People who can't let go of other people's incidents in the past???

rox5

Does anyone here find that people still seem to gossip about a certain things you did in the past, even though you have changed youself?
I mean I ain't perfect, I did stuff during my teenage years that I really wish I can take back (due to depression and Asperger's syndrome), but I like to think at 20 years old that I am a different girl now. I just keep my head down, do my work, talk to my friends and also try to avoid the whole "shift and drift" when going out because that was something I was pretty bad for when I used to hang out with a bad influence of a friend.

But I just hate the fact that even though i have done nothing scandalous or stupid for more than a year now, people who know me from years ago still stare at me on nights out when I walk past or whisper about me or act like they don't want to know me.
I mean it's not fair, that all I want to do is go out, have a nice time with friends, and not to have someone say very loudly "Slut!" or "Weirdo!" when I walk past, even though I did not do anything, I just want to keep to myself.

I remember even talking to some classmates of mine who used to be a bit slutty but have boyfriends now, and they agree how it's not fair because they remember how they went a bit mad with the shifting and drifting at a disco when they were younger, about three years ago, and people were STILL talking about it. I did notice how they had lunch at a quieter part of the school, I've always wondered if it was to get away from the gossipers.

I just don't get why some people still want to hold on to certain incidents you have done in the past? I mean I know plenty of people who have done worse stuff than me, but I don't really care about it. As long as it does not affect me in anyway, I don't really care if some people have a ****ed-up past, as long as they knew they had to change in some way to make themselves better.

Then again, I do live in the countryside. I'd say people hold on to gossip because there is nothing else exciting to do. In a town it feels like you can do anything and people will forget in a few weeks time.

Anyway what do you thinK?

Cody Pomeray

rox5 wrote: »

they went a bit mad with the shifting and drifting at a disco

What's drifting?

Gran Hermano

This one time in band camp ...

aido179

rox5 wrote: »

i have done nothing scandalous or stupid for more than a year now

It ain't that easy. A year is nothing. Also, life owes you nothing, don't expect people to ever forget, you just have to replace it with good things you have done. Have you done anything to those people to make them talk about that instead of the stuff you did before?

rox5

Cody Pomeray wrote: »

What's drifting?

Just means french-kissing someone then moving on (drifting on) to the next person.

So basically...it means being a slut or man-whore.

kneemos

It's the rural mentality they don't have much to talk about,you're in you're late teens early twenties I'm guessing.

kiffer

A year isn't a long time and if people don't actually see new behaviour then they imagine that you are continuing on as they remember... because they are not psychic.
Also because they are boring gossiping idiots.

HondaSami

You could be imagining it OP. I think the opposite btw, people in towns gossip more than those in the country. imo

rox5

aido179 wrote: »

It ain't that easy. A year is nothing. Also, life owes you nothing, don't expect people to ever forget, you just have to replace it with good things you have done. Have you done anything to those people to make them talk about that instead of the stuff you did before?

Even a year is no good? Crap.

It's hard to know because I have basically just avoided certain places for a long time.

HondaSami

rox5 wrote: »

Just means french-kissing someone then moving on (drifting on) to the next person.

So basically...it means being a slut or man-whore.

It's only kissing ffs, what do ye kids call them if there is sex involved?

Ranicand

kneemos wrote: »

It's the rural mentality they don't have much to talk about,you're in you're late teens early twenties I'm guessing.

Like the OP I have Aspergers too.

rox5 wrote: »

but I like to think at 20 years old that I am a different girl now.

We think in a logical way like reading the post before you answer it.

Corvo

Do something unbelievably crazy or nuts to make them forget about the other things...

Also. A year aint much. In four or five years time they will have moved on/had kids/emigrated/died.

rox5

HondaSami wrote: »

It's only kissing ffs, what do ye kids call them if there is sex involved?

It either "The Ride" or a worse phrase that I dont use "Rape and Escape" (Though no actually rape is involved!!!)

I agree tbh, I hated the word "shift" coz it sounds vulgar or something to me, but I tend to use it out of bad habit.

schnitzelEater

rox5 wrote: »

Just means french-kissing someone then moving on (drifting on) to the next person.

So basically...it means being a slut or man-whore.

Calling yourself a slut is probably not helpful...

HondaSami

rox5 wrote: »

It either "The Ride" or a worse phrase that I dont use "Rape and Escape" (Though no actually rape is involved!!!)

I agree tbh, I hated the word "shift" coz it sounds vulgar or something to me, but I tend to use it out of bad habit.

First time i heard this, it made me giggle actually.

Shift is better than slut.

Sometimes people can think they are talked about but often it's not the case, it all blows over in a few weeks. Don't worry about it. We were all the center of attention/gossip at some point.

kiffer

HondaSami wrote: »

It's only kissing ffs, what do ye kids call them if there is sex involved?

Pump and dump?

HondaSami

kiffer wrote: »

Pump and dump?

ffs ye are making me feel old here, another new one for me.

Cody Pomeray

I can't believe people are still using "shifting".

That sounded out-dated in 2003.

rox5

Cody Pomeray wrote: »

I can't believe people are still using "shifting".

That sounded out-dated in 2003.

Well people say "meet" or "meeting" more i think, but shift is always used if u asked someone "Did you get the shift?" or "how many people did you shift?" :P

kneemos

Do girls talk about each someone when they're jealous of her?

rox5

kiffer wrote: »

Pump and dump?

Jesus that's a new one for me too!

Three Seasons

rox5 wrote: »

Well people say "meet" or "meeting" more i think, but shift is always used if u asked someone "Did you get the shift?" or "how many people did you shift?" :P

People said "meet" back in 1996.

anncoates

Ranicand wrote: »

Like the OP I have Aspergers too.

No way?

kiffer

HondaSami wrote: »

ffs ye are making me feel old here, another new one for me.

Maybe it was hump and dump...
Anyway I'm pretty sure that's probably a yank phrase I picked up on the interwebz...

Back in the 90s people definitely said shift, meet and score...

http://i.eatliver.com/2012/8540.jpg

pragmatic1

Welcome to Ireland. Nothing is ever forgotten, even if it appears to be.

CollardGreens

Shifting and drifting at the hump and dump. Who's buying drinks?

rox5

pragmatic1 wrote: »

Welcome to Ireland. Nothing is ever forgotten, even if it appears to be.

Ha, that's definately true.

Corvo

CollardGreens wrote: »

Shifting and drifting at the hump and dump. Who's buying drinks?

Rox5.

Can I have a shift first? CollardGreens has mouth ulcers.

CollardGreens

Can I have a shift first? CollardGreens has mouth ulcers

What happens when you breath too much of that irish air, it spews mold and mildew and gives them names for the village people to raise the little nasty cruds that su*k face in lowly places.

Ranicand

henry_sellers wrote: »

i love irish people but we are incredibly nosey as a nation , especially in rural ireland

Yes I agree why can't people mind their own bloody business?:mad:

I mean the sheep enjoy it.:o

NothingMan

kiffer wrote: »

Pump and dump?

What if you're not into scat?

Ranicand

rox5 check your messages top of the screen.

Push Pop

rox5 wrote: »

Does anyone here find that people still seem to gossip about a certain things you did in the past, even though you have changed youself?
I mean I ain't perfect, I did stuff during my teenage years that I really wish I can take back (due to depression and Asperger's syndrome), but I like to think at 20 years old that I am a different girl now. I just keep my head down, do my work, talk to my friends and also try to avoid the whole "shift and drift" when going out because that was something I was pretty bad for when I used to hang out with a bad influence of a friend.

But I just hate the fact that even though i have done nothing scandalous or stupid for more than a year now, people who know me from years ago still stare at me on nights out when I walk past or whisper about me or act like they don't want to know me.
I mean it's not fair, that all I want to do is go out, have a nice time with friends, and not to have someone say very loudly "Slut!" or "Weirdo!" when I walk past, even though I did not do anything, I just want to keep to myself.

I remember even talking to some classmates of mine who used to be a bit slutty but have boyfriends now, and they agree how it's not fair because they remember how they went a bit mad with the shifting and drifting at a disco when they were younger, about three years ago, and people were STILL talking about it. I did notice how they had lunch at a quieter part of the school, I've always wondered if it was to get away from the gossipers.

I just don't get why some people still want to hold on to certain incidents you have done in the past? I mean I know plenty of people who have done worse stuff than me, but I don't really care about it. As long as it does not affect me in anyway, I don't really care if some people have a ****ed-up past, as long as they knew they had to change in some way to make themselves better.

Then again, I do live in the countryside. I'd say people hold on to gossip because there is nothing else exciting to do. In a town it feels like you can do anything and people will forget in a few weeks time.

Anyway what do you thinK?

I cannot believe someone has not said this already.
Pics or GTFO!!

PizzamanIRL

Ranicand wrote: »

rox5 check your messages top of the screen.

She's not like that anymore.

rox5

Push Pop wrote: »

I cannot believe someone has not said this already.
Pics or GTFO!!

Emm, sorry?

Ranicand

rox5 wrote: »

Emm, sorry?

Did you get my private message?

rox5

Ranicand wrote: »

Did you get my private message?

Yes I did.

seven_eleven

Op there's often people like this. Mostly they're sad and have nothing better to do with themselves, constantly hold grudges and usually make their own lives a misery and anger-filled. Basically, they're fools.

Step one: Stop caring. Completely, just stop giving an utter toss. Let them live on with these immature moronic grudges while you live your own life care free.

I know it can be hard to ignore it but eventually it will fade away. Give it a few more years. I know people grown adults that I went to school with 3-4+ years ago that I didn't get along with. We might pass each other on the street once a year since then, and they still pipe up. Its hilarious actually. Kind of sad dont you think? Meanwhile I just ignore their existence because I have other things to be worrying about.

Little Acorn

Next time one of them calls you a sl*t or a weirdo when passing you and you are alone,
just stop dead in your tracks directly in front of them, look them up and down in the most condescending manner you can muster,
smirk then roll your eyes and just say "How fcuking sad"
then have a little chuckle to yourself and continue walking with your head held high.

If you are walking by with a group of friends, get your friends to laugh along with you as ye continue walking and very loudly say, "I know, you'd think they would have grown up by now? It's so fcking pathetic it's actually hilarious at this stage!"


Basically show them up for the muppets that they are and let them know that their insults don't bother you and that they are just making themselves look like immature idiots.

(This advice is given under the assumption that they are not the violent type who might assault you, if they are then it might be best to just ignore them.)

Madam_X

Teen-like gossip still goes on at 20 (usually not much difference between your outlook at 17/18 and 20 tbh) and beyond, but it fades eventually - and more importantly, you give less of a sh1t as you get older. This will pass. You can't change other people but you can work on making yourself as content as possible.

NothingMan

Little Acorn wrote: »

Next time one of them calls you a sl*t or a weirdo when passing you and you are alone,
just stop dead in your tracks directly in front of them, look them up and down in the most condescending manner you can muster,
smirk then roll your eyes and just say "How fcuking sad"
then have a little chuckle to yourself and continue walking with your head held high.

If you are walking by with a group of friends, get your friends to laugh along with you as ye continue walking and very loudly say, "I know, you'd think they would have grown up by now? It's so fcking pathetic it's actually hilarious at this stage!"


Basically show them up for the muppets that they are and let them know that their insults don't bother you and that they are just making themselves look like immature idiots.

(This advice is given under the assumption that they are not the violent type who might assault you, if they are then it might be best to just ignore them.)

This is terrible advice and will make you look like the "immature idiot".

Little Acorn

NothingMan wrote: »

This is terrible advice and will make you look like the "immature idiot".

Only giving this advice because it worked great for me.
Once I did this they didn't open their mouth to me again. Might not work for everyone.

NothingMan

Little Acorn wrote: »

Only giving this advice because it worked great for me.
Once I did this they didn't open their mouth to me again. Might not work for everyone.

I'm not saying it won't work but it is a very childish way of handling things. Either say it to them outright or just keep ignoring them. Scripting a little cliche comeback to be 'overheard' is really pathetic imo.

Little Acorn

NothingMan wrote: »

I'm not saying it won't work but it is a very childish way of handling things. Either say it to them outright or just keep ignoring them. Scripting a little cliche comeback to be 'overheard' is really pathetic imo.

I did suggest she tell them outright that she thinks they are "fcking sad."
I'll admit laughing along with the friends is a bit bitchy and immature in retaliation, but they are less likely to pick on her if they see that she has a group of friends who support her and if they see that even a group of people think that they are being horrible.
They have no problem ganging up on her to shout abuse at her and laugh as she is passing so don't see much wrong with her and her friends laughing at them and calling them pathetic. But I would leave it at that then and just ignore then from then on.

pragmatic1

Madam_X wrote: »

Teen-like gossip still goes on at 20 (usually not much difference between your outlook at 17/18 and 20 tbh) and beyond, but it fades eventually - and more importantly, you give less of a sh1t as you get older. This will pass. You can't change other people but you can work on making yourself as content as possible.

This is one of the only positive aspects about getting older.

B.A._Baracus

Op,
People like to talk about the negitive in other people. Sad aspect to human nature. But you are only 20. By the time you are 25 it's highly unlikely you'll still be in contact with any of them (maybe bar one or two) Our 'circles' change as we get older.

Mariasofia

Op i think to help me put things in perspective i ask myself if this will still bother me a year down the line and 99% of the time the answer is no. If the answer is yes then eh ..im afraid im not of much use.

Czarcasm

OP I'm sixteen years older than you, and in that sixteen years I've done ten times as much dumb shìt as I did from the age of ten to twenty.

A small minority of people will gossip about other people because they have nothing better going on in their own lives, the majority however simply won't give a shìt as they're too busy getting on with their own lives to care about "what so and so did with so and so at the weekend" or whatever.

solas111

My suggestion to you is to change how YOU react to what those people say or do. You can try to fight them, avoid them, get angry or move to another place but you will always find people who will be nasty in some way. They are not going to change so the person who needs to change is you.

Treat such people with pity rather than getting annoyed. Remember that what other people think about you is their business, not yours. You may of course have to accept responsibility for some of the things that you did in the past before people start to respect you.

rox5

solas111 wrote: »

My suggestion to you is to change how YOU react to what those people say or do. You can try to fight them, avoid them, get angry or move to another place but you will always find people who will be nasty in some way. They are not going to change so the person who needs to change is you.

Treat such people with pity rather than getting annoyed. Remember that what other people think about you is their business, not yours. You may of course have to accept responsibility for some of the things that you did in the past before people start to respect you.

That's true. Last night I went out with my friend and saw some guys from my old school. I never really spoke to them but I knew they did not like me because I used to stare one of their friends out of it at school because I fancy him, and because of my Asperger's or depression I had no social skills at the time to know that wat I was doing was a bit annoying, weird and creepy, espcially since I was not much of a looker and had really low self-esteem.

Even though that has happened about three years and I don't feel that way anymore, they still feel they need to stare at me and move away when I am near. So last night I saw from the corner of my eye that they moved away, so I then just focused my whole attention on my friend and this guy who joined us who was telling us stories and did not glance over to see if they were still looking at me.

I am hoping that if I don't pay any attention, or care if they look at me or not (which in all honesty, I don't), then they will just stop caring themselves and move on. I think if you still focus on those type of people, they will never forget of who you are, whether it's a slut or a weirdo.