it’s never resulted in a date or anything. A guy asked me out in a supermarket once after I dropped something and he picked it up for me, he was quite nice actually and if I’d been single I might have actually met up with him. I’ve also been approached in a train station and at a bus stop.

One time I did find quite unnerving though was when I was walking to the Nitelink from Whelan’s a few years back, when I was walking along Cuffe St I realised there was a guy walking not far behind me and I got the feeling he was following me. I was really relieved when I got to Stephen’s Green because it was much better lit and there were way more people about. Around the top of Grafton St the guy caught up and asked me if I knew where he could find an ATM and he fell into step beside me, I was quite uncomfortable about him talking to me though. He actually TOLD me that he’d followed me because I looked really pretty I was just like “There’s an ATM! Over there!” until he went away, and then I hid in Burger King until I thought he was gone. The whole thing really creeped me out!

PingO_O

porsche959 wrote: »

My take is that he has read some P.U.A. materials and is trying it out.

That kind of approach doesn't come naturally, even to confident types.

I'm not necessarily saying you shouldn't meet him, but be aware - and I'm not being cynical - that he could have approached ten other women on the same day with the same spiel.

I agree with this, from the post it seems like he saw her and approached immediately, there was no initial noticing or admiring going on, even an exchange of looks or a smile, you know what I mean?

Not to say he didn't fancy you op, id still be flattered, but I'd be willing to bet he was out approaching multiple women as well, just what I gather from the way you described it.

I'm wondering if so many people are presuming that this guy is a PUA.
Because they themselves are socially shy.
Surely everyone who has ever been in a relationship, is there because someone made an approach.
Is really that unimaginable that an Irish person is capable of starting a conversation with a stranger. Without drink or the game?

If you got a positive vibe from the guy, and you are attracted to him.
I think it is worth checking out. If he is trying the scatter bomb approach to dating you'll soon see.
Maybe he just really like the look of you.

PingO_O

Moonbaby wrote: »

I'm wondering if so many people are presuming that this guy is a PUA.
Because they themselves are socially shy.
Surely everyone who has ever been in a relationship, is there because someone made an approach.
Is really that unimaginable that an Irish person is capable of starting a conversation with a stranger. Without drink or the game?

If you got a positive vibe from the guy, and you are attracted to him.
I think it is worth checking out. If he is trying the scatter bomb approach to dating you'll soon see.
Maybe he just really like the look of you.

I guess it's the way it happened that would make someone a little wary, I don't know of any guys who would see, approach and ask for a girls no. or to meet up straight away(while sober). A socially confident guy can still approach a woman and chat to her for a while to see if he likes her.

This guy just sounds like he went in for the number right off the bat, and fair play to him for approaching someone he likes but it does sound like pua, but sure it's no different to getting a strangers no. at a club I suppose.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Jaysus, it's tough being a heterosexual guy in Ireland!

Interesting to see the various opinions though. I say fair play to him for having the balls to approach the OP, whatever his "intentions" are. Even if he appeared confident, he was probably nervous underneath it all.

The thing is, his approach doesn't really fit into Irish culture and what we're used to really, which in many ways is a shame. It's a difficult tightrope for guys, women claim that they are tired of being approached by men in a pub after a few pints. But if you go in the opposite direction (like this guy for instance), it's easy to get labelled as a "player" or "PUA".

I remember being on a holiday in California and Nevada a few years ago and being surprised how things worked there. Guys seemed very direct, saw fellas approaching girls on public transport and all.

I suppose the only way you're going to figure out exactly what type of guy he is OP is to meet him for a date. Go for a casual drink or two somewhere and suss it out.

Pepe LeFrits

Why not just meet him for a quick coffee? I wouldn't be massively optimistic as it sounds like it'd be just one step up from a blind date, but you won't know unless you try.

It could be PUA-related - he may have been doing an exercise to overcome his fear of approaching strangers - but so what? There's still every chance that he's just an ordinary dude, probably tired of waiting to 'stumble' into someone through the usual routes, and is looking to meet a girl.